#dark suggestions

it hurts, it hurts so much to want and to crave and not be allowed to have

Footprints of those who came before you are washed away by the rolling quiet of the night.

you and i stifle laughter in our booth remembering old jokes - making new ones. we laugh but underneath our open smiles i know you hold my heart back when i feel like it’ll burst and gently kiss the scrapes on my knees. we laugh but underneath your rosy cheeks you know i bask in the glow of you telling me how you love your daughter. i catch the secondhand smoke of your adoration and turn away to cough so you don’t see my shining eyes. we run across the street but underneath our clasped hands and strained eyes struggling in the weak streetlamp light i know you relax into the warm depth of my own darkness like bathwater. in another life i might have kissed you. in this one it is my joy to laugh with you.

i told you i'd never break a promise, and i meant it. i need you to be happy. i need you.