Things that happened to me in the past 6 months as a chief of data and analytics:
"Could we use AI to avoid hiring you a new data analyst?" No.
"I need this report about how many of the people who own x kind of business are y demographic. No, we don't currently collect demographic data from them and the only demographic data is from 3 years ago and ownership of the businesses has changed since then, why do you ask?"
"Do you think AI could tell us when the last time this client responded to an email we sent out and send us a report about that?" I mean probably but you can also just look at your sent emails?? But sure, why not, I have so much free time after all.
"No, we just got your new data analyst a normal computer and not the super user one you requested because they will be doing advanced analysis, isn't everything just on the cloud why would it matter?"
"So, the chief of IT has this position they're hiring for that is for a cybersecurity person with systems experience, do you think we could rewrite the data analyst job description and have one of the people who interviewed for your data analyst position so half dashboards and half cybersecurity? No, we'd pay them less of course. No, we didn't consider whether data analysts also know about cybersecurity, I mean it's all computers right? Why are you crying?"
"Yeah I know that our main client data is supposed to be in Salesforce but we hate Salesforce so we've just been using Google sheets. Yeah, your data analyst is so great, he just makes all these sheets for us whenever we need it. Yeah, he maintains all of them. Yeah, just him. No, we often don't update the data after we ask him to make the sheet until someone asks you for the data and it hasn't been updated in months. Yes, we know that Salesforce is supposed to be the system of record but like we said we hate it. No, we won't sit down and provide information about our processes and how we do things so you can build out a better system that sounds like a waste of our time. Why are you crying again?"
"So, it turns out that half of our clients didn't watch the user training you put together about how to enter their data. Yeah, even after we sent it in 3 different formats. Yeah, even though you required them to click a dialog box saying they understood. They didn't read that. So, we need you to fix that data so you can do analysis on it. What's wrong, why are you laughing like that?"
"It turns out that we can't get the centralized data lakehouse platform you spent months researching and prepping for, but it's ok because all the disparate data systems we use are in the cloud and you've managed so far with just Tableau and R and pytho- why are you crying again??"




















