Jerk Ford AU: Dateline
Sequel to Resident Menace and News Reporting.
Shortly after Dr. Stanford Pines disappearance and subsequent legally dead status, the people of Gravity Falls were interviewed by federal detectives.
The following are comments about the deceased, and his mysterious 'passing'.
Fiddleford H. McGucket, Best Friend: He made my life a living Hell. He used my banjo as a flyswatter, and told the entire town that my name was "Dr. McSuckIt". Eustace "Huckabone" Befufftlefumpter, Town Mayor: Personally, I'm glad he's dead. "Lazy" Susan Wentworth, Acquaintance: He was a nasty bitch. Mayor Befufftlefumpter: He was a huge frigging bitch. Preston Northwest, Local Rich Brat: You know when people say 'he lit up every room he walked into?' He didn't. He lit up every room he walked out of. He fucking sucked. Mayor Befufftlefumpter: I would have killed him myself if I wasn't so damn old. Carla McCorkle, Former Classmate: He convinced all of the kids in our school, and some of the teachers, to call Crampelter 'Whoreson', after fucking his mom. And, um... I still feel awful about that, because he went to foster care when she went to jail. Agent Powers, Lead Detective: When I asked the police who they thought the prime suspect was, they gave me an answer unlike any I've ever heard. Daryl Blubs, Police Sergeant: A lot of people wanted him dead, and almost nobody wanted him alive.
[Reference / Source below the cut]
