#demifiction

Local river spirits recently learned of the concept of streaming and were very distressed to know they were so behind on something related to their habitats. As such, they have been working overtime to provide free streaming music to the community, ranging from traditional drowning ballads to experimental cave metal. So please don’t be alarmed when your faucets, showers, and toilets start serenading you, as we are still working on explaining to them acceptable streaming platforms and the downsides of broadcasting on every moving water source.

It seems that some people were inadvertent overachievers on Sunday, and they did not so much "Spring forward" as "launch wildly into the future." Temporal anomalies have been detected at houses that also experienced sudden and mysterious disappearances, so investigators believe the missing people have catapulted into some as of yet undetermined date. While further study will continue, we may have no choice but to wait until we get to the future as well to reunite with our lost neighbors, hoping all the while that they are making it nice for us.

Have you grown frustrated by all the tracking and data mining, impossible to opt out of, being done by your digital devices and accounts, but you’re not ready to take the leap of becoming a wood hermit to escape it? Consider the advantages of letting one of the many types of modern fae, who have embraced rare earth minerals as they once shunned cold iron, have unfiltered access to your data as well. Within a week, their mischief will have turned your algorithms into a mess of butter-churning videos, pranks to play on your cattle, avant-garde fashion, and increasingly obscure true crime accounts, rendering you useless--or at least unsettling--to all those advertisers monitoring you.

The library will be holding a Rules Lawyering Contest as part of their civic knowledge program over the summer. Short, simple, inclusive qualifications have been posted at the library circulation desk, as well as on the website, outlining who can participate and what the various challenges will be, and everyone is invited to join in. Anyone who can successfully argue that they should nonetheless be disqualified from participating will advance to the next round.

This evening will be a micro full moon, meaning the moon is at its greatest distance from Earth, and this will have some unusual impacts on local life in Lewisia. We particularly ask residents to exercise caution and restraint, should they come across any seemingly lost puppies around town. Some werewolves find their transformations are affected by the micro moon, and they are unlikely to appreciate anyone cooing over their temporarily diminutive wolf forms, however well-meaning their would-be rescuers are.

It seems an unusually large number of dads returned to Lewisia for Father’s Day (they just flew in, and boy, are their arms still tired), and the sudden concentration of fatherly energy has exerted a strange influence over us all. The hardware store reports a shortage of various supplies on account of the sheer volume of questionably planned DIY projects started over the weekend, and the fire department has responded to numerous incidents involving first-time grillers whose attempts at barbecue chickens went a-fowl. There are also unsubstantiated rumors of a plague of compulsive punning, but that’s probably just someone’s idea of a sick joke.

The community college’s agricultural science department is looking for a few good, and late, gardeners to assist in testing their new growing hutches. These hutches are small fast-time capsules that can be used as greenhouses that accelerate time for the plants inside, potentially allowing for rapid repopulation of endangered plant species if successful. So whether you lost track of your first and last frost dates, forgot to order seed packets in time, or just didn’t make it out into the garden by the best planting date for your target crops, get a second chance at the season and help support scientific development in the process.

To protest the rise in both systemic plagiarism and poor reading comprehension, books have been unprinting themselves. Whole shelves have been found with their pages blanked, while dust jackets and spines sport slogans such as “citation needed” and “summarize this.” While a list of demands has been published, negotiating experts are taking their time before responding, as careless misinterpretation of the terms at this moment could prove disastrous.