posting this here so itll be easier to get it out into the universe and into my head (college entrance exams stress) [if you'd encourage me, I'd appreciate it, I get that pitt in my stomach everytime I hear "exams", "studying", "university"]
I am anxious and I am scared. Of course I am. But I will make it. There is just no way I won't. I know it's scary and stress-inducing and just generally not a good time, but I can do it. I will do it. Not just that, but, don't forget, I have done it. I have taken so many exams throughout my life and all of them have been amazing. And I have not studied for any of them as much as I have studied for this one. I have worked so much harder this year. Yes, there are so many people that have worked harder than me, sure, but none of them are on my path. My path is mine and only mine. No matter how much of this "you are competing against your peers with these exams" bullshit I hear, everyone is leading their own way through life, and no one can "steal my spot". Because it is mine and it is waiting for me.
The education system functions to create soldiers and I have never been one to fall in line. I am not part of the machine. I will make it because it just makes sense.
Some days are harder than others; finding the motivation or the courage to study is so difficult. There are so many things I don't know, so many I don't get, so much I can never remember. But I will still make it. Because, guess what Αριάδνη, you don't need to have all of the syllabus memorised. You only need to know the answers to 75% of the questions asked. That is all you need. That is like 20% of the syllabus. And I know 20% of the syllabus.
In a month from now I will have just gotten done with the exams and I will be in Athens celebrating pride. And I will be so damn happy, so content, satisfied, relieved. Because I have done it. I have completed the exams and I have done FANTASTIC on them. I am so so so so proud of me and holy shit I cannot thank my past self enough because WHAT DO YOU MEAN you sat your ass down for 9 months straight and studied like you never have before (which was easy tbf, I have never been big on studying) so that I could get to live my dream?????? Just so I could have an amazing summer with my friends and family and in October move into a little flat in the city and start living out my uni fantasy?????? This is so insane I cried so fucking much. I am SO proud of how much I worked in order to get this. I deserve this. I 100% deserve this. And I have it. I made it. Of course I fucking did. It's me. I was always meant to make it.
Because at the end of the day, my sweet girl, it's just another exam period. Nothing more, nothing else. It is really not that deep
