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it’s okay to feel like this, to have days where you face uncertainty, to have moments where you deal with the fear of not knowing. i want you to trust that everything is going to be okay. you're going to be alright. what you've been worrying about, what you've been stressing over, it's taken care of. it's all going to work out for your highest good. i know you're feeling frustrated and you're overwhelmed, but all of the tears you've cried, the setbacks you've faced, the disappointments you've carried is making room for what's for you. the prayers you release never go unnoticed. every time you choose to keep going, you get closer to your breakthrough.
Uncle Dave, I'm so tired. Charlie was only six years older than me. It feels like God has left his sheep to the wolves. Do you have any wise words?
When my oldest was a baby, she had a minor health issue that caused her some pain and a lot of discomfort. I went to the story very early in the morning to get her some medicine. On the way, I was crying and praying because my precious daughter was hurting. That led me to wondering why God allows such pain in the world.
That still, small voice said, "I do not require your understanding; merely your acceptance."
Okay. My very finite mind simply cannot understand the infinite. I have no choice but to accept. That epiphany has gotten me through some rough patches.
All things serve God's plan. He never promised life would be easy. But He did promise it would be worth it.
I look forward to rejoicing with Charlie in Heaven, along with all my brothers and sisters in Christ.
That's you, too, sweetheart. Look me up when you get there.
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I think ill take a break after finishing Sonic’s Lasagna AU.
there has been a lot going on in my mind.
more info under the cut
tw: depression, childhood trauma, long text
Okay. This is just a ramble. No need to read it all.
Although some encouraging words would be great.
I was bullied in the past, from the very first day of kindergarten up to sixth grade.
They have left deep scars in me, which i had chosen to forget and keep living my life until those thoughts came back.
I sought revenge just to stop this awful feeling, when i remembered i only still had contact to my best friend from third grade. So i decided to leave it, but it only worsened.
And no, i havent gotten any support by any teachers. Their only answer was: “oh stop, theyre just playing with you, just ignore them.”
And that was one thing my brain couldnt understand and still doesnt: ignoration.
Which means ive been picked on with insults regarding my higher sensitivity.
Some other days i went out onto the school yard, because what else was i supposed to do, and there were all those groups of children. Playing with each other.
So i wasted my entire hour outside, asking others if i could join. Of course, i was rejected, since i was the little freak that cried three hours a day “for no reason”.
Oh, but i had a reason, alright.
But not only for that was i bullied.
I was also bullied for my strange behavior.
Not the one everyone had as a kid.
Mine was way beyond different.
In kindergarten, the moment i arrived there in the morning along with everyone else, i would hide myself behind those soft chairs, waiting for the teachers to call us up into the circle.
I didnt really even know what a favorite color was until someone asked me and told me theirs was blue. And i just found them cool that i also answered that i liked blue a lot as well.
I havent put down that blue felt pen for WEEKS after that.
And i guess there was something else that was so strange and different from others’ behavior, because one day the teachers told my parents that i might have autism.
The test result is negative, but i still think i have a very light case.
And this is my itty bitty explanation for taking a break.
And please dont tell me i should talk to a doctor. I had that for longer than you think. But its harder to go to a real therapist i have never seen before than to just spill it in any random way.
