#deztalks

The way kid-Loki says that line. My gods, it killed me. You can see by the way he says it, his voice even and flat, that it happened just long ago enough that he’s accepted it. But, you can see by the way his mouth scrunches into a tight line at the end how much it still hurts him. The way his whole face screws up after he’s said it and he immediately turns to keep walking, he’s hiding it... But, those words still taste awful in his mouth.

If I had to guess I would say that it was the “bleaarg! and stabbed [him]” moment that was mentioned in Ragnarok. And I would also wager that the stab, which was intended to be playful, was just slightly in the wrong place just enough that Thor couldn’t be saved.

Remember, that moment happened when they were 8 years old. Kid-Loki looks like he’s around 12-14 years old. That means he’s spent 4-6 years in The Void coming to terms with what he did.

He’s just a little boy.

He’s a little boy who was forcibly stolen from his home, from the body of his brother as he was bleeding out in front of him. He probably fought and screamed and cried like any 8 year old would have. The trauma is unfathomable.

But, now he’s “grown” and has to “hold his own”. He’s just a child but he is forced to grow up so quickly. It’s not fair in any sense.

Thank fuck for Classic Loki.

That poor old man, who just wanted to check on his family, probably had to hold that child as he wept. I give all my thanks to him. He propped that little boy up and kept him fed and healthy and helped him through the worst pain and guilt imaginable. I can’t imagine what would have become of kid-Loki without him.

I’m sorry. I’m babbling. Just...

So, since the Loki show premiered it’s first episode I've noticed an astounding uptick in the number of followers this voice acting blog of mine has. I am in awe and am thoroughly humbled. I cherish each and every one of you.

Alas, there is an obstacle between my work and you. The simple fact is, I’ve no material to create new audios from. My voice acting relies on fanfiction authors and their glorious writing skills. I am but only a voice for their worlds and words.

And so, I posit the simple scheme to all of you:

Partake in this wonderous adventure by asking your favorite authors to contact me for collaboration!

To conclude, I hope you are all well and good!

Does it count as calligraphy if you’re doing it digitally? I’ve never been very good at keeping the pen angled correctly with real calligraphy, but, since digital work takes that out of the equation I find that I quite enjoy the zen-type calmness it brings me to write this silly letter.

Here’s an update on that, by the way.

What you all cannot see (because I've hidden the layers) is all the guidelines I'm using. I have a grid, horizontal lines to keep my sentences straight, and then the vertical lines for my margins. I think most of the fun I’m experiencing is in experimenting with my natural handwriting as I turn it into a more refined and fanciful version of itself.

As the page fills up I plan to move each line closer together. Not only will this save space, but I hold the hope that it will help the whole letter look a little less perfect and a the slightest bit messier (and, therefor more natural).

Anyway, time to start working on it. I seem to get about one line done per day. So, here’s hoping to get another line complete today!

So, while my mental health takes a sharp turn into pissing me off cause I still can’t make myself work on the Split Portrait series of Sebastian, I kind of figured I'd focus on something related to it at least. I’ve been drafting a letter to the man himself. The goal is to write this letter, and package it all nice and pretty with the Split Portrait series once it’s done. Then, if the universe wills it to be, I can gift it to him some day. Thing is, much like how I look at that portrait and think “that’s not good enough”, i also look at my handwriting and just.... “eww...” Well, I decided to dust off my rusty memories pertaining to calligraphy and give that a go. Still don’t really like my handwriting, but at least I don’t hate it like before. The first draft of it got really wonky, I wasn’t paying attention to the layers at all and ended up with some mistakes that would ultimately take more work fixing than their worth. Thus, today I started re-writing it. I’ve only gotten one sentence of it redone so far; I really hope that as I go over it again, my writing becomes more eloquent.... or something... I don’t know. What I wrote makes me feel silly and I can’t see myself ever being willing to give it to him if I continue to feel this way. Anyway, I’m trying to decide if I like it with the background I made or not. Do I like the background because it’s something I like, or just because it makes the page look less blank?

Thoughts? Opinions?

Ps: I put the newest progression for Pt. 2 of the Split Portrait series under the ‘read more’ for those of y’all that have shown interest.

I haven’t had a single notif on here for over a day. Usually I have at least 20-30 per day, so I'm a bit curious what’s going on.

So, can you see this? If you can, please interact.

Currently trying to remind myself that i'm making progress. cause he looks like a clown right now and i just keep fixing incredibly minor flaws instead of focusing on things that are probably more important. ...like, why am i focused on his eyelashes? and do they really need highlights? And now i’m just over here staring at photoshop like this trying to find more minor flaws cause i’m basically paralyzed by indecision on what to do next.

discord: love#9185