Being feminine is not enough.
Having your own money is not enough.
We have to learn how to VET men properly.
Vetting a man as a provider is one thing, but donât forget to vet his character too.
Is he a good person?
Does he have good morals?
Does he have good character?
Is he respectful to you?
Does he care for others?
Is he emotionally mature?
We have to pay attention to red flags and green flags.
We have to stop being desperate and rushing when in relationships.
Low self esteem, fear and poor vetting is why women end up with these type of abusive men.
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Kamitani canât claim to be an expert on the subject or anything, but heâs pretty sure: theater stairs are supposed to be safe. Not just the regular kind, keeping kids from beaning themselves on metal bars or splitting their lips on the stadium seating, but the kind that would keep grandma comfy, rise and run sloped toward a shuffle rather than full step up. And yet Usokawa still manages to fuck it upâ two steps across the carpet and he trips right over the strip lighting, knobby-ass arms fully flung out, like a good panic might keep him from face-planting on industrial carpet.
Kamitaniâs tempted to let him. Maybe if he hadnât been craning his neck around like an idiot, acting like Inomataâs gonna go for his ankles if he doesnât keep two eyes on her, heâd be able to keep two feet on the floor. And a concussion might keep that kid quiet for once, too, instead of debating the merits of caramel corn versus buttered, or why the hell Inomata Maria is his plus one.
Yeah, head trauma is sounding better and better. Preferable, even.
But Ebizawaâs nicer than him. Shoulders past like itâs fucking Tuesday or something and puts those soccer team reflexes to good use, snatching that kid mid-tumble before hauling him right back to his feet. Itâd be impressive, if Kamitani hadnât been hoping for a more concussive solution to crowd control.
âWalk much?â Ebizawa lifts his hand, ready to give this stiff breeze passing for a third year a real clap on the back, the way the team captain used to when Kamitani was an underclassmanâ and then clearly thinks better of it. Good idea; thereâs paper that crumples under less pressure than Usokawa. âYou gotta look where youâre going, or else weâre all going to find out what sort of band-aids this place has in their first aid kit.â
âRanger Five ones, for sure.â Kamitani stifles a groan. Saginuma couldnât pick a rhetorical out of a line up even if it stole his lunch money. âTheyâve got the new movie playing on three screens, so I bet they have a bunch of tie-inââ
âI was!â Funny hill for Usokawa to try and die on when thirty seconds ago he was one missed connection away from being able to give a full report on the gum situation beneath all these seats. âItâs the low light in here. Theyâve done studies on it, you know, about how it messes up depth perception for people whoââ
âCanât see already?â Ebizawa offers, so easy it takes a minute for Usokawa to parse.
âHey! I can see perfectly fine!â
Itâs not that Kamitaniâs trying to pay attention to Inomataâ sheâs behind him, for one, and these idiots in front of him are making a big enough scene to win awards, for the otherâ but she keeps bobbing in and out of his peripheral, radiating anxiety, distracting, andâ
ââitâs a real, observable, scientifically significant factââ
âthis is taking too long. âYeah, yeah.â Kamitani plants an encouraging elbow in his spine and shoves. âWhatever. Just sit already.â
âHey!â Usokawa squeaks, tugging at the collar of his too-nice polo. âDonât rush me, Iâm visualizing.â
Itâs so stupid even Inomata stands still, probably calculating the amount of brain cells sheâs lost just listening to this idiot. âWhat the fuck is that supposed to mean?â
âChoosing a seat is an art, okay?â The kid takes in one of those deep, meditative breathsâ like they arenât in the middle of a movie theater, making people skirt around a clump of third years hogging the stairsâ and squeezes his eyes shut. Yeah, that seems like itâll really help with this whole visualizing thing. Big step forward in sitting their asses down for sure. âWe have to be close enough to see the movie, but far enough that weâre not craning our necks to see the screen. And most importantly, we want to be central to theââ
âCool story,â Saginuma says as he shoulders his way between them, like there isnât a perfectly good set of stairs right next to them. âBut we picked out our seats at the kiosk, dummy. The same ones we always do, because you canât see even with medical assistance.â
âCan too!â Usokawa adjusts his glasses, trying to look intelligent or some shit, rather than the kind of idiot whose head rattles when he shakes it too hard. âI just prefer to sit at the optimum distance. Because I have discerning tastes! Not because I canât, erâŠâ
âSee for shit?â Ebizawa sneaks in so mildly that Usokawa nods before his brain catches up to him.
âHey! I already said that Iââ
Itâs not that he feels anythingâ Inomata canât even bear to say peopleâs names, let alone touch them to get attentionâ but thereâs a potential of something, a breeze that ruffles the hair on the back of his arm, right where his sleeve sits. Electrons tickling each other, the old hag told him once, when heâd been dragged along to one of his great-grandmaâs acupuncture appointments. Youâre a science teacher, heâd said, bored out of his skull, you canât believe in all this bullshit. And sheâd said, donât be rude, and then, thereâs a lot we donât understand about the human body. Maybe this is one of them.
Maybe if sheâd sounded more curious, he could have believed it. But it came out exhausted instead, the hag at the end of her rope and willing to say whatever she needed to keep the peaceâ and heâd been twelve. If tossing his teeth on the roof wasnât going to keep him from getting cavities, putting needles into magical energy meridians wasnât going to help great-grandmaâs back pains either.
Itâs not so fantastic, you know. Sheâd looked down at him, all slouched in the molded plastic they were trying to pass for a chair, and lifted her eyebrows, like she was going to tell him a secret. The human body has an electrical field all around it. Free floating electrons that we put off just by living. And when we touchâ sheâd reached out, hovering her finger just above his arm, hair standing on end from anticipationâ they tickle each other first.
So maybe thatâs what heâs feeling when Inomata steps up, crowding so close her breath bleeds through the cotton of his shirt, still warm: all her electrons just fouling his up.
âAre they always like this?â she mutters, so soft he hears it more through bone conduction than his ears.
âWhat?â His teeth catch a shiver between them and clench. âLoud?â
âNo, I just meanâŠâ The rubber on her shoes catches on his, a hot burst of air scuttling across his shoulders before she rears back, putting something like normal space between them. âAh, wellâŠyes. I suppose that.â
 âTheyâre worse.â His mouth twitches, threatening to sink his whole scowl. âMust be trying to impress you or something.â
The congestion on the stairs finally clears now that Usokawaâs figured out how to put one foot in front of the other, hurrying up to the where Ebizawa and Saginuma are already loitering, phones out and screens at their brightest setting. Thereâs enough debate going on that itâs got to be about what order theyâre parking their asses in; one thatâs solved by Usokawa bowling right through them, hurtling midway down the row before he drops, no ceremony at all, into one of the seats. Saginuma sighs, one big slump of his already slouched shoulders, but traipses after him, andâ
And Inomata isnât behind him. No, instead sheâs three stairs back where he left her, more skittish horse than girl, all of her too-long limbs ready to bolt back to the safety of the herd. But she doesnâtâ sheâs all eyes instead, the weird glare of the lights making her eyes more shine than pupil.
âReally?â He barely catches the way her mouth wraps around the word, too busy being pinned to the spot by her eyes. âYou think theyâre trying to impressâŠme?â
Itâs a stupid fucking question, but his stomach fizzes when she asks, twistsâ he hadnât even had any soda today, but hell if his gust are acting like itâ and he nearly blurts out something even worse, like, well, yeah, you know girls or whateverâ
Only to run right into Kashima. Not his back, which would at least make sense, but straight into his whole shoulder-elbow complex. Because that idiot isnât ambling down the aisle, like any normal person would be, but just standing there. Hands in his pockets, sneakers snuffling, but there, instead of in a seat.
âWhat, you need an invitation or something?â he grunts. Glares too, using all the authority the few centimeters his one-eighty plus give him over this human-sized thorn in his side. âMove it.â
He expects the kidâs eyes to be darting around, looking for an exit in this weird confrontation, but instead he just stares at him, all steady as he says, âDid you want to trade seats with me?â
âWhat, you somehow get stuck next to Usokawa?â
Not possible; heâd been watching the kid like a hawk when theyâd been buying tickets. Hadnât planned toâ not his business which of their idiot friends Kashima rubs elbows withâ but Inomataâs hands shook as they stood in line, breaking out into a full-body tremble the closer they got to the kiosk, and he could just tell every bit of her was primed to fuck up a single button press. And sure, it would have been funny to watch her twist in the wind if she had, no recourse for shit luck, but Kamitani stood there anyway, watching Kashima poke at some squares on a screen, and picked the empty one next to Ebizawa's. Her fault if she couldn't manage to pick a seat that would let her share that kid's air with only right answers left.
And if she fucked it up, wellâ it's not like he gave a shit about who he parked his ass next to for the next ninety minutes. Might even be a relief to be seated in movie theater Siberia, not having to put up with any of this nonsense.
âNo, I just thoughtâŠâ He glances over Kamitaniâs shoulder, weird flush breaking out over his face, and shakes his head. âI mean, have you checked yourâŠ? Er, never mind.â
Last time he checked, people were supposed to finish the sentences they started, but heâd learned long ago that Kashima didnât so much speak but loop together a bunch of questions heâd hope would answer themselves. Helped him lay flatter when he did his impression of a doormat, and all.
Doesnât mean itâs not annoying. âWhat, you think I have a fucking opinion about where you fart forâ?â
He doesnât even know Inomataâs behind him until she pinches him. Not all cutesy the way other girls do, eyelashes fluttering as they tugged at his sleeve soft enough a stiff breeze could blow them away. No, she digs in with those talons of hers, aiming for flesh instead of cotton and twists.
âAre you gonna move or not?â The back of his arm burns where she pinched; his fists clench to keep from rubbing at it. âWe donât have all fucking day.â
Kashima just stands there for a minute, staring at him with his too-big eyes, andâ and heâd be ready for it if they were all pleading and puppyish, or hell, even just confused. But theyâre not; no, theyâre steady instead, thoughtful. Unnerving.
âAll right,â he says, stepping aside. âJust thought Iâd offer.â
*
If thereâs one good thing about this stupid seating scheme, itâs that his part of it is over.
Kamitani drops down into the seat next to Ebizawa, ignoring the slack-jawed stare he skirts down the aisle behind him. Thereâs probably some slapstick routine going on down there, both Inomata and Kashima struggling to be the most polite, âafter-youâ-ing each other until the lights go down. But thatâs not his problem, not anymoreâ Kamitani can take a girl to hang out, but he canât make her act right.
Thatâd been the whole point of this movie thing anyway: putting these two idiots into close quarters without some cockamamie scheme to do it. A pretty foolproof one too, since Inomata canât even ruin it by doing something stupid, like opening her mouth. And yet here he is, forced to not only participate in another one of her overly complicated setups, but direct the damn thing, just so that she could brush elbows over an armrest.
At least he wonât have to deal with her for the next ninety minutes. Kashimaâs going to sit next to him, and then heâll get a full armrest to himself. That kidâs phobia of taking up space pissed him off, typically, but thisâ this pays for all those other âhe said no picklesâ moments in full. All thatâs left is to get real comfortable andâ
âDo you plan to hog the entire armrest for the whole movie?â Thereâs not enough light for Inomata to loom, but her glower more than makes up the difference. âYou have two, you know.â
Kamitani snorts. Like heâs going to risk bumping elbows with Ebizawa. That kidâs so used to pushy girlfriends he might hold his hand on reflex.
âYou do too,â he reminds her, and ha, if she aimed that look at Usokawa, heâd be dead and cremated before the previews were over. But Kamitaniâs not about to be intimidated by someone who handed him an open answer essay question about optimum sock height. âWhat the hell are you wearing?â
Inomata hauls up mid-sit, palms pressed against the pleats at her knees, ass literal inches from the seat, and honestlyâ itâs impressive. Thereâs guys in the club who couldnât hold a squat like that without shaking. And she just does, swiveling that slack jaw over at him like heâs the problem. âYouâre the one who told me I could wear anything. You said I could even wear my uniform and itâd be fine.â
âWell, yeah.â Girls might obsess about whether slouched socks were in this year, or whether shorts were appropriate for a group date, but heâs not fucking Usokawa. Kamitani doesnât give a single shit about they what wear. Usually. âThatâs before I know youâd actually wear one.â
âWhat?â The weight of her glareâs enough to pitch her down into the seat, and for once, Kamitani knows what it feels like to be an English exam. âThis isnâtâ Iâm notâ this blouse has a cowl neck!â
His finger flicks out. âPleated skirt.â It ticks down. âTennis shoes.â His thumb jerks behind her. âJacket. All youâre missing is the stupid tie.â
âItâs a cardigan,â she hisses, gripping the sleeve between them. âItâs knitted.â
âItâs June.â
âMovie theaters are still cold!â She folds her arms over her non-existent chest, like somehow thatâll make her less of a grandma. âThey try to compensate for the number of people they think will be in the theater, which makes it even worse this time of year, andââ
âIsnât that what you want?â he grunts, chucking her elbow off the rest. âSome stupid excuse to cozy up to Kashima?â
Heâs seen tomatoes less red than the color Inomata turns, every inch between her hairline and that cowl-neck so ripe to burst it nearly makes his skin ache. âA-as if I would stoop to deception just to, t-to receive attention from some, s-someââ
âAh, Inomata-sanâŠâÂ
She wrenches around so fast that she nearly spears him with one of those deadly weapons she passes for an elbow. âWhat is it?â
Kashimaâs been all smiles since he caught on that the plus-one to this little shindig was the schoolâs winner of Worst Personality for three years running, playing polite and attentive host so hard his personalityâs practically leaking out of his ears to keep it up. But even his sunny disposition gets a little dinged bearing the brunt of Inomataâs attitude, sunny smile flirting with a grimace before he says, âIt seems we have a few minutes before the movie starts, did you want me to get something for you from the concession stand?â
Her back may be to him, but even still, he can tell: she frowns. Scowls, probably, because thereâs no way she canât look constipated with that stick so far up her ass. âWhy would you do that?â
Kashima blinks. âOh, well, I mean, I am on the end, soâ?â
This is the sort of train wreck Kamitani would usually be happy to watch in slow motion, savoring the crash, but instead he slouches into seat, low enough that his sneakers brush the back of the one in front of him.
âPopcorn,â he grunts, eyes fixed to the ad on the screen. âAnd a coke. Biggest they have.â
The thing is: Kashimaâs got everyone convinced heâs some mild-mannered doormat, ready and willing to flatten himself for their convenience. And he isâ hard to deny it when he lets that hag of a headmistress order him around like heâs Saikawa Part 2, only without the eight-digit paycheckâ but the second his brain parses just how many calories Kamitaniâs about to shove into ninety minutes, the mask cracks, a furrow burying itself right between his eyebrows. âKamitani!â
âWhat?â His shoulders hike high enough to bump his jaw. âYou asked.â
The kidâs got himself all wound up, ready to lob a slow ball right down the pitch, the sort of dressing down Kamitani could knock right over the bleachers before it passed the plate, butâ
âWhat do theyâŠI mean, are thereâŠ?â Her neck tenses, trembles, chin half-turned like sheâs going to look at him, like somehow heâs going to tell her something besides, donât admit youâre too much of a loser to know what they sell at movie theaters. âIâll come with you.â
âOh.â Kashimaâs eyebrows bounce against his hairline before they settle for a more confused slope. âYou donât have to! Iâm sure I could carry anything you two mightââ
âHey, are you getting snacks?â The theaterâs dead silent, but shameâs never stopped Usokawa from shouting before, and it sure wonât now. âHold up, Iâll come with you.â
âToo late,â Kamitani snorts, watching Usokawa nearly trip into the seats in front of them. âEnjoy babysitting.â
*
Usokawaâs mouth is moving a mile a minute when they disappear behind the entryway, grilling Inomata before theyâre even in sight of an exit. Hell knows what theyâre talking aboutâ probably her taste in movie snacks (non-existent), or if sheâs ever had soda (doubtful), or whether sock length was a good measure of a girlâs personality (hell no), or whatever else boneheads like him talk about when their single brain cell is bumping around, making enough static to mimic a whole thought. Kamitani stopped paying attention fifteen minutes ago, after that idiot took one look at the movie posters lining the wall outside and asked if they thought a girl climbing out of a TV was a deal breaker or not.
At least he doesnât have to deal with that sort of shit right now. Sure, Saginuma might swing out of left field with some stupid question, but without Usokawa egging him on, heâll be happy just reading the vintage trivia on the screen until the lights drop. And Ebizawaâ well, heâs a guy who knows how to keep his mouth shut. The kind of kid who stays in his own lane, who wouldnât just turn around and askâ
âNot to make too much of a point out of it,â Ebizawa mutters, shifting in his seat. âBut what the hell were you thinking?â
It takes Kamitani a whole minute to realize this kid is talking to him. âWhat?â
âWhat do you mean, âwhat?ââ Ebizawa fixes him with a look so flat even Usokawa would have trouble tripping over it. âBringing Inomata-san!â
âWhat?â His shoulders dig into the padding behind him, braced. âYou got some problem with her or something?â
âI-I didnât say that,â the kid sputters, hands already up and waving, too obvious. The kind of not-subtle that was already drawing Saginumaâs attention. âItâs justâŠwell, you knowâŠâ
âYou didnât say you were bringing a girl!â Saginuma drops his voice on that last bit, so quiet Kamitani has to strain to hear itâ and instantly regrets he even tried.
âI didnât bring a girl,â he grunts, glowering at the screen. âI brought Inomata.â
Ebizawa stares at him like heâs the one being ridiculous. âInomata-san is a girl, Kamitani-kun.â
He snorts. âBarely.â
âI mean, sheâs got all the parts for it.â Thereâs not much Saginuma applies himself to outside of fucking around, but here he is, looking thoughtful about all this. âSoft skin, long hairââ
âSome girls have short hair, you know,â Ebizawa says, like heâs some sort of expert on girls, and not just the kind of guy who falls face-first into having a girlfriend every few weeks. âI think theyâre cute.â
âânice hair,â Saginuma amends, like he never said anything else. âAnd of course, a rackââ
âLike I saidâ barely.â Nothing to write home about, at least, and the damn cardigan wasnât helping. âWhatâs the big deal anyway? Her and Ushimaru are always hanging around anyway.â
âCome on, man. You gotta know how this looks right?â Ebizawaâs got a face made for looking like heâd rather be having any other conversation, sweat practically pouring off of him as he mutters, âI mean, itâs not like youâre actuallyâŠ? Like, you canât reallyâŠ?â
Kamitani could die happy not knowing how Ebizawa wants to finish that sentence. âIâm just doing her a favor.â
âWhat? Hanging out with us?â These idiots only have one brain cell between the two of them, but by the way his brow knits, Ebizawaâs putting it through its paces. âThatâs your favor?â
His jaw grits so hard he can hear his teeth grinding. âItâs not like this was my first choice either.â
âHuh, yeah. I guess if itâs a favor, Inomata-san must have asked to tag along.â Saginuma leans his chin on his hand, too thoughtful. âMaybe she wanted to see this movie real bad, or something.â
âBro, be serious.â Ebizawa's eyebrows bounce right up against his hairline. âYou think she wants to see Onibabaâs Curse 2?â
âI dunno, itâs not like I know what Inomata-san is into.â Thereâs not a hint of shame in Saginumaâs shrug, just a curiosity that sets Kamitaniâs skin crawling. The last thing he needs is these idiots asking too many questions, especially ones likeâ âHowâd you end up owing her a favor anyway? She helping you study this semester or something?â
Like that. âNone of yourââ
âNo way,â Ebizawa snorts, settling back into his seat, all confident, like he knows what heâs talking about. âInomata-san has never let anyone borrow her notes, not even Ushimaru, and theyâre friends or whatever. Why would she just hand them over to Kamitani? Itâs not like theyâreââ
His mouth hauls up to a complete stop, forehead furrowing as he overworks that single brain cell heâs got bouncing around. âWaitâŠyou didnât bring us on some date, did you?â
âItâs not a date!â Not with him, at least, but he needs their help with Kashima like he needs a hole in the head. âShe justââ
âYouâre supposed to be on a date?â Saginumaâs mouth could catch flies, even if he couldnât catch a hint. âAnd youâre making her hang out with Usokawa?â
Ebizawa casts him a conspiratorial look. âWeâre going to be on her shit list forever. For being accessories or whatever.â
âI already said, itâs not a date,â he grits out. âShe just wanted to come. Hell if I know why. I wouldnât hang out with you idiots if I didnât have to.â
âYou donât,â Ebizawa reminds him, though itâs lost beneath Saginumaâs blaring, âMaybe she likes one of us, then?â
Fuck. Leave it to that moron to trip into the right answer by accident. People really are right about monkeys and typewriters.
âWho?â he huffs, arms folded over his chest. âUsokawa?â
âWhat? Of course not,â Saginuma snorts, shaking his head. âBut girls do like Ebizawaâ âha, like to push him around, maybeâ âand Kashimaâs popular too.â
Itâs an effort not to choke up, not to let any part of him give away just how close that bonehead has gotten to the truthâ
But itâs all ruined when Ebizawa snorts, âWhat if it is Kamitani, though?â
Thereâs no reason for Saginuma to brighten up the way he does, laughing, like this is funny or whatever. âOh, you mean since he never knows when girls like him?â
âWhat?â he blurts out. âI do so.â
Saginuma passes him the kind of look Kashima is always giving the brats in the daycare when theyâre explaining some adult thing their baby brains canât comprehend. âYou super donât.â
âI do.â Itâs not like heâs blind or something. Thereâs a reason the stands are never empty during practice, and itâs not because they care about how Midoriyamaâs fast ball is coming along. âI just donât care.â
âUh-huh, sure. Whatever you say, man.â Ebizawa hooks his hands behind his head, the barest hint of a grin haunting a corner of his mouth. âBut if it is you, then weâre all really on her shit list, andââ
Thereâs a whole stadiumâs worth of words trying to elbow their way out of his mouth, practically climbing over each other just to get crushed between his teeth as he grunts, âShut up.â
Saginumaâs slack jaw is the only warning he gets before an all-too familiar voice from behind him snaps, âWhat did you say to me?â
Kamitani rolls his head along his shoulders, the sharp edge of his flat look catching Inomata just as she perches at the edge of her seat. Not dainty, like a girl, but wary, like a bird on the wire, ready to take off at the slightest breeze. âI wasnât talking to you.â
âCould have fooled me,â she sniffs, settling a snack tray across her knees, one shiver away from shedding soda onto the theater floor.
His soda, to be exact. âYou gonna eat all that yourself?â
âWhat are youâ?â He jerks his chin toward the tub on her lap; Kashima must have taken point on order-placing, since itâs almost over-full, kernels generously peeking out of the top. âOh! N-no! Of course not!â
Itâs impressive how much she manages to fumble the hand-off. He reaches out and she shoves, unstoppable force meeting unmovable object, popcorn rustling in the tub, threatening to spill over one rounded side. The butteriest bits too; the kind that gets all that movie theater butter first, soaked right down to the shell and salted to within an inch of its life, and wellâ Kamitani just bends down. Sticks his tongue out and collects them right off the top of the tub before they can tumble off. Waste not, want not, and all that.
Inomata snatches back her hands like it burns, and he gets to take a whole ass minute to savor the exquisite flavor of her outrage right before she squawks out, âYouâre meant to use your hands!â
The kernels crunch between his teeth loud enough to get a flinch out of her. âItâs my popcorn.â
Thereâs not much Inomataâs good at doingâ well, not much that isnât on an examâ but sneering, thatâs one of them. Really gets a good condescending curl going on at one corner of her mouth, the kind she usually saves for gum found under desks, or that kid from the Advance Class that gets nosebleeds every time Kotaro so much as breathes. âI donât even know how you can eat that much.â
âTalent.â And the three hours of ball practice daily followed by the old hagâs poor excuse for cooking helps keep him in a calorie deficit itâd take five of these to make a dent in. âKashima usually takes his share too.â
Only after he practically shoves it in his lap, grunting out, are you going to let all this go to waste or what? But itâs funnier to watch this neat freak sit here, torn between abject disgust and the statistical likelihood of her and Kashima casually colliding if they reach into the same bag.
âWell, I suppose I could keep it at my seat. If it would keep you two from reaching over me during the movie,â she says, all reasonable, like somehow sheâs the one doing him a favor, and not the other way around. Wrinkles her nose for good measure, too, before adding, âAs long as neither of you doâŠwhatever that was.â
Ha, like Kashima putting his mouth that close to her wouldnât make her full-body vibrate with excitement. But thereâs no use in arguing thatâ not when they both know that kid is more likely to apologize to the theater employees for dropping a single kernel than lick one right off the top of the tub. So Kamitani cedes the high ground and shoves her arm right off the rest instead.
âHey!â He doesnât know how sheâs allowed to walk around like this, with literal weapons for bones. Thereâs going to be bruises on him his uniform wonât cover. âThis is supposed to be a sharedââ
He snorts. âDonât you have better options?â
That draws her up short, sputtering and stammering, pink from her hairline to that damn cardigan. Itâs the sort of overreaction that should annoy him, eyes rolling hard enough to rattle in their sockets, but instead he bites back a grin, wondering just how red she could get if he muttered, nice way to be obvious. Or how much her cheeks would puff out if he grunted, holding his hand would be less desperate. Butâ
âExcuse me, I think youâre sitting in the wrong seat.â
â Kamitani doesnât get his chance.
Kashimaâs already half out of his seat, fishing his phone from his pocket, frantically flipping through screens. âAm I? I thoughtâ ah, yes, I see, my seatâs actually a couple over. But Iâm not sureââhis eyes dart toward Kamitani before fixing back to his screenâ âweâre actually not sitting in order, so I donât know if one of my friends might actually, erâŠ?â
Inomataâs shoulders square as she flashes her phoneâs screen, so quick itâs practiced, like sheâd been ready for someone to tell her she didnât belong. âIâm in the correct seat. Have you checked your ticket?â
âItâs not really mine. We got a reservation for our friend, but umâ â she fumbles with her phone, flinching under the pressure of Inomataâs stareâ âhere! E05?â
Thereâs no arguing with the characters on her screen, but Kashima still stares at it for a minute, like if he does it long enough, the bits might flip to something he likes better. âHaah, rightâŠI thinkââ Kashima glances back at him again, eyes all wide like heâs some mutt caught on the carpet mid-streamâ âI think my seat is actually where you are, Kamitani.â
âMineâs next to yours.â Heâd made sure of that, at least.
âI just followed Usokawa,â Saginuma admits, followed by Ebizawaâs shrugged, âAnd I just followed Saginuma.â
âWell, Iâm sitting where Iâm supposed to,â Usokawa insists, phone in hand. âLook, it says right here, seat E10.â
E11, it reads on the screen.
Saginuma coughs on his laugh. âHey not to make a big thing out of it, man, but uhh, when was the last time you got your eyes checked?â
He blinks, eyes impossibly big behind his lenses. âWhat are you talking about? You can see it here. One, and then a zeroââ
âBro.â Ebizawaâs too much of a pushover to get angry, but he does get tired. âAre you serious right now?â
âAh, sorry about this.â Kashima doles out his best bashful smile, the kind that gets even the most level-headed girls in their class to shuffle their school shoes. âIf you wouldnât mind giving us a minute, Iâm sure we can get this all sorted out.â
âOh, um, itâs no problem, really!â Her hands wave between them, cheeks suspiciously pink, and, yeah, looks like this girl isnât immune either. âSukiâs running late, we just wanted to make sure sheâd have a seat when she gets here. Sorry to make you, umâŠ?â
âOh no, weâre the ones in the wrong seat,â he assures her, all gracious and shit, and the girl just up and giggles, hiding it behind her hand and everything, really getting into this cutesy act, andâ
And Inomata pinches him. Right under his elbow, where the skinâs weirdly tender and painful, like itâs his fault that some girl is out here doing a better job flirting with Kashima in three minutes than sheâs managed in three years.
âWhat the hell is yourâ?â Problem, thatâs what he means to say. But he suddenly doesnât need to, since Kashima gets up. âWhat are you doing?â
Kashima blinks down at him, like somehow heâs the slow one. âIâm in the wrong seat?â
âYeah, because Usokawaâs an idiot." Kamitani sinks far enough into his seat that he can put his leg across the aisle, blocking Kashimaâs exit. âWhatâs that got to do with you?â
âWellâŠisnât it easier if only one of us moves?â Kashimaâs head tilts, and ugh, of course heâs got to be reasonable about this. âOtherwise, everyone has to get up and shift over a seat, and, erâŠâ
Usokawa nearly tripped into row D just getting snacks, and that was without the audience. Now that thereâs cute girls to act like an idiot in front ofâ well, Kashimaâs got a point. And itâs not like Kamitaniâs in any rush to get up, either, not when heâs just got the seat the way he likes, andâ
And Inomata sinks her talons into him.
âIâll go or whatever.â Even if it means sitting next to freaking Usokawa. A sacrifice this girl wonât even recognize, let alone appreciate. âYou can just take myââ
âNo!â Kashimaâs not a loud kid, most of the time; heâs got his momentsâ mostly when the daycare brats get some fool idea into their head about just how high they need to climb for their flying super powers to kick in, or when Kamitani so much as breathes in the direction of that old hag headmistressâ but this time, the whole theater goes quiet in his wake, a half dozen curious eyes aiming themselves in their direction. âNo, thatâs all right. Youâre the one who broughtâŠI mean, you should, ahââ his eyes dart to where Inomata sits, boring holes into Kamitani like it might make good ideas leak out if she does it hard enoughâ âIâm fine, really. You should enjoy yourself.â
âButââ Kamitani routinely hits balls that barrel down the pitch at over a hundred kilometers per hour, and yet somehow he misses snagging Kashimaâs sleeve as he skirts past. âWait!â
Itâs no useâ by the time heâs managed to stumble the word out, Kashimaâs already crab walking around Saginumaâs bag, too far away to hear anything over Usokawaâs yammering. Great. He canât wait for this to be his fault somehow.
Good thing he doesnât need to; the minute he sinks back into his seat, heat still radiating from where he was sitting before, heâs right in the range of her glare. âWhat are you doing? Tell him to stay here!â
âWhat do you think I was doing?â he grumbles, slouched so far down his shoulders practically bump his jaw. âHes the one whoââ
The lights flicker, three times before dim becomes dark, the only light coming from the screen. âWeâll talk about this later.â
She bits off every word, more threat than promise. âWhat? Like I control what Kashimaâ?â
âShh!â Her finger presses to her lips, a poor impression of every stern 2D librarian Usokawaâs ever panted over. âYouâre not supposed to talk during the movie!â
âButââ
âShh!!â
He slouches back down into his seat. âItâs just the fucking previews.â
*
Thereâs a movieâs worth of trailers before the curtains start to widen, but finally the screen goes black. Not a real darkness, the way rooms get with all the lights out, but projected shadow, bathing everyone in an eerie blue backwash. Itâs the kind of trick that might spook a kid, but Kamitaniâs skin is too busy burning to crawl. Where the hell does that girl get off telling him theyâd talk later? Going around, shushing him like heâs Taka at one of those lame ranger live shows, jawing off about what his stupid zord would look like. Heâs doing her a fucking favor, andâ
A spur of a shoulder digs into his armpit, practically shoving his arm off the rest. âIs this a horror movie?â
For a minute he just stares at the screen, watching as the stick-thin strokes of Onibabaâs Curse wash away into a dollâs dead eyes. âI thought you werenât supposed to talk during the movie.â
A huff skitters across his skin, catching at his collar. âIâm just asking a question.â
Sounds a lot like talking to him. âWhy? You get scared easy or something?â
Every inch of her stiffens into a full-body scowl, spine so straight his own back hurts looking at it. âOf course not.â
âGood.â His elbow clips her off the rest as he settles back in his seat. âThen we donât got to talk about it. Unless, you know, you doâŠâ
âI donât,â she informs him, prim as the perfect pleats in her skirt. âItâs just a movie. Only children would let themselves be scared by this sort of garbage.â
He shrugs. âIf you say so.â
âI do.â
He believes her, for a minute. Until the doll blinks, big blue eyes taking up the entire screen.
His ears are still ringing when he leans over, mouth twitching, to ask, âYou good?â
She turns to him, all wild eyes and chest heaving, and tells him with feeling, âShut up.â
*
The plotâs as thin as the screen itâs projected on; after forty minutes of building up this stupid cursed doll, cutting back to her creepy glass eyes every time something even slightly unfortunate happened, some killer guy shows up out of nowhere, playing dark voyeur as Little Miss Honor Roll trips around a conveniently abandoned storehouse. Usokawa might be into this crap: ghost grudges and haunted dolls and the sort of camera tricks that would have that idiot avoiding the mirror for a week; but as far as Kamitaniâs concerned, this is ninety minutes of stupid problems being solved by even stupider peopleâ and if he was into that sort of shit, he didnât need to pay 1500 yen to get his fill of it. Heâs got it for free just being friends with these idiots.
Itâs not a surprise when Miss Honor Roll catches a knife through the ribs, fear leaching out of her eyes along with her life, butâ
But her death rattle is all the warning he gets before a lapful of girl nearly launches herself right over the arm rest.
âHey!â Inomataâs nails dig into him like a cat caught on a curtain, clawing deeper when he reaches over to pry her off his sleeve. âWatch it!â
Everyoneâs pale in the backwash of the screen, but sheâs white as a sheet, eyes so dark he could trip into them and never find the bottom.
âWhat? O-oh!â Her talons retract with a blink, popping off like pins from a corkboardâ and with almost as many holes. Heâll be looking like a pin cushion for a week, if heâs lucky. âS-sorry. I didnâtâŠumâŠâ
Her hand hovers between them, knuckles stark in the blue light, knobby even, the bones along its back and wrist suddenly delicate in comparison. They tremble, trapped between flight and fight, so frail that they must be freezing. Not just the regular kind, ready to warm up with a few good rubs, but ice cold, leaching heat out of him the longer he holds on. âI thought only kids got scared by shit like this.â
Her jaw sets, turning shiver into scowl. âIâm not scared. I was just surprised, thatâs all.â
His mouth twitches. âRight.â
âI mean it.â
Probably does too; this girl couldnât pick any emotion out of a line up, let alone her own. âUh-huh.â
âDonâtââ A door slams, the killer right behind it, knife already raised, and Kamitani doesnât even get to learn what he âdonâtââ not when his ears are too busy ringing from her shriek.
He leans in as the klaxon fades to a buzz, mouth tugging toward a grin. âYou were sayingâŠ?â
A glare is his only answer.
*
This movie might be a total waste of time, just a cobbled together mess of curses and creepy dolls and a killer that is someoneâs second cousinâs roommate or something that gets fed into some thresher thing just in time for this brain dead group of kids to realize the old ladyâs in on all of it, but Kamitaniâs got to admit: itâs worth it to watch Inomata white-knuckle her way through ninety minutes.
Her heels have been hovering for the last five minutes, tapping down timidly before some door slam or dark shadow has her jerking them back up again, digging hard into faux leather. Like thereâs some ghostly hand thatâs gonna reach out with each jump scare and drag her under the seat. Heâs tempted to lean over, mutter something about how itâs not even that kind of movieâ
But then some monstrous hand does reach outâ the killer, suddenly not deadâ yanking the bad boy back into paddies. The kid fights it the entire time, fingers dragging runnels into the mudâ
And Inomataâs got her feet on the seat, shoving herself so far up and back she has to grab at him to stay upright.
âItâs just a movie,â he grunts, trying to pry her off him, but her fingers clench so hard she practically tears off his sleeve. âSit down, already, youâre gonna hurt yourself or something.â
âIâm not!â she snaps, and hah, itâd be more convincing if she didnât nearly vault the armrest as the killerâs knife slashed down, narrowly missing Bad Boyâs vitals. His arm snakes out around her shoulder, shoving down until skinny girl connects with seat, no feet mediating contact. âHeyâ!â
âStop squirming around.â That stupid cardigan is softer than he expects, the difference between sweater and skin prickling where his bare arm slumped against her. âYouâre going to crack your head or something, and Iâm not walking you home.â
âLike I wouldââ the doll leaps off a shelf, tangling itself in the hot girlâs hair, and Inomata muffles her shriek into his shirt, eyes screwed shut against his shoulder.
Itâs not until she hears porcelain shattering that she dares to crack an eye open, still half hidden behind his shirt and her hands. Sheâs trembling hard enough to rattle his teeth, but sheâs not squirming anymore, andâ
Well, not until the door groans open, and she nearly jumps out of her skin. Kamitani bites a grin back to a lifted eyebrow. âWhat was that?â
Her head lifts, both eyes needed for the glower she graces him with. âOh, shut up.â
Itâd be easy to clap back, to really dig under the nail on this, butâ
But Inomata sets her head back on his shoulder and just breathes, her whole body relaxing into his, andâ
Someday You Will Be Loved: Affirming Your Adventurous Heart
Someday You Will Be Loved: Affirming Your Adventurous Heart
In the early weeks and months of a relationship, itâs too early to predict lifetime bliss. [Well, itâs always too soon to predict that, actually.] But itâs not too early to be looking for signs of longevity and signs of problems ahead. What you donât want to do, if you are seeking your lifetime partner, is get complacent about your search.
Settling Is Not An Option
Weâve probably all settled atâŠ
Hi! I was in the middle of reading a fic and I accidentally closed it and I can't remember the name of it for the life of me... In the fic Blaine worked for a magazine or blog or something and had a crush on Adam (his boss) and Kurt was a dance instructor who went on practice dates with Blaine so he can muster up the nerve to ask Adam out. Thanks!
Hey Nonnie,
I think thatâs Dating Lessons by @delightful-fear. Details below.
Hugs,
Marjan
Dating Lessons by @delightful-fearâ
Blaine is interested in his hot, older boss.Can he de-geek and get his attention with Kurt's help?
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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If Maria thinks about this calmlyâ logicallyâ the silence must only last a second. Two, if sheâs being generous. Three, if sheâs about to spiral. Just enough time for Kamitani to parse what sheâs asked and decide, unilaterally, that sheâs an idiot.
But thatâs not what sheâs going to do. Oh no, thatâs for someone who can use the wrong kanji and still expect everyone to laugh it off. Someone who can forget to bring their textbook to class and have a seatmate offer to share. Someone like Yuki, maybe, who might blush and stammer at the board, but still takes one more stab at solving for x. But Mariaâ
Mariaâs brain takes one glance at the glacial pace Kamitaniâs taking to express anythingâ honestly, tectonic plates subduct and transform faster than his eyebrows furrowâ and decides with all the gravitas of a doctor giving a terminal diagnosis that now would be an excellent time to panic. Anything to keep him from sayingâ
âWhat?â Thereâs not much table for him to squint across, and sitting catty-corner like they are, thereâs even less, but Kamitani clearly has experience at summoning up long distance derision with a short runway. âWhat are you talking about? Right now?â
âNo! Why would Iâ? I meant to the movies.â She hadnât thought it was possible, but leave it to this stupid man-child to come up with a question even more inane than her own. âObviously.â
His eyebrows twitch, matching the tic at his temple. ââObviously?â I was asking you whether this would be âhangedâ or âhung.ââ
âOh.â She leans over, making a valiant effort to decipher what heâs scrawled across his notebookâ somehow his handwriting is worse in English than kanji; a feat that seemed impossible until she startled rifling through his past exams. âHung. âHangedâ is only for when, erâŠit is a person in a deceased state. Or I suppose, sentenced to be in a deceased state too.â
âReally?â He tugs the notebook back in front of him with a snort. âTheyâve got a whole tense for that?â
And lack a sufficiently polite form of address, but Maria diplomatically replies, âLanguages mold themselves around what matters most to the people who speak them.â
He gruntsâ hardly a polite sound, but itâs as close as Kamitani can bring himself to one; somehow both approving and curious, even if he goes straight back to ignoring her the minute heâs done making it. Itâs probably better that way anyway; sheâs supposed to be here as a tutor, not a fellow student, and the last thing she needs is him remember just how they got on this whole topic anyâ
âYou can wear whatever you want.â Her eyes jerk over to where he sits, pen tapping absently against the paper. He clears his throat, glare fixed to the page, like itâs personally wronged him. âTo the movies. They let you do that now, you know.â
âI know theyâll let you wear anything to a movie.â She may not have partaken in many social outings since middle school, but sheâs been to the theater. Her parents have taken her, at least. âI meanâŠshould I wear a dress? Or maybe a skirt? Or I guess it could be warm enough for shorts, but that might be a little too casual, andââ
âI wear whatâs clean,â he says, as helpful as always. âOr what smells clean, at least.â
Maria was never much for rolling her eyesâ rudeness, her father would always huff, is the crutch of a lesser mindâ but her few forays into typical teenage rebellion have not sufficiently prepared her for how much it could ache if she did it hard enough. âI should have known better than to ask a boy.â
âWhat do you want me to say?â One side of his mouth rucks up into a sneer, like somehow sheâs the obnoxious one here. âWhat youâve got on is fine.â
She glances downâ pressed white button-down, perfectly tied striped bow, charcoal pleats cutting across above her knees with ruthless efficiencyâ and informs him, âThis is my uniform.â
âYeah.â He jerks a shoulder up in what she assumes is supposed to be a shrug as half-assed as all the rest of his work. âAnd itâs fine. Itâs not like guys care about that sort of stuff.â
âGuys donât careâŠ?â
He says it so casually, so confidently, as if Kawata and Yamane didnât have a stack of magazines as tall as her arm to drag out at the merest mention of a crush. As if they hadnât pored over every page, shoving entire articles about âfemale desirability,â and âthe discerning male eyeâ in front of her, covers boasting âthis one little trickâ to get a man to notice you.
âYou really are the most useless person on the planet,â she informs him with a chill that could frost glassâ if it wasnât nearly summer, that is. âEveryone knows that men are the most visual creatures on earth! Thatâs why all those girls in video games are half naked, and why shonen manga practically advertises fanservice as a feature, and whyââthe words stick to her throat, refusing to be anything but spat between themâ âall men watch porn.â
She expects sneering, a cluck of his tongue, a token denial, yelling evenâ but not the lift of his eyebrows, nor the bald way he says, âYeah, but all those girls are naked.â
Maria stares. âThere is something uniquely wrong with you, and its origin is somewhere between your ears.â
His eyes narrow, annoyed. âNow you sound like the old hag.â
âUnbelievable,â she mutters, glancing down at his paper. âAlso, your answer to number three is wrong.â
âWell, isnât that what youâre here for, sensei?â His mouth twitches, andâ and itâs stupid for her heart to pound so loud in her ears, like they actually had some sort of argument, instead of him just sayingâŠjust calling herâ âSo tell me the answer.â
The pounding abruptly ceases.
âIâm not going to tell you the answers! Recitation is hardly mastery.â A lesson sheâd learned the hard way, more than once. Not that he needed to know about any of that.
Now there is the derisive cluck of the tongue sheâs been waiting for, the sneer of disdain she knew was lingering in the wings, waiting for its moment beneath the lights. âWhatâs the point of this whole studying thing if youâre not going to help me?â
âI am helping you,â she snaps, her spine pulling achingly straight. âI could give you the answer right now, but that would only help you with this question. If you donât learn to solve it yourself, wellâitâs not like youâll have me next to you during the exam, whispering the right choices. And then weâll be right back where we started next time, only with more information to cover.â
He glares at her, forehead furrowed and frown rumpled, two storm fronts converging right over his nose, destined to leave only devastation in their wakeâ but instead he grunts, âFine.â
Maria blinks. âExcuse me?â
The notebook slides across the table, spanning the space between them. âIf youâre not going to tell me the answer, then at least show me what I got wrong.â
Itâs safer to look down than up, isnât it? To find problems rather than a solution. Thatâs how itâs always been for her, at least. But now Mariaâs eyes drop, seeking some safe harbor pages in front of her, some sturdy ground to plant herself on, andâ and it practically glares back at her, his hasty haystack handwriting blown across every line. Legible, though only just. Manageable.
âWell,â she says, summoning her most insufferably superior tones. Thereâs no point in being friendly, after all. Not when this is a business arrangement. âIf youâre looking for somewhere to start, maybe you should make sure your pâs all face the same directionâŠâ
*
Maria squints down at the screen, hand cupped around her phone case as if that might help with the glare. It doesnât, of courseâ not with the recessed lighting hung directly overhead; her favorite feature of this kitchen until just ten minutes ago, when Tanaka-san sent her this videoâ the same tutorial sheâd used to learn to roll an omelet two years ago, before her then-boyfriend became now-persona non grata. But now perfectly julienned carrots and geometrically pleasing onigiri can't make up for the fact that no matter how she tries to shift around the countersâ even going so far as to lean over the sink in her desperationâ she cannot view more than three-quarters of her screen at once.
âMaria?â The lights flicker over the rest of the kitchen, a quick off-on-off before settling into a bright blaze over the breakfast table. Her mother shuffles another step over the jamb, rubbing at her eyes. âWhat are you doing up so early?â
âAh! Oh, umâŠâ Two containers sit open on the table, the biggest compartments already filled with still-steaming rice, and for the life of her, Maria canât think of how to explain both besides fumbling out, âMaking my lunch?â
Itâs a slow shift from bleary eyes to narrow ones, motherâs mouth bowing just enough to wrinkle at the corners. Skepticism clings to every fold, doubt deepening in their shadows, and alarms blare in Mariaâs earsâ CAUGHT, they shout, YOUâVE BEEN CAUGHTâ
But then Motherâs nose scrunches too. Not suspicion, then, but distaste. Disgust. âYou donât need to do that. Iâm perfectly capable of making your lunch.â
And perfectly incapable of enjoying the process. The boys at school loved to make a fuss about âobligation chocolate,â complaining about how true feelings make candy sweeter; as if itâs not a ridiculous demand for their female classmates to manufacture something like attraction when the boys in question still find bathroom humor the pinnacle of comedy, butâŠ
But Maria canât argue that duty does have a taste. And itâs hardly a sweet one.
âWell, yes, I know that.â Iâm not saying you couldnât, she nearly argues, but this is hardly the time to get defensive. Not when sheâs trying to be as unassuming as possible; making lunch from utterly pure and reasonable motives, and not because sheâs interested in the metrics of boy-mediated approval. âBut, umâŠwhen Iâm at university, Iâll be presumably living on my own, wonât I?â
Mother blinks at that, as if it had never occurred to her that if her daughter was actually going to attend one of those choice Tokyo institutions they had been aiming for, they might actually have to send her there. âY-yes. That would be aâŠreasonable assumption, considering the commute.â
âAnd if Iâm living on my own, then Iâll have to be able to provide meals for myself, wonât I?â Maria fits her hands on her hips, letting this sudden burst of unearned confidence lift her chin. âI thought it would be good to get used to making them now, rather than waiting until Iâm by myself. Learning a new habit is harder when youâre under stress, they say.â
She could not, if pressed, say who âtheyâ might be, but Mother seems to find it convincing enough, nodding along as if sheâd thought of the idea herself.
âThatâs very mature of you, Maria.â It is, given more than a moment to think it over instead of desperately spinning it out. The sort of thing she should have been thinking of, if she hadnât already been caught up in this wholeâŠdrinking the nectar of her youth situation. Sheâs almost proud of herself for stumbling into it, even backwards, letting herself take a moment to preen in her motherâs praise beforeâ âI just didnât realize university students made bento now.â
Maria blinks, a deer noticing the first paired pinpricks of headlights. âH-huh?â
âWhen me and your father were in school, we just bought everything in the cafeteria.â Her head tilts, thoughtful. âOr I suppose from one of the places around campus. There was a nice little conbini right around the corner, and I think your father must have subsisted off of their fried chicken for the two years until we metââ
âItâs a good way to save money,â she blurts out, nerves practically spilling all over the counter. âAnd, ah, healthier than eating conbini chicken every meal.â
Itâs the exact sort of explanation that should satisfy her mother; sheâs the one who always spearheads their vegetable-heavy menu, even if her fatherâs the one that ultimately cooks them. But instead that nostalgic smile falls to a frustrated frown, mouth pursing as she approaches the counter.
âI appreciate the initiative, dear, but you should know you wonât need to worry about that sort of thing. Your father and I are quite serious about supporting you during your studies.â Her brows knit as she surveys the counter between them. âIs there a reason youâre packing two bentos?â
âItâs easier to make two instead of one!â Her mother lifts an inquisitive brow, and ahâ this might not have been the best tack to take with a woman who has been making them every day for nearly fifteen years. âI-I mean, thatâs what I read, at least.â
âHm.â An entirely too thoughtful sound, when she really would prefer her mother not have any opinion. âBut bento are supposed to be made fresh. Theyâre better that way.â
âI-I know that,â Maria blusters, head giving a proud toss. âItâs just, umâŠY-yuki-chanâs parents are out of town. So I thought Iâd give the spare one to her.â
âOh, Yuki-chan.â Motherâs posture visibly eases. âThatâs very thoughtful of you, Maria.â
It would be, if it was true. But it isnâtâ unless, by coincidence, Yukiâs parents are somehow out of town, and thenâ
âItâs good to think of other people, but make sure itâs not too much,â Mother warns, turning away to where the coffee maker sits, cold. âYou wouldnât want anyone to take advantage of how kind you are.â
Maria coughs around the bile building in her throat. âI donât think I have to worry about that.â
Not when all this kindness is fictional, just part of the part sheâs playing; a ruse to fool her mother into thinking she cares about her future and her friends rather than just impressing some boy whoâ
âI donât think so either.â Mother smiles, slipping her coffee cup under the spout. âYuki-chan is a nice girl, Iâm sure sheâll appreciate the effort you put into your friendship.â
âYeah,â Maria squeaks faintly. âI hope soâŠâ
âYou should go out with them more often.â
She blinks, swallowing past the burning in her throat. âWhat?â
âYour friends! Yuki-chan and those other girls. What were their names? KawasakiâŠ?â Mother shakes her head. âAnyway, I know itâs almost time for exams, but surely they donât spend all their time studying.â
Unlike you, Mother doesnât say, but she hardly needs to, not when Mariaâs typical weekend plans involved making flashcards and studying exam booklets, andâ
The siren breeze of opportunity wafts through the window her motherâs thrown open.
âOh!â Her hands tremble as she grips the counter, willing herself to sound calm. Composed. Like a girl that has friends that go places with her. âT-that reminds me. I was invited to a movie this weekendâŠâ
This canât possibly work. Sheâs too nervousâ even if Mother canât hear her heart pounding, shouting LIAR with every beat, sheâll know by the way her knees knock, or the guilty flush on her cheeks, orâ or something. Something that makes every bit of her breathe, Iâm going out with boys, and then sheâll be grounded until sheâs thirty.
âOh, doesnât that sound nice?â Mother settles onto one of the kitchen chairs, the gurgle of percolating coffee bright in the air. âDo you need any pocket money for the trip? Iâve heard snacks are expensive nowadays.â
âIâŠâ Maria stares. This woman raised her. Surely she would know when her own daughter was lying to her face. About boys. âN-no. I think I still have money from my last exams. T-that should be more than enough.â
âAs long as youâre sure.â Mother squints over at the stove, and oh, here it comesâ âDo you need any help?â
Mariaâs jaw closes with a snick.
âNo,â she manages, after a moment. âI think Iâve got it handled.â
*
Were there ever a circumstance wherein Maria was forcedâ under extreme duressâ to invent a positive trait for Yagi, she could at least say this: he doesnât drop his bag with all the subtlety of an earthquake, like the rest of the boys in their class do. No, he delicately drapes the strap over the back of his chair, arranging the bag so that it sits neatly between their desks, not interfering with his ability to rummage through its contents, or knocking into her knees. Itâs almostâŠpolite.
And yet it still doesnât keep her from flinching when he spins around, all princely smile, and hums, âGood morning, Inomata-san.â
It would be easy to glare, to answer with her customary, donât you have someone else you can bother? Or even a very evocative, what?
But itâs Yagi who had given her the comprehensive primer on just what sort of dishes made for a good bentoâ for a boy, at least. For someone who rarely made a production of eating the ones he received, he had some firm opinions about what kind of grilled fish kept well until lunch time, or what pickled vegetables wilted too quickly to make a good accompaniment to rice. A better help than Nezu, at least; he might be used to taking Yagiâs cast-offs, eating all the finest bento 3-A can offer, but in terms of tasteâ well, sheâd known garbage compactors with more discernment.
Maria grits her teeth and manages a mostly civil, âGood morning.â
Yagiâs eyebrows disappear beneath the fashionable fall of his bangs. âYouâre in a good mood.â
For once, heâs too polite to say, but his tone does more than enough to imply.
âIâm in the same mood I am every morning,â she snaps, regretting every word before it even leaves her mouth. But itâs too lateâ rudeness spills out on reflex, a force of habit itâs impossible to stop. âDonât try to read into it or anything!â
A princeâs mouth has to be made for smiles, but Yagiâs strains at the corners, creasing with the effort to hold it. âIf you say so, Inomata-san.â
He starts to turn around, leaving her sitting there like a grilled tomato; flushed and tender and skin waiting to split at the slightest touch, andâ
And itâs stupid how hard it is to just be nice. âThank you, though. For the, erâŠadvice. With the bento.â
His head snaps back over his shoulder so fast her own aches in sympathy. âSo it went well? YourâŠhmmâŠexperiment?â
âItâs ongoing,â she informs him loftily, âand the president of the Home Ec Club also gave me a few pointers too. So donât think youâre the only one thatââ
âBut he liked it, didnât he?â Itâs subtle, the way Yagi leans toward her, but the searching look in his eyes is anything but. âHe said it tasted good?â
Not in so many words. But, well, she wasnât trying to impress Kamitani. âIt was edible.â
She expects a grimace, a wince, a look of pity at least, but insteadâ instead Yagi grins. âSo he ate all of it?â
âIâŠâ A gout of their classmates flood through the door, mouths squealing as much as their school shoes do when they realize Yagi is already there, looking princely perfect in his seat. Itâs only a hop, skip and a jump for their eyes to follow his, to see that she is the one heâs deigned to bestow his good favor. Maria straightens her shoulders, refusing to be cowed by their stares. âT-thatâs not the point.â
The conversation should end there; other classmates have begun to filter in, ones beside Yagiâs fluttering fan club. People that must be more pleasant to talk to than a girl who canât even seem to be grateful without snapping someoneâs head offâ
âIt sounds like itâs going well,â he says with the unrelenting optimism of a boy who has never had to pack a lunch in six years. Or had his outdoor shoes thrown in the trash for taking the top spot two exams in a row. âDo let me know if you need any more advice, all right, Inomata-san?â
He turns the full force of that princely smile on her, sincerity shining out of him with all the blinding light of the morning sun, andâ and she canât help it, it just slips outâ
âWhat do you think about clothes?â
*
The trouble with this whole bento plan has always been in the delivery; thereâs a certain implication that comes with a young woman giving an equally young man a well-made lunch. One Mariaâs eager to avoid considering that the one sheâs giving it to isnât even who itâs for. Or, well, it is, but not metatexually. Heâs not the one meant to reap the rewards, or however the saying goes. Not for anything but the short term.
She might have had to chase him down that first day, coming into the classroom and hauling him through the hallways until he learned to behave, for once, but now that sheâs established a routine, wellâ
Kamitaniâs already lingering outside when lunch rolls around, his stupidly long legs stretched out, making it awkward for her to make this exchange in any sort of civil fashion. No, thereâs nothing for it to but shove, forcing the box into his folded arms with all the grace of a bulldozer.
âHere,â she says, impatient, waiting for him to untangle enough to hold it on his own. âThe rubric is already inside. Make sure you fill it out properly this time. And actually try the omelet!â
Itâs the least he can do, now that she knows sheâs made it rightâ she must have; she followed Tanaka-sanâs tutorial down to the second. But instead of looking grateful, the way anyone else would when theyâre handed a properly nutritious meal, he just stares at her, forehead already halfway to a furrow. âWhat, thatâs it?â
âWell, eat the rest of it too!â Itâs not like he needs her to explain lunch to him as a concept. For all his complaining, heâs been polishing off both tiers in twenty minutes. âItâs not like you donât know how.â
Itâs a feat to skirt around himâ she doesnât remember him having nearly this much leg in first yearâ but Maria is an expert in avoiding unpleasant realities. She cuts a neat path from one side of him to the other, shoes barely squeaking as she executes the hurried turn into 3-Câ
Only for his hand to hook around the cuff of her short sleeves, holding her hostage. âThatâs not what I meant.â
His palm burns where it sits against her skinâ or, well, half against it, the other half pressing cotton flat like an iron. âW-what?â
He hasnât budged an inch from where she found him, holding her just with the casual strength of one handâ itâs infuriating, now that she thinks about it. She runs the mile in physical education just like everyone else, and climbs the stupid rope, even if it takes her a few more minutes to huff and puff to the top. Thereâs no reason he should be able to just hold her like this, like sheâs just some delicate little waif, and heâsâ
Heâs staring at her now, head turned so he can really get some good momentum down that nose of his. âYou want me to eat this on my own?â
âJ-just for today!â She shrugs out of his grip, annoyed and oddly breathless. âIt's not like you don't have friends! Iâm sure youâd rather eat with them anyway.â
His eyes narrow, a breath hissing out from his nose. âWhat's that supposed to mean?â
There's no reason for him to make this so difficult, not when he already spends most of their time complaining about how he'd rather be doing anything else. "I said exactly what I meant. Now if you'll excuse me"-- her chin lifts with a pointed sniff-- "I need to consult with the girls in your class."
His brows furrow sharply, matching the flex of his hand. "What? Why?"
âBecause...â
Clothes? Yagi hums, thoughtful. I can't say I've ever thought much about it. Anything cute is always a pleasant surprise. Those animal pajamas-- the ones that are all one suit, you know-- or maybe even pumpkin pants--
She means on girls, Nezu informs him, resignation thick in his voice. The ones our age.
Oh. He offers her an apologetic smile. I can't say I have much of an opinion on that.
Her breath hisses out between her teeth, weary. âIt turns out all boys are useless.â
*
âMari-chi!â Kawataâs eyes widen as Maria hovers just beyond where they sit, trying to calculate the proper angle of approach. It would have been one thing in the classroomâ she could have simply pulled up a desk, or quietly approached Yuki as she set out her own bento. But theyâre outside today, the weather too nice to squander before it folds under summerâs coming heat, and thereâs no natural way to askâ âYouâre gonna eat with us today?â
Ah. Besides that.
âYes.â She sets her bento on the table beside Yamane, already taking note of the number of inches available on the bench, and how much she might be able to squeeze into, so long as she was allowed. âIf thatâs all right.â
âOf course it is!â Yuki scoots over to make room, Yamane scurrying to follow suit. âLetâs justââ
âLet her sit on this side, with me?â Kawata deadpans, shifting her lunch over a few inches. âCome on, I donât bite.â
âI-I wouldnât assume you did,â Maria stammers, practically tripping to take her seat. âI just thought, umâŠâ
Yuki and Yamane were more likely to accommodate her. Or at least do it without the sort of questions she knows are already buoying Kawataâs smirk.
âYouâre always welcome to join us,â Yukiâs quick to assure her, smile blinding when she turns it her way. âYou donât need to ask.â
âYeah, especially if youâre going to tell us whatâs happening with all that boy research youâre doing,â Kawata hums, earning a shocked, âRena-chan!â from Yuki. âOh come on, like you arenât curious.â
âI know I am!â Yamane chirps, popping an octopus-shaped hot dog into her mouth. âHave you tried the neck thing yet? I think thatâs a goodââ
âI have not!â Maria refuses to clap her hands to her cheeks, no matter how much they burn, but itâs an effort, to be sure. âAnd I wonât. I was onlyâŠgathering information for future use.â
âAnd?â Kawata laughs, tilting her a sly smile. âCome on, Mari-chi. Yukiâs right, youâre welcome to sit with us any time, but I know you only got up the gumption to do it because you have something on your mind.â
âNo, IâŠ!â Under Kawataâs withering eyebrow, Maria folds like a paper crane. âI was just wondering if, erâŠthere were specific types of clothes that are more appealing to boys than others.â
âWhat?â Yamane roots around for another slice of sausage. âYou mean like lingerie?â
âSaki-chan!â Yukiâs palms clap to her own face. âOf course Maria didnât mean that!â Her gaze slips toward her, curious. âDid you?â
âW-what? Of course not!â The news might say that high school girls are starting that sort of exploration younger and younger these daysâ prompting several awkward mother-daughter talks; or really not-talks, the way both of them dance around the topicâ but Maria canât even imagine kissing until after college. âI meant in a more rhetorical sense. Like for the movies.â
Yamaneâs eyes blow wide. âMari-chi, has someone asked you out?â
âW-what?â She might have expected that sort of shrewdness from Kawata, or maybe even Yuki, but Yamane? Another ice age seemed more likely. âNo. I mean, as I said, rhetoricallyââ
âI didnât realize that the movies was a common rhetorical device.â Kawata slides a too-knowing look across the table, one side of her smile twitching toward a smirk. âMaybe you only cover that sort of stuff in the Advanced Class.â
Heat prickles just under her cheeks, her last warning before it begins to show on her skin. âW-well, if you think about itââ
âOh, did your club friends ask you to go?â Yuki bounces in her seat, eyes practically bursting with pride. âOh, Maria-chan, how exciting! They seem like such nice girls!â
Itâs a convenient excuse, one that would certainly keep Kawata and Yamane from pryingâ or getting the wrong ideaâ butâ
âNo, no. That doesnât make sense.â Kawata stares over at her, entirely too shrewd for Maria to do anything besides break out into a cold sweat. âMari-chi asked about what to wear in front of boys, which meansâŠ?â
Yamaneâs whole body stretches with the force of her gasp. âA boy asked you out!â
Wide eyes pass around the table, and at this crucial juncture, it seems prudent to inform them, âItâs not a date.â
This, of course, is a tactical error on her part.
âDate?â Yamane sighs dreamily. âMari-chi is going on aâ?â
âWho is it?â Yuki-chan nearly leaps across the table to grab her, palms pressing tight around Mariaâs suddenly clasped hands. âIs itâŠ? I mean, do we know him?â
âI knew it,â Kawata crows, fists sitting so high on her waist her elbows jut into Mariaâs side. âPeople can balk at neck kissing all they like, but it never fails to get a girl what sheââ
âHave you kissed?â Yamane practically vibrates in her seat, the deep blue of her eyes suddenly sparkling and bright. âOr maybe evenâŠheld hands?â
âI think youâve got the order wrong on that one,â Kawata snorts. âAnd usually all that happens after the dââ
âItâs not a date,â Maria repeats wearily, temples pounding. âItâs aâŠa group thing.â
âA group date?â Yamane gasps, and ugh, thatâs worse.
âN-no! Nothing like that! I justâŠâ Her mouth works, waiting for the words to come to her, to try to smooth over this whole misunderstanding, but all she manages is, âThey were already going, and I was invited to join them.â
Yamane frowns. âAnd youâre the only girl going? With a bunch of guys.â
âYes. Exactly.â Even numbers might imply a pairing off, but there's no romance in the way she's outnumbered four-to-one. Especially when the only thing interesting about her is her test scores. âAnd I wasnât sure if I should wear what I normally would, orâŠsomething different.â
âSomething different, huh?â Kawataâs mouth hooks into a smirk, and thereâs no time to stop her before she says, âSo what youâre saying is that you got invited, and thereâs someone you like going.â
Thereâs a pause, a small lacuna of conversation where she could protest, where she could play utterly innocentâ but sheâs too slow to take it. Too surprised at being caught to invent something more benign, and nowâ
Now her ears ache from all the squealing.
âWho is it? Noââ Yamane holds up a hand, pressing the other to her templeâ âwait, let me see if I can guess. No, wait, actually, give me a hint firstââ
âReally?â Thereâs a small wrinkle between Yuki-chanâs eyebrows, the tiniest hint of concern. âBut I thought...?â
Itâs Kawata who seizes the initiative. âAre you seeing a scary movie?â
âEr.â A good question; being invited had been such a novelty, Maria hadnât actually bothered to ask about the title, let alone the content. âIâm notâŠsure?â
âIf you are, pretend to get scared.â She says it so breezily, like itâs a foregone conclusion that Maria couldnât actually be scared of anything that wasnât covered in red pen. âThen you can get him to put his arm around you.â
âOooh, yes!â Yamane claps her hands together, far too eager. âYou can do that no matter what kind of movie it is, canât you? Thereâs always something surprising going on. You just have to grab him and thenââ
âIâ Iâm not going to do that.â The spectral weight of Kashimaâs arm settles over her shoulders, hypothetically warm even through two layers of fabric, and oh, it says something about her that itâs so tempting. Just what she canât begin to speculate, but something. âResort toâŠto deception.â
âItâs not deception,â Yamane insists, wide-eyed. âItâs just tricking him into comforting you!â
âThat,â Maria informs her, âis exactly the same thing.â
âDonât listen to her,â Kawata says, waving Yamane off with a sigh. âBoys like it when girls act vulnerable. It makes them feel important or something. Thatâs why they all like Yuki-chan so much.â
âIâm not vulnerable!â Yukiâs cheeks puff out petulantly, only deepening her pout. âIâm justâŠindecisive.â
âSame difference,â Kawata deadpans. âThatâs your problem, though, Mari-chi. You donât seem like you need anyone.â
If that were true, sheâd hardly be here, asking about boys and clothes and the hundred other things girls her age were born knowing. Or begging scraps off anyone that seems to have a halfway decent idea of how to interact with someone outside of a group project. But--
âI donât,â she lies, fists trembling in her lap. âIf some boy canât handle that Iâm aâŠerâŠstrong, independent woman, then thereâs no reason to get into a relationship in the first place!â
But it's better, isn't it, if everyone thinks it's on purpose? If it isn't just her fumbling through the dark, failing to find even one friend she can make stick. If boys don't like her because they're weak, instead of--
âBut everyone needs someone sometimes, donât they?â Yuki-chan frowns, that concerned little wrinkle deepening. âNot just a boyfriend, butâ you canât be strong all the time, you know? Itâs not good for you.â
âIâve been doing fine this far.â Friends didn't earn a top spot in the most prestigious Tokyo universities, and, if the girls in the academy were any indication, having a boyfriend seemed to preclude them. Or the ambition to try for one, at least. âI donât see why I need to change just because a boy needs to feel useful, or whatever.â
It's terrible the way Yuki-chan looks at her, sweet sincerity making her eyes water so much they shine. "But, Maria--"
âYou may not wanna change for a guy," Kawata continues, utterly undaunted. "But I'm sure we can figure out a way to make you look cute." She flicks her hand. "Come on, what do you have in your closet?"
Maria hesitates. âWell, I would say most of my wardrobe is skirts, butâŠâ
*
Maria has never been personally complimented on her ability to read any given room, but Yuki lingers behind pointedly enough that even she realizes that she should slow down, letting her pace match the snail-speed one Yukiâs decided to take on. By the bright smile Yuki turns on her, thrilled with every foot they put between them and Kawata and Yamaneâs backs, itâs the right thing to do.
At least, thatâs how it feels until itâs just the two of them, standing in an empty courtyard, only the birdsong for conversation. This is where sheâs probably supposed to say something, explain why she decided to keep after Kashima when even Yuki called it a lost cause, andâ
âYou knowâŠâ Yuki rocks onto her toes before settling back back on her heels, and ahâ sheâs nervous, just the way Maria is. âI didnât really expect you to move on from Kashima-kun.â
âYou didnât?â Between the two of them, sheâs always been the one to give up easier; the one who runs into one speed bump and needs to regroup. The one who's discouraged by a stray breeze and needs to be built back up. You donât seem like you need anyone, thatâs what Kawata had saidâ funny, since itâs only because of Yukiâs constant encouragement that she didnât let this silly crush on Kashima go the way of the piano way back in first year.
âOf course not! Thatâs the way youâve always been, Maria-chan. Determined.â Itâs a nice way to say stubborn, at least. Just like sheâd expect from Yuki, even if the heartfelt handclasp isâŠa lot, as usual. âIâm proud of you for taking control of your own destiny! Drinking the nectar of our youth. Itâs justâŠâ
Maria blinks. âJustâŠ?â
Yukiâs smile stretches thin, a grimace rather than a grin. âDonât you think you might be coming on a little strong?â
âStrong?â Between school and studying, sheâd hardly had more than a few minutes to speak to Kashima the past few weeks, and though sheâd maybe sent him some lingering looks through the daycareâs windows, she can hardly count that as interacting, not when sheâs reasonably sure he hadnât seen her. âI donât think Iâm doing anything different than I normally do.â
Besides her research, but well, Yuki doesnât need to know about that.
âAh, really? ButâŠâ Yuki glances at her, concerned. âYou do come to the classroom every day.â
For Kamitani, she nearly says, but thatâs the last sort of misunderstanding she needs to stumble into. âI donât think he notices.â
Not to say more than a friendly hello, at least. He always seems much more invested in whatever strange shenanigans his friends seem to be up to.
âHe doesnât?â Yuki stares at her for a long moment, then sighs. âMaria-chan, leave it to you to pick a harder challenge than Kashima-kun.â
"I'm not! It's..." The same it's always been. "I'm better prepared."
âCan you just tell me if heâsâŠheâs nice to you at least?â she asks, strangely desperate. âNot, erâŠ?â
Maria blinks. Kashima has trouble killing fruit flies, let alone being anything but unfailingly polite to anything with a pulse. âI donât think thereâs a mean bone in his body. Not ones he knows about, anyway.â
âReally? ButâŠâ Her delicate brow furrows. âWell, I suppose they do say love changes a personâŠâ
âYuki?â
âAh! Never mind me.â Her hands squeeze tight around Mariaâs. âAs long as youâre sure, Iâm here to support you. No matter what!â
A weight lifts from Mariaâs shoulders; one she hadnât even realized she was carrying. Yuki isnât mad that sheâs still stuck on Kashima. She isnât disappointed she wonât move on. She isnât jealous that sheâ
Maria hesitates. Why would she be? For all her research, itâs not like she has much to show for it. Not yet, at least.
âThank you,â she says, her own fingers tightening around Yukiâs. âThat reallyâŠmeans a lot to me.â
Yukiâs nose wrinkles, playful. âOf course. Itâs going to take more than a boy to come between us!â
*
It occurs to Maria laterâ much, much laterâ that maybe she should have asked Yuki to be more specific on which one.
Maria has never been one to listen to the school rumor mill; first, because it was usually wrongâ how else did one semester at the top of the grade turn into stuck-up Inomata-san, who thinks sheâs smarter than everyoneâ and second, because, wellâŠafter three years of being stuck-up Inomata-san, even her own friends tended to forget to send the newest gossip down her branch of the grapevine. But still, she would have to be dead to avoid what they said about Kamitani: most talented captain the baseball team has ever seen, hottest boy in the whole academy, Morinomiyaâs best chance of getting to Summer Koshien, most kissable boy in all of third yearâ
And here he is, stripping each scoop of his lunch of vegetable before shoveling it into his mouth.
âI thought boys your age were supposed to be as picky about food as a trash compactor.â Maria may not be the arbiter of taste when it comes the preferences of her classmates, but even she can tell: this is distinctly uncool behavior. âAre you really going to pick out every single bit of carrot you can find?â
âYes.â A well-pickled matchstick rotates between his chopsticks before he sets it aside, joining the pile of rejected root vegetables. âTheyâre gross.â
âTheyâre good for you,â she reminds him, since clearly the Morinomiyaâs most talented captain has forgotten the whole second tier of the food pyramid. âI even cut them smaller this time.â
He spares her a single, flat stare. âTheyâre still carrots.â
âHonestly.â Maria digs heartily into her own well of pickled vegetables. âI bet you still leave bell peppers on your plate.â
That gets her a snort this timeâ not amused but affronted, like a cat pet the wrong wayâ and a much more measured glare. âIâm not a kid.â
âYou could have fooled me,â she sniffs, peeling back the seaweed on her noriben. âNow do you have any other complaints? Besides the fact that Iâm making you eat like a grown adult.â
âEven adults have stuff they donât eat.â His chopsticks pick at a shred of slaw, tugging out a long, orange strand. Well-seasoned, she thinks, but the meaningful look he tosses her way suggests he has no intention of finding out. âYouâre lucky I donât dock your score for this shit.â
âYou should.â
Thereâs no reason for the Great Athlete to fumble his utensils, and yet somehow they scurry out from his grip, only reflex catching them before they plummet to the pavement. Maria frowns, clenching her own chopsticks between her fingers. âIâm not asking for flattery, Iâm asking for improvement. If you donât like what I make, your assessment should reflect that.â
Thereâs a funny sort of pause, a lacuna of conversation as Kamitani considers yet another strip of carrot, the already unfriendly angle of his eyebrows furrowing deeper.
âWell, yeah,â he finally snorts, dropping it into the pile. âBut itâs not like youâre making these for me. Kashima probably loves shit like this. Vegetables or whatever.â
âThatâsââ a good point, little as she likes to admit it. âThat doesnât matter. Boys our age are all the same anyway.â
Itâs a struggle not to squirm when one of those stern brows angles toward his hairline. âYou think Kashima is like everyone else?â
âW-wellâŠâ Half the reason he caught her eye is because he isnât; all the other boys talk about bust-to-waist ratios or burp the boss music to their latest video game, but Kashimaâ Kashima might be able sing the entirety of the Petit Pois opener, or name every one of the Ranger Five and their signature moves, but he canât name two idols in the same girl group, let alone notice they have the sort of features that could be measured and marked down in magazines. âHe canât be that different. Everyone has to eat, donât they? Youâre friends, after all.â
Thereâs no reason for his brows to furrow so deeply, for him to sit there and glare at her as if sheâs the problem. Like thereâs something wrong with her. âWhat the hell does that have to do with anything?â
âI-I donât know,â she mutters, plucking up a savory square of omelet. It may not be as technically perfect as the one Tanaka-san made when she demonstrated how to roll one up without burning the whole pan, or as delectable as the slice Yagi let her try from his own bento, but itâs good. More than edible, at least. And yet, Kamitani hasnât touched it. âYou eat together, donât you? So you must like the same thingsâŠ?â
âHe doesnât go around eating off my plate or whatever,â Kamitani sneers, pushing his vegetable off the side of the bento and into an empty well. Thereâs enough to be a side dish all on its own. âThat kid gets plenty of food all on his own.â
âRight, but you must, you knowâŠgo out?â Thatâs what sheâd always thought friends didâ go out after school, stopping by some local spot for a pick-me-up after a long day of class. Split one of those limited-time appetizers that would probably leave her stomach queasy from all the grease, if anyone ever bothered to invite her. âDonât you share food then?â
âNot really.â His mouth hooks into something like a smirk. âMaybe those idiots do, but I like my shit spicier than those losers can handle.â
Maria stares at him, stymied. Itâs a wonder he even has friends, honestly. âWell, in any case, youâre the one eating my bento right nowââ
âNot like Iâve got much of a choice.â
ââas a favor to me,â she grits out, words just squeaking through her teeth. âSo it should at least be something you want to eat.â
Itâs never occurred to her how much of Kamitani is perpetual motionâ huffing and sighing and scowling and just generally being a pain to deal withâ until he stops, chopsticks hanging over his rice. Hovering there, just for a moment, before digging in. Like a hiccup in one of those old film reels, or a video paused to buffer.
âSure,â he mutters through a mouthful. Much more than, considering the way his cheeks bulge around it; a poor attempt at trying to control the massive mound he shoveled past his teeth. âWhatever.â
Maria sighs. Restrained, of course; so soft he probably doesnât notice over all his meal mismanagement. âIf you have any requestsââ
They can probably hear him swallow from the classrooms. âNo carrots.â
ââReasonable requests,â she amends. âIâll be happy to hear them.â
âI am being reasonable,â he says, even though he couldnât locate the definition of the word on a multiple choice test. âGet rid of the vegetables. Theyâre gross.â
Her knuckle bones blanch where they knit over her lap, threatening to creak under the pressure. âIâll take it under advisement.â
He nodsâ just a little chuck of his chin, like itâs too much effort to bother with doing the full movement. For her, at least. âYou should.â
A shrill sigh rattles out from her nose; a warning, like a kettle thatâs finally come to a boil, butâ but Maria tamps down on the impulse to let off the steam. Oh, itâs tempting to raise her voice, to turn all of this frustration in his direction and really boil over, but it wonât get her anything. Not unless she wants to sit through another fight, or worse, one of his smirks.
She clears her throat, chin lifted, confident, and attempts a different tack. âMidterms are coming up.â
âDonât remind me,â Kamitani grunts around his rice, shoulders hunched to his ears. âThe hagâs been eyeing my DVDs for weeks.â
What that has to do with anything, Maria canât possibly say, but sheâs come too far to turn around now. âIf thatâs the case, I suppose I should be making good on my half of our bargain, shouldnât I?â
Fish drops from the pinched points of his chopsticks, abandoned in the messy, half-eaten bed of rice still in his bento, and he just stares at herâ gapes, like thereâs something wrong with her.
âWhat the hell are you talking about?â he growls, ingracious as always, like sheâs not doing him a favor, offering her time andâ âI havenât done your dumb packet thing. You donât owe me anything.â
âOh.â Her mouth clicks shut, tongue all tangled up behind her teeth. âI guess thatâs true.â
âYou guess so?â The corners of his glower bite into his cheeks, forehead furrowed so deep itâs giving her a headache. âYou think I want to be in your debt or whatever?â
âN-no! I just thought it would be likeâŠmaking a down payment. Since you already agreed to help.â Negotiation is supposed to be a game of give-and-take, an offer met with a haggle and brought to a compromiseâ thatâs what Mother had always said at least, right before her yearly review. But dealing with Kamitani is like running across quicksand, racing to get to her point while every word only drags her further down. âI didnât realize youâd get caught up on the fairness of the situation.â
âWhy the hell wouldnât I?â His head swivels, aiming that unrelenting glare on her, and ugh, this is what makes him so impossible to deal withâ he never looks away. âYou think Iâm just going to get what I want and screw the rest? Like I wasnât raised right or something?â
Mariaâs no stranger to Kamitaniâs growls and grunts, to the way his voice pitches louder and deeper the shorter his fuse burns, but thereâs something different in the way the words break off his tongue now. Itâs more raw, sharp; a ragged edge that cuts both ways.
It certainly gets under her skin, at least; leaving a strange, sticky sensation down by her bones she canât scrape off. Like dried glue sitting between skin and muscle, crackling with every stretch and twist of her limbs. Like guilt, almost. Not that sheâs done anything wrong, but stillâŠ
âT-thatâs not it at all!â Her neck nearly snaps from how hard she whips it around, heat clawing up to her cheeks as she meets the muddled color of his eyesâ not quite brown, not quite gray, not quite green or gold or any of the flowery tones sheâs heard the girls around school pull from thin air to describe them. JustâŠunexpected, is all. âYouâre already keeping up your end of the bargain by evaluating these bento.â
âReally?â he snorts. âYou think making me food means you owe me something? Not even you cook that bad.â
Thatâd almost be a compliment, if it wasnât, well, not.
âYou also invited me to that, um, movie as well, donât forget.â If life was interested in being fair, her face wouldnât look half as hot as it feels, but by the way Kamitani arches his brow, incredulousâ well, Mariaâs quite aware that her toast always lands butter-side down. She clears her throat, letting her voice lift to its loftiest, most imperious tones. âIt may not have earned you my notes, but itâs certainly worth a few study sessions.â
âTogether?â
His derision alone is enough to send her thoughts scampering, slipping from her fingers like marbles across a slanted floor. She tries to summon up enough presence of mind to take it all back before another word gets out of him, butâ
âSure.â His shoulders drop, one half of a lazy shrug, and instantly heâs turned from sharp edges to lanky limbs. âThe hagâs working late tonight. Meet me after practice.â
It comes out of him so easy, like itâs normal. Like sheâs the sort of person who gets asked over after club all the time, like she just goes over someoneâs house to hang out. Like it was stupid to believe she could be anyone else.
ItâŠdoesnât feel terrible, she has to admit.
âSure,â she says with the sort of confidence a serial hanger-outer might have. Even tosses her hair for good measure, like none of this even matters. Like her palms arenât sweating enough to leave streaks on her skirt. âIâll see if I can make myself available.â
*
In the year and change since she showed up to her first club meeting, Tanaka-san has always maintained a respectful distance; the sort expected between a president and a club member, or a kouhai with her esteemed senpai. But as Maria frowns down at the chocolate refusing to melt in her bowlâ she knows that cream was scalded when she poured it, no matter how stubbornly the shavings clumpâ the girl tucks herself right up under her side, voice dropped to a dire whisper as she murmurs, âInâInomata-senpai. Could I, erâŠcould I have a word?â
Mariaâs gaze skips, unbidden, over to where Inui stands, frowning over her own bowl ofâ presumablyâ failed ganache. It takes a stepping stool for her to be tall enough, the first yearâs small bun trembling with disappointment as she peers over the metal rim, but thereâs no daggers pointed Mariaâs way, no blame being flung inexplicably in her corner. Sheâs not in trouble, most importantly. âOf course, Kaichou.â
âYou can keep working,â Tanaka-san says quickly, her gaze flicking up over the counter to meet Suzuki-sanâs three stations away. âI just wanted to ask if youâŠah⊠had any luck with yourââ her voice drops, so soft and low Maria strains to hear itâ âbento?â
âOh.â Maria blinks, stepping back from the half-melted mess on the counter. âWell, I donât know if Iâd call it luck, but they at least came out edible.â
âYou can just heat that over simmering water,â Tanaka advises absently, waving a hand toward the stove top. âJust make sure to be gentle, or it will split. And donât mix too much, or youâll get streaks. But it was, ah, accepted?â
âAccepted? Whatâ?â The bento, she realizes, belatedly. Theyâre still talking about the bento. âOh, yes. Both of them.â
âB-both?â Tanaka gapes, mouth hanging open for a long moment before she manages, âYou mean more than one? I meanâ did he like them?â
âFor the most part, it seems.â Kamitaniâs assessments might have assigned her some middling scoresâ for all his carrying on over it, he did dock her for the carrots, after all was said and doneâ but aside from a pile of vegetables and an untouched omelet, he had polished off both meals with only minor hemming and hawing. Perhaps not an unmitigated win, but itâs hardly a shabby first try. âHe did pick out his vegetables.â
âThe vegetables?â Tanakaâs hands hook over her hips, her scowl nearly motherly. âBut theyâre part of a balanced meal!â
âThat is what I said,â Maria hums, vindicated. âBut if you donât mind my asking, Kaichouâ?â
âAnything.â Tanaka hands fly up between them, clenched into eager fists. âIâm happy to help however you need, senpai.â
She leans in, close enough that Maria can see her shoulders quiver, suffused with keen determination, and itâsâ itâs unexpected. Strange, if sheâs being honest. People donât usually get excited like this, not around her. Not for her.
âEr, well, itâs justâŠâ She tugs at the end of her hair, trying to collect her thoughts. âThe omelet you showed meâ I made it just the same way, and Iâll admit, it didnât taste quite as good, but still well within acceptable bounds.â
âHe didnât like it?â Tanaka-san rocks back on her heels, thoughtful. âYou can take that off of the heat now. Do you think it might be the seasoning?â
It was a little blandâ sheâs had a sparing hand with the salt, more afraid of too much than too littleâ but still. âHe didnât even touch it.â
âReally?â A line furrows itself right between her eyebrows, deepening as she watches Maria set the ganache on the counter. âBut almost everyone likes omelets.â
âMaybe he likes sweet ones,â Suzuki-san offers, suddenly no longer three stations away but underfoot, her ponytail bobbling as she hops on top of a cabinet. âSome people have pretty firm preferences for them. My dad swears he can tell by the smellâ he likes the savory ones, wonât even touch the other ones.â
Maria snorts. âI donât think thatâs it.â
Not with how quick he likes to snap, I donât like sweet shit, at least.
âYou could always ask,â Tanaka-san offers, though even she seems to shy from the idea. âMaybe one of his friends? Or, um, a siblingâŠ?â
Charming as the idea is, the only thing Taka bothers to remember is the special moves of the Ranger Five. Sheâd have more luck asking Kamitani-sensei, and thatâ that is a nuclear option; cheating almost. The sort of thing that would almost certainly work its way back to Kamitani himself, and the last thing she needs is him thinking she cares about impressing him. âI donât think thatâs necessary.â
âBut heâs taking the bento, at least.â Suzuki-san blows out a sigh, the swoop of her bangs eddying in its wake. âHas he, you know, said anything? Done something to, mm, show his gratitude?â
Gratitude might as well be a foreign country for as much as Kamitani seems to be acquainted with its customs. âI did get invited to a movie.â
âA movie?â They squeal, so perfectly pitched that they might as well be one voice. Suzukiâs the one to shake off her shock first, leaning in to whisper, âAre you going?â
âOhâŠyes.â When their eyes widen, excitement drawing them open to the whites, Maria quickly adds, âItâs not a big dealâ itâs just a group thing.â
âGroup thing?â Suzuki-san murmurs, her buzzing energy banking. âHm.â
âWell, thatâs not bad.â Tanaka-sanâs smile takes a bent toward encouraging, eye crinkling not with mischief, but at least a close cousin. âIt might not be as nice as one-on-one, but it can be a little thrilling to try to find an excuse to sit next to a boy you like. Letting your shoulders brush or having your knees knock against each other. Almost like a secret, you know.â
Maria tries to think of itâ walking close to Kashima, letting the natural swing of their hands guide them to brush past each other andâ
And her mind goes utterly blank. âOh.â
âDonât listen to her,â Suzuki scoffs with a wave of her hand. âYuna-chanâs too pretty. She doesnât know what itâs like to have to compete with other girls.â
âI do so!â Sheâs seen Tanaka-san blush beforeâ a bloom of rosy pink as she humbly tucked her chin, thanking the club for taking her on as president; or the barest flush as some of the other second years teased her about a boy in her classâ but when the president snaps to face her now, thereâs no delicacy in the color, no subtle hintâ sheâs red from collar to hairline, heated. âDonât listen to her, senpai, Iâve had plenty of trouble with boys!â
âYeah,â Suzuki snickers behind a hand. âLike which one to pick.â
âThatâs notââ
âHey!â Inuiâs shoes donât squeak, but they certainly stomp, pulling up right in front of her station, her hands fisted on her hips. âWhat are you three giggling about?â
âNothing!â Suzuki spits out, more reflex than reaction. Itâs not very convincing, even by Mariaâs standards, and Inuiâs eyes narrow, frown furrowing deeper into her cheeks.
âMika-chan.â Itâs impressive how quickly Tanaka-san turns from silly to serious, buttoning up her presidential mantle with the same ease most people do a coat. âDid you need help with something?â
âNo.â Her petulant mouth puffs into a pout. âJust keep it down.â
*
Itâs still strange to toe off her tennis shoes in the genkan, leaving them in a little tray right next to Kamitaniâs high-tops and what she assumes must be Takaâs light-up Ranger Red sneakers. They donât look right sitting there, like a pig trying to pass as a puppy, thinking that as long as it wriggles its way into the pile and wags its tail, no one will be the wiser. But itâs impossible, the white sticking out like a sore thumb, making it clear that someone is here that shouldnât be, that an interloper has elbowed their way into this home, andâ
âAre you just gonna stare at your shoes all day?â Kamitani grunts from the edge of the genkan, glaring back at her. âOr are you gonna get out here already?â
âOh!â She scrambles for a pair of guest slippers, gracelessly shoving them on her feet as she takes the last step up into the hallway. âAhâŠcoming!â
He sighs, shaking his headâ rolling his eyes, too, if her own arenât playing tricks on herâ and pads out toward the stairway, navy blue flashing out from the bottom of his pant legs.
Thatâs another thing she canât quite get used toâ Kamitaniâs socks. Or well, not the socks really, but the way he wears them, just strolling out across the floor without even a pause to consider slippers. Sheâs witnessed Kamitani at his most casualâ not just two buttons popped on his uniform or pants rolled up to the knee, but slouchy sweats for some outing Kashimaâs clearly dragged him fresh from bed to attend, almost certainly against his willâ but this, this feels vulnerable. The fabricâs so thin she can see how his toes articulate beneath it, joints flexing and gripping as he walksâ
âDo you need a map?â
Her gaze jolts up, no longer fixed on where cotton-nylon blend presses against pine, but to the tilt of his head, impatience implied with every degree itâs dropped. âA map?â
A sigh saws out the long slope of his nose. âOr maybe I just need a leash. Are you coming or not?â
âO-of course I am!â she snaps, heat flaring over her cheeks. Itâs ridiculousâ staring at his feet, as if that had anything to do with anything. Worse, he could have seen her do it. âI was justâŠthinking!â
He snorts, and she can see it, the way heâs winding up, ready to sling his next barb right off his tongue, andâ
And, thereâs no sign of Taka in the hall, none but the sneakers sitting in the genkan, but the pitch of his voice cuts straight through the walls. âIs that Inomata-nee-chan?â
Kamitaniâs eyes widen, every clever little nastygram heâd been ready to hurl her way eliding into one very eloquent, âShit.â
âOh.â Maria turns, confused at whether the callâs coming from the kitchen or the den, especially since the thump of his small steps seems to be everywhere. âI guess we should say hello beforeââ
âNo way.â Itâs all the warning she gets before his fingers band around her wrist, tugging hard enough for every thought to stumble out her head alongside her feet. âWe donât have time for his crap.â
âWhat do youâ?â
âNii-chan!â Takaâs head pokes out from the den, hair as tidy as a haystack. âDidnât Mom say that if youâve got guests, you gottaâ?â
âShut up,â Kamitani grates out over the thud of his footsteps, not quite dragging her up the stairs but only just. âWeâre gonna study, so mind your own business.â
âButâ!â
Whatever formal protest Taka wished to lodge is lost over the slam of the door behind them, the wood hitting the jamb so hard the walls shiver in sympathy. Her teeth do too, rattling in the back of her mouth until the house settles, leaving her and Kamitani alone in the National Disaster Area that is his room.
âIâm not sure,â she says, delicately sidestepping what she refuses to recognize as a pair of boxers, âthat all that was entirely necessary.â
He huffs, the palm wrapped around her wrist falling away to bury itself in a mess of black bristle. âSay what you want, but youâd have a hard time teaching me English when you canât get a word in around his stupid Ranger Five stuff.â
Sheâd rather die than admit he has a point, but he saves her from having to choose by jutting out a hand and grunting, âSit.â
Thereâs a half dozen things wrong with how he put thatâ sheâs not a dog, for oneâ but the one she settles on is, âWhere?â
Itâs barely been a week since the last time she exposed herself to whatever environmental hazards pervade Kamitaniâs room, but somehow this time is worse. What few glimpses of floor sheâd managed to garner are completely obscured now, lost beneath dirty clothes and sports paraphernalia, glossy magazine covers shining out from beneath balled up socks like a drowning passenger waving their arms in a last ditch effort for rescue.
âThere.â He points now, treading through the treacherous terrain with the same ease as mountain goats do sheer cliff faces to show her the singular ten-by-ten square untouched by the roiling miasma of gross boy stuff. âItâs clean.â
Only by the barest definition of the word. âItâs dirty by association.â
Heâs crouched down, not even touching the floor himself, but he glares like sheâs the ridiculous one. âYouâll live.â
âYou donât know that for sure,â she sniffs, edging a stray pair of pants with the toe of her slipper. âI wonât even fit there, lookââ
Maria twists herself into half a knot, arms thrown out toward this singular, miraculous zone of inhibition in his room, trying to illustrate just how inadequate it would be on a physical level andâ and she catches it. Just a glance up, a glare really, at the same moment his drops. Drops down, raking over her shoulders, her belly, her waistâ until it lingers, entirely too speculative, on her, erâŠseating apparatus.
âYouâll fit,â he says. Declares, really, with a confidence that makes it easy to drop to her knees, since they certainly arenât interested in holding her anymore.
âI donât see why I have to sit here,â she mutters, arranging herself so that sheâs not possibly touching any of the boy explosion around her, and oh, itâs terrible that heâs right. Or at least he would be if she sat cross-legged, bottom on the floor, the way he does, but she neatly folds her knees under her instead, nudging detritus out of the way with as little exposed skin as possible. "Itâs not as if thereâs any reason itâs any better thanââ
His eyebrows furrowâ not angry, for once, just annoyed. âItâs where the table is.â
âThe what?â she manages to ask, just before he drops his arm down and sweeps it across the mound of mess in front of her, video games and magazine giving way to wood grain before being unceremoniously deposited on the floor.
âThe table,â he repeats, dropping his books onto it for good measure. âWhere weâll study.â
âOh.â Itâs more gasp than word, just air that leaves her chest unbidden with just enough heft to have a shape. âRight. Then, umâŠwhere would you like to start?â
*
This is hardly the first time Mariaâs been asked to study; after the first time she ended up at the top of the class list, sheâd had plenty of classmates who had never said so much as a âgood morningâ suddenly wanting her to join their after-school sessions in the libraryâ some even trying to bribe her with the promise of homemade snacks. Not that it was necessary; back then, she would have been happy to just settle for whatever crumb of friendship theyâd been willing to give her. But then she had pictured telling Mother and Father about itâ trying to explain that sheâd be spending some of her dedicated study time helping other people understand what sheâd already wrangled through weeks ago in preparation andâ
And sheâd just said, âI donât think I need that.â Stuck up Inomata-san hadnât followed too long after that. There had been other invitations as she got older, as her classes changed between years and sheâd been put up into the Advanced Course; people trying to see if they could eke out a few more points on their exams by stealing a few from her, but sheâd been wiser then, harder. She knew there wouldnât be any cute weekend shopping excursions or silly stay-up-all-night slumber parties for her no matter how many hours she put in, helping so-called friends get their grade up enough to stay in clubs or get into the university of their choice, or have their parents let them stay up late talking to their boyfriends. So theyâd dropped off over time, only the most desperate daring to approach her, and nowâ
Now sheâs realizing how much of this whole studying thing is sitting around, waiting for Kamitani to give her something to work with.
âJust staring at me isnât going to make this go any faster,â he grunts, forming English letters with a shakier hand than the daycare kids manage kanji. âYou know that, right?â
âIâm looking to see if youâre making any mistakes.â Besides which way the âpâ goes; she can tell by the way it flip flops on the page that itâs the sort of long-standing mistake that is far past the purview of her position as study buddy. âThat way you wonât reinforce bad habits.â
His narrowed eyes hone his glare to a point. âLook less.â
âFine,â she sighs, folding her hands across her lap. âHave it your way.â
Without something to hold her focus, it wanders. She first lets it trace over the shelves in the roomâ manga, magazines, and too many trophies for someone who typically couldnât be bothered to traipse down to the daycare room to check on his own brother. Not that it matters anymore now; Takaâs in yochien now, just like Kirin and the twins. Itâs Midori and Kotaro that are left behind now, the oldest of a whole new group of faculty babies. And Kashimaâ
Her brain grinds to a halt. Kashima is going to be at the movie. No, Kashima was the point of going to this movie; an extra reason to see him outside the hours theyâre at school, to see him without the ubiquitous queue of children at his heels. A chance to talk with him without having to worry about class bells or curious eyes, where she could sit next to him as the theater lights dimmed, their arms brushing over their shared armrest, hands gently bumping as they reach for the same bag of popcorn. Where their knees might accidentally touch, the fabric of his pants rubbing up against herâŠskirt? Skin?
Maria hesitates. It is perilously close to the summer holidays, every day warmer than the last. She could conceivably have a hemline above her knee, so long as the weather called for it. He could even be wearing shorts, and when their knees knocked together, it would be skin-to-skin, that strange electric frisson running through herâ and maybe even into him. Maybe their eyes would meet as it happens, both feeling the zip of lightning now that thereâs no barrier between them.
Or they would, so long as it isnât weird for her to wear something like that. Sheâs gone to the movie with Yukiâs friends before, and theyâd worn skirts with hemlines hiked up further than Maria would dare. But thatâs just among the four of them, girls to a one, and if there were boys, wellâ who's to say there arenât other rules? There probably is some complex social formula for it, a subtle function of interest and inches, only no oneâs ever told her, becauseâ
âHey,â Kamitani grunts, arms folded over his notebook. âDid you hear me?â
Maria blinks. âH-huh?â
âI was asking if youââ
He might as well be speaking Chinese for all that sheâs paying attention; she just watches his mouth move up and down, eyebrows furrowing deeper into the space above his nose, and for one, desperate moment she loses all reason, and what falls out of her isnât an answer, isnât an excuse, but something far, far worse.