#dearprongs

“Lily? Is that you?” her Mum calls from the kitchen as the porch door shuts behind her and Lily debates turning around and walking back out.

She can’t, though. “Yes Mum, it’s me.”

“Where have you been?”

“The hill,” she says as she walks into the kitchen, not surprised to find her mum at the stove and her dad sitting at the table, crossword in front of him.

“You didn’t tell us you were going out,” he says without looking up.

“I told Mum,” Lily says.

There’s a pause then her mum says quietly, “Sorry love, must have slipped my mind.”

“It doesn’t matter, she’s back now.” Her dad is looking at her now, staring at her over his glasses, and Lily thinks he’s probably wondering if he should have just stuck with having one child.

“I’ll write a note next time.” It’s an apology, sort of, and he nods and then pulls out the chair next to him. “Come help me with this whilst your mum finishes tea. I’m stuck.”

All Petunia needs to cause a fight these days is just to be there, so Lily takes the high road when she comes through the front door and promptly stuffs a forkful of mash potato into her mouth.

“You started without me?” Petunia asks from the doorway, affronted. Lily is tempted to roll her eyes. Of course they started without her, she’s an hour late.

“You said you’d be back at five and it’s gone six, love,” her dad tries to reason softly. Lily watches Petunia consider this, and then wonders how her parents can stand her recently. She never used to be like this. So… entitled. At least Lily gets to leave. They’ve had to put up with it all year round.

“Yours is hot in the oven, don’t worry, don’t worry.” Her mum leaps up and opens the oven for Petunia to see, trying to appease her. “See?”

Petunia takes a moment then absentmindedly humphs. “Right. Well, Vernon is visiting tomorrow so you better not start without me then!”

Lily almost chokes on her forkful of peas. “What?”

“Vernon is visiting tomorrow,” Her sister says, looking down her nose at Lily whilst she takes off her gloves and sits down. “I thought I told you?”

“You didn’t,” Lily says, looking at her dad and trying not to be accusatory. “No one did.”

“We thought we’d take you two out for tea, love, let Lily stay at home to finish her summer homework. Then there’s not a crowd at the dinner table.”

Oh, thank fuck, Lily holds back a sigh of relief.

“Well, that would be nice, I do think Vernon prefers it when it’s just us,” Petunia sniffs, sickly sweet. Lily wants to kick her under the table. That would wipe away the snooty smile.

Her dad just nods and says, “perfect.”

“That’ll be lovely.” Her mum smiles. Lily wonders if her mum can remember that Vernon is a knob or if she’s just pretending for all their sakes.

Lily’s dad waits for her mum to sit back down then says, carefully, “will you be going back to London with him?”

“Yes,” Petunia replies, as if it’s obvious.

“Well, do you think he’d mind giving us a lift too? It means we don’t have to buy two sets of train tickets.”

Petunia looks at her dad as if he’s asked Vernon to cut his toenails. “Why are you going to London?” Her furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips make her look almost a decade older than she really is.

“Lily needs to get her school things, doesn’t she?” Her dad clears his throat. “We’ve already left it quite late.” He smiles at Lily and Lily smiles back, ignoring Petunia’s sour face across the table.

“I can ask… I don’t know if he’ll say yes. And we’re taking the last of my things back too, so there might not be room.”

Vernon’s car is too big for its own good and they all know it. But her dad just nods, and asks someone to pass the gravy.

When the doorbell rings the next night, Lily turns off the TV set and runs upstairs so she doesn’t have to deal with the prick for even a second. His booming voice fills the house and, in retaliation, she turns her cassette player up too loud.

It hurts her ears and she lets it, flopping onto her bed too hard and then jumping right back up when she sees an owl sitting on her desk.

“What the –“ Lily turns the music down, not wanting to hurt the owl’s ears. She takes a second to realise that it must have come in through the open window. It hoots softly at her and sticks its leg out. There’s a small envelope attached, and a muggle stamp in the corner, which seems very pointless given the method of delivery. She unties the envelope, giving the owl a few strokes, and apologises that she doesn’t have any snacks. The owl hoots, less softly, and flies to sit on top of her wardrobe. Clearly whoever has written is expecting a reply.

Vernon’s voice drifts up from the living room, but Lily’s too distracted now too care that he’s lingering instead of making sure they make the reservation. As Suzi Quatro tells her to come alive, Lily breaks the envelope’s seal and pulls out the parchment inside. She sees the handwriting, looks back at the owl, and then – “Of course. Idiot.”

Dear Evans,

Please read this before you throw it in the bin. I never said sorry last term for what happened and I wanted to but I didn’t know if you wanted me to. So I didn’t and that was stupid because I should have. Hopefully this letter will show you that I am sorry and that I was sorry and I probably will be sorry until I die.

Snape called you a you-know-what and he shouldn’t have and that doesn’t make what I did okay, I just want you to know that I’m sorry he called you that too. Neither of us should have done what we did that day. I thought it was my place to defend you and it wasn’t. I shouldn’t have asked you out either. I don’t know why I did. It was an in-the-moment thing, I think. All I know is that I wasn’t thinking at the time, obviously, and thinking about it now is painful because it was such a class arse thing to do. Godric would be ashamed. Sirius told mum about it and she threw a spatula at me.

But yeah, I’m sorry, and I hope you’re okay.

Enjoy the rest of your summer, see you at school.

James

P.S. I told Babbity not to wait for a reply, but she’s a big fan of bread, so if she’s hanging around, that’ll be why

Lily reads the letter once, twice and then looks at Babbity on top of her wardrobe, and wonders if the owl would tell James if she threw it in the bin. She doesn’t want to throw the letter in the bin, she’s just considering all her options. One option is replying. Except she has no idea what she would say. She reads the letter again, just to make sure she hasn’t misread any of his scrawl. And it is a scrawl, a messy, languid scrawl that means almost all of his essays have to be rewritten so the professors can actually read them. Lily thinks of him sitting in his room writing the letter. Did he have to rewrite it? Did he do drafts? Was his bin full of scraps of paper, like in the films, with half-started and half-hearted versions he just couldn’t get right? Does she care? Did he get halfway through and realise no one but him would be able to read it? Does she care?

“Don’t look at me like that,” she tells Babbity when she realises that she’s been standing in the middle of her room, rereading the letter for a good four of Suzi’s songs. “I don’t care. I don’t.”

Babbity cocks her head, ruffles her feathers and hoots. Probably asking for bread. Lily looks at the letter, her name, Evans, taking up half a line in his handwriting. Then she tells herself to stop being such a fucking flannel, Evans, throws the letter on her desk, and tells Babbity, who is incredibly judgemental for an owl, that she’ll be back in a minute with some bread. At least this gets her a happy hoot.

Downstairs the trumpet that is Vernon’s voice is even louder but Lily heads straight for the kitchen, grabs a slice of bread from the bread basket and jogs back upstairs before it gives her a headache. She looks up at the wardrobe to find that Babbity has moved from her original perch and is now on Lily’s desk, pecking at her Prefect badge. “What are you, a magpie?” Lily asks, quickly tearing the bread into small pieces and making a mental note to clear the crumbs up later. Babbity loses all interest in the badge immediately and Lily picks it up out of harm’s way.

Sirius told mum about it and she threw a spatula at me…  James’ words stroll back through her head and she sighs, rubbing her finger over the badge’s shiny surface. His mum knows about her, that he asked her out. Does she care?

It annoys her, the question, repeating itself over and over, squeezing out the memory she’s been trying all summer to forget. Does she care? She knows the answer, or she thinks she does, except she doesn’t really know at all, does she.

“Lily?” Her dad knocks on the door, and Lily jumps, not having heard him on the stairs. “We’re just about to leave, just wanted to let you know.”

“I thought your reservation was at eight?” She asks, looking at her watch as she goes to meet him on the landing. It’s half past.

Her dad shrugs. “You know what Vernon is like.”

“Unfortunately,” she says, not thinking. He shakes his head but laughs too, looking only vaguely disapproving.

“We’ll be back by eleven hopefully. Make sure you’re not hurting your ears,” he says as he nods to the cassette player. “I’ve written the restaurant’s number down in case there’s an emergency.”

“Thanks dad. Have a good time.” She gives him a dutiful hug, dragging it out for a second longer than she would normally, and he gives her a kiss on the forehead.

“Don’t wreck the house,” he says after, over his shoulder in way of a goodbye.

“I’ll try not to. Bye mum!” Lily leans over the bannister, purposefully not acknowledging Vernon, whose thick neck bulges over his collar as he looks up at her from the hallway, frowning.

Her mum waves then is hurried out of the house by Petunia. Lily watches them go, flipping Vernon off once his back is turned. The front door shuts after her dad and Lily waits for the roar of Vernon’s car to start before going back into her room.

“Finished?” she asks Babbity, who just looks at her, picks up the last piece of bread in her beak, ruffles her wings and then soars out the open window, disappearing into the dark sky. The force of the owl’s flight knocks the letter off her desk and Lily crouches to pick it up, placing it and her prefect badge carefully on top of last year’s books. Her name in his handwriting screams at her so she just turns her music back up and drowns it out.

The front door opens again a little past midnight and Lily can hear her parents shushing each other as they come up the stairs. Her light is off and she pretends to be asleep when her mum pokes her head in to check.

“She’s fine,” her dad reassures from behind her mum, in the corridor and Lily waits for the floorboard outside their bedroom door to creak before opening her eyes again. Vernon and Petunia come up the stairs a few seconds later, and they’re much less concerned about waking Lily up. Vernon’s feet sound like bricks every time he steps and it’s only when Petunia’s door shuts behind them that his voice, complaining about how dry the chicken was, is muffled. Although at the time it had been horrible, Lily’s glad that she and Petunia had been given separate rooms when Lily returned from her first year at Hogwarts.

She imagines the havoc it would cause if they were still sharing and Vernon was relegated to the sofa.

A few minutes later the house falls quiet again and Lily pulls her magazine from under the covers. Witch Weekly had generally never been considered highly political or even worth reading by a lot of witches and wizards she knows. It’s known for waxing lyrical about quidditch players and advertising the latest cleaning potion, not strong political stances. Lily had thought the same until a few months ago when she’d flicked to the back and found a list of all the wizard and muggle disappearances that were believed to be linked to the Dark Arts. There was no commentary, no accompanying article. Just three columns of names, ordered by the date they were reported missing. It was too many names and it wasn’t enough, was never going to be enough, to simply be reading the list. It’s all Lily can do though, for now.

Read the list, commit the names to memory and wait.

Vernon’s car is a monster and yet it still feels too small with all five of them squashed in, Lily wedged between her dad and her sister in the back. The radio is barely audible over the engine, which Lily doesn’t really mind because Afternoon Delight is playing again, for the third time since they left Cokeworth, and she’s not sure if she’d be able to handle it full volume. No one is talking because, well. They have nothing to talk about.

Any appropriate topics of conversation were probably worn out at dinner last night and no one’s about to ask Lily if she’s excited to return to her magic school when Vernon is in the car. When Petunia had introduced Lily to him, she’d pulled her aside first and sternly informed her that Vernon believed Lily attended a strict, all-girls boarding school in Scotland for young women who needed guidance. What sort of guidance has never been made clear. The general fib the Evans family stuck with was that Lily attended a posh, private school in Scotland which accepted five scholarship students a year and weren’t they lucky to have such a clever daughter? Clearly, Petunia was not a fan of this version.

Lily notices Vernon looking at her in the rearview mirror now, eyebrows creased together as if he too is unsure of what guidance his girlfriend’s sister needs. She smiles sweetly at him. Then she rests her head on her dad’s shoulder and tries to sleep.

She’s shaken awake later and opens her eyes to see that the countryside is long behind them. They’re stopped in a bus bay just beneath the Charing Cross street sign. “Come on Lils, there’s a bus coming,” her dad says, hurrying her out. Her parents are already on the pavement and Petunia is in the front seat, trying to justify why the only place that Lily can get her uniform from is in London.

“Thank you,” Lily says as she scrambles out. There’s a grunt in reply then the car is roaring away again. Lily and her parents have to dive back as the bus pulls in and a swarm of commuters and tourists tumble out.

She grabs her mum’s hand and leads the way out of the melee, her feet instinctively carrying her towards The Leaky Cauldron. It sticks out like a sore thumb to her, but she knows that to everyone else it’s just the weird gap between buildings. McGonagall had helped her parents see it on their first visit and, ever since, they’ve been privy to its existence.

“Ready?” she asks her mum over her shoulder, checking that her dad isn’t far behind. Her mum smiles excitedly. The illness is nowhere to be seen, not even hidden in her new wrinkles. There’s a steady stream of witches and wizards walking through the pub’s door and they join the queue, behind a family struggling to keeps its youngest member calm. Newly eleven, Lily guesses.

“Remember that?” her mum asks, squeezing Lily’s hand.

Lily grins. “I couldn’t wait. McGonagall had to ask me to be quiet because she was worried I was drawing too much attention.”

“You were,” her dad chimes in, ruffling her hair.

“I can’t believe you’re going into your sixth year already.” They both beam at her and Lily thinks their smiles could power her for the rest of her life.

“And top of my class,” she winks, trying to disguise her blush.

“Intelligence,” her dad notes with a solemn face. “It’s a family gene.”

“Not from your side,” her mum says as she nudges him in the stomach and Lily wishes this moment could last forever. They reach the door then and shuffle through, all breathing a sigh of relief as cool air replaces the thick humidity of London. There’s no way that the temperature isn’t being magically controlled and Lily is grateful all over again for this wonderful world she’s lucky enough to be a part of.

“Please no dawdling! Lots of traffic today, Hogwarts students please go through. No dawdling!” Someone is calling from the back of the pub and they follow the sound. “Peak time, peak time, Hogwarts students please go through.” It’s Tom, the landlord, and he looks exhausted. “No dawdling!”

They join the queue at the back of the pub and, in no time, have been herded through the archway. “Good to see we aren’t the only ones leaving it to the last minute!” her dad jokes as they’re swept up in the crowd.

Diagon Alley is bustling as always except, compared to when Lily visited at the beginning of the summer with Mary, there’s a lot more people her age and younger and a lot of names being called. She loves it. Everywhere she turns someone is carrying a cauldron full of books or the latest broomstick or a cage making noises she can’t quite name. The fear she’d woken up with this morning of possibly bumping into the Slytherins or, worse, Potter, is replaced with excitement and she can’t help the smile on her face.

Her mum pulls the list from her bag and they start shopping, spending longer than necessary in every shop because they all want to look at what’s new. Lily is stopped every few minutes by friendly faces and students she’d helped pass Potions or Charms at some point. Her parents’ smiles grow wider with every hello and wave until Lily is worried their faces will break.

Her friends and dormmates have all done their shopping already, able to get to London much more easily with at least one parent being magic. Lily had been upset at first that she wouldn’t be seeing them but being with her parents is just as nice. It’s only ten days until they’ll all be back on the Hogwarts Express together anyway.

“Don’t be fooled Evans.” Hot breath tickles her neck and she spins, hand ready to jump to her hair where her wand is keeping it in a bun. Avery leers over, her turning a pack of Exploding Snap cards in his hands over and over again. Her heart races and she looks desperately around for her parents. They’re on the other side of the shop, watching a demonstration of Gobstones. They’re safe.

“Having a good summer, Avery?” she asks, meeting his gaze without flinching. He can't do anything here. Not in Diagon Alley.

“Don’t expect special treatment anymore, Evans. You’re filthy,” he sneers. “Snape won’t protect you now, your time is coming.”

Lily’s hand twitches, “Thanks for letting me know, I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.” She steps around him, “See you at school.”  

He doesn’t follow.

As soon as she’s stepped into another aisle she lets her breath out, sagging against the shelves.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Avery doesn’t scare her, not when they’re in public and he wouldn’t be able to do anything without causing chaos. Avery hadn’t ever scared her. What does frighten her is his confidence, what his words meant. It’s getting worse, growing, spreading like an infestation. When rumours first started spreading that something was happening, that someone was building an army, that he was as strong and powerful as Grindewald, she hadn’t understood. She’d been too young, too new to the world and its history.

All the wars she’d learnt about in primary school had been fought with guns, tanks, and planes. Not wands and creatures. Magic. None of them had lasted this long without any real battles. No leader had waited this long to actually start something instead of just threatening it. They’d all ended too, within a few years. Lily knows this one hasn’t even begun properly. He’s still preparing. They call him the Dark Lord and revere him as a god. Lily isn’t sure if she believes in God, any god, but she knows he isn’t one.

She counts to ten, pushing Avery to the back of her mind with every number, and then goes to find her parents. The shopping is all done and they’re all weighed down with books so she suggests they go for an ice cream then head home. They ask if she’s okay and she forces a yawn for their benefit. Lily doesn’t want to let Avery ruin their day but now that she knows he’s there she can’t help but want to protect her parents. And the best way to protect them is to get them out of Diagon Alley and back into London, the muggle side.

On the train back, two hours later, Lily watches the city turn to country. Then back to city. Then country… county… country and then Cokeworth; home, the factory’s chimney rising up in the distance. Her parents are still doing the crossword together and she’s been pretending to read her new Potions book but she hasn’t been able to focus. Ten days and the view from the window will be country, country, country then her second home, Hogwarts.

Ten days, and she’ll be back with her friends, and her parents will be alone. With her at school, there will be no one to protect them.

Her thoughts run before she can stop them.

Maybe it’ll be my parents tomorrow.

You’re filthy.

Enjoy the rest of your summer...

She lingers on that one. It is, decidedly, a much nicer thought than everything else. She won’t think about Sev or Avery. Not anymore, not till she’s back in Hogwarts. She’ll spend the next ten days with her parents, hot, sweating, happy, safe.

Enjoy the rest of your summer.

“Can you see my parents?” Lily asks Mary as they step out of the way of the barrier and try not to crash into anyone else’s trolley.

“By the train,” Mary points. Lily looks through the haze and sees them too, standing with Rita and Leander McKinnon. “Guess Marls isn’t late.” They steer their trolleys in that direction and slowly make their way through the throng, Lily checking over her shoulder too many times. Diagon Alley was one thing; there had been a high chance they’d done their shopping on another day, earlier in the summer. They have to be here though, somewhere on the Platform, standing with their parents, saying hello to friends.

Last year her parents and Sev’s mum had stood together, their stilted conversation easy to block out because she and Sev were talking about what Slughorn might have in store for them. She’d seen only Potter’s parents once or twice on the platform over the years. They were always smiling and surrounded by a bunch of other parents, laughing and not letting their son out of their sight until they absolutely had too. They are here, she knows, somewhere, and she doesn’t want to have to face either of them yet.

“Mary! Lily! Look at you two!” Rita sweeps them both into a big hug and squeezes tightly. “We were just telling your parents, Lily,” she lets them go and smiles. “Marlene is helping the little ones on to the train, she’ll be back in a moment to get her own stuff.”

“How was Spain?” Asks Mary dutifully.

“Absolutely wonderful,” Rita says as she nudges her husband, “wasn’t it?”

“Marlene dragged us everywhere, I don’t think there was anything of historical significance we didn’t see,” he laughs affectionately, and Mary and Lily share a knowing look. If they couldn’t be seen, Mary would be rolling her eyes.

“What was the weather like, we’ve never been?” Lily’s mum asks and then doesn’t get an answer because at that moment Marlene comes flying out of nowhere. She barrels into Mary and Lily, almost sending them flying.

“Marlene!” Rita scolds, shocked, but Marlene ignores her, not letting go.

“I missed you, Merlin’s arse, I missed you!” She cries into Mary’s shoulder, almost deafening Lily.

“We missed you too Marls,” Mary laughs. “Now get off.”

Marlene steps back, finally, and grins as she asks, “Where are the others?”

“Haven’t seen them, but Maya said she would save us a compartment,” Lily says with a shrug, waving towards the steam engine.

“Onto the train then?” Clare asks, coming up behind Mary. The girls nod in unison and begin levitating their trunks off the trolleys, Mary carefully positioning Smokey’s cage under her arm so she doesn’t have to come back for him.

“We’ll meet you back here once we’ve found a compartment,” Marlene says over her shoulders to the parents as she steps on to the train. Mary follows and Lily gives her mum and dad a quick smile then steps on too, trunk hovering in front of her. It feels good to do magic, even this tiny, easy bit and her hand tingles slightly as the girls make their way slowly down the crowded corridor.

Students overflow from compartments, and they’re stopped every few minutes and almost lose Marlene when they come across some of the Gryffindor team. Eventually though, they’ve pushed their way past the main traffic and find Maya and Tegan sitting in a compartment, Tegan sprawled over one of the benches whilst Maya sits on the floor, stroking Artemis, Tegan’s cat.

“Hello there!” Marlene announces, swinging the compartment door open and opening her arms wide. She just manages to land her trunk on the shelf before she is accosted by Maya.

“Finally!” Tegan leaps up too and, almost stepping on her cat, drags Mary and Lily into the compartment and hugs them. Lily almost loses a hold of her trunk but she manages to levitate it next to Marlene’s over Tegan’s shoulder.

“How are you? How was your summer?” Mary is asking.

“Long,” Tegan sighs dramatically and releases them. Then Artemis meows in expectation. They all have to spend a few moments giving him some attention until he’s satisfied and stalks over to lay down where Mary has put Smokey’s cage next to Phil’s, Maya’s owl.

“So Mar, I know you’ve been dying to tell us, wow was Spain?” Mary asks Marlene once she’s hugged Maya.

Marlene flicks her hair, bleached even more blonde from the Spanish sun and smiles coyly as she says, “It was perfect.”

“You better get all of that out of your system now you know,” Lily teases gently. “Bragging about your amazing holiday is only allowed for 24 hours - then you have to shut up.”

“Them’s the rules,” Maya agrees solemnly.

“Whatever,” Marlene shrugs, “it was perfect.”

“Let’s say goodbye to the ‘rents before she starts waxing lyrical,” Tegan says with a roll of her eyes, dodging Marlene’s replying pinch.

“Reckon the compartment will be alright now with our stuff in it?” Maya asks.

“Yeah, come on, mum’s dying to see everyone,” Marlene slings an arm over Maya’s shoulders and leads the way back out into the corridor and off the train. They find the group of parents quickly and there are a lot of hellos before there are any goodbyes.

Then it’s five to and there’s a sudden wave of moment towards the train. Maya and Tegan dive on, their parents having left a while ago, whilst Marlene, Mary and Lily are subjected to a last round of hugs.

“Remember to write,” Lily’s mum says sternly, as if they both hadn’t been sat at the kitchen table crying this morning when Lily promised to write every week.

“And if you need anything, or you’ve forgotten something,” her dad pulls her in for one last hug, “just ask.”

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry,” Lily says, burying her face in his jacket, trying to commit his smell to memory.

“Work hard too,” her mum rubs her back gently, “and have fun.”

Lily lets go of her dad and gives her mum another hug, whispering “I love you.” She ignores the tug behind her eyes, knowing it will only upset her mum if she cries.

“Love you too,” her mum smiles as they part, tapping her cheek gently, “now get gone or you’ll miss the train.”

“Love you!” Her dad calls after her as she turns to go, following Mary and Marlene who are waiting in the train’s doorway for her. She boards and they tug her down the corridor to where Tegan and Maya are guarding a window for all of them to lean out of. The whistle blows and the girls hang out, along with every other student on the train, waving and calling out goodbyes. Lily grins at her parents, waving furiously, feeling the tears prick at the back of her eyes as they recede into the distance and eventually disappear.

“And we’re off!” Marlene squeals once the platform has been replaced by countryside and everyone begins to return to their compartments, the corridor crowded again.

“I better go,” Lily says, raising her voice over the closest compartment of second years yelling about their summers. “I’ll see you later.”

“Say hello to Remus for us!” Mary reminds her.

“Ugh, almost forgot you were a prefect,” Maya groans, screwing her face up in mock disgust.

“Says the girl who just spent her summer working for the Ministry,” teases Marlene.

“See if you can find the trolley on the way back,” Marlene says, ignoring the others and giving Lily a playful shove, “I’m starved and mum only packed sandwiches.”

“Anything else?” Lily asks dryly.

“Bugger off?” Says Tegan, laughing. Lily flips the girls off and then turns and heads down the train, towards the prefect carriage. Last year she’d found Remus on the platform first and they’d headed their together, nervous and quietly proud of each other. This year however she doesn’t feel half as nervous as she approaches the prefect carriage and, besides, she’d much rather only see Remus here, and not anywhere where Potter might also be.

“Hullo Evans,” Caelum Worthright greets her when she enters, patting the space next to him. Lily goes over gratefully, having noticed that the only other available seats are next to the Slytherin prefects, who Lily has never particularly gotten on with. “Good summer?”

“Yeah thanks, good to be back though.” She smiles, “you?”

Caelum shrugs, “same old, same old really.” Lily nods, and Caelum goes back to reading the newspaper. He’s nice and they get on, he’s also quite shy yet Lily thinks this is what she appreciates most about him; he doesn’t mind comfortable silence. Remus enters then and Lily jumps up to give him a hug. He hugs back and Lily notices that there’s more of him than there had been last year, less pokey bone.

“Now that everyone’s here –“ the head boy, a Ravenclaw who seems very excited to have the honour, stands and begins to talk, looking pointedly at Lily and Remus until they sit down. The meeting is no different from usual; the Head Boy and Head Girl welcome everyone, the newest prefects introduce themselves, and then a rota is handed out and they’re told to hand it in once they’ve been given their new timetables so duties can be assigned. Lily has to wait until afterwards to talk to Remus. It’s only once they’ve left, said goodbye to Caelum and started heading down the train that they actually speak.

“Did you finish Les Miserables?” Lily asks, walking backwards down the now empty corridor so they can hear each other easily.

Remus rolls his eyes, “it’s a long book, Evans.”

“It was a long summer, Lupin.”

“I’m halfway through. What about you, caught up on Doctor Who?”

“Yes and I cannot believe that we’re missing the new series by three days, it’s a joke,” Lily says.

“I notice you’ve lost the Sarah Jane hair,” Remus eyes her hair, now past her shoulders and down to her collarbones. Christmas of fifth year she’d gone home, watched the latest series and then marched into Val’s Cuts, the local hairdressers, and given Val a picture of Sarah Jane Smith and her money. Over the summer, Lily had decided a fringe wasn’t actually her thing, so Val had taken the fringe out for her and now she’s growing all of her hair out. “It suits you longer.”

“Thanks,” she flicks it over her shoulder dramatically and he grins.

Then – “This is me.” He stops by the compartment Lily has just walked past and she pauses. “Want to come say hello?” Remus asks. It’s a prick move and he knows it.

Lily narrows her eyes. “Fuck off, Lupin,” she says with an attempt at a scowl. The compartment door slides open though and Peter peers out.

“Evans, didn’t see you there,” he says with a wave and from inside the compartment they hear something crash. “Remus, we told you not to come back unless you had pumpkin pasties. Do you have pumpkin pasties?”

Remus starts patting down his jacket and jeans and then reaches into his pocket, “Oh, yeah look, here you go–“ he pulls his hand out swiftly, giving Peter the middle finger, and then barges past him and Lily hears him telling whoever is inside “I’m not a fucking delivery service.” She knows who is inside. She just doesn’t want to acknowledge it.

“Good summer?” Peter asks and he’s looking at her as if he knows exactly what she’s thinking and she hates all of them.

“Yeah thanks, very hot,”

“Disgusting, wasn’t it. Anyway, I have to go tell Remus that he’s a massive arse so I guess I’ll see you at the feast.” Peter salutes her with a smile and then shuts the compartment door. Lily turns tail and tries not to run. Vague shouting follows her but she tells herself it could be coming from any compartment, it doesn’t have to be –

“Alright, Evans?” Lily swings around. There he is, all hurricane hair and long limbs. And she blushes. What the fuck is wrong with you.

“Potter,” she acknowledges, watching as his hand jumps to his hair, of course, and he almost knocks his glasses off his face. He’s already wearing his Hogwarts robes and she hates herself for thinking he looks good in them but, well, he does, sort of. He’s also taller than he was at the end of fifth year, and Lily has to raise her chin to look at him properly.

“Good summer?” he asks, in the exact same voice Peter used, except Peter didn’t ask her out at the end of fifth year, or ridicule her best friend in front of the entire school, nor did he not talk to her the rest of term and then write an apology letter with ten days left to go of summer. So, really, it’s not the same voice Peter used at all.

“Above average.” Lily wonders why it’s so hard to talk to him, to be normal around him. She doesn’t hate him, isn’t really sure how anyone could ever truly hate him. She didn’t even hate him at the end of last term. Not properly. She’s never really known exactly how she feels because he moves too quickly for her feelings to keep up.

“Do anything interesting?” he leans against the carriage wall, finds even he can’t balance against the train’s movement, and then moves to put his hands in his pockets, forgetting that Hogwarts robes don’t have pockets.

“Not really.” Why did you write? is what she wants to ask, but the words won’t make it out. “What about you?”

“A lot of water fights and quidditch, not much else,” he says with a shrug. Suddenly, he straightens and tries to look her in the eye. He lands on her left ear instead. “Look,” and here it is. Whatever he’s about to say next is the real reason they’re standing in the corridor, being watched by a compartment of fourth year Gryffindors who know too much about their business because everyone knows too much about each other’s business at Hogwarts. “I didn’t expect you to reply, I just wanted to check you got my letter. I’d feel bad if Babbity flew all that way to deliver it to the wrong –“

“I got the letter,” Lily says, stopping him so he can’t ramble his way down a hole. “I- I, it was nice. I think your mum was right to throw the spatula.” What is she saying. She doesn’t know, because she hadn’t planned on having this conversation, yet. Not in the corridor on the way to Hogwarts, maybe not even until they’d been back for a week. Maybe, not even at all.

“My mum is usually right,” Potter says, looking as if she has no idea what she’s saying either. They settle into awkward silence, Lily wanting to leave but unable to turn and feeling as if there’s something more coming. Finally, he sticks his hand out, “Friends?”

And Lily almost loses it. Friends? Are they friends? Were they ever friends? Could they be friends? Doesn’t she want to be his friend? Taking his hand means agreeing, silently saying yes, we are friends, and I like you. Lily doesn’t know if she likes him, she doesn’t know what she thinks of him at all anymore because the boy who wrote the letter hadn’t sounded like the boy who took off Sev’s underwear that day by the lake and she doesn’t know this new boy. She’s starting to suspect she didn’t really know the old boy either.

“Friends.” And she shakes his hand, not knowing what else to do. The smile that crosses his face almost blows her away, and then he’s wiping it away, literally rubbing his cheek with his hand to hide it, and there’s his usual half smile, easy and with a lot less baggage than the one a second ago. Their hands drop back to their sides and they don’t need to talk anymore because they’ve decided they’re friends. It’s just they’ve never been friends, not this explicitly, so they don’t know what to say.

“Guess I’ll see you at the feast then,” Potter says a few seconds later.

“Yeah, see you there, Potter.” Lily gives him a nod and turns before he can walk away first or, Merlin forbid, ask something else. She can feel him watching her but she doesn’t look over her shoulder, just sets her sights firmly on the end of the carriage and walks until she reaches her compartment, not sparing anyone else a glance.

When she slides open the door, the girls all turn to look as she drops to the floor next to Maya, muttering when Marlene kicks her foot in lieu of asking what’s wrong. “Potter.”

“What the –“ Suddenly they’re all on the floor around her, squashed together, and Artemis leaps into the middle of the group to join the fun, curling up in Lily’s lap as if the cat knows Lily needs her.

Her hair falls around her face as she pulls her wand from her bun and she lets it, assuming that there’ll be some blushing in the next five minutes. “Muffliatio,” she points her wand at the door and then throws it onto the bench across from her.

“Well?” Demands Tegan and so Lily begins to explain, telling them about Sev harassing her every chance he could, all summer long, Potter’s letter and then their conversation in the corridor. Over the hot months she’d thought about putting it in letters but that would mean writing it out four times and knowing what she wanted to say. Plus, at the time she’d only had the Sev thing to write about. That would have just annoyed them all, whereas Potter related news always excites them beyond what Lily thinks is reasonable. When she finishes speaking, they all exchange looks as if Lily isn’t sat right in front of them and she briefly considers finding new friends. Then she decides that she’s in too deep now, and it’s not worth the effort after six years.

Maya speaks first, calm and like she’s known the whole story all along, “Well we all knew Snape wasn’t going to give up on you that easily, but you should have said. We would have come and hexed him.”

“Thanks,” Lily says sarcastically.

“Look,” Marlene says clapping a hand onto Lily’s shoulder in what Lily guesses is meant to be a comforting guesture, “we told you from the start Snape was a no good piece of shit and –“

“Marls!” Mary stops Marlene from talking with a sharp nudge to her ribs.

“Well we did!” All of her friends make eye contact then, except not with her, and it doesn’t help the bubble of shame growing in her stomach. Everybody could see what he was except her. “I’m just saying none of us are gonna let him near you at Hogwarts and him and his cronies can fuck right off.” Finishes Marlene, frowning at Mary.

“That’s not what you were saying.” Says Mary, returning the frown and narrowing her eyes.

“Sev isn’t the problem. I know now that he’s a dick. He’s in the past. I know where I stand with him but, Potter…” Lily sighs in exasperation, “where the hell do I stand with him?”

“Where do you want to stand with him?” Tegan asks, as if this question is the answer to all of Lily’s turmoil. It’s not.

“She just said she doesn’t know Tegan,” Maya says, snapping her fingers impatiently. “Keep up.”

“Well you just agreed to be friends didn’t you? That’s a start.” Mary prompts and the others hum in agreement.  

Lily shrugs, “I guess.”

“Anything from the trolley dears?” They all look up at the interruption and see the door has been slid open to reveal the little old witch and her trolley of goodies.

“Everything,” Lily mutters, pushing herself up from the floor and onto the bench. Then, audibly, “five sugar quills, please.”

The others rush to get their orders in, searching through pockets for enough knuts and sickles. By the time they’ve all ordered and got their snacks, they’ve all silently decided that they don’t need to talk about Snape or James anymore because there are much more important topics to catch up on. Such as Marlene’s amazing holiday to Spain and Maya’s three-week internship with the Ministry.

Lily goes out to patrol the corridor once or twice, stopping every time she nears Potter’s carriage and returning to her own. When the sun starts to set through the window and they haven’t seen a house in over an hour, they begin to pull on their robes, closing the door’s blind so Maya can adjust her hijab easily. Soon the lights of Hogsmeade will appear through the window and the corridor will begin to fill as over excited students fight to be the first off the train.

The girls stay in their compartment until almost the last moment once the train has stopped, laughing as Tegan battles with Artemis in an attempt to get the cat to go into her basket. Once Artemis has finally settled, only happy to do so after thoroughly scratching up Tegan’s arms, they join the queue leaving the train and step off into the cool Scottish night.

At one end of the platform Hagrid is herding first years into his shadow, lantern held aloft. Lily and the girls wave, then Lily convinces a few hesitant eleven year olds nearby that what they heard on the train is not true and Hagrid will not be eating them any time soon.

“Ah, to be young,” giggles Mary as she loops her arm through Lily’s and leads the girls towards the carriages awaiting them. They hop into the first one they come to and gently bully Marlene about the fact that in their first year, she threw up on the boats. Only Maya had seen it, but they’ve all heard the story so many times it feels like they were there. The carriage ride barely takes any time at all after the long train journey and Lily is relieved when they climb down and look up to see Hogwarts, to see home. The castle stands strong in the night, all of its windows lit up. Already noise from the Great Hall spills out the doors, warming the Entrance Hall and steps with chatter and laughter. McGonagall stands at the top of the stairs and she waves to the girls when they reach the top.

“Hey prof!” Shouts Tegan, grinning.

“Hurry up now, you don’t want to miss the sorting,” is all McGonagall says in return, waving the throngs of students past her. Maya drags Tegan away before she can say anything else and they walk through the Entrance Hall, past the glittering house points held in their hourglasses, and then, finally, through the tall doors and into the Great Hall.

Just like it does every year, the sight takes her breath away and Lily finds herself craning her neck to see the clear blue sky, littered with stars. Marlene guides her forwards, used to it by now, and Lily holds back a smile at how easy it is to be here, to be back, to be with her friends who know every inch of her and love her for it.

“You’re gonna trip,” Marlene warns her just before she bumps into the bench and they both climb over, Maya, Mary and Tegan sitting opposite them. The benches fill up and luckily Lily is facing the wall so doesn’t have to deal with looking at the Slytherin table. She spots Remus and Sirius diagonally across from her, about a dozen people down towards the teachers’ table, which must mean Potter is on her side but you aren’t thinking about him, you aren’t thinking about him.

The doors close and an excited hush settles over the hall, because the when they next open the first years will walk through, led by McGonagall and the Sorting Hat. They only have to wait a few minutes for this to happen and everyone is leaning, standing up, kneeling on the benches to see them, watch their nervous faces, try and spot siblings.

McGonagall sets the stool down with a pointed crack and places the Sorting Hat on top. That’s when the Great Hall falls into total silence. Under the table Marlene is nervously fiddling with her robes in anticipation and Lily lays her hand on top of hers to calm her down.

Finally, the Sorting Hat opens it torn mouth and begins,

“Every year I do this job,

watch students sit at tables,

and you may think that I’m squab

but to date I’ve not been wrong.

So step up, sit on my stool,

find out where you belong here

let me prove that I’m no fool.

I’ll show you where you need to go.

For you, maybe Slytherin,

the house built on sharp cunning

it’s here you’ll learn how to win,

for there’s no cowardice there.

For you, maybe Gryffindor,

the house built with pride and fame.

In Gryffindor find your roar,

learn to run before you walk.

For you, maybe Hufflepuff,

the house built with heart and toil,

the house that’ll say enough,

there’ll always be room for you.

For you, maybe Ravenclaw,

wit and charm are never far flung,    

release your mind and it’ll soar,

do not fear the knowledge found.

We can only try and see

what is around the corner

but together you and me

we will always be prepared.  

For you, there’s always somewhere here.

You’ve come from afar, all to learn

now let me sort and bring cheer

then you’ll feast with your new friends.” The Hat finishes with a half bow of his tip and all the houses clap, surprised at the shortness of the song this year. McGonagall, no particular expression at the song on her face, unfurls her scroll of parchment and begins to read names, each child shuffling forwards apprehensively. Every time the Hat announces a new student for Gryffindor the girls stamp their feet and cheer, leaning down to the end of the table to see them sit down.

When it reaches M, Marlene starts leaning backwards to get a better view and she bites her nails when McGonagall reads “McKinnon, Mitchell.” He’s her youngest sibling and her two other younger brothers sit at the Ravenclaw table, third and fourth years, biting their nails too. Her two older brothers were Gryffindors so Mitchell has two options, as far as his family are concerned, which is more than a lot of the other students who had other siblings already at Hogwarts could say. The division of the houses had confused Lily as a first year and it had taken months until she understood how deep it runs and how people consider your house your family.

The Sorting Hat’s tear opens and Marlene almost falls off her seat as it roars “Gryffindor!” She’s on her feet in seconds, cheering, and the girls cheer too, laughing as Marlene waves frantically at her brother, who just looks embarrassed.

“Sit down before he becomes the boy with that weird older sister,” Mary says and Lily tugs on Marlene’s sleeve, dragging her down as the next name is called out. There’s two students left when Lily’s stomach rumbles for the first time and Maya nods.

“I’m starving. They need to cut down on the intake so we can eat sooner,” she jokes as the last first year sits down at the Hufflepuff table and Dumbledore stands. His beard has grown over the summer and the plait at the bottom of it rests on the podium in front of him.

“Welcome to all of you, from our oldest to our newest students,” he gestures across the whole hall and Lily wonders how he seems to manage to make eye contact with everyone at once. “It’s been a long and hot summer and I hope you’ve all had a languid and euphoric time. Now though it is time to prepare yourself for another year of learning the wondrous art that is magic. Our dear groundskeeper has asked me to remind you that the Whomping Willow is out of bounds and very dangerous. It would be inadvisable to approach it.” Lily’s not sure if she imagines it but, she thinks, just for a second, his eyes rest on the Gryffindor table. “The same can be said for the Forbidden Forest. For a full list of our ground rules, please see Mr Filch’s office door. And with that, I think it’s time we ate!” At his last two words, food appears all over the table and the Hall bursts into noise again.

The girls don’t talk as they dig in, except to ask someone to pass a plate or dish of food. Lily thinks she’s on her third plate before dessert appears, completely wiping the idea of more Yorkshire puddings from her mind because there’s a bowl of meringues and strawberries in front of her.

“The House Elves have out done themselves this year,” Tegan comments as she spoons mousse into her mouth.

“Better and better each year, I swear to Merlin,” says Mary, almost dribbling pumpkin juice. Lily has to agree. The start of term feast does seem to only improve and she has yet to be disappointed by its offerings.

Dumbledore is standing up too soon and the dessert vanishes as quickly as it came and there’s a collective groan across the hall. Meanwhile Marlene has found a way around the system by piling profiteroles into her lap. “Now that we’ve feasted and our bellies are full, let’s head to bed for a good night’s sleep.”

Around the hall prefects stand up first, heading towards where their new first years sit at the end of the bench. Lily nicks one of Marlene’s profiteroles, climbs over the bench and tells the girls she’ll meet them up there. They wave goodbye and she walks down to the throng of first years, making sure not to look when she sees Peter out of the corner of her eye.

Remus is already there and she joins him in herding the first years, introducing herself and leading away the first group. He follows close behind and when they reach the Entrance Hall fall into step. “Heard a funny story on the train,” he says quietly, looking over his shoulder to check his first years are still behind him.

“Oh, what’s that?” Lily answers, stopping their groups so they don’t get lost in a bunch of Hufflepuffs and Slytherins heading downstairs.

“Pr- James says he wrote you a letter,” they start walking again, guiding the first years up the stairs, ignoring their amazed oohs and aahs as they notice the portraits waving at them. “An apology letter.”

Lily looks sideways at him, “And?”

“Just interesting. You didn’t mention it.” Remus says casually then turns to tell the first years about the history of the portraits. Lily rolls her eyes at his avoidance tactic, also grateful for the extra time to figure out a reply. He turns back a moment later, smiling as if they’re talking about the weather. Dick.

“I didn’t realise I needed to,” she says before telling the first years that Gryffindor tower will be their home for the next seven years and it’s normal to get lost in the first few weeks, but they’ll get used to it.

“Just wondered what you thought, that’s all,” Remus says, snatching the already stolen profiterole out of her hand and popping it in his mouth before she can complain.

Lily frowns but can’t reply because just then they reach the Gryffindor portrait hole and the Fat Lady coughs for attention. “Password?” She asks, looking over the first years.

“Godric,” Remus says with a roll of his eyes at Lily. She’d been surprised when she heard it first too, given how easy it would be for anyone to guess it.

“Enjoy your first night in the tower!” The Fat Lady smiles as she swings open, and the first years’ mouth drop as they see the common room for the first time. Lily crawls through the portrait hole first and then helps them through, Remus scrambling through last.

“Welcome home,” she smiles at them, taking in the comforting sight for herself as well. The fire is lit and it’s cosy, already full of older students. “The towers are at the back, girls I’ll show you yours.”

“Boys, with me.” Remus guides the boys towards their staircase and Lily leads the girls to theirs, showing them up and to their room. They’re all happy to be reunited with their trunks and, in some cases pets, and Lily asks if they have any questions before leaving them to it.

Downstairs she snags one of the sofas near the fire and sprawls out, waiting for the girls to appear. Her conversation with Remus plays in the back of her mind but it’s her first night back and she refuses to think of it when the girls appear a few minutes later. They fall through the hole, Marlene pushing Mary through before turning back to help Maya.

“It’s good to be home,” Tegan says, diving on to the sofa seconds after Lily moves her legs to the floor.

“It’s so warm,” smiles Mary, tugging her robes over her head and chucking them on to Lily. Beneath them she’s wearing jeans and a loose top and Lily snorts when she notices a few third years distracted by the sudden sight of a girl in muggle clothing.

“You’ve got an audience MacDonald,” she tells her.

Mary looks over her shoulder, rolls her eyes and drops to the floor, “pervs.”

“Why are you lot sitting down anyway, thought we had plans,” Marlene says, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.  Lily groans.

“I’m too full to drink,” she says, throwing her arm over her eyes, “not yet.” She hears Marlene huff and sit down next to Mary.

“In Spain –“ There’s a loud cry and Lily moves her arm quickly to see Tegan and Mary wrestling Marlene, Mary with her hand firmly clasped over Marlene’s mouth.

“No more Spain, please, we get it,” laughs Maya, and Lily can’t help but grin as Marlene manages to overpower Tegan and Mary and emerges, her hair all over the place.

“Fuck all of you,” she says, narrowing her eyes, “you’re not getting your gifts now.” This changes the mood quickly.

“Gifts?” Maya asks at the same time Tegan says “You never said anything about gifts.”

"Gifts change everything,” Mary says, patting Marlene on the shoulder gently.

Lily smiles, joining in, “yeah, Marls, you never mentioned gifts.”

“Traitors. The lot of you, fake friends.” Marlene crosses her arm and shakes her head, nose in the air.

Mary points at the girls’ dormitories, “bet they’re in her trunk.”

“You wouldn’t!” Says Marlene, but Mary is already on her feet and the others follow quickly, dodging over students with shrieks of laughter and racing to get up the stairs before Marlene stops them. Lily feels Marlene grabs the back of her robes and speeds up, almost tripping. “I hate all of you!” Marls yells as Mary opens their dorm door and dives towards the end of Marlene’s bed where her trunk is. Artemis, having been asleep on Tegan’s bed, shoots up at the noise, back arched.

“Got them!” Mary shouts, and Maya and Lily hold Marlene back whilst Tegan tries to calm down Artemis, giggling. Mary has opened Marlene’s trunk and pulls a big bag from inside, crawling up onto Marlene’s bed so she can empty the contents onto the soft mattress.

“Ouch!” Maya winces as Marlene bites her, actually bites her and Lily lets go of Marlene before she gets the same treatment.

“They’re fragile, be careful,” Marlene says, resigning as Mary reads the tags on each of the presents.

“You wrapped them and everything,” notes Tegan, carrying Artemis over to Marlene’s bed and kneeling next to Mary.

“Yeah, I’m a good friend,” Marlene scowls, “unlike you lot.”

“Lily, this is yours,” Lily stands and goes over to the bed, accepting the present off Mary and unwrapping it quickly. It’s a small flamenco figurine, and Lily grins as she realises that it’s been made to look like her, red hair flowing down its back. She looks to the others’ presents and sees that everyone has their own personalised figure, Maya’s wearing long sleeves and everything. She sets it on the floor, jumping when suddenly it ruffles its skirts and starts to perform the flamenco, skirt flying around.

“Marls! They’re amazing,” Mary says, echoing Lily’s thought exactly. Maya sets hers next to Lily’s on the floor and the figures begin dancing in unison, “you can talk about Spain as much as you want now.”

“Ha,” Marlene says, but she looks appeased by the compliment.

“They really are cool McKinnon,” says Tegan, rescuing hers before Artemis can swat it off the bed.

They all chorus a thank you and Marlene finally looks happy again. Then she pulls a bottle of wine from her trunk, “I got this too.”

Laughing the girls give Marlene a hug and then change out of their robes and into pyjamas, the figurines dancing on their bedside tables. Lily barely unpacks her trunk, just pulls her washbag, pj top and cotton shorts from the top and leaves the rest for the morning.

Marlene cracks the wine open once they’ve all changed and passes the bottle round, Maya pretending to be askance at their actions.