#don'tyouknow

"We're in Wakanda, I have friends here that are going to help you," Bucky says waiting for you to untangle yourself from around his arm. "Help me?" you stand up and stretch your limbs. "Get rid of Hydra in your brain." "Oh," you nod, "makes sense," looking back at him you ask "is T'challa king yet?" and Bucky is baffled how in the world you even know about Wakanda, let alone about its former crown prince. He doesn't have time to question you because Shuri steps onto the jet. "Ah, I was wondering when I'm going to see you again. It's a small world after all," Shuri exclaims ignoring Bucky and he thinks he's going to explode if someone doesn’t explain something soon. Shuri ignores him though and shakes your extended hand. "It's good to see you too, Princess." Before he can say anything Shuri is leading you away and he's left standing in the middle of the plane with a sudden headache. * "I can't believe he's the one you've been waiting for. He was brought by Steve years ago and never mentioned you," Shuri talks dragging you to where you suppose her lab is, "I mean he got out in what? 2014? And he only brought you out now? I have half a mind to take his arm away..." Shuri stops rambling when you stop in the middle of the corridor frozen in your step. "What do you mean? What year is it now?" Shuri looks at you like you're crazy, but you probably are. "2024." "So, you're telling me he left me there for ten years?" "I know, right?" Shuri resumes walking and you automatically trail behind her, "I mean he was snapped away for five of them so you can't really blame him for those but with how adamant you were about going back to Hydra for him one would think he'd be back for you guns blazing the moment he got at least some of the memories back." You hear Shuri rambling, but you can't focus anymore on her words. You had the opportunity to get out of Hydra time and time again, chance to run away or even to get help and asylum from Wakandans but you went back for him again and again. To your soldier, to the blue eyes that in rare moments of humanity gained back had so much life in them you could drown. And he came back for you, got you out, but after what? Ten years? How many lives did you take thinking that you were waiting for him, preparing for a mission together so you could run away to the life you created in the moments of clarity, and he was already out? He was out, building a life for himself, and you were still playing a monster waiting for him. You let yourself be guided through the weird procedure with even weirder machines, not finding in yourself to care anymore and trusting the Princess not to damage you permanently. You lay on an uncomfortable table with millions of wires all around you and let your mind wander until you finally fall asleep listening to Shuri humming a song you're pretty sure you heard somewhere before. The boy from earlier, you learned his name is Peter, is there too and you should be warier of falling asleep with a stranger in the same room but at this point, you really don’t care. * "I think, I'm not sure, she's not loyal to Hydra, only to me. Or her handler," Bucky stops for a moment and thinks about your behavior, "Or maybe to me, as soon as the director dropped his order, she went back to me. She's programmed differently." Sam nods. "Are you okay? I know we fought Hydra before, but this was different." Bucky doesn't have an answer, adrenaline still in his veins and feelings and thoughts messy inside his head. There's some history he can't hope to understand without speaking to you or Shuri or T'challa and he can't shake the feeling he won’t like what he's going to learn. Or at least hopes to learn. He's not sure Wakandans are still eager to trust him. Sam leads him to the seats in front of the labs and sits him down. "Peter's with Shuri, we can talk if you want to," Sam offers. Bucky just leans his head on his friend's shoulder and stays silent for a while. "It's just, I have this feeling that it wasn’t the Soldier that trained her, not the same one that was sent after Fury, it was the rest of

humanity that was left in him. I feared my handlers, she trusts me, and instead of being relieved for herself first, she was relieved I was free and thankful I came for her." Sam is quiet. "I think that she's not like me, that they didn't erase her as well as they did my brain for some reason." "That's good, maybe she won't be as difficult as you, not so brooding." "When Shuri is done with her she will remember everything she's done, what Hydra's done," he trails away, "what I've done, what I've taken from her." "Hydra took from her. From what I gather, you assured she survived." "Thank you for being here." Sam hums in reply, too tired to speak, and Bucky continues. "I felt so awful knowing I made her life hell, but when I look at her, how she reacts, what she says, I think I didn't make it as bad as mine was. Maybe The Soldier protected her somehow. Maybe I was there too, taking care of her." "Whatever happens, remember you pulled her out of there." Bucky can hear Sam's breathing become shallower and more even and after a while both of them are sleeping, in uncomfortable seats, waiting for Shuri to step out of the lab. * It's early morning when the doors finally open. "She's awake," Shuri says and Bucky almost hugs her. Almost, because Shuri doesn't seem to be as happy as he is. "What's wrong?" he asks and feels Sam’s hand on his shoulder, keeping him grounded. "Maybe you two shouldn’t speak just yet." Bucky's brows furrow and he looks over to Sam and back to Shuri. "What do you mean, is she still under Hydra's influence?" "I removed all that, but if you hope to learn about her time before that she doesn't want to remember. And she doesn't like what she is remembering from Hydra." "That's okay, I didn’t like that either," Bucky mumbles and pushes past the Princess. "You really should give her some time," Shuri tries to stop him, but he steps into the lab before any of his friends have a chance to protest. You're sitting on a table he remembers laying on during his procedure, Peter by your side, your hands in his on your lap, talking quietly about something. You look up when you hear doors slam shut and jump a little and Bucky immediately regrets not closing them gentler. You slide down from the table and he can see the storm of emotions raging in your head on your face. The sadness is expected and he wants to assure you everything’s going to be okay, but then decides it's stupid, and before he can decide what else to say you're angry. You march closer to him, and he swears you look like you want to punch him. He'd let you. "You left me there," is the first thing you say, almost whispering, and Bucky's breath hitches, "You left me there, with those monsters and you've run away to build yourself a new life," you're still whispering but your voice sounds like a scream in the silent lab. There's so much hurt in your voice he'd rather you punched him. "I didn't remember you," he interrupts, and you laugh at him. "She's given you your memories back too!" Angry tears cloud your vision, but you don't care to wipe them off, "And you only came after all these years!" "Do you even know what they made you?" Bucky snaps back and of all the things you expected to hear from him, this wasn't one of them, and Bucky sees it. It's clear to him you don't know but he can't stop his anger now, even if it’s not directed at you, "They made you forgettable! You didn't exist for me until a few days ago." You blink, your tears falling as you look for a hint of lie at his face, but under all the anger, you see he is honest. It suddenly starts making sense. How he always seemed to get to know you all over again. How he promised to keep you safe every time you met. You always thought he wanted to remind you, show you he cared. That that was the kind of person your soldier was before Hydra. When you noticed he forgot something you always thought Hydra took his memories, that they were doing something wrong because you always remembered him. After all, you needed to remember him, he was your partner, and you were his. They didn't take his memories;

he didn't have any in the first place. You put your faith in someone who forgot about you the moment he was out the door. The realization hit you like a wave of saltwater, trying to push you under until you drown. Even now, he didn't remember you. Even with Shuri's machines, he doesn’t remember the moments of light stolen from your captors. You see his lips moving but you can't hear anything as you crumble to the floor. You know you're screaming but only because your throat hurts. There's no sound, you're underwater. You feel his hands on your shoulders, one cold and one warm, but someone is pulling him back and Peter's face appears in front of you. The sound comes back with a pop, and you cling to Peter as you cry for the man you lost.

next: CHAPTER 9

Everything is wrong.

It's too quiet.

The bed's too soft.

You're alone.

There were two instances when you slept at Hydra. Before serum: you slept with all other prisoners, and after serum: only on more extended missions. And there was always Soldier with you.

Finally, you stand up, pull a blanket off the bed, and leave the room. James' was on the left to yours; you spend and moment collecting your thoughts and knock.

He opens the door after a while, and you can see he was sleeping, but he doesn't look surprised to see you. He invites you in without question, and you wonder if he had the same troubles when he got out. The room looks exactly like your own, and he stands still in the doorframe giving you space to do whatever you want, so you lay your blanket between the wall and his bed and lie down. He's not asleep when you drift off.

He's not asleep when you wake up either, which makes your planned leave more difficult. He's sitting on the bed with his back leaning on the headboard, legs crossed in ankles, book in his hand, but it's dark in the room. He's pretending to read.

"Did you sleep well?" he asks when you stand.

You nod, but he's tracing the lines with his eyes. You wonder if the farce is for your or his sake.

"Yes, thank you. Thank you for letting me sleep here," the words feel stiff and weird, but you don't know what else to say.

He finally sets the book down and looks at you.

You feel seen, like he knows all your thoughts and struggles from the moment you gained your humanity back hours ago till now. Maybe he does. He really is probably the only person to whom you can relate. And you're running away.

"Would you like to take a shower? I got some new clothes for you," he asks, and you want to say yes to shower, no to clothes, but you say yes to both. Even though your gear was given to you by Hydra, it was still familiar, and you needed something to hold on to before you went crazy from the nerves.

He leads you to his bathroom and shows you every knob and button. The sick feeling in your gut makes you almost dizzy. He's so good, and you're running away.

"This is so much more complicated than it has to," you say when he steps back after setting the water temperature, and he laughs, and the world seems to stop for a while. It was the most exhilarating feeling, making someone, scratch that, making him laugh, and you can't help but feel proud of yourself. Then you're sick again because you're running away, he's so lovely, so kind, and so warm, and you're running away. It really makes you even worse of a person than Hydra made you be.

His goodness makes your resolve falter; you want to stay and make him laugh again and again.

He leaves you with water running, clothes and towels on the counter next to the sink, and you finally strip and step under the water. You wash the dirt, sweat, and dried tears away, and it isn't after you step out and wrap yourself in a soft towel you realize how dirty you were. It's no wonder James put you immediately in the bathroom.

Loose blue t-shirt with small blue school logo must be Peter's, but you forgo black sweats pants that must belong to James or Sam with how long they are, and dress back in Hydra's gear.

You stand in front of the mirror for long enough that you start seeing blue shimmer under your skin.

It's time to go.

James is not in the room when you leave the bathroom, and you don't have time to thank your stars for that; you leave the room and run.

There's no one to stop you.

Instead of outside, you find yourself back at the lab. It's early, before dawn, just like you promised yourself. Peter and Shuri are there, pulling an all-nighter.

You know they know you're leaving, and there's a twitch of disappointment in Peter's face that hurts more than it has business to. He's just a kid you met.

Shuri tries to give you some kind of weapon, but you can see the vibranium and shake your head.

"It's too traceable," you begin, and the princess scoffs.

"It would take another me to hack it."

"That's the point. There's only one genius with this much vibranium available." She nods reluctantly to that.

You switch your gaze to look at Peter and take him in. You wish you could stay and maybe find a place between them for yourself. Bask in their presence.

"Come back," Peter says, and you want to reassure him you will, but you can't be sure.

"I'll be seeing you," you say instead because you're sure you will. Even if it's watching from the shadows.

You hear James earlier than they do, and, for the tiniest moment, you want to stall, let him find you, but it's not worth seeing him realize you're leaving. Although he probably knows already.

You slip away through a small door in the back of the lab and start running as soon as the door closes behind you. You don't hear him enter the lab and the panic in his voice when he questions the kids.

For the next two weeks, you look for a man who you owe a favor after he let you go back to Hydra even though he should've put a bullet between your eyes. It's not easy, and more than once you get yourself shot for asking too many questions, but it doesn't really slow you.

Peter seems okay; you monitor his online presence and track him few times on CCTV when he's out as Spiderman. You worry about him a lot, he's just a kid, and his self-preservation is almost nonexistent. You wonder if he spoke to his mentor about you, but if he did, he didn't say enough for Stark to look for you. That's for the best; Anthony probably thinks you're dead.

You find Nick Fury in Berlin.

next: CHAPTER 11

He's angry at himself, for snapping as he did, and he can feel Sam's disappointed gaze at him. He's eager to go back, apologize and talk with you, but knows he's the last person you need to see right now. At least you seem to trust Peter.

"Let's check on your goats," Sam beckons without usual humor in his voice and Bucky leads the way.

*

Peter holds you until you calm down and leads you to a couch in the back of the lab. Shuri appears with a glass of water you accept gratefully and down in one go.

"More?" Peter asks but you shake your head, "Do you want to talk about it?"

He looks really kind and really worried and a wave of gratefulness rushes over you. It's been decades since someone looked at you with such kindness.

"No, not yet," you finally answer and he stands up.

"We'll be right over there," he points to a table with various equipment in front of you and both of them walk over there. They start discussing something on holoscreen, but you pay them no mind, focused on your memories.

It's new, remembering and being allowed to actually think about your past, but the weight of all lives taken dampens your enthusiasm, even though you didn't do it of your own will. Or maybe you did, you kept coming back to Hydra, to the soldier with steel-blue eyes. You had so many chances to slip away from Hydra, to expose them and stop their violent rule but you kept coming back for The Soldier, the sliver of a chance of running away together keeping you tethered to him.

But you're free now, no one can take control of your actions, and you know you should be happy.

But you are not. You built a life for you and your Soldier behind Hydra’s backs, hid forged documents with new identities in different places, even bought a house on the hill over ocean blue as his eyes. All you had to do was run away.

Your only good memories are of your past you can’t go back to and those of long missions with The Soldier, having a clear idea of the directive, feeling safe by his side. You hated Hydra, but you didn't hate him. He was your rock there, even when he said those words, taking control from you. Now you're left with no Soldier and all those feelings. And he doesn't remember you.

This hurts too much, and you try to find comfort in the familiar feel of your gear, how the texture feels on your skin, but the anxiety floods you and every stitch seems to painfully dig into your flesh. You will yourself to calm down, it’s not the place nor the time to feel sorry for yourself.

Your mind goes back to you Soldier. They threw you to his feet after they gave you the serum and told him to train you. He did just that, but he didn't make you himself, he didn't make you into a killer machine, he taught you how to survive. All his lessons didn't feel like the ones you've been given by others. They made you into Hydra's weapon, he made sure you survived being one. He taught you how to be indispensable but his number one rule for you was to comply. He conditioned you to compliance not because he wanted you to serve Hydra, but because he didn't want you killed. They wanted him to make you a weapon, but he trained you to survive long enough so you could break out. He told you time and time again that he would get you out of there and when he was free, he left you there. You knew you couldn't blame him, but it didn't change that it hurt.

You stand up and move to sit on an empty chair on Peter's left side, even if you don't know what they're talking about, you still want to be close to them.

You were always close to The Soldier. The Soldier and The Spy. And now you were left with all your memories, of all your training, of all your missions, especially the longer ones where both your conditioning started to wear off and you would see the shadow of a man he was before, and you would talk to him about how maybe next time there would be a chance to escape.

Shuri looks at you for a while and from the look in her eyes you know she knows that soon you’ll be in the wind.

“You could stay,” she begins and Peter stops talking, but you interrupt her before she has the chance to offer you Wakanda’s protection.

“I could, and I promise I’ll be back if you’ll have me, but I don’t want to.” Peter looks confused and you’re sure he’ll be asking Shuri how you know each other, and you wonder what Shuri’s response will be, “I’m free of Hydra but if I don’t go and return the favor they’re owed, the S.H.I.E.L.D will be on my ass and it’s not wise to make enemies of the good guys.” Shuri doesn’t look convinced, “I’ve seen enough movies to know they always win.”

She smiles and turns back to the screen and Peter immediately begins his rant where he left off.

You look at Peter and Shuri, talking and laughing and you can almost feel the warmth of their friendship on your skin. At this moment you decide this is what you want. A friendship so deep others can feel its warmth.

*

Bucky and Sam come back to the lab when the sun starts to set and find Shuri and Peter tinkering with something and you sitting next to them with knees tucked under your chin, holding a small box of tools. Bucky thinks that if it wasn’t for your unruly hair and dirty uniform you'd look like their peer, not looking a day over eighteen.

You look up when the doors close with a click, put away the box, and walk to them. You approach Sam first.

"Sam Wilson. Hope you feel better," you shake his hand and nod.

"Thank you for getting me out of there." He doesn't answer, just gives you a nod as he moves to meet Peter behind you. You're left with who used to be your Soldier. You step closer to him and look up. Even his eyes changed, the steel-blue you're so used to now brighter, even bluer and they are eyes of a human, with habits, friends, and memories, not just mindless killing machine. He doesn't look away, lets you stare and take him in while he does the same. You wonder what he sees.

"I'm sorry. I'm really glad you got away, that you're free," you start, "I should've asked your name before blaming you," you bow your head slightly, "I'm sorry."

He's surprised but holds out his hand for you to shake.

"James Buchanan Barnes."

"James," you try it on your tongue, "I like it."

He wanted to tell you that his friends call him Bucky but the way you say his name renders him speechless.

"You look different than I remember."

"Good different or bad different?" He asks quietly and you raise your hand to reach to his hair. He stills and you take your hand back.

"Sorry, I used to tie your hair on missions," you look for any sign he remembers but you find none, "Good different. Happy. Alive."

You feel him watching you when you take his metal hand in yours. It feels so familiar but looks so different.

"This one protects people."

"The silver one protected me," you respond letting his hand fall by his side.

"I don't know who I was to you, and you'll tell me if you want," his flesh hand cups your face pulling it up so you're met with those blue eyes again. Is it worth telling him? Maybe you should just take the chance you've been given and start new, "But I will protect you. We've clearly been through different things and you're honestly handling it better than I did, but if you let me, I'll be by your side."

You lean into his hand and close your eyes at the warm feeling spreading through your body. You can almost pretend he knows you, that this isn't your first conversation for him.

The sudden thought that it’s not worth telling him takes you by surprise. You don’t want him to feel more guilty than he does. The less he knows of your joined past and the future you planned together the better.

You step out of his reach and decide to leave Wakanda before the dawn of the next day.

next: CHAPTER 10

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3 

Chapter 4 

Chapter 5 

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

"It's okay, they are friends," Bucky says as he watches you step behind him when Sam and Peter come closer.

You trust your Handler won't let them hurt you, but you've seen them fight Hydra. The boy, even if he looked too lean to overpower your strength managed to hold his own against three agents, and last you saw the other man, he tried to drug you.

"I think we should head to Wakanda," Sam says, "I asked Natasha to help with the bodies so we can go now. She'll keep it quiet."

Bucky is not happy with involving even more people, but Sam looks like he is going to snap soon. All of them had stressful last few hours, no need to alleviate the tension.

"What's the objective?" You ask again tugging at the hem of his jacket and Bucky turns to look at you. He could just tell you to follow him, but it doesn't sit right with him. He doesn't want to use this power.

"There's no objective," He says, "We're just going to visit some friends."

"Assets don't have friends," you say in a tone that suggests you think otherwise. He thinks you might have rolled your eyes if the conditioning didn't instill respect in you. Bucky wonders if that is something some agent said or if it is the rule Winter Soldier instilled in you. He wonders if next to 'Handler' your mental file on him has a label 'Friend'. Silently he moves to follow men into the jet and hears you follow.

Sam and Peter sit in the pilot chairs, Sam actually piloting, Peter being overly excited at the sight of all the buttons, and Bucky sits as far away from them as possible, leaving you free places on both his sides and is surprised to see you sit on his left.

He watches you trace circular patterns on your thigh and again he is struck with memories whose presence he can feel but not see.

Your hallucinations get easier to ignore and you can feel yourself falling out of the conditioning that doesn’t let you speak your mind. Resting your head on the wall behind, you bask in the familiar presence of the Handler, letting tiredness wash over you, and lazily close your eyes. You hope next time you open them your mind will have full control of your brain and body.

*

There is a loud beep and immediately you are on high alert again, out of conditioning, not recognizing the plane, and instinctively grab your Handler's hand in panic. It is familiarly cold but the grooves feel different. Your panic subsides when the soldier next to you doesn't jump into action. No matter what, you cannot risk your and his safety, you cannot show your feelings. It is an important rule.

Bucky is startled by the familiar feel of your hand in his but tries not to show it. It seems like hours passed before you finally will yourself to look up at him, the question for objective on tip of your tongue, but you almost gasp when you see his eyes are full of life. It is not Winter Soldier in front of you. Moments like these, when both of you slip out of conditioning, are rare. You glance around cautiously, looking for other agents, not wanting to alert them of your state but there is no one nearby. Your heart soars at the few stolen moments of humanity you are miraculously allowed. Maybe you'll be able to tell him about your preparation for escape. The thought fills you with giddiness. You look up at him again and allow yourself to just stare, to try to memorize how it feels to look into his eyes and see a person looking back. He stays still all the time.

Everything about him is familiar but at the same time, it is a different man. His skin looks healthier, there are no marks from the mask, he is almost relaxed.

That's when it hits you.

"You're free," you whisper afraid that if you say it louder the director will rise from some shadow and laugh at you, "you're free," you allow yourself to say a little louder, and when there is no one to shatter the reality you let go of his hand and stand up to look around. He stands beside you, and you spot S.H.I.E.L.D's logo on some papers left behind on a bench few seats over and before you can think about it your arms are linked behind his back, your face in the crook of his neck and no space left between your bodies.

"You're free and you came for me," you whisper into his skin and Bucky hesitantly puts his arms around you. That is not the reaction he expected, and he is alarmed when he feels wetness on his neck but then realizes you're crying. That thought is even more alarming but he concludes those are happy tears.

He moves you both to sit down and you shift, snuggling into his chest, clinging onto his metal arm like a lifeline, and for the first time, Bucky doesn't hate the metal touching someone’s skin. You sit in silence, just reveling in your freedom, occasionally looking up to make sure he's still there.

And every time he is, and you want to say something, anything, ask his name, ask what day it is, ask when Hydra will be on your backs again, who his friends are, but saying anything out loud at this moment seems like a sin.

next: CHAPTER 8

Sam knocks on his door and Bucky is immediately pulled back into reality forgetting all about these weird feelings. He gets up, opens the door and walks out to his friend jumping impatiently in his running gear.

"Finally," Sam sighs and starts walking. "I'm really hungry so let's get this over with and get breakfast." Bucky rolls his eyes but doesn't say anything. It was Sam's idea to run every day, before breakfast, but somehow he's the one most inconvenienced by it.

The day goes by as most of his days do; run, breakfast, training, lunch, mission prep, dinner, bed. He doesn't happen to see Natasha until after dinner when they are both walking back into their rooms. He remembers wanting to ask but doesn't remember the question. He stops mid-step and earns a raised brow from the redhead.

"Something bothering you?" She asks with kindness reserved for only few members of the team. He smiles at her and shakes his head.

"I have this feeling today that I'm forgetting something," she laughs at this and it's him rising his brow now. "What?"

"Seems like being centenarian is catching up to you," she laughs and he fakes outrage. They walk in comfortable silence and split ways with simple goodnight.

*

The next day Bucky wakes up to sun in his eyes and uneasy feeling again. He sits up and realizes it's almost midday and wonders why Sam didn't wake him up for a run earlier. He gets up and starts changing when it dawns on him. Today was the anniversary of Riley's death.

The kitchen is empty when he walks in and prepares breakfast for himself and Sam. He decides on bagels, eats his plain while preparing Sam's, just the way he likes, toasted with avocado, tomatoes, salad and turkey. He pours a glass of orange juice and walks to his friend’s room.

The routine started the year they met for the first time; Sam didn't show up in the morning so Bucky feeling friendly went to check on him. They talked a bit which then made the assassin a bit uneasy. Sam was the one who usually listened and shared some VA wisdom when he felt like it but now the roles were reversed.

Next year was easier, mostly because Sam was his friend now. Yes, the banter was omnipresent but with overprotective Steve walking on eggshells around him, Sam was a godsend. Bucky was the one to wake Sam up, make sure he took care of himself, allowing only a minimal dose of sadness and taking Sam to the graveyard. It was one day in the year when Sam was truly vulnerable and Bucky would even go as far as saying he admired his friend for it. For letting himself feel everything.

He knocks and enters the room finding Sam still in his bed. He's not sleeping, just lying there with the cover pulled up to his chin and Bucky smiles at him. Sam smiles back but it doesn't reach his eyes and Bucky can almost see as he pulls himself together and sits up.

"I don't know if I can handle seeing him today," Sam murmurs taking the plate from Bucky and setting the glass on the bed stand.

"One step at a time," is all Bucky says as he sits in his usual spot, an armchair that's basically his.

"If this whole Avenger deal doesn't work out you should open a sandwich spot," Sam muses and Bucky smiles proud of himself. His phone vibrates indicating a text and he hesitates. If it's a text it's not urgent, it can wait but Sam nodes at him to read it. He digs it out of his pocket.

"Natasha sent me some more info on the upcoming mission," Bucky breathes scanning the files before deciding to focus on them later. He looks up at Sam as the man sets his half-eaten sandwich on the nightstand and begins to slip down to lie.

"No, get up, we're not wallowing. Get dressed, we're visiting your buddy today," no response. "I'll dress you myself if I have to," he threatens and Sam finally gets up.

"I just miss him."

"I know."

*

The flight to the graveyard is quiet but the silence is comfortable.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Bucky asks as he lands and Sam nods. It's surprising but Bucky doesn't let it show. Maybe Sam is really taking this day harder than he lets on.

When they near the tombstone Bucky falls back giving his friend some privacy but keeping an eye on him. He falls into his own thoughts again and he remembers what he wanted to ask Natasha about and reaches for his phone to note it down but it isn't there. He left it on Quinjet.

He sighs and looks back to Sam kneeling in the grass in front of the stone. He leaves him be until he notices the slight shake of Sam's arms and decides to step in.

He walks closer less stealthily than usual to let his friend know he's coming, and Sam looks up at him and gets up. Bucky's heart aches for his friend and he just pulls him into a hug before he can even think this through. Luckily after the first moment of surprise Sam melts into him holding onto Bucky's jacket tight letting all the tears flow.

They stand like this for a while.

Bucky thinks to himself that it feels good to be someone's rock.

When they come back to Quijet Bucky looks at his phone lying in the pilot seat and there's this thought again that he wanted to do something but he can't remember what.

Early morning there's a knock on the door but Bucky doesn't seem to notice, still looking somewhere outside the window. Sam gets up and opens the door.

Peter rushes in, with a backpack slung over his shoulder, on his way to school.

"What's up?" Sam asks not really knowing what Peter could've wanted from either him or Bucky.

"So, I was patrolling last night," the boy starts but cuts himself off, "My decathlon team was invited by some foundation to Washington for the weekend, for some gala, telling us there would be some employers interested in us."

"Congrats?" Sam is confused and Bucky finally looks up.

"Yeah, but I looked it up and the foundation is a shell, and almost all of the people on the guest list are tied to some shady business and I happened to follow a few of them and found myself in the middle of Hydra meeting."

"What?" Bucky stands up and is by Peter's side in few strides, worried. "Did they see you?" he looks the boy up and down looking for injuries, but he seems fine. "You need to be careful, Peter, they are dangerous."

Peter nods and shifts uncomfortably.

"Why are you telling us this?" the assassin asks, "You usually report to Tony."

"Because we're leaving today and all my friends are going and I fear that if I tell him it's going to turn into a big guns mission, I know he wouldn't harm them, but I don't want to involve them," Peter explains slightly embarrassed, "Also, you've been researching Hydra quite intensively lately so I just thought you'd be interested. Of course, you don't have to tell me what it's all about," Peter rambles, "I thought maybe you could come too as our teacher or something and take a look at them? Maybe arrest them after we leave?"

Sam looks at Bucky now pacing around the room and back to Peter.

"Yeah, we'll be there."

Peter visibly relaxes.

"Cool, I'll send you details later, cool" he waves nervously leaving the room.

Sam turns his attention to Bucky, still moving, from his desk to the window, to the bed, and back to the desk.

"Man, you really need to calm down. You did not forget her, they made her forgettable. Bucky Barnes did not do anything bad. Even Winter Soldier didn't. It is all Hydra. And Bucky Barnes can help her," He stands in front of him and the assassin finally stands still, "But now we need to focus on Parker's trip, we don't want Hydra to hurt any more teens."

"I know all of that, I just can't stop the guilt. She will look at me and will be reminded of all evil in her life. My past, the past I have still trouble dealing with, is the cause of her past and present. My past stole her chance at a normal life."

Sam has no answer to this.

"Do you want to take a nap before we go?" Bucky shakes his head, "Okay, how about you go take a shower, I'll go to mines and do the same and we meet in the kitchen? We should leave earlier and scout the area."

Bucky agrees and Sam pats him on the shoulder before leaving the room.

*

They land the cloaked Quinjet in a small clearing in the forest behind a big villa the gala is supposed to take place in and go to look around.

"Do you think she'll be there?" Sam asks, his eyes leaving the screen he's working with and looking at his friend.

"No," Bucky stares off to the distance, "If she's alive she's their last asset, they can't afford going over the top."

Evening comes and Sam attends the gala alongside Peter as a chaperoning teacher. Bucky is forced to stay at the jet, any Hydra member would recognize him in an instant. It's not like Sam is anonymous, being the new Captain, but the classic glasses trick seems to work so far. Bucky thinks to himself that this must be the stupidest Hydra head it has grown so far.

"This is stupid, what do they need the kids for?" Sam wonders and Bucky focuses on the stream from his glasses.

"Yeah, I wonder what they might need the smartest kids in probably the whole state for," he mumbles and Sam scoffs. "They need new brains. It looks like they don't have any. Just think what they could do if they managed to pull Peter to their side."

"Yeah, okay. We'd be in trouble. But it feels weird. Like their new leader is extremely inexperienced," Bucky hums, "Or extremely sneaky, I don't know. They are trying to recruit kids in broad daylight."

"It's evening, punk," Bucky smirks and Sam mutters something about switching his comms off.

Nothing exciting happens for the next hour or so, they made a list of everyone attending the party, and at this point, they are just waiting for the head of 'foundation' to show up and for the party to end so they can go home. Bucky thinks about taking a few sleeping pills and getting six hours of sleep, eight if he's lucky.

Without Sam by his side to ground him his mind starts to betray him bringing dark memories to the surface.

He remembers his handlers and the thought of being one to a teenage girl filled him with rage. He didn't feel guilty about others, they trained explicitly to become Winter Soldiers, most likely joined Hydra on their own or were born into it. But she, she was marked as ‘obtained’ which was another word for ‘kidnapped’ in Hydra's dictionary. He put her through brainwashing, pain and conditioning he still struggled with.

He contacts Shuri to busy himself. He tells her about the situation and she listens.

"I hope luck is in your favor and you find her sooner than later so the guilt doesn't eat you alive, Barnes. What are the words?"

The memory of saying them as Winter Soldier strikes him with pain as soon as the sound of the last word leaves his lips. Shuri looks concerned but doesn't mention it.

"It will be ready whenever you come. Bring Peter with you?"

He nods and disconnects hearing one of the comms come back online.

"There's someone new," Peter reports.

It's a pair, a man in his early thirties, in a suit that screams 'I want you to think I'm important' and with the posture of someone who is trying too hard to be intimidating. The sloppiness of Hydra makes sense now. On his arm is a beautiful woman, way out of his league but she's not a date. She's there on duty, eyes scanning the room, a silhouette of a holster on her thigh and the fan in her hand a butterfly knife. He remembers knowing a person using these.

"He wouldn't be that stupid, would he?" he mumbles and zooms in.

"Peter, get your friends out," the assassin orders and springs up to put his gear on. He hears Peter shouting something about an afterparty and looks through all cameras again to see how many soldiers are there.

"Bucky?" Sam asks warily but he knows what his friend is going to say.

"I'm not leaving without her."