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It was Darnath, whole and hearty again. Horns and dragon arm and all - his face twisted in a familiar murderous rage.
"I told you I didn't want this… I was going to let you go. But you thought you knew best."
A flash of Cul'tarin beside Darnath, staring with such abject disappointment Lyren wanted to get down and beg forgiveness.
"You dragged me through the Maw, broke me apart, then you forced me to be someone I didn't want to be. Never again."
Being pinned down beneath Darnath's bulk was familiar. The hand around his neck, fingers digging into his skin until it bruised, until things broke - that was unfortunately familiar too.
This time there was no magic to pull on. Shadowlands had made him too weak. He struggled and pulled and gasped out breaths until his vision faded and all the while Darnath loomed over him. His eyes weren't senseless like back then. He stared down at Lyren dying by his hand. And he smiled.
Lyren woke up. He woke up gasping, clawing for air. He reached for his throat, struggled to sit up.
There were arms around him, pulling him, surrounding him. Suffocating him. Hands on his, trying to hold them down.
"Sparky, it's okay, you're fine, it was just a nightmare." The voice was familiar. Soothing. A few weeks ago it would have been absolutely all he needed. He would have just known he was safe.
His efforts to get freed redoubled. The sensible part of him was too quiet to be heard. He was going to be crushed and maybe, maybe he deserved it but he didn't want to die. He was just wanted, "Off," he managed to rasp. Had he been screaming? "Get off!"
In moments, there was no longer a body wrapped around his. No hands holding his. No fingers at his throat.
No, no, that had been a dream. Hadn't it?
He hunched over, form shuddering as he panted for breath. It had been a dream. It hadn't happened.
Except all the parts that had.
"Lyren?" He jerked his head up at his name and he stared at Darnath wide eyed. Perfectly normal, worried looking Darnath. He was sitting down, body language so purposefully relaxed Lyren knew it was for his benefit. "You back Lovely?"
Lyren took a breath. Deep, slow. Another. Shoved as many of the emotions into the boxes they belonged in as he could forced his own posture to relax. "Yeah. Sorry. Did I - anything on fire?"
"Everything's fine," Darnath told him, which - was pretty much what he had told him when things were absolutely going to shit in his own body in Icecrown. "C'mere."
It was perfectly natural, after a nightmare, to offer cuddles. And perfectly natural Darnath would let him come to him after he had responded badly. There was absolutely nothing strange about Darnath reaching one hand out toward him, palm up for him to choose to grab on to.
Lyren flinched.
Darnath dropped his hand.
There was a moment of quiet, where Lyren could see Darnath's brow furrow. The questions that were about to be asked. It did not escape him exactly how hypocritical it would be to answer them with a lie.
"Water," he blurted out, because he was not half so good at Darnath as thinking up distractions on the fly. "I'm just - going to splash water on my face. At the stream. Five minutes."
He bolted out of there as swiftly as possible. A wasteful pull of arcane brought his sword to him but it was - it had been near Darnath.
He didn't lie either. They were camped out near one of the gentle, glittering, swirling streams of Ardenweald and Lyren used a gigantic curved leaf to dump the equivalent to a pitcher of water over his head.
Not lying. And now wet. And cold. With water made of death running down his skin.
What was new? The entire place was made of death. So different from necromancy, a magic of decay. He hadn't quite realized the full difference. Death magic could be wonderful. It could be amazing. It could even help renew. In Ardenweald the closest to Life existed.
But the entire place was still made of Death.
And he could still feel it in his bones. With every breath of air and step they took.
The water didn't help. The cold didn't help. But at least he wasn't lying.
It would be easier to ignore it all again, when they were traveling, searching. Then for the most part - it was Darnath. It was putting him back together whether he thought he needed it or not. Even him nuzzling at his neck was fine. Good. Hands? Hands sometimes he couldn't stop the flinching. Sudden movements. But he could brush it off. He could ignore his fear, and he could ignore how every step in Shadowlands something in him wanted to throw up.
Maybe Bolvar had more than one reason to look at Darnath like that when he showed up with a phoenix.
But his magic still worked, which was all that was important. Darnath was getting stronger, more of himself every new piece they found. He might end up hating him by the end if he was wrong about this all, but at least he would be whole.
Now of course he just had to manage to find a way around the conversation of something Darnath never needed to know about. It had been his body that had done it, but he hadn't really been there. ...That didn't mean Darnath wouldn't blame himself anyway if he knew.
Or maybe he wouldn't. Maybe, some part of him whispered so reasonably, the fact Darnath upon losing control had immediately tried to snuff him out of existence was meaningful.
It was a terrible, disgusting thought. Darnath in his right mind would never.
But did he want to?
He scowled down at his reflection in the water, and slashed at it with the side of his hand, distorting the image for a few moments as he banished the thought from his mind. It wasn't true. Darnath was angry at him now, and he had every right to be. But their relationship was steady. The kids loved him. He was a part of their family and he loved the girls. There wasn't any reason to think otherwise.
Except of course Lyren had gotten himself into such stupid danger they were bound together. And being bonded in anyway was something Darnath had hated even the idea of, once upon a time.
Except how much time he'd had to spend babying Lyren back to health.
Except Lyren had been the one in Icecrown, watching him slowly lose himself and doing nothing about it.
Sure. No reasons at all.
And for a brief moment he could feel it all. Feel everything he was missing. Everyone.
Sunsoul-Star-Arenlia-Lis-Javinth. And… Darnath himself. He missed him. He missed his family. He missed the home he shared with Darnath and Sunsoul and the girls and yes Javinth who mysteriously never moved out.
There was an aching loneliness that wanted to eat him up inside. There was guilt, for leaving everyone behind for so long. ...There was anger, at himself and yes, at Darnath who could have said something.
And he missed him. He was right there but he wasn't. He was right there and Lyren could touch him and it wasn't really him. But it was.
It was useless to think any of this. His five minutes were up. Probably more than - though who could tell in this unchanging plane?
He breathed in. Breathed out.
They had to find Darnath's missing pieces. Anything else - everything else… would keep.
He was going to fix this. The consequences of his actions could wait a little longer to fall onto his head.
There had been before him and since, other mortals into the Maw. The Ebon Blade even said some had gotten out again, but Lyren was less focused on that.
The light in the Maw was weak and pale, more shadows than light. And never changing. Nothing changed. It could have been days or weeks or mere hours. It could have been months. Time keeping devices and magics flowed too strange to be depended on.
Magic was in technical abundance… but it was that which came from souls. A literal river of them and Lyren hated it, hated every bit of arcane magic he needed to use that needed more than he could give it. So he rationed his own magic, and ate conjured mana buns and ignored the way his internal fire didn't like this place of Death at all, the his dependence had to be on arcane over fire because at least there was an outside source to sift through and transform into arcane if necessary.
At least he had brought his sword instead of using a staff as was more common focus when he had a companion that preferred throwing their face at the enemy. It was the one upside.
He was surviving. Not thriving. But he was surviving - and it was finding Darnath, the first time, that nearly outdid him.
The mark barely gave him any notice as two bodies dropped next to him, a furious and familiar death knight, and one of the winged beings who was paying for attempting to abduct him. The mark lit up with recognition - if it was weaker than it should have been, if other signals even now still felt stronger, it didn't compare to Lyren physically seeing him.
"Darnath!" For expediency's sake, now he used fire on the winged being.
He was hoping for a greeting. Even just his name. Any sort of words. Instead what turned toward him - was Darnath's body and none of his intelligence. Darnath's body gave a snarl, raised his sword in Lyren's direction - then paused.
"Darnath?" he asked it again, so, so hopeful. Not-Darnath strode toward him - but though there was a glimmer of recognition now as hands that had both once held his children and tried to strangle him came closer. Lyren tensed up, and swallowed. "Now would be a great time to say something if there's any part of you in there."
Instead, one hand left the sword to tug at Lyren's robes - still with enough magic in them they were recognizable, if dirtier. Darnath's head gave a nod, as if satisfied - and then just began walking off.
Lyren - stared. It was… There was no sign of improvement. Nothing. So much for the former Lich King's idea this whole adventure would "fix things". They had been better off on Azeroth. He should have - should have just dragged them back to Atlas. Fuck, what had he been thinking? Jumping into a death portal. Now they were far away from home *and* Darnath was still… gone inside.
Maybe if he brought him home, Alinith could have fixed it. Or Javinth, or maybe Mira would have had an idea. Any of them, a better resource that was more - … or at least equally trusted as the guy that had lost his very important Hat of Death that led to their world breaking.
(Mira was a little crazy but her heart was in the right place.)
(Javinth… was pretty good these days and knew some sort of soul magic he absolutely refused to divulge.)
(Alinith couldn't be trusted as far as Star could throw him but he seemed invested in Darnath's continued existence at least and had fixed Lyren's fuck ups before.)
Anything would be better than now and for a brief, brief moment Lyren closed his eyes and wanted to sob. The burn of moisture was there, the pit of despair, the yawning loneliness and guilt. For just a bare moment it seemed overwhelming.
He gave himself that one moment, before tucking all of that into a ball to deal with never and straightened up, and opened his eyes. "Wait up!" he called to what was left of the man he loved, and ran after him.
(Reaching for his shoulder was how he found out that not-Darnath might not be trying to kill him anymore, but he now bit. Unrelated, he now would have a scar on his right ear perfectly matching Darnath's teeth.)
-----
The first time he lost Darnath's body in the Maw, one of the Ebon knights grimly declared, "It may be for the best."
The subsequent fight was how Lyren ended with his magic chained and unconscious. When he was let go, he immediately left the camp, struck out into the Maw, and went to find Darnath.
Eventually, Darnath simply… wandered right back up to him. As if he hadn't been gone in the first place or in an entirely different area. He also tried to immediately bite him. Lyren was beginning to think Darnath was seeing it as a greeting now. Lyren did not approve, but he was so relieved to see him even the newly bleeding wound wasn't deterrent of his happiness.
His magic was stretched thin, his food had basically no true nutritional value, the lack of sunlight was possibly making him actually sick, they were cut off from all contact - but he had Darnath. It had to be enough.
The third and last time he lost Darnath's body in the maw was both the worst and the best. It was yet another rescue attempt of Azerothian denizens. Sometimes it was other knights, sometimes it was the original leaders stolen… sometimes it was new people that had come into the Maw since. Lyren had, honestly, stopped keeping track. They almost all failed except maybe to get one or two people through a supposed gateway to somewhere not the Maw.
They were over the river of souls when Helya herself popped up… and Darnath threw himself straight at her while the rest of them went flying off… on the opposite side of the bridge.
Lyren had felt the river of souls. It was impossible not to when he had first opened his senses up. But being in it - being in it the river was no longer like a singular piece of the Maw. Now he could feel each individual coursing through it. Some endlessly. Neverending in their rush onward - except - there was something -
"LYREN!"
It was his name. It was a voice he hadn't truly heard all this time in the Maw.
It was a soul. It was Darnath. Lyren was still spinning from that fact alone when Darnath came up with a plan and put it into action. `"Maybe Just...stay put. And. This, is going to be a wee bit uncomfortable."`
One of the souls was there, pushing at his mind until it penetrated his defenses and shoved inward and he knew it was Darnath but - `"Wha - Hey!"` - that was still his mind! And his body and most recently he was all too used to a close Darnath meaning he was about to get hurt. It was natural to resist and evidently Darnath knew that.
But they both knew it had to be done. Darnath's soul clung on but his voice was in Lyren's mind, soothing at the necessary hurts. `"I know I know. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, but if I don't get in fast and lock the path others might realize and try to follow."`
The mark on Lyren's back warmed, welcoming the new presence… and Lyren felt such relief he wanted to be able to just focus on nothing but the warm feeling of Darnath with him. Except he couldn't. They didn't even have time for the full explanation Darnath wanted as Lyren struggled out of the river of souls with one burrowed determinedly into him. Not a long term solution to be sure - but Lyren wasn't going to let it be a long term anything.
Somewhere in here, there was a body to find.
Unfortunately… they refound the Ebon knight before Darnath's body. A couple of them stared at him like they could see and Lyren ignored it, traveled with them on autopilot with a new murmur of Darnath banter in the back of his mind. It was wonderful.
It was distracting.
They were at the portal out before he knew it, surrounded on all sides… and there, out of nowhere, was Darnath's body crashing through the enemy.
`"...Am I really talking with just grunts and growls? No wonder he's not getting laid."` Darnath seemed less than impressed with himself. Which was a confusing sentence Lyren was never again going to think.
The thing was, the waystone portal was glowing. It was active. They had to go now if they wanted to go.
The problem was, last time he went through a portal he had lost Darnath. And right now his body housed Darnath's soul. If they went through again, there was no guarantee that this time, he would be able to find him again and soul and boy might remain separated. It was insane, and impulsive, but he knew it had to be done. `"Hold on a minute you two."`
He took a breath and stared at the body, empty of the usual soul occupying it. Occupying. A lot more made sense, but not all, and none of it was to contemplate now. He could only hope the feral death knight who absolutely was not really Darnath at all right now would give him a little leeway. `"Okay, we need to go through the glowy thing veeeery soon, but can you do something for me real quick first?"`
Disturbingly, feral death knight had learned to parrot some things… including a key phrase of the Ebon knights as he glared, full of wrath and a hunger wholly belonging to the undead. `"Get on with it."`
Notably, he did not give Lyren his hands. The phoenix stared before rolling his eyes and mentally going, 'fuck it'. It had to be done. Likely only from surprise, he was able to yank one the death knight's hands toward his back. He began struggling - and biting at him - almost immediately but Lyren still got one palm against his back where the demonic mark was anchoring Darnath's soul.
`""Lyren wa-!"` Oops. Evidently Darnath's soul wasn't quite ready for it to be suddenly connected to its more usual occupant as immediately after the soul left him… the big death knight slumped unconscious over him. He kept his feet, but only barely.
There was still fighting going on - fighting they were losing. Lyren couldn't risk it. He dragged Darnath's unconscious form over to the waystone step by step, aware with each breath how less and less blades rang out. He didn't look back. He could focus on hating himself later for it.
