#defjux

(Who Remember? - DefLon Sallahr)

Someone who deserved to be better known, a flow that's nice and has that classic sound once strongly associated with DefJux/ Definitive Jux.

Coming back to my art. It’s been about a decade since I sketched, and I’ve picked it back up over the past year, as well as painting. I used to draw obsessively when I was young, but I lost it for about a decade amidst a lot of loss. It doesn’t come as easily or naturally as it did when I was young, and I feel like I’ve fallen behind where I could be if I’d continued to draw, but sometimes I see what I’ve done or share something with someone and I feel really, truly proud of myself for trying again. Of course, there’s a lot of self doubt and frustration and wrestling with failure, though I’m working on it - but yes, there’s also that inner happiness of creating, even if it’s messy and directionless right now.

Taking care of plants. It’s been really hard not having Tiny (cat) to nurture and the past years have been a crash course in kind of being forced to nurture myself - but the need still finds its way outward, so, I’ve taken to babying plants. They really cheer me up. I like playing music for them, talking to them, complaining about gloomy days with them, and trying to figure out what’s wrong with them when they don’t look all that healthy or happy. My great grandmother had a green-thumb, as well, but I never did - so it feels like a happy remembrance of her to try.

Being boring and cozy. I love an adventure, but I’ve been such a homebody over the last year. Just lazing around the apartment in comfortable clothes, cooking, taking walks around the neighborhood. I’ve been forced to slow down in so many ways, but I’ve been trying to find the silver lining by just existing in my own back yard for a little while. I always have the urge to leap into another adventure, and I’ve been dreaming of places I’d like to go, but, for now - sometimes it’s just fun to take a walk and enjoy the quiet little world around me.

Dancing and singing. I have some space to myself right now, so just waking up on a sunny day and throwing on music and singing and dancing around like I’m fourteen again. It’s silly and ridiculous and embarrassing, but it feels nice to let myself have that. I’ve had a mask on for a long time, and it feels like I’m allowing that inner part of myself to be free and to feel less shame. I’m just trying to let myself be more authentic to who I am, the bad and good, which means everything from ugly tears and truths to stupid dancing, trying to tune my violin and failing, doing messy, meandering art that I don’t always love, singing, taking up space - even if it’s empty space. I feel like I’m teaching myself to exist in the world again, little by little. Hopefully, this time, more authentically - with more bravery. But, it’s an uphill battle. Still, the fun silliness really does make me happy.

@beatsforbrothels / @defjux

thank you for sending 🙌

1. my girlfriend - she's my best friend and the best companion I could ever ask for. seeing her, let alone thinking about her never fails to put a smile on my face every single day

2. been getting back into playing a lot more games again in the last few months after taking a break for the first half of the year, currently going through the cyberpunk expansion and night in the woods and struggling with a crippling addiction to both deadlock and balatro (both are the most fun I've had in a very long time with their respective genres)

3. music - been finally taking the time to listen to a lot of albums this year that i've been putting off for a long time, and my position change at my job has made it a lot easier to engage with the massive backlog of stuff i've been meaning to check out, and i've been pleasantly surprised by so much stuff i've been missing out on

4. my pets - i own two cats and they're the most precious fucking things on earth. they both turned 2 years old this year and it's been nothing short of heartwarming to see how lovely and well behaved they can be, and just how much we love each other

Lupe Fiasco - Gotta Eat Circa Survive - Through the Desert Alone Aborted - Six Feet of Foreplay Misery Index - History Is Rotten Outrun the Sunlight - Remaining in a Constant State of Discomfort