#don't forget

but he knows he can't make it as his first game. what if it's a flop? what no one plays it? so he makes a game to practice. he uses that game as a way to test himself and to prove that he can do it. and he uses some characters from his original idea, the dream, the thing he's brainrotted over, for fun. because why not? and he called that game...

and to his surprise, it was a massive success. a game changer, pun intended. all of the popular youtubers were playing it. and people started making their own stories about his characters. and fans were emailing him, telling him how this game changed their life and inspired them to continue on with their own paths, and despite being incredibly busy during the rush of undertale mania, he'd still answer them, even though he didn't have to. (which he did for me.)

and then, as the years went by, and the undertale mania died down, he quietly got to work. and despite being able to afford a large development team now, he chose to work on his new game, mostly on his own, with only a few trusted people to help. because even then, even after his massive success of undertale, he was still unsure. but he knew, he knew he had to make it. it was his dream: literally and figuratively. everything was leading up to this.

so he worked. quietly, in secret, for years. and then, on Halloween, when no one really expected it, he releases it for free. as one of the most sus "this has got to be a virus" kind of releases the world has ever seen. but people were still curious. and so, they played it. they played the game called "survey program," and they were shocked that it was, in fact, not a virus, and not really even a demo, but a full chapter of his newest game...

and he still, somewhat doubting himself, released the second chapter for free. because at the end of the day, it wasn't about the money. it was about his dream. he needed to tell this story, he needed to show people his dream.

and after two chapters, and seeing the positive feedback, he's finally ready to go all in. he hired a larger development team. hell, he even hired a producer. he has a roadmap, deliverables, a schedule. he communicates it out to his fans. because it wasn't just his dream now, it's theirs' too...

...

I think about toby fox a lot. and I think about the things I want, or wanted, to accomplish. the dreams I turned into reality, and the realities that only stayed dreams.

And I think about the characters I've made, and the stories we've all told as obsessively as that silly kid who wanted to make funny earthbound rom hacks. that kid who had a dream, and knew what he had to do with it.

but instead, the stories in my head just remain that. stories. I stare at the page, I hold all of these memories. unsure what to do with them. should I forget them? should I just let them go?why should I hold on to dead things?

the thing about memories and dreams is that it's the one thing that can never die, unless you choose to forget them.