Feb 1, 2021
“I look respectfully terrified as I walk over” - one of my players as I introduce a buff elf woman NPC
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“I look respectfully terrified as I walk over” - one of my players as I introduce a buff elf woman NPC
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Forge: *teasingly* “So how's the most handsome person in the world doing?”
Diego: *Without looking up* “I don’t know, how are you?”
Forge: *Voice cracking* “...fine..”
Alexa play Despacito
(DND)
Context: our party had just encountered quite the messy result of an explosion, and it was quite a sad scene.
DM: Yeah, there are about ten dead bodies. You can spot some sketchy looking guys but also civilians. One civilian had clearly been out on a walk alone. No one knows her.
Sorcerer: She died all alone and no one knew her?! ThAT’S SO SAD ALEXA PLAY DESPACITO
Me, the bard: *immediately hops to a tab that I had open with a youtube video paused right at the start of despacito and hits play. I was prepared.*
The entire party, losing their shit: YOU MOTHERFUCKING-
The DM, laughing: roll performance
Me: ...
Me: nat 1
DM: So right as you strum the first few notes of Despacito, a cherry tomato flies out of nowhere and soars right into your mouth and chokes you- followed by an onslaught of rotten tomatoes that civilians are throwing at you because that was so bad.
Me OOC: Yeah that’s pretty much the only appropriate reaction to Despacito.
“They’re massaging the poison out of him, but he’s getting off on it!!!?”
-a horror story of nick (part 1)
(( Source ))
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I haven’t posted on here in a while but I’d like to show everyone my favourite quotes some some dnd games I’ve DM’d/played
Fighter: “I mean the body can take the hit, the booze must survive”
Rogue: “don’t bite the hand that feeds you - go for the legs, it’ll throw them off balance”
Monk: “I’ve got twinks in my inventory!”
Sorcerer: “you went from bored to a full mental breakdown”
Fighter: “NO! You want to hear it in Infernal? NO!”
Sorcerer: “that’s one heckin tiddie window”
Monk: “shit my amour fell off! Quick, sausage sauce!” (Don’t ask me for context I can’t even remember)
Warlock: *mimicking holding phone* “hey mum can you pass me over to Satan, please?”
Druid: “you know that thing pirates do with a knife and a sail? Can I do that but with a kraken and a flaming sword?”
Fur is good for scrubbing, apparently.
During tomb of annihilation, our party got captured by the yuan-ti and was forced to do dirty work for them. One of our tasks was scrubbing the grime off of the walls and floors of their washroom.
DM: Everyone roll to scrub.
Me, a literal tabaxi: 16!
DM: Haha, okay. You scrub so well that one of the supervisors thinks it’d be hilarious to use you yourself as a scrub brush. You are used as a brush for the rest of the time it takes to clean the place.
After having already been locked in a room filled waist-high with water, needless to say this tabaxi was very unhappy.
Also our ranger rolled a nat 1 and broke the brush.
It's the Lieutenant. He forgot to take his heat suppressant.