#darksiders iii

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Samael’s love language is definitely gift giving, with quality time coming in at a close second. He will spoil you with the finest gifts from every realm he can sink his claws into. With certain things he’s given you, you’re not quite sure of the origin and you’re not sure you want to know. Expect lots of little trinkets and huge presents based on every bit and bob or magical relic – if it’s rare and beautiful you’re gonna get it.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

The one reason he’d call someone a ‘friend’ or even an ‘ally’, they’d have to be useful. Either they have something he wants, needs them for connections or they are a powerful force he could use to his own advantage. That is how he would probably ever try to win you anyone over with friendship. He would try to make you swoon with gifts and worm his way into your close inner circle of friends. Further into your actual friendship with him, will he realise that he might actually enjoy having you around.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

I know I said his main love languages are gifts and quality time, but why can’t those be given in the form of a few hours of cuddling? It’s an honour he even lets you this close to him, so his hugs and late night cuddles should be enough of a gift as well! In all seriousness, he loves being close with you. Even if he is a titan compared to you, he’ll tuck you between his huge, warm hands and hold you close to his face or chest. Whenever he shifts in his sleep you’re also completely at the mercy of wherever his hands fling you, sorry. And if you think about getting up or trying to pry yourself out of his death grip, you’re sorely mistaken – he will not let you go.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He has servants to do literally everything for him, so why would he ever feel the need to prepare a meal or even clean his demonic castle? Has never had to do anything traditionally ‘domestic’ in his long life and probably never will. If you find cooking and cleaning cathartic, then he likely won’t stop you – he’ll just stare on while you prepare him traditional human dishes or clean a small portion of the castle. He might not understand why domestic things are fun to you, but he likes watching you do them, it brings him peace. In terms of settling down, that probably also wouldn’t ever happen. For now he solely focused on growing his empire and ensuring both of your futures.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Would literally throw you out of his kingdom and wouldn’t ever acknowledge you again lol. I’d like to say he’d be nice about it and all – but he would not. If you’ve served your purpose or made him bored he would boot you out with little to no remorse. If you ever try to contact or find him again, he’d feel basically nothing and cut you off. He has things to do and if you get in the way too much that is your fault – not his.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Demons have no form of marriage or solid commitment so the idea would be entirely foreign to him – not that he wouldn’t be interested. As you explain what marriage is and how it’s usually perceived to be this ‘final destination’ of a relationship, he’s even more keen to learn about it. In Samael’s mind, marrying is just another symbol to display his devotion to you – it’s a status symbol of affection to him. Marriage isn’t something he wants to get done immediately but he wants you two to be tied to each other indefinitely – and if marrying you means he gets to keep you for eternity he will see to it.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Not at all. He won’t intentionally physically hurt you, but sometimes accidents happen – he’ll forget your stature and pick you up too enthusiastically, or even set you down too harshly. He’ll reprimand himself silently if you make him aware of how hurt you are, and make it up to you with a mountain of enchanting gifts because this man is incapable of apologising with words. Emotionally, he is also pretty rough. Samael doesn’t mind poking fun at you and teasing you in every conversation you two have – but please, be his guest and return the favour. When you return his banter and give him just as much sass as he gives you he will be ecstatic. He loves your playful arguments – they’re so fun to him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

In front of others or outside of cuddling while sleeping, he doesn’t really like hugs. Sure, he’ll pick you up and put you on his shoulder to carry you around as he goes about his day, but in front of his soldiers or allies that is as much as you’re getting. He’s very open with other people about your relationship but he’ll never show it publicly. In private though, he loves having your tiny hands cling to him while he’s working. Overseeing battle plans? You’re sitting on the desk fiddling with his hands to annoy him. Lazing around the throne room? He has you right there next him hugging to his arm.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Do demons know what love is? I think they understand the concept and why it’s needed to further a race or to keep romantic relationships intact – although out of that they don’t see a use for it. Samael was the same for the large majority of his life. He’d had relationships and many partners before you, but they were all to gain something or were purely instinctual on his part. Although with you, something feels different. Every now and again he gets this odd, aching in his chest when you are absent. When you are near him, he feels at ease and, warm? Strange, he lives in a castle flowing with lava and radiates pure heat himself like a forge, but it is a different kind of warmth. Perhaps he is cursed – but nonetheless he feels the need to bring it up to you, how damn perplexing.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Samael is extremely possessive and jealous. It comes with the territory of dating a demon unfortunately, that’s what you should’ve expected. He already only lets a select few into his castle, and that number drastically decreased once you entered the scene. He respects you but to him you are still a fragile mortal that can be taken from him at any moment. Only the most trusted soldiers in his army or allies are allowed near you, and are very seldom even allowed to be left alone with you. He will do anything to protect you, he will see to it.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Technically, with the size difference you two have, it’s always quite an odd scene when you two share a kiss. You can easily kiss his cheek or give him a peck on the lips – even if he’s massive compared to you. Although when he feels like returning your affection he has some troubles. Kissing you directly is slightly awkward so a lot of the times he settles for gently kissing your hand or nuzzling his cheek against you! The latter happens very rarely though, Samael has to be feeling especially loving for that to happen.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Very indifferent to them. Doesn’t mind them as long as they don’t interrupt his work but if they start getting too close to him and spewing those incessantly annoying screams he will either banish them or leave without a word. If you have a child, little sibling or a small spawn you take care of – he will try his best to behave. He will greet them but stay clear of their path. Samael sees all children as annoying and inconsequential. He understands their role in the ‘natural order’ and that you were both children, although that doesn’t make their presence any less irritating. If any child ever manages to somehow reach him he will likely ignore their cries for attention. Basically he doesn’t care for them.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Time passes in odd way his Samael’s realm – and odd mixture of night and day that never seems to end. You yourself have never seen much of anything that resembles weather, clouds, or even a sun or moon or stars. The sky is simply eternally glowing with a firey hue, and this seems to be sufficient in lighting the world for it’s inhabitants. And although Samael rarely needs to sleep himself, he indulges your body’s routine of needing sleep every few hours. When you wake, you can often find Samael either looking out of the window over his kingdom, or at you. He gently carries you to his desk and begins on his important work that he missed. You often fall back asleep during this morning routine, not that he minds.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Similarly, he sits you down and attempts to be near you during your night routine, with a few snarky comments and impatient groans. As you finish what you for some reason deem important to do before falling asleep, he scoops you up and holds you in his impressive palm. All protests from you fall on deaf ears as he sits down and gets comfortable, waiting for you to do the same. Samael often reprimands you for complaining during this, “You are the one who wanted to sleep. So sleep, human.” Left with little to no room for argument, you have no choice but to settle down – but after a while his naturally warm skin and constant deep rumbles lull you to sleep.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

In a new relationship, he reveals very little. While courting you he tells you the bare minimum about himself and his plans – simply in fear of you turning on him and using it all against him. Over time though, Samael will learn to trust your words of promise to never betray him. Lifetimes lived being a ruler over powerful demons has trained him to set his secrets and his heart around a stone shield. But eventually he will start revealing small aspects of something resembling a personality beyond arrogance and evil.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Do I even nee to answer this? His patience is as brittle as a frozen sheen of water on a lake. The wrong misstep from anyone causes fits of rage. As many times as you’ve walked in on him throwing gigantic pieces of furniture around rooms or heard roars of anger at his subordinates from across the castle, he always returns his composure as soon as you are within his sights. He has snapped at you before, but never to the extent you’ve seen him go off at others. With you he will simply leave the room or huff and stay silent for days – that is the extent of his anger towards you for anything. Otherwise, he will keep his composure in front of you.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Will only ask you questions about yourself further into the relationship. At first, his interest was surface level – but soon he felt compelled to know what you thought of everything and just what made you tick. Will use this to his advantage when ordering his scouts to find you gifts and WILL gloat about it too. Boasts about what a good gift-giver he his and how attentive he is. The worst part is you can’t even argue with him about it. Ever present he graces you with is always given a the right time with the correct perception. Honestly you’re getting suspicious that he’s reading your mind sometimes.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

It seem shallow, but he doesn’t care in the slightest. Samael’s favourite moment with you that he thinks of often when you two are apart, is when you two first laid eyes on each other. Rather, it was when he first laid eyes on you because he saw you coming from a world away and will never forget the sight laid before him. Your gorgeous face instantly drew him in, with your soothing voice intriguing him. From that day on he swore he would do anything to have you, the fact that your personality below all that only added to his growing affection for you.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

It’s a mixture of pure instincts to protect you and a general state of pettiness. He loves your entire being and knows that any creature would surely do anything to have you – thus he genuinely believes he is simply keeping you safe by his side. He always goes with you everywhere and if he can’t go, he has someone he trusts accompany you. A lot of the time this can feel suffocating so he lets you go on your own when you need your space – or so you think. He may or may not have given you a piece of jewellery to wear that he can keep an eye on you with…

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

We’ve discussed gifts, but dates and anniversaries are another conversation. You would never guess that all of those hours he spends pouring himself over his carved stone desk and ancient scrolls, he is occasionally planning special outings for you two. Whether it’s a trip to a realm you’ve always admired or a special dish he needs to kidnap a human chef to make, he doesn’t care. That unmistakeable glint of appreciation in your eye and endless ‘thank you’s always get to him. Again, not that you’d know it, as he simply scoffs and turns away.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Samael does respect that you are a person with your own mind, and lets you speak your mind and express your opinions. Although, many times his possessive nature can rub you the wrong way. It can feel suffocating at times. Whenever you also try to bring it up to him, he simply brushes you off and blames it on your poor mortal mind not being able to wrap around the necessity of keeping you safe and away from those that might harm you.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not much at all. The strong horns decorating his face and deep scars gashed into his rough skin are only markers for his lineage and victories he displays proudly. He would be idiotic to be ashamed of his war trophies. Although, sometimes he simply can’t help but feel slightly self-conscious for his metal side. Yes, scars can be maps of battles won, but his metal side only serves to remind him of a bitter defeat. It is the one part of his appearance that Samael can’t stand to loo at sometimes.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

His life certainly would be…different. The halls of his castle wouldn’t be filled with your enchanting voice or your amusing laughter. The banter that makes him feel at ease would be absent. His kingdom might not run very differently if you weren’t present – he would still be a demon lord after all. But Samael cannot help but feel slightly lonely even at the thought of never being able to feel you lay against his head as you sit on his shoulder or fall asleep without a care between his hands clutched to his chest. Yes, he ponders, he does think he prefers you around.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

If you ever get him a gift, even if it is something he probably already has stored away , he will cherish it and set it among his most prized possessions – not including you.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Someone tame and quiet. He enjoys being challenged every day – whether if it’s by your wit or your pure drive to annoy him. It amuses Samael that this little creature can stand up to the likes of him, and is so is often impressed whenever you do. Humans who cower at the sight of him bore him and he’ll let them know it.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Not being able to use the Grim Reaper skin from Minecraft to hop between Ryu and whichever Darksiders character you want is a bummer, admittedly.

Luckily, Lilith is a Marvel character.

(That's her in the background. That's her at the bar. Side. Losing her religion.)

Funny thing—Usiel (often seen spelled "Uziel" or "Uzziel") is usually depicted as either a fallen angel, or a demon. There are a few sources that put him on the side of being a good'un, though, so this portrayal is cromulent enough. I mean, as cromulent as anything from Darksiders can be in relation to varying and contradictory Judeo-Christian tradition.

(Per game lore, a bunch of pseudo-Celtic-Norsey Old Ones are hanging out in a side dimension or something. I dunno, man. Darksiders II was weird.)

Lilith appears in Darksiders II and Darksiders III, which is nice if you're trying to reach a character from Darksiders II and Darksiders III, but less so if you're working with the original Darksiders or Darksiders Genesis.

That's alright, though. Turns out the Four Horsemen are up and summonable in Scribblenauts Unlimited:

... Y'know, I really do think there ought to be a quicker path to Azrael that exists somewhere in the Wide Wide World Of Video Games, but if there is, it's not on The Chart at the moment, so it doesn't exist. Don't at me.

Or actually, do at me. Then I can put that game on The Chart, too, if it doesn't give my arbitrary taxonomy a tummyache.

Incidentally, because I read up on angels a whole lot going through these games and if I can't Show My Work on my own blog where else am I gonna do it: Here's a Thing.

"Now, hold on a tick," I hear you say. "What are Moloch, Astarte, and Dagon doing in this game as Lucifer's mooks? Astarte wasn't a demon; she was a goddess in Ancient Near East religion, sometimes considered the equivalent of Ishtar! And Dagon wasn't a demon; he was an ancient Syrian god of prosperity! And Moloch... well, actually, nowadays people don't think Moloch was even a Thing, but he was traditionally interpreted to be a Canaanite god associated with child sacrifice! Excuse the pun, but what the Hell's going on?"

You might assume that some Final-Fantasy-style hinkiness is afoot—that the creators of Darksiders Genesis named their characters after mythological figures that are thematically similar but ultimately unrelated (go on, try to convince me that any incarnation of Final Fantasy's Leviathan is the same one from the Book of Job) (Please do not actually do this)—but it turns out we can heap the blame on one dude in particular: John Milton.

That's right, it's all Paradise Lost's fault. Turns out that according to Miltonic lore, Moloch, Astarte, and Dagon were originally angels, but then joined with Satan in his rebellion, fell, and subsequently played as gods to deceive mankind. Now, is it a little iffy that Milton took a bunch of non-Christian deities and went "yeah, these were demons all along"?

Most def. He was following in well-established Christian tradition, though. Ba'al-Zebub was a deity of the Philistines, while Belphegor comes from the deity worshipped by Moabites at the mountain peak of Peor, biblically referred to as "Ba'al-pe'or." Astaroth is another one that comes from Astarte. And of course, the less said about Baphomet, the better.

All of this is a long-winded way of saying that no, I'm not counting this Dagon as the Syrian one. Or the Lovecraftian one, for that matter.

Don't at me.

After the development of Darksiders II, Vigil Games shut down, tied up in the bankruptcy of THQ. A successor studio emerged in the form of Gunfire Games, whose first task was the next-gen port/remaster of DS2. After a few original titles they then pitched THQ’s successor THQ Nordic on a true sequel. With a slight shift in both development staff and the game’s genre and inspirations, I reckon they finally nailed it.

While the first two games combined Zelda’s puzzling and dungeoneering with character action combat, this one sits firmly at the feet of From Software’s Soulsborne games. The combat is now deliberate and punishing with an increased importance on dodging and countering, albeit more fast-paced and flashy. The “soul retrieval” mechanic, the exploration/shortcut/checkpoint loop, and the upgrade economy are also familiar. Meanwhile puzzles and platforming are mixed in, in much the same way as Respawn’s Jedi: Fallen Order handled things, and with similar success (despite much less budget, I’m sure).

Fury is even lighter on her feet than Death, springing around with her signature whip and double-jumping by default. But the whip can transform, and the new elemental mode system enables both new weapon types and movement abilities to find new paths and hidden goodies in the sprawling, inter-connected game world. I favoured the Flame Hollow for its triple-jump and quick claws (each of the four modes, unlocked gradually over the game, has a default weapon type and a second one found in a DLC zone which expands on the modes’ puzzle potential).

The writing and story in these games has been so inconsistent that I had to look into the situation. Comics writers Joe Madureira and Joe Kelly were responsible for the undercooked first game, with THQ ringers Paul DeMeo and David Slagle brought in to script the second with positive results, while Madureira presumably oversaw things to some extent as studio creative director. With Madureira not in the picture anymore—although he has relatives credited on this game and Genesis—the story duties were outsourced to Man of Action (co-founded by the same Joe Kelly), the creators of Ben 10 and other children’s cartoons and comics. They are capable of stories pitched a little older though, as evidenced here.

Fury is a fun protagonist, a hotheaded and aloof firebrand who actually has an arc and becomes more reflective and purposeful by the end. She plays off a female equivalent to Mark Hamill’s Watcher character from the first game, who seemingly simps for Fury until her sudden but inevitable betrayal. Ulthane the ogre-man also returns from the first game as a protector of humanity, among other decently well-drawn side characters and series mainstay Vulgrim the mercantile demon, who acts as your bonfire proxy. The villainous faction are chaotic personifications of the Seven Deadly Sins, a trite concept but with some fun designs. However...

The story frustrated me in its scope, as AGAIN the whole plot has been set up as a prequel, which makes three entire games (including Genesis) which have refused to resolve a now thirteen-year cliffhanger! A successor studio returning to the property only to kick the can down the road yet further was underwhelming to say the least, and while I think the writing and even voice acting is the best it’s been, I can’t help but feel deflated that ultimately this game does little for the overall story other than establish what Fury (and Strife, shh) was doing during the same exact timeframe. The game even ends with almost the exact same post-credits scene that Darksiders II did. It’s actually kind of funny in retrospect, and the annoyance comes only from my own expectations, but I’m not too out of line here am I?

At least they do some cool things within that context, like giving humanity a role in the cosmology beyond hapless victims, letting Fury confront the Council, giving her some pathos with the death of her horse (which also neatly does away with that gameplay mechanic to suit the structure of the game world this time around). I appreciated the improvement on the series’ track record on female characters, with more prominent women this time. The setting of this brutalised Earth twisted by mystic forces is also done well, and looks great.