#decision paralysis

The big question is, what do we call it? Turns out making decisions is hard and we need an adult.

Help us out by voting for the name that most accurately describes this new pink yarn, or leave a new suggestion in the comments!

My brain, attempting to vibrate out of my skull: Nope.

Me: what do you mean nope?

My brain: can’t do. Things. Can’t do things today.

Me: which things?

My brain: T H I N G S

Me: Why can’t I do things today? It’s my day off. I’ve got all day!

My brain: too much time. Too many things. Much stress.

Me: Okay. So the to-do list is too long and it’s stressing me out. What if I take some things off the list?

My brain, ready to shut down: You. Want. Me. C H O O S E ?!

Me: Got it. Bad idea. What if we relax instead? Enjoy the day off?

My brain, overheating: No things. No do.

Me, frozen in decision paralysis: …

My brain: …

Me: …

[fourteen hours later]

They’re the aspects of my coping mechanisms and trauma that keep me passive in my own life. As well as have lead to all my break downs of friendships and romantic relationships in the past.

Planners, checklists, and reminders are definitely executive function supports, but they aren't the only things that are available. ...so, I've made a list of some examples. A thread (🧵)

Executive functioning includes so much, so executive function supports can be SO MANY things. Executive functions include decision making, working memory, task initiation, planning, prioritizing, many forms of self-regulation, and more.

So let's talk in broad categories

Category 1: Decisionmaking

Avoiding a decision altogether,

Choosing randomly,

Reducing the number of options to decide between,

Always doing the same decision (such as having a uniform for yourself),

Outsourcing decisions,

Having outside structure/expectations

Category 2: Working memory

Keeping things visible,

Reminders,

Collaborators who gently remind you of things,

Writing it down (i.e., notebooks, post-its, to-do lists, etc.),

External structure such as lunch hours,

Understanding why and how working memory fails

Category 3: Information processing

Avoiding weak processing areas (eg. reading for dyslexics like me)

Have information in multiple forms,

Make information processing context relevant,

Reduce incoming information or competing demands

Category 4: Task Management

Body doubling,

Transition time,

To-do lists,

Breaking tasks down (including people to help with that),

External structure for identify the next step,

clear, explicit instructions,

Schedules, planners, itineraries.

Category 5: Organization

Mind maps,

Labels, 

Notetaking templates,

Physical organizers,

Organizing methods (Kondo, Only 4 Things, etc.),

House cleaners, professional organizer, etc.

Clear bins,

An ability to toggle visibility

Category 6: Cognitive Flexibility

Transition time,

Pre-change warnings,

External support for identifying and reminding the new direction,

Context-based exemplars of similar change,

Visual schedules,

Reminders of when structure will start again

I've listed a lot of things here, but there are just so, so, so many more options.

Executive function supports can be ways that we think or approach situations (internal) or structures imposed on us by others (external). They can be physical tools that we can touch and interact with (tangible) or completely abstract ideas or approaches (intangible)

The big takeaways are that executive function supports can be any tool, structure, or communication that supports any of our executive functions.

Executive functioning struggles are core to the ADHD and autistic experiences (and secondary to other ND conditions). This means executive functioning takes a lot of energy for ADHD and/or autistic people, and the more support we have the more energy we can use for other things

So, yeah, planners, checklists, and reminders are definitely executive function supports, but so is a highschool bell schedule, hobby-related groups, professional services, and colleagues (consensually) harassing you to remember to send that email.

Okay. Maybe not ALL but we HAVE come up with a fun way to help get yourself out of “What Do I Want To Do?” paralysis!! For when you catch yourself aimlessly scrolling but don’t know what to do instead…

I present to y’all our new Four C’s philosophy!!!

If you ever get stuck in a loop of your brain clearly wanting something but not telling you what, try asking: Do I want to Connect, Control, Consume, or Create?

Do I want to CONNECT with people or the environment around me? Do I want to feel seen? Heard? Understood? Do I need to leave the house and exist around other people? Do I need to go outside and look at the birds and trees and bugs and pet the neighborhood cat?

Do I want to take CONTROL of my environment? Do I need to clean my room, take out the trash, do a load of laundry, make a list? What action can I take? Am I overstimulated? Am I overwhelmed?

Do I want to CONSUME information or seek out specific sensory input? Do I want to read a book, watch a movie, listen to a new album, eat a yummy meal? Do I want to learn a new skill? Or further my skills in something I already know?

Do I want to CREATE something? Do I want to make a new board on Pinterest, or decorate my room, or doodle something silly, or make a piece of art? Do I want to build a lego set, or cook a meal, or plan an outfit for an upcoming hangout? Do I want to build a piece of ikea furniture? Do I want to write a six page essay about blorbo from my shows and post it on tumblr dot com?

✨✨✨There you have it! ✨✨✨

I'm left to figure it out by myself. There's no guidance on how to navigate the 'adult' world. I was so sheltered during my adolescence, but now that I'm on my own and my age is getting serious, I've been abandoned to figure it out alone. No guidance whatsoever. I think my parents don't know what to do with me anymore, and the saddest part? I don't know what to do with myself either.

You know what's even more pathetic? I wish I had a big sister. Someone I could depend on and learn from. Being the 'tough' one and the 'knowing' one all the time is exhausting. I wish I had a big sister to guide me and be there for me as I navigate this next chapter. I don't need permission on how to live my life anymore, I'm not a teenager. I'm allowed to live the way I want to.