the new choreography is a relief, because at least minho has something to do-- something to focus on. he takes the time to practice a little more, spending more hours at royal than he usually does in an effort to avoid having to ho back to the dorm and talk to someone. he doesn’t want to talk, he doesn’t want to do anything.

and he can’t land this fucking move.

the music cuts as his hand slams on the stop button, gritting his teeth as he rakes a hand through his hair. the chorus of their new song is thrumming through his head, and he knows how the dance is supposed to match with it but his timing is off, his movements are just a little bit off, everything is off. 

he snatches his water bottle off the bench, and mindlessly, thoughtlessly, throws it across the room in a fit of anger. it smacks against the wall, loud and jarring, and he drops to the floor with a groan. his back hits the floor harshly, arms moving to lay over his head and eyes. the stinging behind his eyelids are too much, his head pounding is too much, everything is too much.

the door creaks. he swallows, throat tight, and calls out in a sharp tone. “someone’s ‘ere!” 

“ de:code ––  solo schedule … ┊ june schedule . the face shop photoshoot

jaehyun doesn’t think that he’s ugly. if anything, he’s aware that he’s the opposite of that. it’s kind of embarrassing to say it himself, but he’d heard a few times that he was well... a decent looking guy! or at least, above average! he’s not too sure what exactly it is about him that had interested them, but there was something about his well, face, that piqued the interest of the face shop. so much so that they’d asked him to be their ambassador. which of course, was amazing. it wasn’t something he could ever say no to. he was hardly a year into debut and here the face shop was, asking if he’d want to be their ambassador.

@jaehyunrk

his dorm room has become a bit of a safety net, as minho tends to lock himself up in the time they're home, not able to stomach much else other than sleeping and...just lying there. as the weeks and days pass, his mood has become apparent, and he himself can't help but feel like a ticking timebomb some days. today is a similar one, so once he's tucked into his bed, curtain pulled to cover his bed with privacy, he doesn't feel quite as ready to explode.

though after lying in the room for a while, dozing in and out of sleep as his roommates go about, he hears a knock on the door. stiffening, he frowns, staring at the curtain covering his view of the door. he can't make out anything past the dark fabric, but he can hear the shuffling of either jihoon or jaehyun. minho doesn't move, barely even breathes as the door is answered. it's confirmed to be jaehyun answering when minho makes out his voice, but he resists the urge to flinch when he hears the muffled minho's not here right now.

@rkwon

minho's exhausted when he gets back to the dorm, way late into the night when he should have been asleep and resting before they have to get up and return in the morning. his limbs ache from all the extra practice he's been pushing in-- and his stomach grumbles weakly. he hasn't eaten at all since breakfast, skipping both lunch and dinner due to his lack of an appetite. but he's tired, too tired to even consider making something to eat, so minho is all for washing up and collapsing into his bed. he'll eat in the morning, he tells himself.

the feeling in the passing weeks of june make him feel uncomfortably vulnerable. his mood has downright plummeted, and he knows it’s affecting how the other members have begun to respond to him. it makes him feel all the more worse about it, and all he wants to do is sleep and practice-- something to focus and something to avoid the mess of thoughts and worries going on in his head.

he hasn’t left the dorm much outside of going to royal, and definitely doesn’t feel like leaving his bed at all when he's home. tonight, he had crawled into the sheets after managing to bite down a couple bites of food to appease, and he hasn’t moved much since. 

his eyes are swollen. he’s stopped crying enough to snooze between, and he’s woken up by the sound of his shared bedroom door opening. the blankets feel heavy over his head, muffling everything after the door closing. he slows his breathing, briefly wondering if it’s already morning-- but he’s tensing as someone’s sliding into his bed, tucking close. minho’s hazy brain takes a second to think, and before he can really get a coherent thought together, he’s already tugging the blanket away from his face, sniffling as he squints at seonho’s familiar face.

“hey,” he whispers, or tries to. his voice comes out in a low, hoarse crack that he grimaces at. “wh...why are ya ‘ere?” it’s blunt, confusion twisted in his tone.

recorded ... june 16th, 2020 uploaded ... june 21st, 2020

dance choreography to billie eilish’s when the party’s over ;                       < song reference ; psd credit >

everytime minho hears a piece of music, he's creating some sort of choreography in his head about it. most of the time, it never comes to fruition-- either he's too lazy to try or no time to even give it proper thought. but minho wants to try-- do some sort of dance that isn't just de:code's music. needs to do something to get his mind off of everything going on around him.

approaching manager kim (sohoon hyung, his manager reminds him with a tired smile and a dramatic sigh), he brings up the idea awkwardly. he feels bad, knowing he's avoided talking to sohoon hyung and the rest of the team as much as he can in the passing days. his mind is still muffled, still clouded in worry over his grandmother.

when sohoon alerts him a day or two later about the idea being okay, he's happy to have another thing to focus on.

june 5th, 2020: choreography for ‘can you feel it?’ first introduced. 

relief is all he feels at finally being introduced to the choreography for their first comeback. it had felt real from the moment they were handed the demo and line distribution, but there’s familiarity and comfort in dance that won just can’t replace — that comes close to that he feels with the kim family; his family. he doesn’t think he’ll ever be the biggest fan of the long hours of training, particularly around these times in the preparation schedule when they’re introduced to something for the first time and tasked with mastering it at the speed of light. but, with that being said, it’s a little more bearable when it’s dancing. 

contrary to the set of a drama, kang joon was too familiar with the set-up for photoshoots. it's been a little while, since he had been to one without his members but just by himself and even, when it was nothing big, just a simple advertisement shoot for trevi's sparkling water, he was kinda excited. compared to what he had experienced before, this felt different than back then, since now he was a idol and he had to get used to the moments, when seeing his own visage in public more often from now on. the product to be advertised was just "water", but he was still happy to be allowed to do something he was confident in. of course he was striving for bigger modeling jobs sometime, as he was sure to be able to make use of his charisma to the fullest, but for now, he just wanted to help his group to gain more popularity, by appearing in popular magazines in july.

with a big smile on his lips, he entered the set on july 15th, bowing at the director who approached him as soon as he was notified of vici's arrival. kang joon needed to make a good first impression, both for his own and his group's sake, so he politely greeted the older man and shoke the offered hand enthusiastically. he was aware that his charm drew attention, but without the right attitude everything was in vain. so he tried his best to show his best behaviour, listening closely to the director's short explanation, before smiling and excusing himself to be lead to the dressing room. as he was prepared, kang joon held some small talk with the staff members who were buzzing around him, reminded him of past days, where he had often acquaintanced and befriended all kinds of people.