its the second anniversary of my type 1 diabetes diagnosis.
i know i dont NEED to write these out, who wants to relive bad experiences, right? i like writing these because i can reflect back on the two years ago today when i was in the hospital and see how much i've grown from then.
this happened way before i've gained new friends and followers, many are in the dark of what happened. short story, i was sick and now have a life long condition.
its extremely serious. everyone hears diabetes and goes "its all that sugar". in some cases but not all. well, now i NEED all that sugar to live.
two years ago, the week of halloween, i was extremely sick. i didn't know why. i thought i had gotten COVID at first but i realized it wasn't really a respiratory problem so the next conclusion was the flu.
unbeknownst to myself, my mother, and brother, i was dying for a whole week. my pancreas failed, shut down and i was dying. my bathroom floor would have been where i died if i never went to the hospital. on november 1st, i was told what was happening to me. i was in DKA and needed to go to the ER immediately.
i had no idea what DKA was. for those who don’t know, it stands for diabetic ketoacidosis. i was mostly throwing up, trying to rest (which i hadn't for an entire week/ ended up hallucinating on halloween night after everyone went to bed which i find highly ironic lol), and drinking up as much water i could.
my stay in the hospital was filled with agony, lessened from the medications and insulin they gave me. at that point, i also found out i had air in my chest due to a hole in my esophagus from throwing up constantly and violently. it was scary.
at some point, i knew i was gonna die. i was scared at first. my mom had me shower and i couldn't even move. i couldn't get up. i was so shaky and light (again, ironic since im a fat girl). when i was in the shower, i sobbed and sobbed over the past. my relationship with my father, my friends and my family. i couldn't take it.
when we got to the hospital, i accepted i was gonna die. i was so sure of it. and then i didn't. i survived and i am continuing to survive. no matter how high my blood sugar will spike from eating or when i'm fixing a low, i think back to that week and think about how proud i am.
there are points i want to give up. throw the towel in and throw away my insulin, my CGMS, my pumps, all of it. i want to give up all the time. i want to stop taking insulin and just be normal, like i used to be. now having this condition, i don't want to be normal anymore. it took me a long time to accept my diabetes, it's apart of me now and i've learned it up and down, side to side and in reverse.
no one understands diabetes like someone with diabetes and even then, everyone else's diabetes is different. somedays are bad, somedays are good.
i'm happy to be alive. i'm happy to be online and still making art, listening to new albums, reading comics, making new friends on tumblr and twitter, seeing my oomfs talk about huntress or just their interests in general.
i am SO happy to be here and experience my life past 17. i'm 19 now and got to experience halloween and fall again for the second time without dying. so thats cool :D
thank you for reading and being here along with me on my journey, my friends💜
