#dialectical thinking

Children have not yet fully learned how to suppress contradiction in order to maintain social stability. They still experience dissonance directly.

This is why they question injustices at 'inappropriate times' like 'mummy, why do you tell us not to give homeless people money' in front of a supermarket cashier.

As Marx said 'it is all the more clear what we have to accomplish at present: I am referring to ruthless criticism of all that exists, ruthless both in the sense of not being afraid of the results it arrives at and in the sense of being just as little afraid of conflict with the powers that be.'

My parents were hardly on the level of the capitalist class, but nonetheless my, and many other children's 'inappropriately timed' questions were like a proto-praxis. Just like my experience with the [unexpectedly heavy] rock, it was not just 'innocence' but a direct and real encounter with contradiction, and that's why their replies of 'because I said so' or 'that's just how it is' left me deeply unsatisfied.

As a child, when confronted with contradiction I would learn. If I had dropped the rock I would have still learned. As an adult however until I discovered Marxism, when I was confronted with contradiction – when I would drop a rock, or my phone wasn't fast enough – I would get irritated, or even angry. I would blame the rock, I would blame the phone. The annoyance is almost defensive as the world failed to conform to my expectation.

Marxism un-blocks that defensive reflex I was taught as an adult. Because dialectical thinking expects contradiction, contradiction stops being a failure of reality and starts being the engine. My phone isn't 'supposed' to be fast, and the rock isn't 'supposed' to be light. 'Supposed' is what happens when you attempt to freeze the world in place so you stop meeting it afresh. Curiosity is not simply a mood. It is a material posture, it is a way of holding your categories loosely enough that reality can break them.

This is why Lenin's 'Left-Wing Communism an infantile disorder' title misses the mark. Lenin argues that Leftcoms are extremely dogmatic. Dogmatic is the exact opposite of what a child typically is, we spend our early years with wide eyes always surveying around us precisely because we are not dogmatic about the world. A child watches, they test, they poke, ask, imitate, fail, they try again, they experience contradiction in an honest way. But most importantly they approach the world experimentally precisely because they do not yet fully understand it.

To call dogmatism 'infantile' is to misunderstand both children and materialism."

I mean I still struggle with radical acceptance for certain things, but both of these have been really helpful in my trauma, mental health, mental illness management, and personal growth.

personally I have found dbt and parts of cbt to be really helpful for me.

I'm talkative today.

We discussed some of my concerns with the Dr., and I had a different experience this time. She explained where she was coming from, and it made sense. I felt more connected and more understood and accepted.

When I'm emotional, my cognitive abilities are impacted greatly, and I'm so lost in and fixed on my strong feelings and beliefs that it's difficult to see anything else. I also think that I'm searching and scanning my environment looking for clues of rejection and/or conflict. I pick up on every detail and interpret them incorrectly. I'm ready to defense myself. I'm not open to what is but rather look for evidence to what I've already decided in Emotion Mind. I hope I'll be able to be more aware of this. It's easier to cope with anxiety now, so it feels like I'll be able to address my insecurities in the moment rather than feeling overwhelmed and like "something is not right, but I cannot voice or comprehend what it is". My psych used to say my nonverbal cues don't give her enough information either, so it's hard for her to notice that something is wrong because I don't show any distress and act "normally".

Instead of lowering my expectations or going the route of self-invalidation I need to learn to see the kernel of truth in both opinions and views. Her validating one aspect of my experience to me feels like invalidating the other, and vice versa. What I really need is practicing Dialectical Thinking over and over again. Practicing listening to my Wise Mind that knows what it is that I believe and need.

How many times have I seen this? Heard this? A dozen? A few dozens? I don't remember. This week the words finally made sense, and I felt like I could apply this knowledge to myself and my thinking.

I often seem to get the theory and even be able to explain details to others or "fool" professionals into thinking that I've "got this", but getting from my head to actually doing something has always been a problem. I'm not sure what gets in the way. My guess is it's a combination of mood-dependent behavior, self-doubt, believing that I'll fail, so "what's the point?" kind of attitude, scepticism, overthinking, willfulness, lack of trust, low mood, and apathy.