#demiagender

growing up afab, autistic, and sheltered, i knew that i was a girl, but i never really felt like anything at all. i felt like gender was just a performance people put on because of their bodies, and that whatever feel-like-assigned-gender sense that most people had, i just… didn’t have. i was empty. i just felt like… nothing. apparently it’s not that way for most people.

looking back, i know there were signs. i didn’t really take a liking to dresses and skirts (and even when i did, always with shorts underneath), and stuck with leggings from an early age. the day i found i could finally tolerate the texture of denim was a very happy one, and i now have more pairs of jeans than any normal human should be allowed to have. i and my family accepted how i dress as just something i do, without thinking anything else of it

but what really broke me out of my egg, if you will (even though i’m not sure if i consider myself nonbinary/trans), was coming to Tumblr and learning about all this, what it means to be queer, and figuring out who i really am in the midst of all that information. and part of that was adopting the persona of Ingenue, a feminine shell with a far more profound and ineffable center.

i don’t intend to change anything about myself moving forward. really, what i want is to become more of myself. i’m personally not interested in physical modifications (though I'm somewhat intrigued by binding), and i’m not yet sure if i want to experiment with gender-neutral pronouns on here. but i’m happy that i’ve come so far already. my younger self, heck even me 2 years ago, could never have imagined this.