#desexualisation

What comic books fans want. (source) What SJWs want them to see instead.

Do people realise that ace people headcanoning characters as ace--be that person disabled or abled--are not likely to portray this character as desexualised, because ace people desperately want and need agency, identity and authority in their portrayals and headcanons? Something that doesn’t exist in a desexualisation narrative?

Do people realise that this constant slew of warnings is incredibly, unbelievably harmful to disabled aces? In no way is the experience of being asexual that of being desexualised; to conflate the two strips disabled aces doubly of agency, identity and authority. Yet every time we turn around, we see warnings about never linking two of our identities; we are told that being a disabled ace is the same thing as being a desexualised disabled person.

This constant narrative of warning doesn’t support me, a disabled ace. In fact, I suspect that being told that disabled ace headcanons are a form of desexualisation strips me as much of agency as a disabled ace as does the desexualisation of disabled characters as a disabled person!

Neither, in any way, treats me as a person with agency, identity or authority over my own experience and intersecting identities!

Asexual people do not benefit from desexualisation any more than disabled people do. A desexualisation narrative isn’t an ace-positive one. Allosexual abled people write these sorts of narratives, engaging in both ableism and allosexism because they see both being disabled and being asexual as less adult and less human, thereby linking these in coding that strips the character of agency. When you say that ace people shouldn’t headcanon disabled characters, you are placing the fault for the very allosexism that harms us--the way we are seen as less than adult and human--at an ace person’s feet. The narrative of desexualisation isn’t ours, so why do people insist on denying ace people expression when abled allosexual people are the problem?

When people say “don’t headcanon disabled characters as ace unless you’re disabled”, I don’t feel protected. I just see fewer headcanons--and resulting canon narratives--about people like me, in a world where there’s few ace protagonists and few disabled protagonists created as empowering representation.

We are told, over and over, that being a disabled ace is the same thing as being a desexualised disabled person.

And like... that is the exact opposite of what the vast majority of women ought to be doing? This is really really unhelpful messaging to be directing at women?

So so so many women need to sit down and have a conversation with themselves and a long hard think and realise that they don’t want some of the sex that they’re having. That guy who keeps asking for sex really pitifully and looks like a sad puppy? It’s okay to not want to have sex with him! That guy who you find really unattractive but you feel bad about finding him unattractive because he’s so kind and sweet? It’s okay to not want to have sex with him! That guy who buys you such nice gifts but is twice your age and that makes you uncomfy? It’s okay to not want to have sex with him!

“Previous comment was too long. The woman was NOT Asian (surprising, right?). Either way... hurtful comment is hurtful. But then again, Youtube (like any open platform) always has those types of comments.” (Pt.2)

That's disappointing. A developing country like Vietnam is not going to have a lot of modern hairstyles or great dental hygiene; it's the nature of a developing country. That doesn't mean that there aren't attractive people in Vietnam, because obviously there are, it's just that the average person isn't as well-off as the average person in the West. It's unfair to compare the two. 

It's also disappointing how common comments like these are about Asian men from all groups, even from our own community. So common that I would describe it as a culture. Hopefully, improvements in Asian representation, and growth in pro-Asian and socially conscious attitudes will have a positive impact.

Challenging racism is important but Asian men do have to accept that this is simply a part of our life. It's unavoidable and likely will not change significantly in our lifetime. When you do have the energy/safety to do so, then challenge racism (without resorting to racism yourself), but then you kind of have to develop that thick skin. Weather it and don't let it get you down. Also develop your own self worth. Allowing those toxic thoughts/people to mess with your head is giving them exactly what they want. 

Another way to deal, is to form your own tribe. We don't have the luxury of consistent support from any group, not even from our own community, so rely instead on individuals (of any race). Individuals who are decent people, who aren't racist, and who will support, empower and defend you. Seek these individuals out and add them to your circle, while rejecting/ejecting the toxic ones.