#detransphobia

“I feel so alienated now and super isolated from the rest of the queer community

I lost every adult and friend in my life when I chose to detransition

I lost everything I had socially"

This fucking guy (who is perisex btw): “”NO lol the hate you get is just fine. Intersexism? What’s that? You HAVE to fit into my small boxes of cis / trans. You are like an ex-gay if you don’t. You should be ASHAMED of detransitioning lol you were just confused and stupid.””

When I get talked down to this way, as an IGM survivor, it is very triggering and makes me feel cornered. I was Not Asking For Your Opinion. I don’t want it.

No, this time we've found the right group to silence and erase.

While my whole thing is not passing and being proud of that, I recognize it's important to a lot of other trans people and I don't begrudge them for having that as a goal at all. I'm not sure if a sub like that is a great tool, though, since it is so subjective and can even be regional - like in the case of the trans woman who talked about passing better in the Midwest because clothes tended to be bigger signifiers for the people there, whereas in California people were much quicker to expect gender non-conformity. Also, I have a friend who looks like one of the most masculine people I've ever known, and it astounds me that he somehow still gets misgendered. It really is more of an art than a science.

I get that TRFs don't actually care abt any of this. Bc if someone is actually happily detransitioned then they must be both cis (the enemy) and a traitor to transness (even worse). Which is why they're all so quick to pull out the No True Detrans, bc happy detransed ppl aren't Actually detrans bc they're Cis & therefore can't be Trans & therefore can't have detransed. Bc the TERFs are doing bioessentialism wrong but genderessentialism right, it's just actually abt someone's Identity & how they currently identify is the Only thing that matters, lived experiences be damned. Which is why they will always say that a fully closeted, pre-transition trans woman is TMA, but 'crossdressing' men & cis drag queens & someone mtftm & intersex women that weren't amab/camab are always TME. Bc transmisogyny is both a structural force & somehow only affects transfems, bc that's a grounded theory of oppression. (Sorry the rant got so long (⁠・⁠_⁠・⁠;⁠). I don't want to say anything on that post bc TERFs & TRFs have me unwilling to link the fact that I'm detrans to my blog, but I also just. Saw red, & thought it'd be like. 2 paragraphs. I'm so thankful ur here to talk to & tank the Scary Discoursers for those of us that are too scared, Velvet <3<3)

I do what I can because I must. <3 If it helps any, that TRF in particular is a well-known fucking clown.

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It's so strange seeing all the detrans posts suddenly appearing on my radar. I'm recently what I'd consider "soft detransitioning." My "Hey, Cis Again" Soft Launch, if you will. Not because my internal gender feels like a cis woman at all, really I don't feel any different than I did before (self wise). But due to outside circumstances, I don't think it's worth the risk. Like would I be happier with testosterone and phalloplasty- Oh yeah, barely even a question.

But I really have weighed the alternative. Functionally I'm only trans online (for the most part, I stopped being out with IRL friends because I just kept getting outed against my will). I don't want ANYONE ELSE in my real life knowing about this part of me- And if they find remnants I want them to think it was a stupid teen woke phase and I'm really a Female Woman Girl, for real and for true! Honest!

But really the straw that broke the camel's back was seeing just how vile other trans people specifically can be to each other. Of course that's not everyone! My trans friends are lovely, my boyfriend is trans, I love them to death! And Trans =/= Automatically Good Person I didn't think everyone was going to be a saint but it's like. Man why are we laser focused on #hating all facets of my identity this week... damn. The only Queer club I've ever seen with my own 2 sight balls immediately being disgusted with my mere presence also does not help. Like if I did come out, WOULD there be any help from my actual local community... people say "In REAL life we all hold hands and kiss and theres no fighting!!!" Like hey man I think that's relative.

In the end it's a real damned if you do, damned if you don't. Because even saying I'm detransitioning instead of just closeted makes everyone turn their heads and say Oh. Oh you hate queers and your a traitor now. Oh so your a typical detrans radfem TERF and you want to kill trans women with your bear hands. You were a trender faker the whole time I guess, a Real Trans would have just Stuck It Out or Came Out like the rest of us. Which is why I haven't really told my platforms or online friends yet. I don't think they'd hate me or anything! But aside from it being sad and awkward it's like... I can't even BE a cis woman again because I've been tainted/blessed (depending on the observing demographic) by transness. Either way I gave up something on the Morally Pure Spectrum (being cis/trans) and will be punished for my transgression (being trans/cis).

Every option feels like the bad option when looking through the lense of everyone else's opinion. So probably don't do that. 56 hour work week no days off if this made little/no sense. I am so so sorry. 🙏 Much love ❤️ Have a wonderful night!

I realise I sent you an anon last night about detrans people and I probably completely misinterpreted what you said in the first place, I apologise, it was like 1am and clearly I was way too tired to think straight. So sorry about that.

Yeah lmao but don't worry anon, it was still a good defense of detransitioners!

The implication is that transmisogyny must only come from transmascs.

Extremely gender! You gotta watch Dear Brother, anon.

(more jesse pinkman observations) like i think its great that transfems can take cis male characters and hc them as transfems but its weird that transmascs are expected to only do the same with cis female characters. that would be "removing female representation" and "proving they only care about male characters" transmasc hcs of women are seen as inherently misogynistic, at least in my experience.