#disabledwriter

Sometimes I lie awake in bed thinking about when I'll feel better I know that being disabled doesn't "get better" but I don't even want to get all the way better, I just want to feel better, I want to go out for a day without my cane or my crutches I want to be able to just go out and do things without having to decide if that activity will kill my body for the rest of the day. I crave to be carefree once more, to be able to get drunk and run around outside with my best friend without having to lie down so I can make sure my joints are still in place. To get stoned out of my mind and jump around with my boyfriend and not wake up the next morning unable to walk at all I want to put one foot in front of the other without having to think about how to hold my knees, ankles, and hips in place. I want to feel joy while running because I love to run, but when I do I can't go to my classes for the next week to recover. I want to play soccer again, real soccer without having to leave the season early because I injured my joints and legs so much during practices and games that tournaments would've absolutely killed me. I want to be taken seriously again, I want people to look at me with respect rather than pity in their eyes and poison in their mouths. I carry myself with pride for my disability but sometimes I just crave to blend in with everyone else at my university.