#distancehug

I apologize for the roughness I put you through before I left. I didn't even get a chance to see you before the new year spun by. 

I wanted to tell you that just because you make a decision to do something does not mean that the decision will not continue to be something that haunts you.

You need to grasp what you want for yourself. Its easy to say you aren't motivated or that in the past things have failed, but I know that you can be what you want to, one step, one hour, one day at a time. 

Regardless of poor decisions, rough times, old memories, relationships gone sour, today is a new day, and each day that you accomplish something is another goal reached. Hours turn into days, days into weeks, weeks into lifestyles. 

I know you can make the changes you want to make. And I'll be here cheering for whatever your choices are, every step of the way. For better or for worse <3

Passer, 

The concept of loss is just so foreign to me, although I like you have had experiences with it. I feel that the more people I know who I lose, the stranger the concept gets. The loss of your co-workers friend is so meaningful to you, because you were able to see just how much that person meant to them. Your empathy amazes me Passer, not only because it is always honest, but because it stems from the reflection of yourself that you see in other people. It is as you said great sadness comes only from the loss of great life. 

I feel like as we grow older, the concept of loss only affects me more and more. It's as if each of us starts off small and close to the ground, such that we can still recover from loss of our supports, but as we get older and taller and begin to support others, we learn to fear the impact that a loss can have on our own abilities to keep ourselves up. 

Despite my rantings, I'm actually really happy that you get to spend time with my dad. He works really hard and his company's not doing great - so being able to do church things and play in the band is such a welcome release for him from his daily stress. He is a total goof, but I'm happy to see him doing something that makes him happy.