#detective! reader

bigby: *unphased, professional feminist king*

you: *has been seeing crazy shit all day*

Caelus bring an infamous phantom thief having stolen tons of world treasures and always escaping from the authorities. Reader has always been in charge of cases involving him but everytime they're so close to catching him, he somehow escapes again.

Turns out Caelus thinks reader is cute from the moment he saw them and now always escapes last minute just to see the look on their face. He keeps stealing and hopes reader would be the one to show up to handke the cases.

Reader is just getting headaches and going insane just by how cunning caelus is and his little note cards that were supposed to be subtle flirting but misunderstood for taunting. At this point catching caelus is gonna become one of their life goals.

Feel free to add your own amazing creativity that I love.

I FEEL LIKE THIS WOULD BE SMTH SILLY AND SWEET AHHHH THANK YOU

Stolen Sweetness

Phantom Thief! Caelus x Detective! Reader

When Caelus finally meets a certain stubborn detective completely determined to catch him. His boring heists turn into a sweet, entertaining game

Warnings: Thievery, throwing objects, guns

You had quite the interesting relationship with a certain thief that seemed to haunt your job, and your life, at every waking moment. What do I mean my interesting? I mean the fact that every time his name pops up on another thievery incident, it’s always given to you

Boy did you get fed up with this man. For one, who in the world needs this many treasures and paintings and statues???? Genuinely??? Who needs that many? To sell, yes, but it got so ridiculous you always facepalmed every time you were handed the files

“Here’s your admirer.” Your fellow coworkers would laugh and then duck when you hurled a stapler at them

One of the main reasons why you get so angry was because every time you’d get close to finding this thief, he’d always slip through your fingers and then taunt you while doing so

Can’t catch me again? You really need to step up your game. It’s gonna be a whole lifetime until you get me. - >:P

You ripped up the letter and stomped on it, groaning, “I’ll get you next time, you little shit!”

You never did get him the next time.

And that was the best part of the game to Caelus. No matter how close you get, he always manages to be one step ahead of you. He loves to see your reaction every time he leaves his infamous notes. Your clear irritation, the way you shook your fists in the air, hell, the mini tantrums you had when no one was looking.

This man was infatuated. And who wouldn’t be? No one but you has gotten so close to catching him.

He distinctly remembers when you first got his case. He thought you were some of those dumb boring detectives that gave up after things got too difficult.

He was lounging at the top of a statue, counting his jewels and gold when your voice startled him.

“Not as slick as you think, huh?” You stared at him in such a cold way it sent shivers down his spine. He absolutely loved it.

“Shocker, you managed to find me.” He gave you a lopsided grin, “Not many are able to do that.”

“Then you’ve must had the most incompetent people after you.” You threw down his playfully clues, “It was too easy. A child could solve it.”

“You wound me.” He put his hand on his chest, packed up his stolen treasures, and leapt down to face you. “Are you sad you didn’t get a little challenge?” He pouted.

“Hardly. I’m sad because I thought you were supposed to be some inescapable thief, turns out you’re just another petty thug.” And somehow, you managed to snag some of his jewels right from under your nose. Well, he did snag your wallet and badge in return.

“You certainly don’t know me yet.” He grinned wider than he ever had in a while, holding his hands out that held his jewels, and your wallet and bag. You sputtered at the audacity, especially when he decided to through a fucking Twinkie at your face to distract you as he escaped.

“See you next time, sweetness!”

But that was the beginning of a very exciting and wondrous thief-detective relationship with you. He’d purposely leave his little cards just for you to find— because you were the only one who had the sensible knowledge to figure them out— and drew small doodles on them just to see your face

Really, he wanted you to admire his drawings, but your furious face was just as good.

Caelus giggled when he watched you walk around the empty box of the stolen necklace he recently snagged, holding up his notecard with that adorably furious expression, ripping it up and stomping on it

“I’ll get you next time, you little shit!”

“I’m sure you will, sweetness.” He hung upside down from the ceiling, a wide grin on his face when he saw you jump at the sight of him

“I’m so sick of you.” You reached for your phone to call the police who were waiting nearby, only to grab empty air. You groaned, “Again? Seriously?”

“You know, they say doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is called insanity.” He took a selfie.

“They also say that when life gives you lemons, you freeze them and throw them as hard as you can at the people making it difficult.” You snatched your phone back, watching as he climbed back on his rope and towards the open ceiling window.

“Aww, don’t be like that, sweetness.” He waved, “Just admit that you love me!” And then disappeared into the night

The guards rushed in, holding their guns, “Where is—“

“You’re late. Again.” You walked right past them, “Honestly, it’s better for everyone if you resigned at this point. You guys suck.”

So, back to the drawing board you went. Gathering his stupid little clues, the ones you ripped too, and putting them all together. You’d always stay late to figure out what he means, as irritating as it was

“You really are obsessed with him.” Your coworker told you on another one of your late nights, closing their now dark office to head home. “Get some rest.”

“Can’t.” You shook your head, “I almost got it solved.”

They simply rolled their eyes and clocked out, leaving you completely alone until the night guard decided to come in. Which wouldn’t be for another half hour, the guy was old anyway. You got him late night snacks as compensation.

You groaned, throwing your pen on the desk and spinning around in your chair, “You are so infuriating…” you rubbed your temples, standing back at a distance.

And then running a hand down your face, “You’ve got to be kidding. The park? That’s what you meant?”

Can’t catch me again? You really need to step up your game. It’s gonna be a whole lifetime until you get me. - >:P

All those stupid little emoticons he put all made the image of the city’s most famous park, the logo that was designed to be an outstretched hand.

It didn’t make much sense at first, but the ‘step up’ would point to the giant stairs in the middle of the park, emulating the desire of a man to step up into the sky and reach the stars. The lifetime? An line looping around that had a start and end point next to each other.

“Fun.” You groaned, packing up your stuff and traveling to the park.

Lo and behold, your little thief was lying atop the outstretched hand, humming to himself and kicking his feet like a child. “You’re getting slower.” His golden eyes turned towards you, infinitely amused by your little chase.

“Don’t start now.” You crossed your arms, “You lead me here, so now what? Come to taunt me some more?”

“Aw, you think so lowly of me sweetness?”

“Yes, I do.”

He pouted, rolling onto his stomach, “Ouch. You could be a little nicer to me, kindness goes a long way.”

“You’ve been nothing but a thorn in my side!” You pointed at him, “I have half a mind to turn you in here and now!”

That was hilarious, “You know the police are too incompetent. By the time they get here, I’ll be halfway across the city.”

“And who’s to say I won’t be the one to cuff you?” You walked closer to the statue, shivering when those eyes followed your every movement. Gold glowing in the dark of night.

“You never do. I doubt you’ll start now,” he kicked his feet, making you roll your eyes. “I make your life entertaining, admit it.”

“I’d rather drink California Reaper juice.” You stood next to him, kicking his side, “Move over.” He surprisingly let you sit down, rolling over to make room for you, the two of you silent for a long time.

But you couldn’t help and break the quiet.

“Why do you steal?” You turned to look at him, “All those treasures? The jewelry? The art? You barely sell them.”

Caelus hummed, resting his head on his arm, “Why not? It’s not always about the money, you know.”

“Oh, please.” You scoffed, “If it’s about admiring, then you could’ve gone to the museums like a normal person.”

He laughed, scooting over to sit next to you, his hands holding onto his feet. “Alright, alright. I mean, at first I was stealing for the money. Those artifacts had been stacked for a while, it was awesome.”

But then his voice was softer, even sighing, as he reminisced, “It got boring after a while. Pathetic, isn’t it? I got so good at stealing that it got boring. There wasn’t a thrill anymore, that adrenaline coursing through your veins, the fear of getting jailed.”

“It got too easy?” You guessed.

He nodded, “Too easy. I was about to retire and turn myself inc actually. Until you came into the picture.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you, sweetness.” He smiled at you, “You made things interesting for me. You— you did your job, you were so much smarter than everyone. You’re competent and determined and a genius, dare I say. I never met someone like you.”

You laughed, unable to stop your heart from fluttering in your chest. To believe that someone noticed all your efforts, and it was the criminal you’ve been trying to catch for so long. Ironic.

“You’re making this sound like a confession.”

“Maybe it is.”

The words made your brain halt, your chuckles cutting off as you stared at him. He didn’t have that playful, mischievous look in his eyes. No. It was…

Sincere.

He was completely and absolutely sincere.

“Don’t.” You pushed his face away after realizing how close he was.

“Sweetness.” He whined, grabbing your wrist, “At least entertain me, just a little.”

“No— you— you’re crazy, you’re crazy and a thief and—“ you froze when he kissed your palm, his lips soft on your skin.

His eyes were tantalizing. Half lidded. Wanting. Yearning, dare you say.

“Please?” He begged, his voice lowered to a whisper.

And by the aeons, how could you resist?

“Fine.” You caved, “On one condition.”

“Anything.”

“Keep things interesting.” You flicked his forehead, “I don’t need you getting soft on me. That’s boring.”

His smile widened so greatly you couldn’t help but return it. “Deal. Can I kiss you now, sweetness?”

You sighed, “I suppose.”

His lips were sweet. Curving around yours like the perfect piece of a puzzle, his hand moving from your wrist to your cheek. He’d pull away briefly, peck your lips, and then kissed you again. And he did that three different times until you stopped him.

“Alright! Alright.” You pushed his head away, smiling at his insistent whining once you stood. “Better be lucky I like you, stubborn ass.”

“Love you too sweetness.” He grinned when you flipped him off, stepping off the platform and went to walk to your car.

That next day? You clenched your jaw as you stood with icing all over your body. The officers next to you shouted and complained as your thief waved. His trap at a memorial with an expensive hat set up gracefully, and he had the nerve to tilt it towards you.

“Couldn’t help myself, sweetness.”

You simply flipped him off.

Zoffy: Okay, let me rephrase what R/n told you: you're not a trained fighter...

Man, still holding R/n whose trying to free herself: I'm not?

Zoffy: No, you're playing the role of a depressed woman WITH NO APPARENT APTITUDE FOR SELF-DEFENSE!

Man: Oh, okay! (Releases R/n.)

“another job well done,” spider-man rests his hands on his hips at he looks at the crooks tied up in one of his webs, the product of justice being served for the day.

he turns to look at you, and you can’t see his eyes but it hurts. more than it should.

there’s a smile in his voice as it dips to a lower octave.

“and thus, another success for spider-cop and his amazing, trustworthy partner.” he holds up a fist to you.

your eyes drift from his knuckles covered in the red of his suit up to the whites of his mask, fixed on you. your hand is already in a fist, ready to bump with his as it always does whenever the two of you worked together. the fist bump had become customary, a habit of many days and nights spent working together with the superhero. no.

vigilante, you correct yourself.

your mouth dares to twitch at his antics before you find yourself remembering your conversation with captain watanabe.

it’s better for the police to not get too involved with spider-man if they want to be trusted by the public.

you look away from spider-man and to the men caught in his web, who are too busy trying to place blame on one another for the predicament they’ve found themselves in. you clear your throat and straighten your shoulders.

“right. thank you once again for your help, spider-man,” you take a step forward to the men, hand on your radio to call for help to take them back to the station. “i can take it from here.”

you hear his feet shift against the cement of the alley the two of you are in.

“is... everything alright, detective?”

“i can take it from here, spider-man,” you say over your shoulder. “if that’s what you’re asking.”

you don’t dare look at his eyes, even when he steps closer to you.

“but—”

“goodbye, spider-man,” you say. it’s more final of a goodbye than you’ve ever wanted to say to him. you can hear your voice waver, hating the vulnerability.

“(y/n), you know that’s not what i’m asking,” he insists, this time stepping so close you can see the seams of his suit without really trying.

your name. not detective.

“are you okay?” he reiterates, this time resting his hand on your shoulder.

you try not too think about it too much, though it feels as if his hand is burning a hole right through your jacket and skin. you shuffle away before you can give up to your feelings, finally meeting his eyes and just hoping your eyes don’t betray what’s meant to be a secret.

“why wouldn’t i be?” you ask, trying to sound convincing. you don’t.

his face being obscured is supposed to make this easier. but it doesn’t. you wish it did. you know spider-man too well now to need to see his face to understand how he’s feeling. you can hear it in his voice, and your heart cracks.

“you can tell me anything,” he urges softly in that tone... the tone you’ve only heard when...

“you’re mistaken to think that we’re close just because i kissed you, spider-man,” you lie, your voice hard and steely.

“...what?” his voice breaks as if you’re confirming his worst fear.

this is for the best, you have to remind yourself. over and over again.

“i’m sorry if you got the wrong idea,” you say, what you hope is a sympathetic smile on your face. “i was so excited we had found that clue for the harper case. you understand, right?”

spider-man stares at you for a few moments and all you can hear is your heart pounding against your chest. this is for the best.

he turns away.

“i’ll see you tomorrow,” you try, though you know you don’t deserve to.

he shoots a web to the rooftop of the building lining the alley.

this is for the best.

“yeah,” he says, voice heavy. “bye, detective.”

and he’s gone.

this is for the best.

I-S/o: She became extremely short tempered, emotionally unstable. Almost manic. None of us knew what it was. There was no history of mental illness and her friends say she never touched drugs or alcohol.

Emmet: Was she a fan of the game Mario kart? I know when I play I become raving mad, foaming at the mouth.

Ingo: It got so bad Elesa had Emolga use nuzzle on him.

Emmet, pouting: Which I still feel was excessive.

Ingo: You threw a chair through our sliding door...

Emmet: That still doesn’t-

Ingo: WHILE I WAS SITTING IN IT!

Ingo, notices somethings off immediately: That’s Odd.

Emmet: What is?

Ingo: These people only have pictures of Pokémon and friends, but not a single picture of themselves anywhere. 

{Emmet looks arounds realizes that his brother is correct. There were pictures of Pokémon, landscapes and of random relatives/friends, but no actual pictures of the couple themselves; not even a wedding photo!]

Y/n: No pictures of the couple anywhere around the house? ....Mm. Let's try the kitchen. 

{The twins move to the kitchen}

Emmet: Okay. Okay. What are we looking for? 

Y/n: Tell me what's in the fridge. 

Emmet: Butter, milk, eggs... Baking stuff. (Sighs) Which makes sense, because there are these awesome looking cupcakes on the counter.

Ingo, over Emmet’s shoulder:  They're, uh, red velvet, I think. Yeah. 

Y/n, shifts over a little on her couch.: Wh-what else is in the fridge? 

{While Emmet’s back is turned, Ingo steals a cupcake and hides it behind his back]

Emmet: Uh... A bunch of diet shakes and soda. 

Y/n: Hmm. is the victim heavy? 

Emmet, looking over his note’s about the victim : Oh, no, she's very thin. 

Y/n: What about the husband? 

Emmet: Um, I guess he's kind of chubby. But it looks like he sees a personal trainer, though. 

Y/n: Oh, this is not a happy marriage. The hubby’s portly but fights it. Missy is naturally thin and a gourmet baker. He views her hobby as a sabotage and resents it. She views his dieting as a lack of interest in her personal outlet. You need to talk to him 

Emmet, to Ingo: She wants us to talk to the husband. 

Ingo: We can't— not until tomorrow. 

Y/n, rolling her eyes: Oh, please, this is the last guy who'd go on a white-water rafting trip. You don't hire a personal trainer 'cause you like strenuous activity. You hire a personal trainer because it's the only possible way to get yourself to do it. 

Emmet: So you think he lied about the trip? 

Y/n: Well, I'm almost certain.

Emmet: So if he's not white-water rafting, where is he? 

Y/n: Well, I don't know, but I'm sure you two will figure it out... Oh! And, Ingo? Put the cupcake back.

{Another thing that took way longer to update then it should've.]

You finally managed to get home and as soon as you walked through the door you pulled off your clothes and made a beeline for the shower, and froze when you saw your reflection in the mirror, and felt your cheeks erupt in fire as to examined yourself, you were covered in hickeys from your neck, to your breasts and right down to your belly button, Arc's sake, Did you sleep with a wannabe vampire? These'll take forever to fade! you started reading the back of your concealer wondering if it was safe to use on any parts of your body? when you heard an unfamiliar ringtone coming from your bag...

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T rating for Tw: Stalking, swearing, Mature themes mentioned

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Emmet:  (Emmet Ring tone: Thomas the dank engine!) "What the fuck?" you hissed recoiling from the loud rap song coming from your bag! You opened it and were greeted by a white Rotom-phone with the words Emmet's phone and the Gear station logo on it... You felt your heart stop. "Dammit... Why me?" you moaned burying your head into your hands, not only did you have a one night stand with one of the Subway twins, but you stole his phone too! Can this get any worse? 

Your hands were trembling as you answered the call. "H-hello?" you stammered as an amused chuckle came from the other end. "Did you forget something?~" Emmet teased as you to struggled to find your voice again. "It's not veeery nice to sneak off like that y'know? " Emmet huffed...yep! He was pissed! but, your dumbass thought he was angry you took his phone and blurted out. "Wescott café!" Emmet let out a confused "Huh?" as you explained it where you worked! He can meet you there and get his phone back. "Hey wai-" You hung up before Emmet could respond back. 

You got cleaned up and changed into your winter uniform it was turtle neck dress it covered up the kiss marks on your neck and quickly had Paddy (your Klefki) warp you to the café, the second you stepped through the door the atmosphere was suddenly tense which confused you, You grabbed one of your co-workers to ask what was up? but before they could say anything. "You thieving W*re!" A voice screeched you blinked and looked over your shoulder thinking *Oh boy, some fool got caught cheating!*  only to see this blond chick in a tacky pink dress and hoodie was making a Combee line towards you! You blinked in confusion as she started calling you by some colorful names and threatened to beat your Ass if you didn't stay away from her man! It took you a minute to process who she was talking about and one name to mind.

"Look there's nothing going on between me and Mark, ok? we ju-" 

"Who the fuck is Mark?"

"Your boyfriend?"

"I'm talking about Emmet you stupid bi-"

You cut her off. "Please refrain from using that language, there are children here!" huffed gesturing towards the families all gawking at this crazy woman screaming at you, she clearly didn't care as she reached for her Pokéballs. "I'll give you one warning stay away from Emmet or I'll..." You suddenly stood up to your full height while looking this chick in the eyes. "Or what? you think your Pokémon will scare me?" Her eye twitched as the Wait staff all smirked and snickered at her poor attempts to intimidate you. "Do you not realize what kind of Café this is?" the blond was silent which you took as her not knowing. "it's battle café sweetheart, And I'm 10 star waitress..." You stated with a smirk it was obvious the woman didn't understand what that meant. "You won't last one round against me Pinky." Still, she wouldn't back off, unbeknownst to you Emmet had walked in when the woman was screaming at you.

The Subway boss was confused when he first walked into the Café, he thought the screaming was from some Karen who didn't like the service, until he heard her spouting lies and nonsense about him being her boyfriend!? Emmet has never seen or spoken to this woman before in his life! He was about to intervene especially when he saw Crazy going for her Pokémon, but to Emmet surprise you just smirked while your coworkers all laughed at the women's threat, when you mentioned that this was a battle café, Emmet's curiosity was peaked he grabbed a menu that had the Café rules and the star rating system, You were level 5 a boss! "You won't last one round against me Pinky." You stated cockily the woman would not back down. 

"Ey Saul, We got a disgruntled customer, can I deal with them?" You called out to the head chef who was watching silently on the sidelines, he gave you nod, you smirk as the backdoors opened to reveal the outdoor patio was converted into a battlefield, Pinky was so sure you were all talk and you'll be crying when this is over! Cut to two minutes later where you've beaten Pinky's Pupitar  with with your Tropius and her Roserade with your Incineroar, leaving Pinky with her ace as she put it. " Go Hydreigon!" that same smirked you had earlier returned, "Well if we're using aces now, I'll introduce you to mine!, Go Paddy!" you called out your Klefki, Pinky got one look at the tiny keyring Pokémon and started laughing.

"Is this a joke?" she guffawed before ordering Hydreigon to use Twister on Paddy.... as a purple energy tornado consume the little steel bean, when the dust cleared Paddy was unharmed, Pinky looked confused then ordered Hydreigon to hit them again... Paddy was fine, she then ordered the dragon to use dragon-pulse then outrage! Nothing. Then She told it use belch! the poison just harmlessly dripped off of Paddy's body, Pinky seemed frustrated that none of her ace's attacks were working on that weak looking Pokémon, you couldn't help but giggle at her anger it was like a toddler being denied candy! "Paddy use Moon blast." you calmly ordered Klefki started glowing softly and shot an energy ball at Hydreigon it was a one hit KO.

Pinky could only gawk at her knocked out Pokémon horrified before switching her frazzled gaze at you, It was clear she couldn't understand how she lost. "Confused are we? well let's give you a refresher course on Pokémon types. Tell me, What are dragons weak to?" You hummed waiting as Pinky sneered at you like you were the moron. "Ice and other dragons, duh..." you hummed nodding along. "Ice, dragon and...?" the blond just gave blank stare, boy someone is behind with the times. "Fairies, that ringing any bells?" you hummed as Paddy happily floated over to you; purring as you fed her a Pokébean as reward.

Pinky snarled at you she reached into her pocket clearly grabbing something and took a step towards you, but before she could strike an Electross suddenly jumped in front of you and growling at her to back off. "Now now, no one likes a sore loser." Pinky turned to glare at whoever interfered with her 'Revenge' only to go blue in the face as Emmet calmly walked out into the field. "Especially a lying sore loser." his smile had a more menacing feel to it as Pinky realize he had heard everything she said earlier without a word the blond burst into tears and ran out of the café with her tail between her legs. 

You awkwardly approached Emmet holding his phone out for him and intending to apologize for possibly breaking up his relationship, when Emmet grumbled in annoyance. "These dang fangirls, they're getting gutsier every passing day." You looked at him incredulously. "Fangirl? She's not your girlfriend?" the subway boss snorted and shook his head. "Never seen her before in my life." he huffed obviously peeved off at that girl, who just may have screwed up his chances with you! 

Emmet was pulled out by a rumbling noise it took him a moment to realize it was your stomach. "Did you not have breakfast?" he inquired he took you embarrassed silence as no... Emmet tutted you. "That's veeerrry bad, especially after last night.~" Emmet waved one of your coworkers over asked for a booth for the two of you, You tried to reject him as you were working however Saul the ever grumpy mother hen that he was, gave you 30 minute break for brunch, so that how you and Emmet met.