#dottore imagines

It was a burden. The weight of the power you hold in all the land. Any human who has enough ambition would dare to covet it and any god even given divine powers would lust after it. You were powerful, able to end civilizations and make a new world altogether. Many would think that you are a sovereign being but you too are limited to mortality than what most would believe. You were human with a blessing of a god and you felt cursed and dirty. All your younger years was spent on trying to outrun those who wanted you, trying to escape tradition the elders placed on you when you tried to live a normal life as a child and then to the gods who would descend from their high place to take you away. No one was there to protect you, it was you all along that had to fend for yourself because everyone else wanted what you didn’t want. Thus, your hand was tarnished by blood, both by mortal and immortal, you had no choice, it was the heavy decision you always had to make in order to survive and live. Every night, however, you would remember what they looked like, how their eyes burned with greed and desire, even in their final moments they still tried to touch you. Their screams still reverberate in your head as you burned them alive, of their covetous nature. Each and everyone was the same as you tried to conceal yourself from their prying eyes.

That is until you met him, the doctor. That was during your brief stay in Sumeru did you meet this man who shunned by his peers and teachers. You did not think much of his appearance for you thought it was beautiful. Long wavy blue hair that resembles the ripples in the ocean on a bright summer day, his eyes twinkled like rubies under the sunlight and like blood in the shade, his skin was that of snow, now you just wondered how it felt like under your own skin. You were not one who easily comes to trust people, no, you were paranoid, as countless encounters of those who wore a mask before you were soon broken by their own selfish desires but you knew kindness, one thing no one has ever given you. You helped him that day to figure out a problem he’s been trying and failing to get right upon seeing the familiar scritches of his notes and diagrams, you knew what it was upon seeing it as it was presented, more like forced to you by one of the elders whose fate was met by drowning in his own quarters. He thanked you, though skeptical at first as to why someone would even bother to help him. He found you intriguing, eccentric even with the way you presented yourself and how you were clueless as to most of the things in the world. You did not have time to even enjoy the small things in life as you were to busy trying to stay alive. You were both the same in some way.

Soon that one meeting turned into two and then three to four times a week ,you seemed to stay longer in sumeru as you spent more time with him. Both of you found the meaning of friendship, one he did not even think of having in his closed off life. He liked how things were, you were there, his only companion and his passion for the vast knowledge the world has to offer.

“Please come with me.” he asks you one day, it was after man had approached him late into afternoon as he tinkered with one of his new experiments.

“What for?”

He explains everything calmly, though the excitement in his eyes were hard to miss as he speaks about the many possibilities of changing the world.

“I can protect you properly there. Away from the humans and gods that dare lay a finger on you.”

“Did you tell the man about me?” Right, with all the excitement and promises the man ‘Pierro’ brought he forgot to mention you

“No but I am confident they will welcome you as well.” he looked a bit desperate, you were his only friend after all. One who he has come to cherish and one who soon he realizes as someone he can never leave.

“Please?”

How could you say no when he asks you like this, you were always weak to his entrancing eyes.

“Alright.”

…

You followed him as he left the academy, the same place that shunned him and called him a monster. The man, Pierro, though surprised did not show it as he simply acknowledged your being there. He took you both to the snowy and unforgiving alps of Snezhnaya and inside a fortress that you’ve only seen in picture books. There were people who loitered around in different uniforms all fit for the bitter cold weather. You two were also given warmer clothes once settled in your own quarters not far from each other. The room was spacious, something you’ve never had before and it felt daunting for everything made you feel alone. Your eyes wandered to the bed, Pierro did mention to rest before meeting the Tsaritsa.

You could only hope for the best that she was not like the rest of the gods as you settle in the large bed, trying to get comfortable but to no avail, it was as if your body didn’t want to let you rest even if you so much has desired it. And then you remember how you slept back then whenever you were unable to, which was almost every night when the fear of nightmares has presented itself once again, you would seek him.You sought for his embrace, it never failed to bring you peace and deliverance away from your dreams. You opted to leave for his room, you own pillow clutched to your chest, you opened the door to the man himself

“Oh.” his crimson eyes widened in surprise, a hand froze midair in a gesture to knock, so it was a mutual feeling after all

“I couldn’t sleep.” you sheepishly say, warmth rising up to your ears in embarrassment

“Me too.” he states and then silence followed, just a moment of just looking into each other’s surprised and tired eyes

“Then, would you like to come in?” you ask and he nods

He enters the room glancing around, his stature looked elegant under the cold moonlit night, it was as if he truly belongs in this place, like a perfect piece to a large puzzle. He then turns to you, hand outstretched.

“Shall we?” you couldn’t be more happier to oblige as you both lay down on the not so large bed anymore, faces in line together, sleepy expressions on your faces as your body finally allows you to get comfortable.

“What will happen now?” you ask to which he smiles, a gesture that he reserved for you and you only, it was something rare, different from the ‘smiles’ he would give to others, this was genuine and filled with gratefulness.

“I finally become someone who can pursue what they want without any restrictions, I get to make a great contribution without people throwing scorn at me and most of all, you get to witness it all. This greatness you spoke of, that man spoke of, we will have it. Together.”

It made you happy, over the moon from his answer, it was more than what you needed to reassure yourself that you are finally free from the chains of the curse you carry.

“I’d like that very much.”

…

Affection, neither of you knew what it was, not even when it started nor when it became a deeper thing that one simple word could not even define it anymore. You don’t know how things even came down to this but you just floated along for the ride, you watched him blossom into the person he was meant to be, and as part of the Harbingers that served the great cause of the Tsaritsa, the possibilities were endless. He enjoyed creating, learning and becoming more powerful day by day. He shared it with you, the dream he’s had, it became true.

“Good morning dear.” majority of people knew you are lovers, only the new ones would assume that you both were simply close friends because of how discreet you are whenever it came to public appearances but behind closed doors was different story in your shared home away from the palace. It was found in morning caresses as both naked bodies tangled in the sheets held each other close, in the day where both of you had your respective tasks to do was the glances that stayed longer every time you ran into each other and at night, they were where you both could be just yourselves as lips met each other, conveying pent up feelings on when one of you would be assigned far away from each other or the simple readings and lighthearted chatter by the hearth.

“ ‘morning.” you smile up at him, he looked so beautiful in the morning light you could kiss all over again if it weren’t for the time and duties you both would attend to. You were assigned to a  small village in the outskirts to visit due to the sudden rise in a certain disease. You sat up first, naked body opting to move towards the bathroom only to be pulled down by none other than Dottore.

“Going so soon?” he asks you,  a lopsided smirk on his face

“We must, our duties await us I’m afraid.” your hand finds the back of his neck pulling him down

“I hate for this to end.” he whispers in between kisses

“Me too.” another lingering kiss “me too, my love.”

“How long?” he sighs against your lips

“Best I can do is a month. Depending on whether the snowstorm will hit or not.” Snowstorms were common occurrence in Snezhnaya, you’ve been used to it for quite some time now but the only downside to it is the travel time to get between places. Sometimes it can be deadly and sometimes it was like a passing breeze, it all depends on how prepared one is and by far everyone in the land are all pioneers to handling such a weather.

“That’s a long time to wait.” You can hear the disappointment in his voice as his hand trails up an down your neck

“You lasted 6 months without me.”

“And Tsaritsa forbid I’d have to go through that again. It was horrible!” there was that dramatic side of him again “6 months of not even touching you or having you in bed!”

“Are all your ideas geared towards sex?” you lift an eyebrow “if it is then I’m really going to put in a request for a longer stay and I promise you it wont be 6 months only.”

Only you and whoever above has bothered to know that this man is a monster during your intimate moments and the many days were you unable to walk because of his inhuman stamina.

“Wait!” you begin to get up from the bed “Hey! I was joking!”

“Sure you are.” you wink back at him as you slide into the bathroom.

“Get back here!”

…

You’re finally prepared to leave and after a lot of convincing by Dottore to atleast bring one of his clones for the sake of his inner peace. You sat inside the carriage, his clone opposite to you.

“You better be back in a month.” he tells you from the end of the patio steps, Fatui coat hanging off his lithe figure

“And if it takes long?” you were testing him and he knows it “What will you do then?”

“I’ll come to you, whether you like it or not.”

“You just can’t keep your hands to yourself can you Doctor?” you chuckle

“Give me a break.” his clone mutters in front of you, clearly annoyed at how mushy you both were getting with the real body.

“Alright. Let’s leave.” you roll your eyes at the antics of the other one, though they may be the same but sometimes the personalities differ, just like this one. You then turn to your lover “I’ll see you soon.”

“Safe travels, dear.”

And then you were off, the mansion getting smaller and smaller from your view until it was truly gone from your line of sight. You grabbed the reports sitting beside you, archons, it going to be a long day.

 “Doctor.” the man turns towards the source of the voice, there stands the man who brought him here and away from the palace that scorned him “There is something we must discuss.”

“Well? Spit it out then, I havent got all day to gossip.” Dottore still had so much projects running at the same time that he has to attend to and idle chatter was not his forte unless it was with you

“I prefer to discuss this with you in private.” Pierro states. “I believe it has something to do with your, companion.”

Pierro knew how to pique the doctor’s interest, if it not for new experiments or ideas that involved creating a higher power then it would be about you, the person he confided in the most.

“Alright, let’s go to my study.” he huffs, wondering what else it could be that he did not know of about his dove.

…

‘It was the one of harbinger’s that spread the plague’

‘impossible! It couldn’t be one of them.’

You overhead two recruits chatting as they set down boxes of supplies, you were in your tent, finishing up on a few more reports before calling it a day. Conversation topics do not really bother you but this one in particular seemed to entice you, so you found scribbling away as you listened in.

‘They say it was the doctor.’ you halted, now that was impossible

‘hmm, if it was him then it would be possible. Seeing as we’ve been ordered to bring in a few healthy villagers to his lab.’ Gossip, you were sure of it. It was probably from his enemies or from those who just did not like him. Many people didn’t like him and it still continued on up to this day.

‘do they know?’ now they were talking about you, you knew Dottore was not someone to hold back secrets from you but this, this was simply unbelievable

‘The twelfth has always been with him, they probably know or even planned it along with him.’

You did not even have any idea of the disease until a week ago and he could not have gone here for you knew it would take long to journey back and forth unless,

“Here’s todays report.” Dottore’s clone comes in, a file tucked under his arm as he lifts the flaps of the entrance

 Of course.

The man had genetically manufactured replicas of himself, this was just one of them.  You looked at the one before you, the resemblance painful in his face and clothes.

“Were you here a month ago?” you ask him, quill gripped on your hand tightly

“No.” he states as a matter of factly, “Would there be a reason for me to be here?”

Then it wasn’t this clone. Or the recruits were lying, after hearing it from a another source.The grapevine twists and so is the truth as it gets passed from mouth to mouth.

“Forget it.” You shook your head, trying to dismiss the thought away “Hand the reports over.”

“People are getting better thanks to you.” he states, placing the file on your desk

“It’s my duty as one of her Majesty’s subordinates.” Right, you were fighting for a good cause, it would be impossible for Dottore to become the cause of all this suffering.

“You and your devotion.”

 Little did you know that today was the start of all the doubts you would be encountering about your lover. Slowly, you began to hear things about him, the things he did were almost the same things that the people who coveted your power wanted to do to you. The small details of the inhumane experiments he did behind the doors of his lab from recruits that passed by your tent and those who lingered for a second. It went from men to women being altered to somehow fit being a vessel of a deity, the failures he had along the way as they spoke about how much bodies they had to dispose off. Even children were no exemption from his cruelty in pretense of wondrous breakthrough for his goal. It made your stomach churn as they ran their mouth carelessly about what they witnessed,

‘he made them fight each other while being enhanced, I saw it myself and I could not spend a second longer looking for it was truly disturbing!’

‘ they tore at each other like animals, it was as if they lost their reasoning, it was gruesome. We had to clean the remains afterwards and I tell you, it was not a simple task! There was flesh and blood everywhere, other even excused themselves from cleaning because they felt sick.’

‘Archons! How terrible that one of the lord harbingers would do this!’

‘it is The Doctor after all, he’s always striked me as someone who do that.’

‘this is why I avoid him at all costs, you never when he lays his eyes on you!’

 You never know when he lays his eyes on you. You couldn’t breathe, everything seems to twist, your focus zooming in and out, the mind was not even helping at all. You began to imagine what it looked like, the experiments, the torment he caused and all the works. It made you doubt him even more and as the mission was ending you somehow dreaded going back. To finally confirm the idle chatter of some recruits about the man you’ve been with for many years now. Could he have thought of you the same way he did to the people he used as lab rats? Did he want to take you apart as well for his own gains of achieving godhood that he never had for he was not blessed with a vision. So many thoughts drowned you, you know it was better to confront the man himself, if it was a lie then you could just simple dismiss it as some gossip made by bored recruits but if it was real? It frightened you to the core, because then everything you had with him was all a lie. Nothing of it was real for he was only using you to get what he wanted his whole life. To finally spit in the face of the gods above. Through you he had a chance to do so.

“Lord Harbinger?” you forgot you were in a meeting with one of the captains of the troop you came with, their eyes were full of concern as you werent listening, too busy paying attention to your own destructive thoughts

“Apologies, what were you saying?”

“Oh, I was confirming whether we should move the date of departure a bit farther because of the sudden spike in diseases.”

“Yes, yes. Let’s do that captain.” you agreed immediately, the words coming out of your mouth smoothly, that was what you wanted right? A bit more time to clear your head enough to face him after the sudden rush of doubt that  clouded your mind.

“Alright, I will take my leave then Lord Harbinger.” The title made you recoil but not enough to be visible in the prying eyes of the captain. You just nodded as you watched him leave. Sinking back into your seat with a sigh, you could feel the headache coming.

‘Get a hold of yourself, there are patients waiting for you.’

 …

  Dottore was feeling antsy as you did not arrive by your expected date from the mission. He did promise that he would go to you if you did not arrive on time, knowing you hate it when he does that. Conflicted at the moment, he forgets to pay attention to the person in front of him laid upon the gurney. To even describe them as a person was the least out of all descriptive words in a normal human’s vocabulary, maybe a monster or an abomination would fit best. The dark red veins that ran across their body along with the bones that grew and morphed into a gruesome shape that altered the appearance of the human, the red sceleras too were no exception as a result from the altering of cells.

“Will you please shut up for once!” the harbinger yells as he hits the screaming person below him which only increases in volume, not caring if its vocal chords were in the verge of exhaustion.

“I cant think with all the noise you’re making!” another hit to the already bruised and swelled up cheek of the person. A disobedient animal would be the better fit for this abomination he’s created. He grabs a syringe, green glowing liquid gushing out of the needle as he presses it into the neck of the experiment.

“Maybe this will shut you up.” he hisses, crimson eyes watching it spasm and settle down as if it were sleeping. Removing, the syringe from its flesh he tosses it aside not caring if it it broke into two because of his strength. The thoughts of you in his mind was bugging him all day, unrelenting as it was as he tried to work on his projects.

“You killed it.” he finds the eyes of those that are identical to his, a disappointed scowl on his face as he writes down on the clipboard that hung on the gurney

“It was a failure anyway.” Dottore scoffs, loosening his tie to get rid of the stuffiness he feels in his chest

“It may be but that was the last one we have in our list. The rest are just weak to even go through with this process and because of you and your worry about the twelfth we are compromised for better results.”

“You don’t get to talk to me like that.” hisses the original, his creations were his pride and joy and sometimes also a pain in the ass. He did not need the nagging of his own right now for he was more hung up on the thought of you not arriving on time. The things you do to this man was even beyond him himself.

“But you know I am right and now we need more volunteers.”

“You know full well where we get them. Do your job and get out of my sight!” Yells Dottore, the agitation in his veins becoming stronger every second he stands there. There was no letter from you or whatsoever that you would be prolonging your stay and archons above know how much he tries to tell himself that you forgot or were to busy to inform him. He just simply found out from one of the official reports that came in, courtesy of Pulcinella.

He grabs his coat in a rush as he yells at one of the recruits to ready a carriage for him. He knows he is acting on impulse but he could barely give a shit at the moment.

 Pantalone looks on from the window of his study at the small figure of the Doctor leaving in a flurry. The mirage that stayed long for so long before you will finally settle to revel dry hot sand that settles in your throat. Finally this show is slowly coming to an end and has the front row seat to it.

“What will you do then Doctor?”

 …

You should have expected him to be there after going past your promised return. He stood before you, lips upturned in mild dissatisfaction. You don’t move, your lips shut in silence as you look at him. You didn’t know what to say, those stupid rumours shook you so. He shakes his head and just takes your hand and leads you back into your tent with a steadfast grip.

“Dottore---”

“Sweetheart.” he cuts you off with that cold tone of his, “You didn’t tell me you were extending your stay here.”

“I apologize, I was busy with tending to the patients and forgot to send you a letter in time.” You spoke with a controlled tone, as if it were simply talking to your subordinates but this? Never did you speak in this manner with him.

“And you didn’t greet me in when I arrived,” he looked dejected now as he stepped closer, lips a hairsbreadth away from you “Are you that tired to even grant me your time?”

“Like I said--” he loves cutting you off only this time it was with his lips and like usual as if by default yours moved along with his as well in longing, the nights where you both slept alone and days where you did not see ach other boiled down to that moment as lips brushed against each other. Your hands clutching his coat as he held your face, fingers leaving small caresses along the way.

“Did you miss me?” he asks in between breaths

“Always.” it slips out of your mouth as if it were as simple as breathing. Your heart meant it, every single letter of it down to the emotion conveyed in the kiss. A small whimper leaves you as he bites down on your lower lips, drawing blood but it does not deter his purpose to devour your lips in earnest longing. And when he finally reared himself back from stripping you then and there, he pulls away.

“You’re coming back with me today.” he states

“Why? I still have patients to tend to.”

“Then leave it to the rest!” he seemed to be in a rush for some unknown reason he wishes not to disclose with you. “That’s what these idiots are here for anyway.”

“As much as I’d love to come home with you but I can’t leave these people just yet.” what are you hiding?

Dottore still tries to convince you to go home with him but you stood firm. People are dying and your heart goes to them but you knew in the back of your mind that you weren’t ready to truly find out about the truth behind those rumors. So you distanced yourself a bit more from going back home to him, thankful that fate has allowed you a little bit more time. You just wished that after all this was the opposite of those rumors when you’ve finally had the courage to ask him about it.

“Fine! Stay here then! Stay here with the humans you oh so love!.” He yells as he leaves your tent, you couldn’t move at all. His words rang throughout your head, the trauma of the past simply shows how much it impacted him, he still hates humans, his own kind. The rumors then came flooding in, slowly fitting in one of the many spaces in the paragraph of the stories about him. When you started working as a harbinger, you were admittedly wary of everyone, always looking behind your back just in case someone would try to hurt you but in most of your encounters, there were more kind ones than the bad. Something changed in you when you had been subjected to more good that it almost made you forget the bad. You slowly grew out of your shell, it was a tough journey but you still came out on top, now working in a specific unit that caters to helping people.

You watched him leave for the center and you let your doubts followed him.

  …

“Have you ever wondered what’s behind the closed door 12th?” Pantalone speaks beside you, he does not  look at you as his eyes were too busy looking for a book to read from a higher shelf

“What do you mean Regrator?” you pause from looking over the table of contents of the book held within your grasp. Its been three days since you’ve returned and Dottore was nowhere in sight. He was avoiding you, always making excuses or simply vanishing, probably off to his other lab.

“You are quite the naive one aren’t you? Or do you just pretend not to know?” Did he know? You finally look at him, to find him already staring back at you, a smile that hid the serpent beneath the flowers so well painted his face,

“Know what?”

“Dear me, you are still stuck in that mirage.” he shakes his head in mock pity

“Just get to the point you bastard.”

“It’s better for you to find out yourself, that way I’d be more entertained.” and then he leaves in a whirl of dark blue, a leather book intact in his hand. You wanted nothing more than to throw a book at him, that snake! But what he said did intrigue you, it pulled at you the same way the rumors did to you during your mission in the outskirts. Now your mind is telling to you to search for answers. and you will have them one way or another if the man in question does not give it to you.

 Fool.

You should not have crossed that bridge. You should have simply turned your head away and held your hands to your ears away from the rumors that circulated him. You should have listened to him only and went back with him that day. So much what if’s of a better outcome yet it could never escape the harsh reality of it all. You thought that they were fighting for a greater cause but they too were the same, only greater with more resources unlike the rest of the humans who tried to take you.The whole time you’ve been looking through rose tinted glasses and you were so naive to question things but what can you do when you’ve been fed false reassurance the whole time you were taken in. They’ve shown you only what you wanted to see, as if it were all planned from the start.

 ‘do you think they are ready?’ It was the voice of Pulcinella, muffled as it may from closed doors but you it bled through nonetheless. You just happened to pass by on your way to submit a report to Pierro. But the man himself was also in the same room as The Rooster. So you listened and archons, did you regret it so much.

‘ They will be once Dottore has finished up with his own experiments, he did report on a close breakthrough.’

‘ Then he better get a move on, her majesty has been asking and I have not given her a satisfactory answer!’ Pulcinella exclaims,

‘ Give it time my friend, it will be ready by the time our envoys arrive in Natlan.’ you couldn’t hear any longer as you left in a rush, papers clutched tightly, you made it into your own office. Everything was spinning, the room was closing in on you as you tried to breathe but to no avail. Instead, you were on the floor, a hand to your chest as you struggled to chase oxygen that eluded you.

You do not hear the man who calls out to you, only that you saw the monster who was the base of all the rumors that made you spiral into madness.

‘Don’t touch me!’ you scream, crawling away from his grasp that follows you

‘Sweetheart, breathe!’ his face was blurry through your tears, your heart pounded in fear as his touch felt like acid on your skin and when you didn’t let up, you felt a sharp pain to the side of your neck making you cry out in pain. You wondered if that was it, the end you wondered about by his hands.

‘I apologize for this dear.’ he whispers, finally holding you in his arms as you feel your consciousness slipping away. It scared you for what he might do to you, what they will do to you, what they will use your power for. After all, they were all the same.

  …

There was a letter by you window sill, within it was a key and small eloquently written note.

‘ a small gift for your recovery.’ there was no name under but you knew who it came from. The thought of that serpentine smile of his made you shiver. You eyed the key, thinking back on what he said that day in the library. After your unfortunate eavesdropping, you were in bed the next day, exhausted down to the bone. What’s worse about being left alone with yourself was the thoughts that ran amok, they began to tear down the rest of the good things you held dear about your lover, painting him a diabolical character in your story. Destructive as they were, you listened to them intently just like the old days where it was just you alone in an abandoned shack or beneath a tree during thunderstorms. So you let them run and free, to torment you for trusting way too easily and to even falling in love. And you cried, you let the pillow soak up the salty agony of your emotions as you once again feel the comfort of sleep.

You avoided him, even when he sat by the bedside to take care of you and all you could think of was how much longer was he going to keep up the facade he has been showing you the whole time. You avoided him even going as far as to change your walking route towards places where you are needed only to not see him and have your focus break. You only spoke a few words whenever you were behind closed doors. Sleeping in the same bed was not the same anymore as it felt colder and more spacious.

And then this day, where you decided to finally go to the lab within the central Headquarters of the Fatui, the strong pull led you to a door in the cold murky dungeons of the fortress. Maybe this was where Pantalone wanted you to go to, and maybe it was because of his ‘pity’ that he gave you the key in order to finally free yourself of the lies they constantly fed you.

You turned the key with bated breath and steeled yourself as to what you will witness once inside.

And then you saw.

It was a large lab and as you walked about yous aw many other contraptions you’ve never seen before, each and everyone can easily take a life. Large tubes that looked large enough to hold a fully grown adult within it stood in the  middle as if they were pillars holding up the whole place of what seemed to be like a cold metal hell for those unlucky enough to be taken in. You stepped closer to unravel on of the tubes and the sight was haunting. It made you want to hurl after seeing the contents, it was of a child well at least what resembles it, large boils covered its whole body each and every one of the lumps seemed to have its own life as they throbbed and wriggled. It was eating away at the host whose face was also covered in it, the only things that looked human to it was its eyes, they were empty, void of life as if simple waiting for its end. Unsatisfied, your hand moved to unravel the rest, it was a the same failed experiments of humans as marked on the label below, others had boils, some had more limbs than normal,  and the rest had a tentacle like worms coming out of their body, all of them had the same expression of emptiness. The curtain was pulled away from the last tube to reveal a human in pristine condition, it was asleep without a care but what shook you the most that it felt like you were looking at yourself in the mirror. It was you, another you in a glass tube. So he made a clone of yours too, this was what Pierro and Pulcinella was talking about behind closed doors. This is the breakthrough they spoke of, a clone of yourself, a perfect vessel for your powers. What will happen to you then after they take it? Discarded? Killed? Many possibilities but all of it leading to your own demise.

Having fallen below, you let your body take control as if were a puppet. You went through his desk, reports upon reports of failed experiment were written out meticulously and in great detail, the next stack was about potential vessels all of them unnamed, he did not care whether they were women or children, as long as it fits his standard of candidates they were then all the same lab rats in his eyes. The clear disregard for ones life shows how much he’s become, how worse he got over the span of the years, feeding into his ideals and heresy. You wondered then were you just a long term project of his. Perhaps he too did not care about your own name as he’s ever called you through pet names. One of the drawers were locked and you assumed it was about the clones as you did not see any of it atop his desk nor in his shelf.

Like a marionette, you let yourself be guided by the destructive curiosity of your to wander even more, and like a helpless prisoner in your own mind you simply watched through the bars in agony as every truth was revealed.

 The other room was more abominable than the last. Within it was a large cage in the corner and you were thankful it was empty, however you could not say the same for the gurney, and broke your mind further.

A woman, no older than twenty-two lay atop the gurney, skin painted in the sickly color of black, blue and yellow. She does not have long as her chest heaved in shallow laboured breaths. There were countless needle marks on both of her arms, you held her hand as she stirs from her slumber. Bleary eyes looking up at you, they were a beautiful forest green that reminded you of the calming and vibrant greenery back in Sumeru.

“Are you the twelfth he spoke of?” she asks you weakly

“I am.” you wanted to cry seeing her speak, she had more to life than this cruelty

“You know,” she begins, a lone tear leaving her eye “I was home tending to my the flock when they took me. Im glad lord harbinger that they didn’t take my family or celestia forbid my little siblings.” She still had faith in the archons even in this state. So you listened to her story, as if it were to compensate at least a little bit for the pain she has gone through. It tore through your own walls as every word she let go of were like a mallet against the bricks.

“I’m so sorry.” apologizing was pathetic, they were mere words at this point but you meant it even if they weren’t your sins to commit, you still asked for forgiveness if only your words could reach those who have passed then you would beg them too. “Im sorry.”

“I’m glad that its you to see me go than that demon. Thank you for listening to my story.”

You didn’t say anything as you continued to hold her dying gaze.

“May I ask you for a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Please look after my family when I’m gone and if you can, tell them that I’m doing alright.” The woman tells you, a smile of relief stayed on her face, she trusts you.

“I promise, Nadya.” you try to mirror her smile but fails when more tears come out

“And please leave this place, someone such as you who is more sunlight than the bitter cold of this place do not belong in a place like this. You are meant for something far greater, I know it.” The vibrant thriving forest in her eyes began to die faster as he breathing became slower and her temperature dropped lower. This was it, to see another person die before you and you could do nothing about it. You mourned her and let the last wall break. Your heart  went with hers.

  …

  “What do I get in return if I help this family on the outskirts Twelfth?” Pantalone stands across you from his office

“ Everyone of my assets. I won’t be needing them anymore.”

“To give up one’s assets is the same as giving up everything you’ve ever worked for and your position and yet you’re willing to do that just for a family you never even met?” you could practically hear the gears in his head turning,  thinking as to what may be the cause of your appeal and when it clicks he smiles up to you

“So you know. Now will you accept?” you hate how he knows everything

“If I do, I would like to know what you will do after.”

“How about I surprise you Regrator? You love don’t you?” you sneer as he just smiles on

“I love surprises Twelfth.” he pushes a contract to you “Sign here please.”

You wasted no time in signing it and you felt lighter, all these did not have meaning anymore to you after yesterday. The weight was lesser as you left his office and heading towards your own quarters within the palace, you didn’t want to go to the place that was built from lies and deception, it was not home anymore so you opted for the nearest place you can at least get lesser memories from.

What you didn’t expect was that the man you were trying to avoid was there, expecting you inside already. He stood on the balcony that overlooked the jagged cliff below.

“Darling, I was expecting you.” he greets you, a hand outstretched towards you. You say nothing as you step forward, your heart already burning from hurt, anger and guilt. Holding his hand wasn’t the same and gone was the heart fluttering feeling you feel whenever he kissed you.

“I saw it all.” you spoke, not once did you look at him as you told him all you’ve seen.The things he kept from you, the conversation, all the things you’ve heard and felt.

“So you’ve been there,  darling--”

“You deceived me and I loved you blindly, Dottore. Now I wonder if anything of this was real ever since you became a harbinger.” tears began to flow down your cheek no matter how hard you tried to fight them back.

“It was all real my love, let me explain.” why did it hurt even more to hear him call you that, you didn’t believe it any longer

“Don’t you dare come to me and justify your crimes!” you never screamed at him like this in your whole relationship and you felt something break further and further within “You are just like them…”

It was true, the things he did was nothing different from how those who came after you, wanting your power. It was truly a burden, that damned blessing they coveted so, it destroyed you inside. And in your broken mind you dared to look up at him, the man was speechless for the first time.

“You changed so much over the years and now that I am presented with the truth, I could not see you in the same way as I did before. It hurts because until now there is still a part of me that loves you.” you hold your hand towards his cheek, maybe if times were different then it would not have come to this. “and I am sorry to do this.”

You are not willing to give them what they want and if this is the only way for their plan to fail or to set them back then so be it but it does not reassure the idea of them still bringing innocents into this grand conquest of theirs.

“What are you--” he feels warmth spread throughout his being, through every nerve, pore and fibre, he sees everything backwards but as it rewinds the memories of you are terminated from his memory drive, the conversation you have right now was even removed and instead replaced by one that made you into an enemy of the tsaritsa.

And in this fake memory you conjured he was ordered to kill you by a dagger to the heart. You released your hand, it took a toll on you, back finding itself against the doorway of the balcony. Manipulating memories were simply a part of the gift you carry and as you looked at the man before you once again, it felt different. You never told him about this part of your power.

“So the rat was here all along.” he smiles to himself, congratulating him for a job well done. He steps closer a dagger lurking beneath his coat as a gloved hand trails its way down your face. “It’s a shame to let a pretty thing like you go, you would have been a suitable specimen.”

“I will not submit to that foolish archon’s will.” you spat, making your acting more profound and then you feel it, the cold sharp sting that made itself home in your chest.

 Finally.

  It felt so light, so peaceful and so serene. There was no more weight on your shoulders. You felt free and you wondered as you look up to the sky with your tired but relieved eyes. Has freedom always felt like this? It was like being a bird in the sky, that soared through the clouds, eyes taking in anything and everything they see from above. Was this how those beautiful creatures felt like whenever they spread their wings?

It felt so warm even as your body touched the floor, all you could see was the sky, gray and gloomy as it may be but you saw your memories flashing by, the happy ones were stronger at least you would be carrying the memory of him not as the monster but as the man whom you’ve given your heart to, the man who held you when nightmares came to torment you, the man who read to you whenever it was your day off, the man who kissed you the hardest but held you softly, these were the memories of him you wanted to keep, even when it was fake you still wanted to keep it no matter how foolish it was  because to you it was a good lie.

You close your eyes, the very same ones he loved to hold gaze to. And as you feel your breath come to halt all you could ever feel and think was freedom. You were so tired of running back then and now you were weary from the painful truth. Selfish as you may be, you left the world with a satisfied smile.

  …

Ah, but that was your mistake.Overcome by your emotions you forgot that there was another. One that resembles him so much, one that represents him when he was too occupied with you in his grasp, one that was not your lover.

One that could never be him.

Your murderer.

  His mind that has solved so much complex problems could not even comprehend why you were lying on the cold balcony floor, his clone staring down at you as if you were just on one of your weird antics.

“What are you doing darling?” he asks, a foot away from the doorway. You meters away from him

“Oh? You’re here.” his clone smiles at him, something’s changed he can tell by the way it smiled sadistically towards him “If you were here a bit earlier, you would’ve enjoyed torturing this human but here we are.”

“Torture them? What the fuck are you talking about?” that was until he gets closer, a better view as to what has actually befallen you.

Deep dark crimson liquid bloomed from your chest like a slow moving fountain from the knife that was his, it was kept in the drawer of his desk in the mansion but alas, you were too good at bringing forth objects from different places. Your clothes soaked it up greedily, akin to how grass thirsts for water. It was not beautiful at all, not when it was you who was in that situation.

Dottore stills, it was as if he himself was frozen in ice. He looks at you, eyes as red as the blood that poured out of you. Time has stopped and he seemed to feel the cold nip at his very being. How could this have happened? Finally a question he does not know the answer of. And it frustrates him, it eats him up inside bit by bit. His heart thumps within his chest, he does not know of this emotion but it hurts, it hurts him physically, his whole body just aches and he does not know why.

“WHAT DID YOU DO?!” he finally snaps in rage, an emotion he’s quite well aware of, which he knows personally.

“I just did what her majesty told me to.” shrugs the other, the same face as his and the he realizes that this was the same face you saw before you died. The Tsaritsa never told him anything at all, as all orders are always relayed through Pierro and then to him, never had he directly received them from her.

He concludes that the clone did it on it’s own but for what motive he did not know of as it claims it was from the Tsaritsa herself. This one has become a failure, the closest a clone can be to being its creator.

If a creator can give life, it can take it away.

And so he did. He takes away the almost perfect creation that was made from his own flesh, with one bullet to the head it was all over. A gun, it was the most efficient way for someone who was not blessed by the archons he hated.

He does not feel any satisfaction as he watched the clone stumble back into the railing and fall into the cliff below. In fact he feels the numbing cold of the storm that razed throughout the center. He kneels down to pick up your limp body in his arms, were you this light? He does not care whether the blood soaks him too, in fact he embraces it as he embraces you.

 This was not supposed to happen, he was supposed to save you from further decay upon looking at your results from the day you collapsed. That was why he made the vessel but what use is it when you are dead. It was all for naught and he still does not understand why this happened. Had someone threatened you? Were you ordered to?

What’s more he does not get it when he looks at your face, the serenity painted permanently on your face, like everything that was weighing you down left you and now you’re free and happy in relief that you can be whatever you want.

“You promised you were never going to leave me.” his voice comes out as a whisper, hands pulling your body closer to his. He does not even realize he’s shed tears as he buries his head into your shoulder.

“Why. Why. Why. WHY?!” it sounded so miserable at this point as if he was sent back to being a child who was scorned by his whole village. The cold nights where he would curse at celestia for how pitiful his life is.

 He sat against the wall, behind him was the raging storm outside. Your body still encased in his arms with his coat wrapped around you as if to keep you warm. Time has long gone become irrelevant at this point, he just feels and feels until there is nothing else within the cavity of his chest, All of it going with you to wherever you are right now. And in the morning, when he has woken up, he does not find you in front of him, instead there was gold dust on where you once lay. Right, you too were an ethereal being.

He gathers it with no word, pale almost bluish hands struggle to put them all in the vial he has and as he gathers them, he leaves the pieces of himself instead, never to be part of him again.

 Maybe that was why the Doctor always has that ridiculously large earring that contained blue liquid but if you did happen to look closely, there were millions of tiny gold dust in it.

Maybe that was why the Doctor covers half his face in order to not be reminded of the color that drained from your body that day.

Maybe that was why the Doctor has become more cruel to people, more ruthless, calculating and toyed with everything beneath and before him.

Maybe that was why the Doctor kept the file of you still locked in his desk, the one you could not open. It was there where he put a detailed procedure on how to extract the power in order for you to live longer and in harmony and bliss with him.

Maybe that was why the Doctor let the other you stay in that tube forever, because he wanted to remember what you looked like, frozen in that age you left him.

Maybe that was why Dottore had completed the part of who he is right now through your death. 

    Dedicated to : @kozapple  (they requested it)

Happy Birthday :> mwah