#double empathy

also known as, Neurotypical Disorder

(Parody)

To meet diagnostic criteria for Allism Spectrum Disorder according to DSM-5, a child must have persistent deficits in each of three areas of social communication and interaction (see A.1. through A.3. below) plus at least two of four types of restricted, repetitive behaviors (see B.1. through B.4. below).

A. Persistent deficits in direct, honest, and compassionate social interaction and patterns of using deception and manipulation of others perception. Deficits persist across multiple contexts, as manifested by the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity. For example, a. Indirect, ambiguous, or deceptive communication style, b. Over dependence on social norms and generalizations, c. Frequently superimposes subtext or places unfounded meaning on concrete, literal, or factual communication, d. Struggles with comprehending consent and personal boundaries in social interaction.

Deficits in verbal and nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction. For example, a. Ritualized use of unusual or menial conversation topics (e.g. comments on weather), b. Pervasive passive aggressive communication style (saying “that’s different” when really meaning “I don’t like that”), c. An excessive use of eye contact, abnormalities in body language, and deficits in understanding and use of gestures.

Deficits in theory of mind and developing, maintaining, and understanding autistic relationships. For example, a. Difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts, b. Inappropriate or undesired responses in conversation (e.g. using repeated passive/apathetic responses to end a conversation, visible discomfort when your interests or opinions vary from theirs), c. Absorption in perceived social status “ranking”, d. Deficit in comprehending bodily autonomy and personal space, e. Restrictive fixation with and dependence on gender social constructs, f. Repeatedly engages in tribalistic behaviors, such as compulsive attempts to control reputation in groups, and exploiting, marginalizing, or punishing groups deemed unworthy or inferior.

Severity is based on social communication impairments and impairment in organized, specialized behavior. For either criterion, severity is described in 3 levels: Level 3 – requires very substantial support, Level 2 – Requires substantial support, and Level 1 – requires support.

B. Patterns of over-dependence on heuristics, social norms, and generalizations in behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

Stereotyped or repetitive verbalization, use of objects, or speech. e.g., a. Simple motor stereotypes, b. Repetitive vocal stimming via verbalizing unfiltered thoughts or patterns of erroneous intonation c. Recreating social scenarios with toys or objects as children, d. Repetitive use of involuntary scripted phrases (e.g. “Lets hang out soon”, “How are you”, “Long time no see”, or “It’s nice to meet you”).

Insistence on sameness, extreme adherence to pre-existing social norms, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior. e.g., a. Ritualized use of indirect communication, b. Strong attachment to group identity, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, c. Need to conform, d. Difficulty in challenging pre-existing constructs in the world, e. Gullible to group biases such as bandwagon effect, groupthink, or status quo bias.

Lack of specialization or pattern-recognition that is abnormal in apathy or disorderliness. e.g., a. numerous superficial, shallow hobbies and interests with deficit in or complete lack of deeper exploration of interests, b. selecting interests based on social group or social influence, c. utilizing interests as social currency without genuine passion, d. ignoring small details because they do not align with expectations, context, or pre-existing beliefs, e. overly concerned with social perception instead of concrete objects or information.

Dulled or hyporeactive to sensory input or information that does align with pre-existing knowledge, beliefs, or self-interest. e.g., a. ”tuning out” sounds in environment deemed unimportant, b. easily influenced to interpret information based on how information is presented, c. overly gullible to confirmation bias, halo effect, and attentional bias, d. restrictively applyies existing social constructs as rules/expectations for all interaction and modelling of instead of generating beliefs based on sensory input and pattern recognition.

Specify current severity:

Severity is based on social communication impairments and restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior. (See table below.)

C. Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not become fully manifest until their behavior becomes intolerable to autistics).

D. Symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning.

E. These disturbances are not better explained by intellectual disability (intellectual developmental disorder) or global developmental delay. Intellectual disability and allism spectrum disorder frequently co-occur; to make comorbid diagnoses of allism spectrum disorder and intellectual disability, communication should be below that expected for general developmental level.

You will be annoyed.

ragged puppet emotions high and force them in your faces

here. what im holding up is so like shame you took it for it.

this one i made to look like sad. you like it too. too much, i guess.

and i see yours. anger, held in front by hands within

Almost two years ago, I wrote a rather lengthy critique of women’s movement and spaces, the female lifestyle empowerment brands, and feminism in general, closing it with this sentence: “No thanks. Count me out of your so-called sisterhood. I’m not interested in your culturally-appropriated ‘goddess’ circles and self-exalting ‘rituals.’ I’m not one of you.”

The gist of it, the tl;dr version is this:

People are divided more by race and class than being united by the biological accident of sex.

Much of what passes for feminism promotes a fantasy of a “global sisterhood” which sugarcoats the insidious problems that keep the affluent white women in the Global North in their positions of privilege while maintaining the oppressive system that dehumanizes and marginalizes the others.

The female lifestyle empowerment subculture, a multi-billion-dollar industry consisting of self-appointed coaches, spiritual teachers, practitioners, influencers, and businesses, capitalizes on cultural appropriation, ableism, classism, and reinforcement of a heteronormative and sexist gender stereotyping, while their fantasy of “the sisterhood” absolves all females of responsibilities and criticism.

Then I concluded, “About a year ago [2018], I made a conscious decision to remove myself from all women-only groups and organizations that I was part of. This was a difficult decision that I did not make lightly, and to a degree, a painful choice because I was part of them for the majority of my adult life. I made quite a few friends through such groups, and at times, they were the only social outlet that I had. But I could no longer keep participating in women-only spaces with a good conscience.”

I wrote this, at the time, in a more or less political language heavy on theories and critique of praxis. I did not, however, discuss what has been going on in my own life personally as it was not my intention or focus at the time.

During much of the previous decade [2010s], I was involved with several women-only organizing spaces -- many of them political, several of them religious. I used to think of myself as a feminist and I uncritically subscribed to the notion of “sisterhood” and all the emotional stuff that came with it. The more I spent time with them the more I found myself increasingly frustrated and ultimately had an awakening: I could not at all relate to women, or their experiences, or their emotions -- what the fuck was I doing.

Partially out of disillusionment, and partly out of disgust and anger, I decided about three years ago that I am nonbinary and therefore free from all that shit.

What I did not understand back then, however, was how neurodivergence informs and shapes who I am far more profoundly than I knew at the time.

Three years ago, I was falsely led to believe in the now largely debunked hypothesis by British neurologist Simon Baron Cohen (a relative of Sacha Baron Cohen, by the way) that autism is a product of an “extreme male brain.”

Maybe that’s why I could not relate to women, I concluded then, and basically gave up on feminism and myself alike.

But that didn’t exactly mean I could understand or relate to men, either. If I were, probably I could’ve felt right at home in the company of “extreme males” (imagine Proud Boys and the likes).

Since then, my understanding of neurodiversity has deepened, thanks to the increased interaction with other autistic people of all genders and sexualities.

I’ve learned that autistic folks generally communicate well with one another and can relate to one another, in the same way how neurotypical folks do among themselves (the phenomenon known as “double empathy”). As I look back, some of the most enjoyable and memorable moments were when I spent time with another autistic individual (even though at the time I was in deep denial about it).

Another thing I have learned since then was there is a huge proportion of the autistic community that exist outside the gender binary (in addition to the disproportionately high percentage of the autistic community that is also LGBTQ+ in comparison with the neurotypical population). Because the lived neurodivergent experiences generally do not align well with the conventional social construct of binary gender and heteronormative ideas of sexuality, there is even a word for it: gendervague, likely coined by activist and lawyer Lydia X. Z. Brown. 

Not knowing these, I had beaten myself up rather severely for a couple of years because I felt like such a freak and failed human being. I was nonbinary not because I was proud of it but rather as a consolation prize of a sort. I was having a combination of self-loathing, identity crisis, enormous dysphoria, shame, and regret. Combined with the massive autistic burnout that I was experiencing for unrelated reasons (and exacerbated by four years of President Trump Stress Disorder!), I became depressed, anxious, and withdrawn in a way I hadn’t been in many years.  

(From a post on my FB page, because I really feel like this is a must-see clip! Although people say that this has “gone viral,” with the number of autistic people in the world, I’m really upset that this doesn’t have FAR more views, as it could be a fantastic gateway for potential allies to seek out more information. This Ted Talk even helped to put words to things that I have felt, but have had trouble in putting into more concise language.)

In a search to see what came up in searches about autism on YouTube, I was pleasantly surprised to come across this absolutely BRILLIANT Ted Talk, which is done by #actuallyautistic (and #queer, they/them pronouns) autism researcher Jac den Houting. Jac has a PhD in Autism, and makes many important points that aren’t often heard by those outside the #autistic community, despite the fact that they’re things that we desperately need neurotypical allies to understand (such as the idea of #doubleempathy).

I’d advise anyone - including autistics, neurotypical allies, and (especially) those that think of autism in the “autism is a tragedy” paradigm - to give this a watch (and to give this page a follow), with an open mind...you won’t regret it.

There is a constant barrage of negative messaging about autism, and it sadly tends to come from organizations that portray themselves as autism “advocacy” groups - groups that are made up of boards/leadership that don’t include any autistic members, but that make a TON of money, based on fear-mongering. The clip itself describes just how (disturbingly) little funding is actually going towards actively helping those on the spectrum. I’ll have a further post - or likely several - about why such groups are problematic in regard to society’s understanding of autism.

And no, these posts won’t be about demonizing parents. One of the main problems in moving forward with reform is that we need #autismparents and #actualautistics to UNITE, as opposed to being on opposite sides. If you’re an #autismmom or #autismdad, I WANT you on this page. I understand if you might feel hesitant, based on differences that you may see and/or perceive between your child and myself, or den Houting. The problem arises when people believe - or are made to believe - that these differences mean that autistic adults and the parents of those with autism must somehow inherently be on opposing sides. I’ve developed a (now seemingly obvious) idea as to why this occurs, which I’ll discuss in another post...but I believe that, in a world where things are often seen as needing to be the “fault” of one side or the other, neither side is actually to blame, here.

We need to engage in openminded discourse, as opposed to assuming that we must, for some reason, be enemies. This is a difficult task, being that social media’s whole culture, even according to experts in the field, is PURPOSELY divisive in nature. Polarization, extremism, and outrage is what “sells.” (Try watching “The Social Dilemma” on Netflix for more information about this.) I’m trying for unity, anyway. There’s too much that I’ve learned and seen, positive and negative, both from years of teaching autistic children, and while trying to FIGHT major problems in the system.

Autism looks and feels different in ALL autistics, but certainly we can all agree on one basic idea: that ALL autistics, adults and children alike, should be able to learn and build communication skills via methods that are humane and individualized; that we need better medical and social supports; and that we deserve increased respect/understanding from society, as a whole.

As an autistic adult with many years of teaching autistic students under my belt - and knowledge of the MANY shortcomings/shortcuts that are a part of the system - this is in fact the whole goal of this page (and, in fact, my life). We can - and should - do better for all autistics...especially when it comes to teaching our younger generations. We still have time to make changes that can provide them with earlier diagnoses, better education, AND more comprehensive support - and keep them from suffering from some of the mistakes of the past.

Give the page a follow! I’d definitely like to share my thoughts and experiences, and eventually some teaching ideas/methods that I used...but I want to hear from others, as well. Most importantly, though, DO check out the video. It might give you a different/enhanced perspective; in particular, it helped me to find the words for a few things that I’ve felt, but wasn’t quite sure how to articulate (I won’t give any spoilers, though...watch it!)

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