#dating while trans

In light of recently becoming single, I’ve have to reckon with some interesting feelings I forgot I had about being trans and feeling desirable. Because, well, I don’t feel desirable. Like don’t get me wrong, I’m smart, funny, interesting, hot, and very silly, but like… I feel like the fact that I’m trans just overshadows all that. Makes it all moot. And I just have to wonder, do other trans people feel the same? How do you get over that? Is there even a way to get over that? You’d think I would’ve figured it out by now; I’m more than 10 years into my transition, but this stupid idea just clings to me like a tumor. Like I’m no stranger to the world hating us for stupid reasons is just…. I want to feel loved. To feel cared for. To feel like I’m worth the effort. How do you feel that way when everything around you is screaming the contrary at you?

I really want one day to meet someone and not think they’d have to be a martyr to love me. Like dating is a nightmare when your self esteem is so low it feels like infecting someone with a virus any time you think someone has started getting feelings for you.