#daughterslove

Znam da nisi sa mnom već godinama. I vjeruj, tokom svih tih godina svaki mjesec, svaki dan, svaki sat, ma svaka sekunda, sve je teža i teža. Ali, tokom svih tih godina, moja ljubav prema tebi nije prestajala. Kako se povećavalo nedostajanje, tako se sa njim i ljubav povećala. Rijetko pričam ljudima o tebi. Znam, ne bi me ni slušali. A i ne zanima ih. Jer, ipak, svako ima svoju tugu i svakome se njegova čini većom od ostalih. Svoju čežnju i ljubav i nedostajanje čuvam duboko u sebi. Tamo gdje je niko ne vidi. Samo je ponekad puštam da izađe na površinu. Ne želim puno. Samo tvoj zagrljaj i onaj jedan osmijeh. To bi mi bilo dovoljno... Zaboravljam tvoj izgled, tvoj glas, tvoju ljepotu... Ali, ne zaboravljam nikada tvoju dobrotu prema meni, tvoju ljubav i tvoju ulogu u mom životu. O da, i dalje je ta uloga samo tvoja, iako je na tvoje mjesto druga došla. Za nas si nekako tabu tema, jer zaboli kada se spomeneš. Čuvaj mi se, jedina. Raj je sretan što te ima.

Today, I broke into tears while at work. I just read something sentimental from twitter and this girl tweeted that his father came across her room and when she asked why he told her that he is just tired and that he just wants to check her to get some strength.

This breaks my heart, remembering dad and mom. At my age, I think I'm lucky enough, I still get a dose of attention and love from them. My mom whenever she had a long day or stressed, she asks for hugs and kisses out of nowhere, same with dad after work, he searches for us, does some baby talk and kiss us on the forehead. I appreciate it but I don't respond obviously. I'm a crybaby so I just joke or tease them immediately to light up the mood since I don't want to end the scene too dramatic.

Those were their little demands from us and I am aware that it is their way to regain strength after a long day of efforts and hardships for our daily living. After reading the tweet, I was reminded that I should just allow and understand them. To shower them the love and care they want because they try so hard to be strong outside but they are getting old and weak, and what they want from us is just a simple gesture of affection to continue life even if it's getting harder for them.

Currently, I became so emotional, I overthink a lot, I feel like I carry the world on my shoulder. I'm struggling with myself for some personal reasons and I handle it alone. Sometimes I think I'm a failure, got nowhere to run to and like wanted to escape from what's making this difficult for me, I feel exhausted but today's discernment makes me realize that my parents' source of power is me. I should not give up easily thus I should stand up bravely for whatever trials I'm facing and to just look at them the same way to keep going.

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I decided to be open to all my readers, hoping my tale will help others. Warning this will not be for kids and it talks about suicide. I didn’t wake up one day and decide to die. It was a slow drift — not into death, but into hopelessness. Like a boat quietly slipping from its mooring, I began to float farther and farther from the shore. Farther from faith. Farther from peace. Farther from Jesus,…