#disability struggles

About the fetishisation, it's so annoying to see how glasses are so not considered medical devices anymore.

Like excuse me, i can't let your child touch my glasses maam, they are not a freaking toy, i use these to live.

My best friend at school got decorative glasses and I don't know how to feel about that. I'm wearing glasses because I'm chronically ill and can't live without it.

It's not that I'm mad at her for it (she wouldn't understand that, this isn't a thing in my country) but she is contributing to the normalisation of an illness that costs a tooth and a dime to cure.

When i told my sister about it, she told me she personally doesn't care if someone wears decorative glasses and she doesn't understand where I'm coming from,

I told her it's like if someone used cane because it's "fashionable" or used a wheelchair because it's "cool" wouldn't that be disrespectful?? What makes our disability different??

Anyways, thank you so much for answering my previous ask and I hope you feel better soon <333

-disabled anon.

Have you seen those videos about people realising you don't have to bend over to hoover/mop/sweep? I feel like disabled people could benefit from that. We can just stand. Fuck it, sit down and sweep from there. Conserve the energy wherever you can.

The whole glasses things are a recent realisation to me, along with the sweeping wave of other people (ignore that I've worn them since I was a tween I'm bad at thinking). We are literally paying to see the world. If that isn't the most dystopian shit ever.

Me+my unavoidable urge to rant whenever I get reminded of the fact that the NHS was an all encompasing welfare service at its conception, and over time they've stolen opthamology and dentistry from us. We are paying to eat. We are paying to see.

I was in a conversation in class some time back, and one of the girls was talking about how she wanted glasses. My teacher looked to me, because I'm the only glasses-wearer in the class, and when I described all the downsides to wearing glasses, she just shrugged and went "yeah but they're so cute" ma'am I spend 40 minutes every two years deciding what accessory I want to permanently install on myself. You can take yours off, you vapid, soul-sucking— sorry I have issues with her.

Side note! I forgot to take my glassess off before getting into the shower last night and genuinely had to stop and calculate what was wrong with my vision.

Glasses are not a fun little thing, they dictate your life.

On that last part, I mentioned earlier I'm only a recent walking-stick user, but I think if I saw someone accessorising with one (cosplay is different) I would probably explode on the spot. And I know there are people out there that probably do, and I hope they get exactly what they deserve.

they dont let you become an astronaut if youre disabled

I never get to schedule my appointments at my own convenience. It always has to be when someone else is able to drive me. If a certain day conflicts with the rest of my schedule? Too bad. It’s the only day someone is available to take me. If mornings work better for me? Too bad. No one can drive me until the afternoon.

I never get to decide what time I want to leave for an event or how early/late/on time I want to be. It’s always up to whoever’s driving and what they want to do. If I want to get there early? Too bad. They’re not in a rush. If I want to come later? Too bad. They want to get there before the event starts.

I never get to decide when I leave social events. It always depends on when the person I rode with wants to leave or when is most convenient for whoever’s picking me up. If I’m not having fun and want to go home? Too bad. The person I rode with wants to stay until it’s over. If I’m not ready to leave yet? Too bad. My ride is outside waiting on me.

And I’m so tired of always having to ask for permission as a fully grown adult because I can’t drive. Can I schedule my appointment for Tuesday? Can we try to get there early? Can we run an errand on the way? Can we stay a little longer? These are decisions I should get to make but it’s never up to me. I never get to make my own decisions.

And if there’s no one willing or able to drive me? I have to cancel appointments. I miss out on social events. I can’t go anywhere. Not because I’m unable to attend or because I decide that I don’t want to go. It’s not up to me. It’s never up to me.

I have been told my two week long neck pain the was so severe I couldn't turn my head one direction was because I have a fan in my room. Turns out it was because my bed was tilted and my body was being smashed into my head.

I have been told that the visible shaking was "a perfectly normal amount of visible shaking"... what is the "perfectly normal amount of visible shaking" you might ask? None. Everyone has some shake to their hands and such, it should never be visible or noticeable unless when holding a pen or pencil and even then.

"Seeing double is normal" literally isnt still dont know why I do that.

"These seizure episodes are all very different" they werent "very different" they were sort of different in the way you expect epileptic seizures to be different. "You dont have epilepsy" okay then explain why my topiromate gets rid of them? Fuck you.

"You should just exercise" okay how do I do that without hurting my joints due to heds? How do I do that without passing out due to pots? How do I do that without aggravating what is most certainly mcas? "I'll research it" never to be heard from again but to be told to vaguely exercise again.

This is all in one location and I dont think most people would guess the right location.

I've had a doctor tell me to eat a fucking banana when I said I thought my potassium was low again. Yeah that'll fix it.

I've had doctor's over and over and over tell me im too young to have these problems. And then get offended when I end the appointment. "I didnt mean it like that." I dont give a fuck how you meant it, it was condescending and dismissive, fuck yourself.

I've had combative and drug seeking in every single fucking chart I have ever had because I dared to advocate for myself.

You dont just walk in somewhere and get diagnosed with all your fucking problems and chronic illnesses. And you certainly dont waltz into an er and get answers, they cant diagnose you and even if they could they fucking wouldnt because they'd rather send you home with some fucking ibuprofen. I still dont have answers for half the shit wrong with me and even with the answers I do have I have no idea what to do with them except to get fucked. I need a wheelchair in a place that is so inaccessible that 90% of the time its better to just stay home.

And they won't ever give a fuck unless you are a cishet white man or if your cishet white husband tells them its interfering with your sex lives. People have literally brought cishet white men to appointments with them to pretend to be their partners to say exactly that and it got them fucking results.

That shouldnt fucking happen.

I am a canine, but I am also everything. I have a body, and even though I am a dog, I wouldn’t be satisfied with a canine’s body alone. I am told I am angry. No one tells me I am greedy, (I am) — even if God made me a wolf, I would not be satisfied. One body would never be enough for me.

Perhaps this comes from the way my body moves “inhumanly,” able to bend and flow like an ever-running river.

I close my eyes and feel the wind pressing against my fur, the weight of my body on my paws, the burning in my eyes, the gurgling ache when I hit branches or rocks, and I know I might crash into a tree and be sore. But the soreness equals life, equals movement.

And I wonder: am I the wolf, or am I this sensation itself?

Even if I could fully embody the sensation of being a wolf, or of flowing like a river, it would never be enough. I cannot ignore my surroundings. I am human and a wolf, but I am also everything else — from the ants crawling in the grass to the elephants roaming the plains. My being stretches beyond a single species, reaching outward into all the life I touch and sense: the roots resisting the current, the leaves dancing in the breeze, the rays of sunlight brushing damp grass, the fur of deer, the wings of birds at play.

My body moves until it hurts, and I wonder if that is all I am.