As Iβve mentioned before Iβm demigender, more specifically demifemme
(femme as in the predominantly lesbian gender identity associated with queered femininity by the way, not as in the French word in its traditional usage and also not necessarily in the context of butch/fem. Apologies for going on a long side tangent, but yes it was originally spelt butch/βfemβ, not femme. It changed around the 90s and lesbian activists who were a part of the original counterculture did not care for the change and purposely continued to use βfemβ. The French word femme is not exclusive to butch/fem when used in a queer context, itβs also used as a predominantly lesbian gender identity, used to express queered femininity, and way before it was ever used in the lesbian community it was used in ballroom culture. Iβm sick of people using ahistorical references to justify gatekeeping the word femme as a lesbian exclusive label inherently tied to the butch/fem counterculture. Itβs also ironic that I see these fems proclaim their whole identity surrounds protecting butches and yet they only seem to get defensive over femme being used as a gender identity and not butch. Thereβs nothing wrong with using either as a gender identity, both have been used as predominantly lesbian gender identities for decades, I just find it ironic their predominantly only getting upset over the word femme and not butch. Anyhow when Iβm talking about being demifemme I mean femme as in the gender identity, not just woman in French lol.)
With that aside, I know Iβve talked about this before, but I find it so frustrating people, like especially other queer people, assume that demigender people who are in closer proximity to their agab on some level identify with their agab. I usually avoid explicitly talking about my agab, but Iβm going to, to make a point. I (was) cafab, itβs something that unconsensually happened to me and I hate it. Iβm not an afab, Iβm not an afab nonbinary person, Iβm not a female. Femme wasnβt my agab, I donβt identify as my agab, thatβs what makes someone transgender. Iβm tired of being perceived as a cis woman with extra steps by people in my own community. You donβt need dysphoria to be trans and you donβt need to medically transition to be trans, but I literally have dysphoria and was on HRT. Sometimes it feels like people think, well itβs not that big of a deal if I fuck up Fawnβs pronouns because sheβs, I mean its just kind of trans and it doesnβt bother her, I mean it, that much. I know Iβve gotten kind of blasΓ© about it after 10 years and acknowledge I just need to accept that Iβm going to be misgendered constantly by strangers, but by other trans people who literally know me is extremely frustrating. Like, donβt get me wrong I fully acknowledge that trans people who are in closer proximity to our agab are privileged systemically speaking and thatβs incredibly important for us to recognize. That being said Iβm not cis, Iβm nonbinary, and it would actually be really great if people in my community didnβt kinda see me as cis and didnβt frequently misgender me. I understand I have a nuanced relationship with womanhood and femininity as a nonbinary person, but thatβs why I literally coined a xenogender/noungender called wiccegender to help describe an aspect of my identity in a more nonbinary way. I get I sit in a confusing pit where Iβm not a woman, but Iβm also not exactly not a woman and thatβs confusing. What I know for a fact, though is that Iβm not an afab, Iβm not a female, Iβve known that since before I even knew nonbinary people existed. Also, if other tme nonbinary people try to use my post as a justification for why they choose to identify as a trans woman I will not put up with that transmisogyny bullshit and will call you out for it. I understand youβre quite possibly trying to express a really nuanced experience, but the way of doing that isn't by appropriating the terminology of tma trans people. Youβre not a trans woman if youβre not transitioning into femininity, femininity is expected of us, even if weβre queering our femininity and expressing it in a non-heteronormative, non-patriarchal way weβre still in closer proximity to our agab and that comes with privilege. Trans women and all tma trans people have a very unique experience under patriarchy, and we do not have that experience as tme people.
