#dawdte

"Your hair is in my eye!"

"It'll be me if it's not you."

"Well, maybe you deserve my hair in your eye!"

Idk

I KNEW THAT ONE PART RESULTED ME FAMILIAR IN DAWTDE-

ignore my cheesy and bad hand writing<3

Also this is a version of the story. Sooo there will be a much happier one with request!

UPLOADED MEMORIES

After I had uploaded my letter. I scooted my chair back towards my window as the fireworks sparkled and fell down. Red, yellow, blue.. all kinds of colours.

Happy birthday to me..

Twenty four.

I took one long sip from my berry smoothie.

Slurrrrpppp…

With my other hand I twiddled with my hair. It had gotten awfully long. Where had I gone? I wanted to be a paramedic.. but now Im a hobo looking trash bag probably who is gonna end it all because of Minecraft. How amusing.

Slurrrppp….

I felt my head tearing apart.

Destroying two minds to destroy one.

Crazy.

Oh well.

At least everything is finally quiet.

Even in one's last minutes. Humans are granted a moment of peace.

God truly blessed me.

Even with everything that happened. Every failure. Just drifted. I find myself.. unworried. I'm sure. In the next life. It'll end up better.

I wonder.

Avery. Where will you go when I'm dead?

Will my soul wait until you follow? Will we be bonded that way? Or was this just a brief moment of content.

I tapped my fingers against the black wooden desk.

I leaned back on my leather office chair. It wasn't the comfiest but it did the trick.

I smelt my arm pits and coughed and winced at the oder. But it makes sense. Sweating in this dirty grey hoodie for who knows how long I've been in this chair for. Would of course make it smell bad.

I wonder. What they will dress me in, at the funeral. Maybe a black suit with a red tie or a white suit with a purple tie. Of course my family would only have the prestigious clothes for me once I'm dead.

Only care once I'm dead.

I have my reasons in the past for why I don't mind if I die and that I'm not losing anything.

But I won't get into that.

I've pushed Avery away. With resources, Of reassurance of course.

I'm just myself.

Yet I still cry at the sight.

Fireworks. They truly are a beauty, a spark that dies out twinkling.

Avery. Are you seeing these as well?

Wherever you are.

Watch with me.

Don't cry.

I'll cry enough for the both of us.

Chapter one

You know it's weird writing a final letter. Almost as if I have to come to terms with... Whatever this is. Which is something I find quite displeasurable. But here I am. Why did I even record all this? I don't know. Well I do know. I just don't want to be forgotten. My head hurts like hell. I can feel myself slipping as we become one. And my mind becomes a prison. What a true shame it is. All the knowledge in the world and no way to use it. That's how it should be I suppose.

We stumbled into a world we have no business in. This is just the cost.

Please don't think you failed, Avery. When you read this, don't think you let me down. You didn't. It's thanks to you, and all that you did, that millions live to see another day.

And thanks to you, I got a chance to see all the beauty of the universe. Things I never even knew were in the world. Or could be. A chance no human will ever get again. I'm grateful that I saw it all. Even if it was just for a little.

You're capable of great things. You'll do great things. So believe in yourself. And I don't just say that because I saw it. It doesn't take a God for me to figure that out. I know it because I know you. Goodbye my friend.

Whatever you do at the crossroads. Keep going forward.

Or something like that.

(I was never really good at endings.)

It would be five months from the time he wrote that letter. I guess I've been struggling. Minecraft helps. Playing online with others. But it's not the same.. It feels like more of a chore to stay human and normal rather than make me happy. I've been happy tons of times before.. well everything that happened. But.. moments during everything were scary, traumatic. But I also had a rush of fun, a rush of happiness. Maybe I just wanna experience it again or maybe it was Derek. Maybe I could, maybe this or maybe that. I can't find home, maybe I can't live with the idea that Derek is dead. Maybe it was a hoax. I never saw it. I'd never know, I could just keep saying maybe and dig into theories that could ruin me or live, find someone to love, get back outside. Step out of this room.

I'm.. Hungry

I got up from my desk. Closing the tab on my computer. My desk chair now empty, myself standing at my white blank painted door, the silver knob on the door feeling impossible to twist.

Feeling stuck.

In a cycle. Stuck.

Sweating and hyperventilating, I forced myself to turn the goddamn knob and suck it up.

Once I opened the door my sister dropped her plate she was bringing to her room.

“Avery- your- it's nice to see you up.” She looked terrified to scare me back into my room. Like if she said one word wrong or acted shocked, shut the door and lock it. Again. “Mn. Yeah.”

“Do we have milk.”

I asked simply. Straight to the point.

“I think down in the fridge. We also got some smoothies this morning. Me and mom. We got you one; it's in the fridge as well.” My sister said, dragging the conversation again. I suppose that's normal though I haven't talked to anyone face to face in five months. Not since before New Year's Eve. I had brought a plate of nachos into my room to eat and play Minecraft that night. I waved bye to my family and said I'd see them at the new year and closed my door.

I didn't know that I'd be ripped off my happiness that night.

Coming to terms with the fact I'm losing myself. That's what they want.

No way I'm admitting that because that means. Everything that.. Derek did. Keeping myself.. myself everything he tried is worth nothing.

I'm so sick of everyone… I just don't know why. I should be happy. I quit college. I sit in my room all day playing Minecraft and sleeping. People would kill for that relaxation.

But.. I didn't.. I don't.. I wouldn't.

Maybe I deserve nothing

Maybe I should've been the one whose mind was ripped apart

Maybe it's my fault

Maybe I could've done something better

Maybe I wouldn't had been so stupid to fall for “what's in your inventory”

Maybe I.

Maybe I could do more

I could find him

I can.

“Honey you're just.. standing there are you okay?”

My mother asked, holding my shoulder. Snapping me out of my thoughts

“Yeah I'm fine..” I looked down at my feet and went down the carpet stairs to the kitchen.

My feet felt the cold marble once I stepped off the stairs and into the kitchen.

It felt unnatural. Perhaps I have been spending too much time playing Minecraft to really just do normal stuff.

What was it that I was down here for?.. milk. But there is a smoothie in the fridge as well.

Which one do I take? A slush full of fruits that I probably won't like or a cup of milk…

They're watching.

I might as well just take the smoothie. So they don't worry. Such a hassle.

I popped off the lid of the smoothie and gulped it down.

The taste of berries that I couldn't care less about filling my mouth.

Familiar. Being full of something you couldn't care about.

Full of life. How do you care for life? How did I do it?.. I could spend hours wondering. But not hours trying. That's my truth.

Life isn't worth it. And I couldn't care less for millions of others. Just me and Derek would've been fine. Online playing. He wouldn't have to get up and meet me. I could show up to his house. Take care of him. Let him be able to live. Find a way for him. A path for him.

But he.. sacrificed himself for me and some random strangers who will never know what he did cause I'll sound insane if I say anything. Sure the whole world was depending on decisions in a MINECRAFT WORLD.

Oh dear Derek. How could I ever forget you. You truly believed I'd forget it all didn't you? I wish I could live up to what you wanted. But I might just end up against a rope if I push myself to that.

I dumped the empty smoothie cup into the trash and went back up the stairs. Feeling the texture change on my feet.

I went into my room, closed the door and locked it.

Back.

Warm.

Trapped.

Alone.

Nice.

The calendar still sat on new years eve.

I opened up a new tab on my computer as I sat down in my old black leather office chair again.

//.fireworks.com.ww//

A reply of fireworks all over the world from each new year's Eve from everywhere on the earth. From Ohio to Okinawa in Japan. Maybe I keep myself in a cycle of new year's Eve. But it's the day I met my happiness and lost it in 15 hours..

I checked the letter again.

I sighed deeply and opened the document

You know it's weird writing a final letter. Almost as if I have to come to terms with... Whatever this is. Which is something I find quite displeasurable. But here I am. Why did I even record all this? I don't know. Well I do know. I just don't want to be forgotten. My head hurts like hell. I can feel myself slipping as we become one. And my mind becomes a prison. What a true shame it is. All the knowledge in the world and no way to use it. That's how it should be I suppose.

We stumbled into a world we have no business in. This is just the cost.

Please don't think you failed, Avery. When you read this, don't think you let me down. You didn't. It's thanks to you, and all that you did, that millions live to see another day.

And thanks to you, I got a chance to see all the beauty of the universe. Things I never even knew were in the world. Or could be. A chance no human will ever get again. I'm grateful that I saw it all. Even if it was just for a little.

You're capable of great things. You'll do great things. So believe in yourself. And I don't just say that because I saw it. It doesn't take a God for me to figure that out. I know it because I know you. Goodbye my friend.

Whatever you do at the crossroads. Keep going forward.

Or something like that.

(I was never really good at endings.)

I sighed deeper.

Chapter 2

oh.

So there wasn't a good ending was there?.

I started at the email from Amelia Hutchinz.

“We regret to inform you Derek is no longer with us. With his request, please come and hold a speech at his funeral. It'll be held at **** street. 204 next week on Wednesday.”

I felt my throat get itchy and I started to cough. My breathing I couldn't control. I felt myself hyperventilating.. I felt everything around me pause. My stomach is turning. I covered my mouth and ran down the stairs crouched over until I got to the kitchen garbage can and puke all over into the trash.

I gagged and tears soaked my face as tears runned down my face. More and more just kept piling on. I felt paralyzed in shock. My knees gave up my hand gripping on the trash can and I sobbed brutally. I banged my head against the can and bit my lip so hard it started to bleed. I used the side of my hand to wipe the snot coming down my nose.

My sister came running down the stairs and watched the mess I had become and her eyes stiffen. Her body is stiff. Afraid to help.

My mother walked over

“Oh Mi dulce niño.. what happened baby?”

She stroked my back as I crawled up to hug her the cold floor freezing my feet.

“hes gone.. i- I didnt- I couldn't..”

My mother wiped my tears

“Who's gone?”

I went silent.

“A friend.’

I mumbled out.

But I knew, he knew, it was so much more. It meant so much more to me. So why is he gone? Why does he have to leave? Why does it happen to me? Why does it always happen to me!?

“Oh sweetie…” my mother gave me this pitiful look..

“I don't wanna… I don't w- I can't - I - I wanna- I don't wanna-.. I DAMNIT!.. i- mfuc.. i- I can't do this anymore he's gone Mamá.”

I coughed and sucked into air that I couldn't breathe in. I was choking over my own words.

By then I had blacked out. Pure exhaustion, the doctors said. I don't feel exactly real anymore. Every time I look at my fingers and move them. I don't feel them. I feel. I feel as if everything has been destroyed and this is the aftermath.

Now I'm getting dressed. In a black suit with small skinny grey stripes and a purple silk tie. And speak. To people who knew Derek's face.

I'll see Derek's face. He just won't be looking back at me this time.

That's all.

Once my mother dropped me off at the funeral home.

I sat in the stands watching people go look at Derek say their last words and make their speeches.

They spoke of a failure. A drop out. A no future. An expected death.

They didn't.. say one positive thing. I felt frozen.

This is supposed to be Derek's family? Is this what he was shut on? What door did he have to face? A family who was awaiting his failures?

I walked up to the stage and on the stand.

I coughed

“Ahem”

I looked them all in the eyes. I felt so nervous. I felt my eyes water.

“Derek. He was the sweetest boy I must've met. No. The smartest. He was brilliant. A shining star who burned out too quickly for the likes of this world. I wish I could've prevented this. If you could've seen, if I could've met face to face, The real Derek. Perhaps this world wouldn't be all that bad. Perhaps I could accept this easier.”

“And if I'm honest. I may have feelings for that man. He was something out of this world. When I found Derek. I hope it was the real Derek I found. Because I believe it was.”

“And if he is a failure man I must be a wreck. Derek would've done amazing things. No matter what decisions he made. He was destined for greatness. Just not in this life. And I'm sorry. That I ruined that for you Derek.”

“Because. I fell in love with the Derek I met. The real Derek.”

“Not face to face. But in here—” I pointed to my heart

“That's the Derek I met.”

“I'm sure we'll bump shoulders in the next life or maybe I'll see strangers in the city that look like you and turn my head around awaiting your call. Awaiting a face I'll never see. Awaiting a voice I'll never see.”

“being with you. Filled my heart. But it broke when you disappeared. May I say this one last time.”

“I found you!”

…

I felt my eyes watering as I turned to look at the open casket. I placed the mic down and got closer to the casket and analyzed every detail of his face.

My tera dropped right onto his face.

I let out a heart breaking chuckle.. not that I enjoyed this. Just. Now we're both crying.

I'm glad I at least got to experience this with you Derek.

I felt my mouth tighten up.

“The world has no right to your heart.”

“They don't get to know what you said.”

“I hope. You'll wait for me.”

“I love you.”

And I closed the casket.

I got disgusted stares. Blank stares. Scoffs. Laughs. Groans. Foot tapping but I simply walked out the funeral home and called up my mom

“Mamá, ya terminó, ¿puedes venir a recogerme?..”