I have a hard time accepting my body sometimes.
I remember how good I felt when I lost all that weight in high school and how I felt accepted in a way.
When I say accepted, I mean that I felt for the first time in my life that I fit the beauty standards put in place, that I truly felt like I earned the handsome compliments.
It’s like the time time I got a haircut freshman year to join JROTC and someone who I once considered a friend seemed mad at me for doing it and never talked to me again.
Maybe that’s where this insecurity started, but not real sure.
Anyway, a year or two went by and I had to take medication for my asthma that caused me to gain some weight and dealing with grief/depression/anxiety.
Sometimes I’ll have a good weight loss period, but then I’ll fall off again.
I just have a hard time loving the person I see in the mirror and question my existence sometimes.
I show myself grace, but I just wish that I didn’t feel this way about my self both physically and mentally.
