#disclosures

Drove out to the coast late Friday night, then spent much of yesterday getting diner coffee and reading and solo hiking and stuff.  I realized I wasn’t misgendered once, in my jeans and PNW raincoat, even with no makeup and no shower for a few days.  Including like a dozen rural-county firefighters and search and rescue I passed a bunch on the trail. And other hikers. And hotel clerks and waitstaff.  Then on my third trip back to the same cool coffee shop, the owner gave me free coffee.  And like, my greatest aspiration for transition four or five years ago was that I could turn my hormone dial to “girl” and end up in a place where I was read correctly and everything was mostly fine. Whether that’s “passing” or not. And it seems like maybe I’m mostly there at this point after 3.67 years on HRT, which is just hard to actually believe and internalize. 

You know it’s love when reality starts to kick in and everything becomes too familiar to you that that person whom you loved the most finally unveils the mask he’s been trying to hide from you from the very start. This revelation will sometimes make you want to cry or hurt, but you know it’s love when you choose to be with that person and learn how both of you will deal with it anyway.