#des rambles

you stood in front of your mirror looking over the outfit you had picked out for your date with rafe. plain navy blue baby tee, white air forces, and a dainty white lacy mini skirt.

mini would be an understatement to how short the garment actually is. the frilly hem of the skirt sat just high enough on your thighs that if you crouched over - well let's just say you'd receive a plentiful amount of gawks and hushed comments over it.

regardless, all that matters is that you felt cute in it and the fact that it shows off your legs - one of rafe's countless weaknesses when it comes to you. which luckily, was precisely the plan.

rafe never shies away from praising you, whether it's letting you know how pretty your hair looks one day, or complimenting your radiant smile, or how sexy you look in the clothes he bought for you - least of all your body. every curve. every inch. he loves it all.

just as you made the final adjustments to your clothing you heard your boyfriend's voice call out from downstairs. "hey, kid, m'here. you ready to go?"

"hey baby, yeah i'm ready. be right down!"

spinning on your heel you headed to your bedroom door, grabbing your phone off the vanity and one of your shoulder bags off the handle before heading downstairs to greet rafe.

"hiii," you chimed chipperly as you met rafe's gaze, his head instantly raising from whatever had him distracted on his phone, meeting your eyes with a soft smile as he shoved his phone in his pocket.

"hi, kiddo," his arms wrapped tightly around your waist, yours around his neck, giving you a whiff of the musky cologne you had gifted him a while ago. your heart warmed as you smiled to yourself, realizing that it's the only one he's worn since.

"you ready to go?" you asked him, pulling back, eager to finally get out of the house and spend a relaxing day with your boyfriend - hopefully somewhere where you can have a nice cold not-so-virgin drink in your hand.

the perky smile you had on quickly faded once you noticed rafe staring at you - at your outfit, a blank expression plastered on his face. "what? 's'there something wrong with my outfit - ugh, is there a stain somewhere?" your manicured fingers brushed over your skirt as you twisted sideways in an attempt to search the back for stains, causing the hem to raise slightly - but just enough to give rafe a perfect view of the pretty lace panties you had on.

all of a sudden you were being backed into a wall, rafe's hands held firmly on your waist. you gripped his sculpted shoulders to keep yourself from falling backwards flat on your ass.

"change of plans kiddo, we're staying home today."

"rafe what-"

"think you can put on that tube top of a skirt and not expect a reaction from me, hmm kid?" a hand slithered down from your waist to grab a handful of your ass, scrunching the white lace fabric in the process, "half your ass out for the world to see huh?"

just as planned.

"rafe, i have no idea what you're talking about."

lie.

you absolutely knew that your rather skimpy outfit would warrant a reaction from your boyfriend. and even though you had hopes of actually going out today, the idea of having rafe's hand between your legs was far better than having an ice-cold drink in yours.

"'s'that right? cause'm pretty sure this is exactly what you wanted, isn't it?" his hand snaked lower from your ass, making sure to run his fingertips leisurely over your soft skin, further and further down until they were tracing over the textured fabric of your lace underwear.

your pretty tinted lips parted slightly releasing a shaky, breathy exhale as you felt rafe's fingers press down on your clad clit. your panties were practically soaked now, a desperate plea for him to grace you with the sweet release you needed so bad.

"rafe-"

"if you wanted me so bad you coulda just said so, kid. but don't worry, kiddo...gonna fuck a confession outta you. n' the skirt stays on."

i need a better sense of style bc nothing i putbtogether makes any sense and maybe its a self esteem thing but i always feel too off as soon as i really try to put an outfit together, esp with accessories arrgegdhd

It begins

so it's been a while since i've really been able to dig into anything new but my single braincell has been taken over by amc interview with the vampire. who could've guessed all it would take is toxic queer vampires in love to awaken me from the grave :')))

-

not to bash on the regular tropes in fanfiction, especially the smut writers out there, but where's the reality?? I'm kinda tired of seeing characters fuck and somehow the whole experience just works out?

yes it's common to have a balance of communication and, you know, have your characters enjoy the experience or whatever, but I need to see that nitty gritty. some angsty miscommunication, the awe shit this isn't gonna work, the sheer awkwardness of two bodies in proximity though living two entirely separate lives and functions. Where's the I only decided to sleep with you because I'm horny but oh shit this person has some serious problems; Or "I can fix him" but with a good fuck instead. I'll go grab a cigarette and leave right after. Like, that's pretty messed up, right? But it's reality.

Does this make sense??? Or is this just a niche in the fanfic writing community I'm just not seeing?? Can character development really expose itself in those vulnerable situations with our characters, or do we just wanna see them fuck and be happy or something?

I guess it comes down to the writer, and what you're using the fic for.

I think the goldfinch fandom did a pretty good job at addressing how real life is, ie. knowing Boris would probably never see Theo again, and after their fanon few good fucks post-amsterdam, it's off to kitsey and new york.

And I've read some dabihawks fics that are pure filth but, it's poetic in its own twisted way. Which makes sense when you bring together two such tortured characters and expect them to be able to connect on a level so intimate.

I've only read a handful of fics (I won't tag them unless they wanted me to lol) where the authors really addressed their characters issues and, yeah, fuck, they DONT love each other enough to make the experience worthwhile, and it's all beautiful because it's fucked up.