#disability talk

My experience with renting a wheelchair for a festival.

Disclaimer: I can walk, stand up, even lift my own wheelchair in places and I do LOOK able-bodied. I don't use a wheelchair in my everyday life.

As a result people are very confused when I'm just standing up from my wheelchair just to carry it out of the tram or bus.

This lady tried to help me but didn't ask. She just grabbed me by my arm as I wanted to stand up like she's expected that I can walk or stand very poorly. Of course she thought so.

She looked very confused and upset when I said I didn't need help and carried my wheelchair outside the bus on my own. I was at very low spoons of energy and just couldn't explain more to her. She probably thinks I'm a troll or something. (And many more other passengers)

But I'm not. This mobility aid really helps me a lot. I can attend a festival which I couldn't without it.

Well, that got me thinking about the stereotype of disability. Especially the stereotype of a wheelchair user.

Not every wheelchair user can't stand or walk. To be partially impaired is a thing and is also valid. My disability is also valid. This weird feeling of not being disabled enough but also not being healthy enough for the able bodied world. It's a form of inner ableism and a struggle.

Like some lower support need autistics get almost offended when others point out they have more struggles with their autism. Dude you can live alone, I wouldn’t be able to feed myself a healthy diet and would starve. I couldn’t clean by myself, I need motivation, I’d live in squalor bruh. I couldn’t go into stores to get food bc I can’t go in stores alone. I need guardianship bc I cannot understand legal processes or healthcare processes.

Like it’s okay for there to be people worse off than you. You have to accept that. I understand the trauma of invalidation, but this is so important.

It’s also important to know some of us need another not high support needs person to speak for us. I’m privileged enough to be able to speak in common conversations, but I need someone to speak for me in healthcare situations or legal situations.

I recommend reading the article, but the short version is this: autistics aren't inherently lacking emotions or empathy or anything else. We simply think and emote differently. We speak a different language, one that we're expected to forego to learn the neurotypical standard of "empathy."

But that same empathy is rarely extended back towards us. We're expected to build up "empathy" to understand allistic social cues, and also the "empathy" to make ammends when we inevitably fall short. But when allistic people hurt *us* by not understanding *our* behaviors and scripts, we are *also* supposed to extend them "empathy" because they simply couldn't understand us or didn't know how to reciprocate (how could they? We're so strange!).

Hence, "double-empathy." Autistic people are supposed to just take it on the chin, coming and going. It's our fault, whether we misunderstand or are misunderstood. Whether we disengage or are disengaged-with. Whether for reasons we can or cannot control.