#dead three

"Mad guilt swills in your swooning, sick body. Today you became the tart of a false God, and your evil pride revolts." -After becoming Boooals "chosen". Why tf is Bhaal calling Durge a tart here? There are a dozen other things that Durge could have been, like a traitor, a heretic or whatnot. But no, he uses the word tart. Someone should tell him that there are other ways too ruin your child's life. This might be a tad much.

"You failed to bring forth issue while you helmed our cult. It is a mortal sin for a Chosen. I even hoped you and my daughter might one day create a new blood-lamb for us, but it is not to be..." -Thank you, Sarevok, for wanting Durge to sleep with their sister/niece/daughter. I am sure Bhaal is giving you the thumbs up from wherever he is.

"I'm a disappointment to my father. Maybe we can work with that." -Sharess Caress dialogue after loosing the duel with Orin (yes, the fucking Brothel). Durge clearly thinks of Bhaal in a sexual manner. And knowing Bhaal, he is propably happy about that.

"...Only one face haunts your dreams each night..." -I could excuse this if it weren't happening in the middle of a love test. Orin! You need to learn to time this shit!

"Your memory of last night's act is absent. In the moment of mounting, your mind emptied itself, and you could think only of Bhaal. The gnoll's rump seemed to become his Temple's graven altar where you once led worship." -Hm. Yeah. Totally normal behaviour to force your child to think of you during the deed.

"You and the Urge are wedded, now. One body, one mind." -Bg3, Sceleritas Fel. And there is the whole Bloodwedding theme in general. Do other gods annoint chosen through wedding ceremonies??? Why does Bhaal want to marry his children (I am pretty sure Bloodwedding is a Bhaalspawn only thing)?

"I love you father. I'm a good boy, a good, good boy." -Bg3, Feral Ending. As if their relationship could get any more fucked up.

"Special, yes, special aren't you? Ssh, don't fight it." -Why is he talking like that??? What is Bhaal's issue??? I know it is not inherital sexual but the "Ssh" disturbs me.

"You are his dear Sovereign." -Thank you Gortash, for making this weird.

"It must feel good to be the favourite." -Once again, the wording is irking me.

"Father claws into your heart and stops it for a single moment. As you begin to fear for your life, you know his love is close." -...I mean, it doesn't have to be sexual here, but looking at how Bhaal interacts with Durge in general really makes me worry.

"Never before has a Bhaalspawn left a Blood Wedding at the altar. What were you doing, coward, not facing your sister?" -I really had hoped that 'wed' referred to something different, but no. The whole 'altar' thing just confirms it: This is a fucking wedding ceremony between father and child.

"Glance piteously upon your false bride." -Apparently, Bhaal wanted to be Durge's bride. And he considers every other true lover 'false'. Dear lord of Murder, what exactly is your problem?

"You're Bhaal's stallion..." -stop. Just stop.

Aside from Bhaal grooming the hell out of Durge he also inflicts his own (supposedly) necrophiliac tendecies upon Durge. Great parenting, isn't it?

"Your body feels aroused imagining a broken twisted neck, and a thrill thinking of a trailing intestine." -I will leave this here.

"I feel the most intense pleasure. Arousal, even." -I believe them.

"The masterful painting the Drow depicts of the massacre awakens you hungrily."

Durge: "Stop! I'm growing aroused!"

-At least Durge has no qualms about admitting it openly.

Durge: "How delightful, I'm very eager to begin."

Nightwarden Minthara: "Control yourself - you are as uncouth as the goblins."

-I wanna thank Minthara for her service here. More people should tell Durge that they are being weird (Minthara, why do you wanna sleep with them??? What am I missing here?)

"I am a contemptible blood-pervert." -Yes. I've noticed that.

"As he joins your side, your mind dances with thoughts of a perfect pretty corpse." -I am sure it does. Poor Astarion has zero clue about what he is getting into.

Durge: "Hot."

Astarion: "You couldn't wait ten seconds before being an absolute freak."

-Sure. Bring the mass-murdering lunatic with a long history of violence and questionable sexual habits to a graveyard. What did you expect to happen, Astarion?

"Sprinkle and stamp goes the soil, piling on top of the coffin packed cosily back into the earth." -I might be reading too much into this, but the 'cosily' just makes me question everything.

"Within your sick heart you know: in gravedigging, you have had quite the body count." -Yes, I also refer to digging up corses as 'increasing my body count'. Totally normal behaviour here.

"But something stirs, with your hand close to this body." It's probably the killing instinct that is stirring here, but who knows?

"My, my. We will be reintroducing necrophilia to your schedule in no time." -Really Sceleritas? Did it need any pointing out? But wtf do you mean SCHEDULE???

"The hivemind allows you to feel each kill as if it were your own. The pleasure is almost too much to bear." -I am starting to wonder if Bhaal really participated in the Absolute plot for the chance of world-domination. To me it seems like he just wanted a quick way to get multiple orgasms at once. Can someone tell him to stop?

"The raw hate of life, reared from the miracle of death..." -...I swear this is about some fucked up breeding kink of Bhaal. He needs to stop putting Durge through this.

"You draw her closer, with all the vim of a lover's first embrace." -Honestly, Minthara might be a little at fault here. She knew Durge is completely deranged. But, I suppose, she does feel safe with them (big mistake). Also, don't romance Durge/Bhaal and let your guard down. They may calm down after a second lay, but you NEVER know. (This is about you @awwright. Yes, I am looking at you😑)

I also had hoped that Bhaal's weird behavior is a Bhaalspawn only thing, but it is not. Is anyone surprised? That man is also a touch invading with his own clergy. And other people as well.

"Slay with pleasure, but never with anger..." -I am sure this refers to joy, but after Durge and the Ecstasy of Murder I am no longer sure.

"Once Bhaal's favour has quickened within one oh his beloved murderers, the bliss of his love is nigh-indescribable. For he blesses his loyal with a new sensation: a mindless, instinctual, primal sensation that comes within the bowels, an erotic spasmthat washes over the killer, in the moment of murder. It is said that in that instant, his Divine Essence can almost be tasted. Forsake all other hedonisms, acolytes, for nothing can compare. Until the true ecstasies of murder wash over you, initiates, this scroll contains a prayer, you may say after a kill, calling for the Lord's disgrace to find its course in your body." -This just enforces me in my belief that that man is beyond help. Why, exactly, did Ao allow him to return to godhood? Although Cyric really is a problem.

"These children you speak of... the children of a god. The thought of them brings me pleasure. I, too, shall create children—the Children of Bhaal. They will stalk the land beside you and bring death to all the corners of the world!" -Apparently, Bhaal suffers from Child fatigue. Can someone give him some medication to make that stop? That condition has become a problem

"The god of death, lover of all murderous acts, was in fine fettle." -It could be read as sexual, even though I don't think it is supposed to be. But why not just use the word 'admirer'?

"Perhaps a wife who has been true and faithful for many years suddenly seeks passion in the arms of a stranger. Maybe a man who has been good and kind his entire life suddenly lashes out and kills several of his best friends." -Ah, yes. Because sex and murder are his favorite things.

"In the Time of Troubles did Bhaal, himself, come and whisper in mine ear. I was to give birth to one of the Children. To you. I rose my arms up and hailed my Lord of Murder with great joy at my fate. Others of Bhaal's order took me away, to hide us in the darkest temple away from prying eyes." -Bane has a habit of touching people's faces. Bhaal will murmur things into your ear. Is Myrkul the only one who has ever heard about the concept of 'personal space'?

"As of late, my friends, I have felt a calling when my fingers meet each other around a windpipe. As if there is a voice whispering sweet nonsense into my ear as I tear the breath from my quarry's lungs. I think I am chosen by our Lord of Murder. Perhaps even related." -Can someone tell him to stop?

Bhaal even has a special spell unique to his clergy. Wanna know what it does? It makes you attracted to the caster.

"Attraction replaces any negative emotions the target has toward the spellcaster with opposite positive emotions... Repulsion becomes attraction, hatred becomes love, etc..."

The opposite of the 'Attraction' spell is 'Disdain', which is also unique to Bhaal and his clergy. That one is used for murder.

At least Jaheira is nice to the Bhaalspawn. Mostly. Because they need a parental figure that is not completely fucked up. Sadly, Bhaal and his clergy aren't the only ones who will abuse his children. Remember Irenicus? Hells, even Gale is being problematic.

Jaheira: "So you wish to be a god, Gale? You know the wizard Irenicus attempted the same thing, by leeching divine blood from a Bhaalspawn."

Gale: "Aha, transfusion! An interesting strategy. Hard to get hold of a god's blood, of course, but if one could..."

Jaheira: "He managed it. After murdering my husband, and torturing my friends and I for half a year."

Gale: "Did I say interesting? I meant terrible, of course. A terrible strategy..."

There is also this line Jaheira can tell Durge:

"...There will be crusaders who will wish to rid the world of your taint. Or jealous minds who believe themselves more deserving of the power in your blood..."

She knows they will never be truly safe. Irenicus was but one of many who seek to poach Bhaalspawn, for good or ill.

She even tells that Charname in Bg2:

"You are still a valuable commodity. There are those that know of the children of Bhaal, and they may desire... services from you."

Every single child of Bhaal should be alllwed to stab him once a month. All of that just screams "I have issues and I am making everyone pay for it."

And I won't even start about what Bhaal did through Kazgoroth with Tristan. I am done with that man.

I don't even know why Bhaal want's more children.

"You failed to bring forth issue while you helmed our cult. It is a mortal sin for a Chosen."

He doesn't like them:

"Our Father does not feel pride. He bore the disgrace of creating life in his Spawn. We can but atone for the shame of birth."

Is Amelyssan the only one who has a grasp on what a murder cult is supposed to be about?

"For devotees of death, you of his line are so basely fascinated with propagating new life. It ever seemed to me an impurity in the doctrine."

I can't even blame her for betraying Bhaal. Cause wtf is his issue??? He should set his mind on what he wants, for once in a while. But given that he constantly shifts his alignments, I suppose he is incapable of making up his mind to begin with. Which is a surprise, cause I expected that to be Bane's issue.