growing up as the smaller kid, never really involving yourself with people— and frankly, needing a major glow-up— you hadn't gotten into the dating scene. aside from that one girlfriend in middle school, where the most you did in that two-week span was hold hands around school before she told you she needed to keep her options open.

did it hurt, going places and seeing everybody coupled up, all of your friends seemingly having the most interesting and wrecked sex lives? yeah, sure, but after coming out and having the ability to simply be you? it didn't come up as much in your mind. besides, being an adult, you had much more to worry about than getting a boyfriend or losing your virginity.

and that remained true when you filled a position as a dispatcher for SDN. blonde blazer took a liking to your kindness with a hint of possible firmness buried beneath— claimed you reminded her of herself.

and you were a sweet little thing, too. enough to make the z-team nervous to even haze you. you showed up that morning in the conference room with donuts and little keychain-animals to pass out, apologizing for any disliked flavors or animals. and it only continued the longer you worked there, as much as they tended to chip you down to a more manageable kindness.

and yet... every time the topic of sex came up, you tended to shy away from the conversation. all of a sudden, you needed to refill your drink or go to the bathroom or take a call.

sonar

sonar was partially-oblivious to your... strange habits. at first, he assumed you were a prude, then sheltered, then traumatized, then... strange.

after bringing it up to malevola one night, both of them strewn about their apartment— high as all hell— she helped him create a plan to test it... which was just to bring it up to you in private.

so, the very next day, sonar found you lounging in the breakroom, tapping away on your phone, and he set his plan into action. he strolled in there, pretended to mind his business, then plopped himself down on the table in front of you. he lifted a leg and rested his heel on the edge of the chair, effectively caging you in.

"so, uh... you come here often?" he questioned smoothly, nodding at you.

you glanced between him, his knee, and your phone, sinking into your seat.

"... well, yeah, it's... work. we work here..." you mumbled out awkwardly, heat crawling up your neck.

his shoulders slumped slightly. "no, i meant, like... i've— i've got something else you can work on. a secret project, one-on-one..."

he thumbed at the top button of his suit, undoing it while keeping eye contact with you.

"sonar... i really appreciate the thought," you began patiently, "but i told you before that i just don't have the funds to invest in your crypto. it's a really good idea, don't get me wrong, i'm just—"

"this isn't about the crypto— although you, you definitely should— but this isn't..." he huffed. "dammit— i'm trying to seduce you!"

you blinked, then blinked again, tugging at the collar of your shirt. "oh, i..."

"... you're not interested," he sighed, lowering his foot. "i get it."

"no! i mean, like, not... i just haven't..." you fumbled out, trying to make sense of your words.

"haven't been with a half-bat-all-man before?"

"no, haven't... done anything..."

"i know, that's why i'm initiating this, because you haven't started—"

"no, sonar, like... anything," you whispered.

"... wait, like... like anything-anything?"

you nodded silently, hiding behind your phone at this point. sonar took a few moments to process this, his ears twitching in thought in time with his thumb against his chin.

"... so, if i were to ask to touch your man-boobs—"

"ohmygod, i'm literally not here." you covered your face.

"okay, okay. what about dinner... and a show?" he inquired, giving you a blatant up-down.

you peeked through your fingers, feeling like your entire face was on fire. he had to be joking with you. he had to be. there was absolutely no way he was actually... he was being genuine. what in the hell...

"okay," you squeaked.

"yes!" he pumped a fist, before quickly recovering into that nonchalant attitude. "i mean, uhhh, m'kay. if that's what you want, then, sure. just know that i'm a busy man..."

no, he wasn't.

you snickered softly, and his ears visibly loosened before he popped himself off the table. he stroked a finger up your chin, peering down at you.

"see you around, handsome."

ohhhhmygod......

flambae

ever since you came up to him, gave him a pat on the shoulder— one you physically strained up to give— and told him he'd done a, "really good job out there"... you were his target. it was like dropping a gallon of blood in a shark's pool, for god's sake.

he did everything in his power to impress you, to make himself look as useful and amazing and strong as possible. to you, he was probably just being a helpful friend. to him, he was totally peacocking, trying to get your attention... to no avail. anytime he became anywhere near direct, you'd shrink off and get out of there.

the z-team was out on another team-bonding activity... which, you guessed it, was getting shitfaced at a bar. flambae strategically sat next to you, to where you were crammed against the wall in the booth. he actively manspread, knees pressing into your legs, arm draped over the top of the seats behind you.

"... so, uhh, anyone have any crazy sex stories they'd like to share?" visi piped up, because... of course. flambae wasn't complaining. his eyes immediately darted to yours, watching the blood beginning to crawl into your cheeks.

"i'm interested to hear if our little dispatcher has anything on him," flambae drawled out, lips curling into a smirk. "or, i should say, had anything in him."

"yeah, wait," invisigal agreed, shifting forward alongside visi, both of them suddenly interested in that conversation.

"uhmmmm..." you whispered, shrinking back into the booth... which meant shrinking closer to flambae.

"don't tell me you're a virgin," flambae chortled.

"i'm not!" you lied, taking a deep breath. "i'm... just..."

everyone's eyes were on you, and you suddenly sat up, knocking your drink all over yourself... accidentally.

"oh, jeez!" you hissed, climbing over the booth and muttering a, "i'll be in the bathroom to wash off.. yeah, i'll be there."

inside, you wiped yourself off, sighing deeply. hopefully, you could wait it out long enough for them to drop the topic altogether, your stomach churning with anxiety. you looked at yourself in the mirror, pushing your hair out of your face.

but before long, a large figure swallowed up the space behind you, and you didn't have the courage to turn around. a large hand settled itself against the sink, hip popping to the side.

"so? aren't you going to answer my question?" he asked, leaning down to look at your eyes in the reflection. his breath fanned the back of your neck, and you instinctively tightened.

"i'm not a virgin," you insisted quietly, but the way you said it gave it all away. flambae's brows raised, his smug smirk fading in favor of a look of... interest.

"holy shit," he laughed in disbelief. "you're actually—"

"don't tell anyone, please," you sighed, head lowering. "it's... embarrassing."

flambae grabbed you by the shoulders and turned you around to face him, placing his hands on the sink on both sides of you.

"well, consider me honored," he murmured.

"what?"

"for saving yourself for me, of course." he shrugged.

"what?"

"is there an echo in here, or what? fucking christ," flambae chuckled out, running a finger along your collarbone. you watched his finger carefully, lips parted in surprise.

"uh— you're— you want to... with me?" you questioned in disbelief, prompting a scoff from him.

"yes?" he replied. "why wouldn't i?"

"i dunno, you're always just so... out there. strong and confident and..." you paused when you realized you were feeding his ego, taking a small sigh. "you're out of my league."

"yeah, i am— no, no, wait," he tried to reconcile himself. shit. this was infuriating. with most people, he could say 'fuck you' and mean 'i love you.' with you? you took everything the wrong way, somehow.

"look, i'm only gonna say this once, so listen up real good," he continued, tipping your face up with a finger to your chin. "i like you, i find you incredibly attractive, and i've wanted to fuck you for the longest time."

that got through your brain.

phenomaman (apologies for the lack of length in advance...)

now, unlike the others, phenomaman wasn't a fan of sex-talk himself. having absolutely zero experience as a result of being found ugly on his planet and being incompatible with humans, you and him shared the habit of generally clamming up whenever sex-talk came up. the difference between you two, though... was that you stayed quiet.

there's been far too many times where he'll loudly proclaim an incredibly vulgar, invasive question in public, thinking nothing of it. embarrassment... didn't really register in his brain. poor guy.

so, that's how you ended up nearly collapsed on the floor after, at a very important SDN dinner, phenomaman practically boomed, "my intercourse encounters are... few and far between, i must admit. my posterior has gained a great many following on your digital interface, but sadly, none of these beautiful people are interested in seeing my—"

you slammed your forehead so hard into the table it hurt.

"... heart..." his voice cracked, his shoulders slumping. oh, heart, right. he turned to you, hands closing around your shoulders. "you have similar experiences, yes?"

"what— no?" you replied, immediately flushing at the contact.

"oh." he loosened his hold. "i was told through the grapevine of the office that you were also inexperienced with such acts."

your eyes widened. "who told you that—?!"

"... the grapevine," he answered flatly, blinking at you. "it is alright. so you... are inexperienced with such acts?"

"well... i mean, sort of," you lowered your voice to a mutter, shrinking inwardly.

"ah, so we have common ground!" phenomaman rejoiced, flashing you a smile. "you are so small and sad, i would like to... make you happy?"

"pheno-maman—!" you laughed, pushing your hands against his face. "jesus christ, you're... thank you, i mean. thanks."

he slid your hands so he could peer at you through them, his eyes crinkled with his dimpled smile.