#dove bronzewing

Cardin: *sitting at lunch table*

RDL: *sits at table*

Dove: what are we doing to that jaune twerp today?

Cardin: *flatly* nothing

Sky: what do you mean nothing?

Cardin: nothing. N-o-t-h-i-n-g. Nothing

Russel: but why?

Cardin: how do you win against the guy that got a blowjob from pyrrha nikos??

Saphron: (Lifeless, Sitting quietly)

Jaune: (Ghost, Floating by) Whoa... Looks like everybody from Beacon is here! And they're all laughing at me! Probably just doing this to look good!.

Ren: Easy, Pyrrha... Take it easy...

Pyrrha: Jaune... JAUNE~! (Sobs)

Jaune: Is she... really that upset?.

Russel: Cardin, calm down!

Cardin: SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET GO OF ME!

Jaune: What the- Cardin?!.

Cardin: DAMN YOU, ARC! YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST GIVE UP 'CAUSE YOU'RE SCARED OF ME?!

Dove: Cardin, c'mon! People are mourning here!

Cardin: I'm not leaving! Not until he comes out here and fights me like a man!

Lark: He can't do that 'cause he's-

Cardin: WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, ARC, I'M GONNA MAKE YOU WISH YOU NEVER MET ME! YOU HEAR ME?! (Tears well) Who do you think you are, huh?! Friggin' punk! Who'm I gonna fight now, huh?! WHO'M I GONNA FIGHT?!

Dove: He's gone, Cardin! He's gone!

Cardin: RAAAAAAAAGH! (Punches picture) Y- You're supposed to be here! F- For me... (Weeping)

Russel: C'mon, boss... Let's go...

Cardin: (Dragged out, Sobbing)

Lark: S- Sorry about all that...

Cardin: NOOOOO! (Chokes) NOOOOOOOO!

Jaune: I... never would've seen that coming...

Emerald: You see that?

Mercury: Ah, who cares? Only downside to all of this was that those idiots didn't get killed, too.

Cinder: I'd watch what you say, you two. The last thing we want is people looking at us as their enemies.

Mercury: Oh, please, I know exactly the kind of guy he was; he's the dumb starry-eyed kid who thought he'd make a difference by throwing his life away to save some kid he never met... just to look good in front of whatever girl was watching him.

Cinder: Well, I'm certainly not going to argue that.

Jaune: Those... jerks! It's my funeral and they're just here to make fun of me?! If I could get my hands on them, I'd- (Reaches out)

Goodwitch: (Grabs Mercury and Cinder) Honestly, I was upset by Mr. Winchester's emotional outburst, but everything you two just said has pushed me into a violent temper.

Jaune: Professor Goodwitch...?.

Goodwitch: (Passes, Walks up to Saphron) My condolences for the loss of your brother. Please allow me to say a few kind words.

Saphron: ...

Goodwitch: (Approaches Jaune's picture, Sighs) I can't help but feel responsible, Jaune. Your heart was kinder than anyone else's, but my inability to prepare you for the world has led you to make the ultimate sacrifice before you could even think of graduating. You... It may be impolite to speak ill of you, but I am nothing if not honest. (Shaking) You were my weakest student, which only makes it all the more frustrating to never see you become the strong huntsman you could have become! If only I had just believed in you more!

Saphron: ...Jau...ne... (Breaks down)

Jaune: ...

Terra: Over here, Adrian.

Adrian: (Toddles next to her)

Terra: (Sets Adrian down, Prays)

Adrian: (Looks to her, Prays)

Terra: ...Do you understand what's going on? What all of these people are doing here? (Picks him up) He saved your life, and all these people are grateful to him for it. He was a kind man to have so many friends, and I want you to be like him and become a kind man yourself. (Approaches Saphron) Thank you for inviting us.

Terra: (Walking home with Adrian in her arms) There will be people who make you angry. There will be people who make you sad. But the people who you make happy will be the ones who will show you just how much your life is worth. And I want you to be the one who makes everyone around him happier than you could possibly be. (Hugs)

Pyrrha: (Sobbing)

Cardin: (Screaming)

Goodwitch: (Shaking)

Pyrrha: *looking around* ... Where did Jaune go?

Nora: *sucking tree sap like a vampire* 'unno, he 'as he'e a se'on's a'o.

Ren: I think i heard him say something about Ursa.

Pyrrha: *panicking* He could be in danger! Trying to kill them by himself.

Both Ren and Nora looked at her, deadpan

Pyrrha: W-what!?

Nora: Pyrrha, Jaune out-stamina ME during my morning routine WHILE doing twice as much. He might not be as flashy as us, But the guy just doesn't stop!

Ren: *nod* His aura control is immaculate, which is really impressive for someone who didn't have his aura unlocked until initiation.

Pyrrha: H-how... When!?

Nora: Oh he told us in the first two weeks... Wait, we didn't tell you?

Pyrrha: NO! I THOUGHT HE WAS HIDING IT!!

Nora: Eheh... Oups?

___________________________________________

Cardin: *looking at the friendly Jaune ripping the head of the ursa with his bare hands* ... Holy shit, is that why you only go for ring out!?

Jaune: *looking back at Cardin with a smile* Oh it's quite easy actually. You just have to twist the head!

Cardin: ... *Looking at the sap on the ground* And i almost threw that at your teammates as a prank. Thanks GODS i didn't, it could have been dangerous!

Jaune: Especially with rapier wasps.

Cardin: *confused* Rapier wasps? What are you talking about?

Jaune: Wait... You weren't planning on sending rapier wasps on my team?

Cardin: What!? NO! And where would we find those anyway!?

Russel: ... My girlfriend does have a wasp farm.

Cardin: *looking at his friend* WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND!?

Russel: *shrug* Her semblance gives her control over some insects and they are natural predators for most pests. She likes her garden clean.

Dove: Flower or food?

Russel: *turn to Dove* Both. Oh, by the way, she made us blue and blackberry jam!

___________________________________________

Pyrrha: *blushing* ... He barely moved when the ursa rammed into him. He stood his ground like a knight...

Ruby: *slight blush* And the way he just casually decapitated the ursa while continuing to smile, as if to say nothing wrong could happen...

Weiss: Can you BELIEVE that all those... those dolts! Took off to see that fake sport?

Pyrrha: I know. I tried to tell them it wasn't worth the lien... but they completely ignored me.

Ruby: You know it's not fake right? It's scripted. That's a BIG difference.

Weiss: Fake, scripted. Who cares? It's a ridiculous testosterone fueled soap opera.

Pyrrha: What's that noise?

Weiss: Is that people cheering???

Ruby: Oh this should be good...

Announcer: REMNANT WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION! For fifty years the revolutionary force of sports entertainment!!!

The cafeteria doors slam open... as Sky Lark and Dove Bronzewing stalk in...

Weiss / Pyrrha: ???????

A minute later... Cardin Winchester and Russel Thrush walk in...

Ruby: WOW! They have the outfits and everything!!!

The cafeteria's lights dim, and then begin to strobe as Yang and Blake saunter through the main doors...

Weiss / Pyrrha: ??????

Ruby: THAT SO FITS THEM!

As the most recent theme song fades away, Nora stalks through the doors...

Weiss: I'm getting scared about the effect that show had on Beacon...

Pyrrha: ????

Ruby: I don't see Ren or Jaune yet. I wonder who they'll come as?

As if summoned by Ruby's words... Ren was the next one to saunter through the main doors...

Weiss / Pyrrha: ????

Ruby: Only Jaune left to return...

The lights dimmed, and artificial smoke/fog began to flow through the doors...

Weiss: That's Jaune????

Ruby: What do you think Pyrrha?

Cinder: I won't let you ruin my plans! How much do you want?!

Ruby: You might as well put that checkbook away, Cinder, because I've discovered something even more important: my friends.

Weiss, Blake, and Yang: Aw!

Ruby: And they aren't worth even a penny to me.

Weiss: Really?

Ruby: That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza, so I can share the food I love with the people I like.

Cinder: Holy hell, you're going to eat them?! Oh, well. Just make sure you eat them all, you're a growing girl. (tousles Ruby's hair before she turns and leaves) Toodle-oo! Dumbass.

Ruby: What do you know? Cinder can be pretty nice once you get to know her.

--

Oscar: Salem is zeroing in on the Relic of Destruction! If she destroys Vacuo and recovers it like the other Relics, Remnant is doomed! Doomed!

Jaune: Can I put my pants back on?

Oscar: DOOOOOOOMED!

--

Ruby: Wait, the Relic of Knowledge is supposed to know everything about everything, right?

Qrow: Yes, that's why you're supposed to ask Jinn about how we can beat Salem!

Ruby: Yeah yeah, but I can't pass up a chance to learn the answers to the greatest questions of all time. (clears her throat as she turns to Jinn) Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-

Jinn: CORRECT, TOAD MUCUS! (croaks like a frog)

Qrow: You only get two more questions, don't screw this up, kid!

Ruby: Wait wait wait. What really killed the dinosaurs?

Jinn: ME!

--

Weiss: Don't you ever think ahead?

Ruby: Not that much. If I thought ahead more, I wouldn't be leader of the team, and I wouldn't have gotten into Beacon two years early. It's just like the story of the Grasshopper and the Octopus. All year long the Grasshopper worked hard, gathering acorns for winter, while the Octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV.

Weiss: (trying to comprehend Ruby's thought process)

Ruby: But then winter came and the Grasshopper died and the Octopus ate all his acorns, and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?

--

Weiss: That was the worst mission we've gone on yet.

Ruby: Yeah, I'm never going to fight Grimm at a place called Cannibalon.

Blake: Me neither.

Yang: Food was good though.

--

Lisa Lavender, no longer able to drink her stress away after escaping the destruction of Vale: I CAN NO LONGER FACE MY CHILDREN!

--

Cardin: I like your style, Yang. I find it very (whispering) erotic.

Yang: What?

Cardin: (out loud) EROTIC!

(meanwhile, with Dove)

Cardin: (echoing) EROTIC!

Dove: (puts down the book he was reading and angrily bangs the ceiling with a broom handle)

--

Barry the Talking Beringel: All I want out of life is to be a monkey-like monster of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school!

Oobleck: NOOOOOOO!!!!

--

Penny: Salutations, Ruby! Bite my shiny metal ass!

Ruby: Doesn't look so shiny to me.

Penny: Shinier than yours, meatbag!

Ruby: Who even taught you to say that? (suspiciously glares at Yang and Nora, who are already midway through getting the hell out of dodge)

--

(Cardin, Jaune, and Ren are being held hostage by a tribe of sexy muscular Faunus women)

Faunus Leader: You wish to die like the last men who invaded our tribe?

Jaune: What did they die of?

Faunus Leader: Crushed pelvises. (points towards the skeletons of three men who were very happy to go out with a bang. One of them looks like he was holding a cigarette in his final moments)

Jaune: Yes!

Cardin: Oh thank you Brother Gods!

Ren: (trembling in fear as he struggles to escape)

Cardin: What are you, gay?

--

Forest: Pleased to meet you.

Ruby: Actually, we met once before.

Forest: WHAT?! (spontaneously combusts)

--

Nora: Don't be so hard on yourself, Jaune. Pyrrha may be dead, but you still have Nora! You all still have Nora!

--

Salem: Your lyrics lack subtlety! You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

--

Roman: Alright, that's the necessary number of times! That scab's gonna meet with a little on-the-job "accident".

Neo: (holds up a sign saying "All due respect, Roman, I don't think we should rely on an accident. Let's just kill him.")

Roman: Ugh.

--

Ironwood: If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate!

I wanted to put my headcanons for Team CRDL from RWBY here.

Cardin Winchester

Weapon: Executioner. I kept the mace mode, but I decided to have it also be able to extend into a flail or shift into a flamethrower.

Semblance: Growing Confidence. Cardin can grow in size based on how confident he is. I based this on his inconsistent sizing in Volume 1, which while just animation errors felt like it was a good basis for his semblance and fit his personality. He likes to feel big and strong.

Allusion: Henry Beaufort. An antagonist to Jaune's Joan of Arc.

Russel Thrush

Weapon: Shortwings. I kept it so that they're daggers that can revolve between Dust types, but I decided to add in the ability to turn into chakrams, as well as combining into a chunky bow.

Semblance: Ravenous Advance. With each successful attack, Russel gets a boost in strength, speed, and ferocity. However, he risks losing himself to that ferocity. Not that he really cares much, mind you.

Allusion: Mongol Army. An antagonist to Ren's Hua Mulan.

Dove Bronzewing

Weapon: Hallshott. I kept the sword mode, but I also made it so it can retract to become a pistol or open up to act as a giant shears.

Semblance: Blindfolded. If Dove can't see, he becomes an even better fighter. Yes I based this on Kaleidoarms's Evermorrow AU, and yes it's a reference to the fact he always looks like his eyes are closed.

Allusion: Hector of Troy. An antagonist to Pyrrha's Achilles.

Sky 'Loon' Lark

Weapon: Feather's Edge. I kept the halberd and rifle modes, but I also made it so it can shift into a very interestingly shaped blade.

Semblance: Bird Call. Loon can perfectly mimic any voice or sound he's ever heard, and can project it from multiple locations. Yes based on Kaleidoarms's Evermorrow AU again, I can't help it if others have good ideas that I greatly enjoy.

Allusion: Skrymir. An antagonist to Nora's Thor.