#discoverwriters

You were forced to sail.

Maybe somewhere across the course of the water, you drowned.

However I see you stand before me, a mere sight I wished to see a million times but now that you are here, beyond my vision, I wished the opposite.

The water in your lungs evident, as you try to cough up the water, what comes out is fault, guilt, remorse, the past fourteen years come out as lies.

You blame me for everything that I’ve done for myself, you blame me for being unable to sail the sea myself and look for your dead soul.

I never wished for you to come back, is the thing, I just wished you never left and those are two very different things.

You make up excuses and tell me that you would have been shot in the head if you were to ever come back and save me, but I already knew that you were a coward, that you could never save the only person who would save you; me.

Your fears are bigger than me, you let these fears eat you up until you made yourself believe that it was never your fault, but it is. You lied to yourself because you couldn’t carry the weight of your fault. You lied to everyone around you because if they knew the truth, they would leave because you know you’re wrong but you’re always going to be too proud to admit it.

And that’s why as you stand here, in front of me, drenched in water as you drown yourself and point fingers for your own crime, I refuse to give you a second chance.

Your soul drowned but your faults did not. So now you look for pity in all the places that its absent.

Even if you beg, even if you bleed, there’s only so much I can take. The fourteen years of loneliness was enough; too much even.

I will not take any more.

Looking back, I thought you might have seen the good in me

And you tried to bring it out so I could also see

But that was only a flicker, something that flared your hopes up

And I knew that, so I asked you to stop

I'm broken that time and I couldn't trust anybody

Yet you insisted that it'll not be bad as I thought it would be

And for a bit of time, it seems okay

Until I can no more keep my demons in bay

I turned out to be a monster and you saw it

I punished you for the past I was burden with

I got you confused on with the truths and the lies

Having enough, you flee and bid me goodbye

And still, I wish I hadn't let you see,

That there's still good left in me

Maybe then, you wouldn't keep your hopes up

Hold me loose

and I'll fall,

tighten a grip

and I'll break.

I'm a soft shelled egg

wanting to live

but how can I

i have never feared to be reckless

as i thought, i have got nothing else left to lose.

but you’re here now, and you’ve got me thinking

i can’t lose you as well,

for it will destroy me.

The root is the Latin ‘perdonare’ (to give completely), which was adopted by Old German and later by Old English, where ‘per’ became ‘for’ with the meaning of completely:

The root of “forgive” is the Latin word ‘perdonare,’ meaning “to give completely, without reservation.”

This is the worst, this is the worst piece to write with a heavy heart. 

But then again, when have I ever written when I was happy?

The word “forgive” amazes me, it’s almost as fascinating to say as to do.

for-give

It means “to give completely, without reservation”, it’s almost as if it’s more meaningful than the word “love” (an intense feeling of deep affection). 

We say “I love you” more than we say “I forgive you” and I think it’s a shame to waste such a good word for such vulnerable and sentimental feelings. I have no idea why I’ve only come to think about this word now, but I am oddly fascinated by the sentiment it holds.

To love and to say we love are two very different things, but to love and to forgive may have a larger contrast than the former. 

To love is to have great interest or pleasure in something, or to feel a deep romantic attachment to someone. To forgive is to give everything completely, without a doubt, to stop feeling resentful towards someone, it does not mean to forget nor to condone, it means to accept.

With “love”, we set aside the person’s flaws and mistakes, we take these with a blind eye, we choose to ignore it because we love them.

With “forgive”, we choose to accept the person’s flaws and mistakes, we take these as a part of them, we do not forget nor condone it, we do not excuse nor pretend that these imperfections do not makeup who they are, because they do. 

We do not rob the people we love of their mistakes, we cannot change them, but we can definitely change ourselves. And so, we accept, we love, we forgive.

perhaps it was when she found me slumped against the wall in the corner of the room 

bloody streaks painting my face

arms tattooed with traces of everything that broke me

shattered pieces of myself resting in the palm of my hand

old scars resurfacing on my skin, black and blue and taunting.

"Your saga is not over, it has only just begun"

Originally wrote for a friend that's struggling recently, but I think this is something everyone that is struggling needs to read.

I know it's hard but I'm proud of each and everyone of you for staying strong and for still being here.