#doitforcody

"Love. Laugh. Live Every Day to the Fulllest. Don't stop until the job gets done. Make time for you. Take time with those you Love. Take nothing for granted"

You think of people my age as being indestructible, living out the best years of their lives recklessly. Nothing anyone says or does can hurt them. They're unstoppable. This especially went for my friend Cody. Cody did everything with feist, and a wild love for life. He was the guy who came over, without question, to mount my TV. He was my friend, then neighbor, looking out for me. He was the guy who pulled me aside in a crowded bar to ask for life advice. Cody was the guy who saved my life. He made calls for me when I had to go to the ER- talking to my Mom, friends, and boyfriend. Cody gave love without question- despite all of the struggles he had to overcome, despite having a broken heart- he gave love endlessly. 

And now what? Just like that he's gone? This feels like a nightmare, but now this is the reality. Today I cried more than I have in years. I spent my day making calls to friends and friend's families trying to sort things out. Hearing muffled cries became commonplace. My heart is broken. I feel for his friends, for his family, for his ex, and most of all I feel the loss of Cody's impact on the world. 

I feel so much regret. Regret for not attending his small Christmas party. Regret for not taking the time out of my schedule to hang out as much. Regret for taking his kindness for granted. Regret fills my bones and my veins and feels like it is suffocating me. I could have been a better friend. 

But in the end, I can't do anything about it and that's what hurts so damn bad. The only thing I can do at the end of this long day is hug the ones I love a little tighter. I can only remember Cody with love. There's no way I can say goodbye or apologize. I just have to hope that somehow, someway, Cody knows he meant a lot to me.