#difpost

i hope i can find something, because i badly want to heal from my time in tv fandom, and in my experience game fandoms are just a nicer and better environment. my longest friends ive known from utdr fandom, 8-10 years, and theyre all incredible, kind people. i regularly game and voice chat with them, and funnily enough i still get misgendered less than i did in voice chats with tadc people. and at the end of the day i desperately need more good people like that in my life, kind people who are understanding and patient and who could help me heal from being in tadc fandom and its people. but finding those people feels like such an impossibility these days.

edit: imiya ended up leaking all my dms to multiple people just a few months after helping me write this, so bear that in mind.

hi guys, sorry i disappeared for a while. some stuffs been going on, some very intense depression, some very bad health issues, and a whole lot of grief. i have typed up an explanation of events in a doc so that i dont make a super long tumblr post.

close friends and long time followers can reach out through tumblr dms or preferably through discord at dead__voxel to chat or if you want to know more about what ive gone through this year.

a couple things to note: this doc is long. skip it if youre not going to read it. i dont want assumptions made based on a half-read skim. read the doc in full or please do not bother me about anything in it.

secondly: i mention some things that will probably be upsetting to other people. i would think that however bad you feel reading my experiences, i promise you that i felt a lot worse living them. im not tagging any trigger warnings. if there is anything below in my post that you cant handle, i ask that you just stop reading. if youre a friend you can come to me directly and ask me to summarize, and if not, leave me alone.

here is my explanation.

my cat star, 19 1/2 years old, is dying. prob gonna say goodbye to him within the next couple days.

i was there when he was born. he was the first newborn kitten i ever held, when i was 12 years old. im 31 now. his mother and his littermate are long gone, and now his time is here. this is the first time ive experienced a cat dying from old age and i dont know how to handle it because i feel like if i let him just ride the rest of his days out then he might be suffering, but if we take him in then we might be robbing him of more time than we realize. but he hasnt been able to go to the bathroom or pass anything, which is extremely bad, and thats why its probably time.