Howdy folks. Popping in to say that I am so sorry to anyone waiting on a response from me. I have a dense backlog of messages across platforms dating back to November (when I entered into my busiest vending season) that I'm slowly working through.
Long ramble incoming, CW: disability, pain, physical/mental health.
Chronic fatigue and pain leave me with so little working time each day that it takes me about a week or two to complete a single day's worth of tasks. I've been trying to have grace with myself and my body and split my limited mental/physical energy on things that are absolutely essential (like taxes) and things that help me recover/make me happy (like making art). This means I've fallen very very behind on a lot of my admin tasks and haven't had the time or energy to take on commission work regardless of my desire to do so. Unfortunately, one of those tasks that I'm faltering on includes writing and responding to emails and DMs, which these days feels like a lot more energy than I have. I genuinely appreciate each and every one of you and do see most messages, but haven't had the energy to even keep in touch with my closest friends. My physical health has been deteriorating again and my battery feels so depleted. I haven't really had the chance to fully take a much needed break to rest and recover and I feel it catching up to me.
I'm doing my best to make sure that my sticker club and online orders aren't affected by my disability, but most other things are taking a hit while I work out a system that accommodates my limited capacity. Thank you for having grace with me.
My doctors recently made some big adjustments to the meds we are using to try to manage my autoimmune disease (the last meds weren't as effective as we hoped unfortunately). This transitionary period has had me in the most pain and least mobile I've ever been with so little time to rest. After my back left me stuck on the ground and physically unable to get up without my husband's assistance, I realized and finally accepted that a cane would be beneficial. So, we found a nice walking stick at an antique mall and it's been incredibly helpful to have something I can put my weight on when my back or knees are fighting me. I've been pushing myself much harder than I should be and I need to take more time to recoup than what I have. I'm not really sure what this means yet.
We are hoping that with time the new meds will have me feeling better, but only time will tell. I'm still struggling with weird feelings about needing and using mobility device but those are a lot easier to deal with than the constant pain haha. But! I've been painting on it help myself feel more confident about using it.
I'm really happy with how my cicada painting turned out! I painted a lil ant trail, fern, mushrooms, an isopod, and the cicada's empty molt down at the bottom as well. Planning to slowly decorate the whole thing!
Aside from the pain, the hardest part of all of this has been trying to mentally adjust to the fact that I simply am not able bodied anymore and cannot hold myself to standards that previously worked for me. I want to do more than I am capable and it's difficult to face that mismatch. Thank you again for your support and interest in my work. I'm figuring this all out as I go and appreciate the company in this journey, even if I am failing to express it. Thanks for being here and for your patience with me. I'm just one guy trying to do more than I can.
