ben poindexter as your boyfriend. šš hcās
cw į° .į obsessive tendencies ,, dark themes ,, gn reader unless i slipped up somewhere ,, headcanons ,, i mean heās a murderer so
BEN POINDEXTER AS YOUR BOYFRIEND... is obsessed with you. not the ālikes your selfiesā kind ā more like memorized your schedule, cataloged your facial expressions, and would absolutely kill for you without a blink. no hesitation. no regret.
he has a tracker on your phone. not because he doesnāt trust you ā he just doesnāt trust anyone else. he tells you itās for your safety, and when you raise an eyebrow at him, he just shrugs and kisses your forehead. āiād rather know where you are than bury you, baby.ā
he gets jealous. so easily. and he hates it. hates how tight his jaw gets when you laugh at someone else's joke. how his fists curl when someone makes you smile. but heās so good at holding it together ā until youāre alone. then heās pacing. spiraling. pulling you into his lap just to feel your heartbeat under his hand. āyouāre mine, right?ā heāll ask, low and tight.
dex does everything for you. carries your bags. makes your coffee. walks you to class. waits outside your job. doesnāt matter if heās had the worst day imaginable ā heāll still show up to tuck your hair behind your ear and ask if youāve eaten.
he gets scary when he thinks youāre pulling away. itās subtle at first ā quiet stares, clenched jaw, questions masked as concern. but the second heās sure somethingās wrong he snaps. cold. sharp. wounded in that dangerous way. looks at you with that unhinged grief behind his eyes. like itās betrayal. like itās death.
heās weirdly soft in private. youāre the only person who gets to see the version of him thatās quiet and needy and kind of broken. he sleeps with his head on your chest, fingers clinging to your shirt like youāll vanish if he lets go. sometimes he just stares at you, like heās memorizing you in case you disappear.
always brings you little things he finds throughout the day. not flowers or jewelry ā no, benās gifts are weirder. more him. a vintage matchbook he liked the design of. a cool rock he found on the sidewalk. a bullet casing from his last mission. āmade me think of you,ā he says, dead serious.
his love language is acts of service ā intense ones. fixes everything in your apartment before you even notice itās broken. goes grocery shopping and memorizes your favorite brand of literally everything. remembers how you like your tea down to the exact amount of honey.
canāt sleep unless heās touching you. even just a pinky finger brushing yours. if you roll away in the night, he subconsciously follows, pulling you back like a heat-seeking missile. āwhere you goinā, sweetheart?ā he mumbles, half-asleep.
keeps a photo of you in his wallet. itās old, kind of faded, maybe creased in the corner ā but he looks at it constantly. you catch him doing it once, and he just shrugs. ākeeps me sane.ā
loves forehead kisses. wonāt ask for them. wonāt say a word. just leans down a little and looks at you with that tilted-head stare until you get it. and when you comply? his whole face goes soft like itās the only thing anchoring him to earth.
has a surprisingly dark sense of humor. says the most horrifying things in the most affectionate tone. youāll say āiām coldā and heās like, āwant me to burn the world down for you?ā you laugh. he doesnāt.
likes watching you do normal stuff. brushing your teeth. folding laundry. humming while you cook. he sits quietly, just watching ā so still itās unnerving. to him itās peace. itās you alive.
plays with your fingers absentmindedly. twists your rings around. traces the veins in your wrist. holds your hand even when you're just sitting on the couch doing nothing. asks what every little scar is from. āthis one?ā heād question. āfell off my bike.ā a pause. āwant me to go back in time and kill the pavement?ā
notices everything. you donāt even realize how closely heās watching until he casually mentions things like, āyou switched shampoo, didnāt you?ā or āyou tapped your foot three times before locking the door today. usually itās four.ā and itās not judgment ā he just keeps mental notes on everything that makes you you. so if something changes, he knows. and if somethingās wrong, he really knows.
heās extremely routine-oriented ā and he builds you into his structure. once youāre part of his life, youāre in it.
your coffee order gets timed to the minute. your text messages get categorized in his head (green = happy, yellow = somethingās off, red = drop everything).
he gets agitated if plans change too suddenly, but if youāre the reason? he softens instantly. you ground him. youāre the only thing that doesnāt throw him off.
he gets attached fast. his BPD makes it so once he feels something for you, itās intense. thereās no casual dating. no half-measures. he goes from āi think i like themā to āi will absolutely die if they leaveā in under a week. heās so good at hiding just how deep it runs.
he replicates your habits without meaning to. if you fidget with your sleeves, he starts doing it. if you use a certain word a lot, it shows up in his vocabulary. he mirrors you because it comforts him.
he hyper-fixates on your favourites. if you say you like a snack once, heāll buy ten. you compliment a song? itās on every playlist he makes. you wear a certain lip balm? heāll go out of his way to buy backups. he wants to memorize what makes you happy so he can recreate it. perfectly. every time.
he spirals when he thinks he upset you. even slightly. a weird tone in your voice? a shorter text reply than usual? his brain jumps to you hate me. youāre going to leave. i ruined it. heāll pace. his routine will fall apart. instead of lashing out on you he gets quiet. self-destructive. unless you pull him back in with something soft ā a touch. a word. a look. then he clings like a shadow.
he makes you things with his hands. little wood carvings, origami, folded napkin animals ā he fidgets constantly, and youāre the outlet.
his hands donāt stop moving, so they move for you. youāll come home and find a tiny heart made of safety pins on your nightstand. he wonāt mention it, but heāll watch to see if you notice.
he always asks for reassurance, but never directly. heāll say things like, āyou still like having me around, right?ā or āyouād tell me if i was being too much?ā and it breaks your heart a little, because heās so desperate not to be a burden. you always answer the same way: āyouāre my favourite person.ā
canāt fall asleep without saying goodnight the same exact way. it doesnāt matter how late it is, how exhausted he is, how bad the day was ā he has to say it. same tone, same words, same kiss on your temple. if he doesnāt it eats at him. heāll lie awake, heart racing, staring at the ceiling like something terribleās going to happen because he broke the pattern.
refuses to let anyone else drive you anywhere. he doesnāt care if itās your friend, your boss, your own damn parent ā if he canāt be the one driving, heās deeply uncomfortable. heāll sit by the door with his keys, ready to go.
has ārulesā for loving you. like brushing your hair off your face with his left hand only. or always kissing you three times before you leave. he doesn't need to do it ā he has to. if he breaks the pattern, his brain tells him something bad will happen to you.
saves every single voicemail and text you send. even the dumb ones. especially the dumb ones. he replays your old voicemails when heās spiraling.
he screenshotted the first time you said āi miss youā and keeps it in a locked photo album. youāre proof that something good happened to him once.
gets overstimulated easily, but hides it around you. if the lights are too bright, the roomās too loud, someoneās tapping a pen too much ā heās unraveling inside.
but if youāre talking to him? smiling? holding his hand? heāll grit his teeth through it, just to stay in your orbit a little longer.
has a favorite version of you, but itās not what youād think. itās not when youāre dressed up, or being cute, or saying nice things. itās when youāre sleepy. messy. barely awake and murmuring nonsense with your face squished into his chest.
āyouāre not real,ā you mumbled once. āi made you up.ā he still thinks about that. hopes itās not true. but if it is? heās glad you dreamed him.
collects your words like scripture. if you ever say something sweet to him, he will not forget. he repeats it to himself, over and over, like a mantra.āyouāre safe with me.ā ,, āyouāre not too much.ā ,, āi like you exactly the way you are.ā he mouths the words in the mirror. sometimes he believes them.
panics if he forgets anything about you. canāt remember your shoe size? his heart races. doesnāt know if you take your coffee with sugar that day? hands start shaking.
his whole sense of safety is tied to knowing you. so if anything slips, it feels like the whole foundation is cracking.
he loves you in patterns. in rituals. in coffee orders and folded blankets and kisses placed in the exact same spot on your shoulder every night.
gets annoyed when you shower without him. he doesnāt even want to do anything ā he just sits on the toilet lid with his chin in his hand while youāre in there like, āyou left me out here alone for twenty-three minutes.ā you open the door to steam and a pouty six-foot weapon of a man sulking.
gets weirdly quiet when youāre on your phone too long. not mad. just a little neglected. you look up and heās just sitting there like a sad cat, hoping youāll notice. you say ābenny, you okay?ā and he melts like, ā...māhere. just waitinā.ā
clings after arguments like his life depends on it. doesnāt matter if it was something small or serious. once things settle, heās already reaching for you, forehead pressed to your collarbone. ānot mad anymore.ā he murmurs. translation: donāt leave me.
keeps weapons stashed in every room ājust in case.ā under the bed. behind the fridge. in your carās glove box.
memorized your exās face and car within the first week. he wonāt say what he did with that information. but he didnāt like how they looked at you at the grocery store that one time. he made sure it wouldnāt happen again.
he hates parties.not because heās antisocial, because he canāt relax when youāre in a room full of strangers.
heās watching everyone ā every glance, every shift, every hand that moves too close. he stands behind you the whole time, hand at your lower back, barely talking to anyone.
texts you āwhere are you?ā even when he knows where you are. he saw you leave. he knows youāre at work or running errands or at the gym. but he still needs to hear you say it. needs the proof. the reassurance. you say āiām fine, benny,ā and he responds with āmiss you.ā (youāve been gone 20 minutes.)
calls you his āperson.ā not partner. not babe. just āmy person.ā says it in a tone that sounds more like my reason for breathing.
wonāt let you walk on the street side of the sidewalk. youāve tried switching sides ā heāll switch with you immediately. doesnāt matter where youāre going. doesnāt matter if the road is empty. ānope,ā heāll mutter, hand on your hip. āyou donāt get hit. not on my watch.ā
he has a folder on his computer labeled āthem.ā inside: blurry security cam screenshots of you walking alone at night (yes, he tapped into feeds), saved texts from people whoāve upset you, and a detailed list of names he keeps tabs on. you donāt know it exists.
takes everything as a threat. you flinch at a loud noise? heās already scanning the room. someone bumps into you too hard in a crowd? he steps between you like a human wall. you say āi donāt feel safe,ā and heās already reaching for his coat.
he doesnāt yell unless someone talks down to you. heāll take endless shit from people when itās about him. but the second someone disrespects you? his voice goes sharp. dark. you see it flip in his eyes like a switch ā āyou wanna repeat that to me?ā and suddenly the roomās ice cold.
heāll sit in complete silence beside you while planning murder in his head. someone made you cry? he holds your hand gently, rubs circles into your palm, kisses your wrist ā and behind his eyes, heās already figured out the five best ways to ruin their life.
he keeps track of your patterns better than you do. you get headaches before rain? he brings you meds before you mention it. your trauma responses show in tiny shifts? he spots them immediately and gets you out of the room.
he might be unstable, but when it comes to protecting you ā heās the most focused man alive.
stares at your contact name before calling you, like heās bracing himself to hear your voice. thumb hovering over the screen, eyes soft and far away. sometimes he doesnāt even call. just stares. like maybe thatās enough to survive another hour.
doesnāt know how to be casual. you say āi like your shirtā and heāll buy five more. you compliment his cologne once? he never uses another one again. every word you say means something to him.
loves when you wear his clothes a little too much. he acts all chill but inside heās screaming. watching you walk around in his hoodie with the sleeves over your hands? ruined. he has to sit down.
he has no idea what a normal reaction is. you get a weird DM? heās already tracking the IP address. you trip and scrape your knee? heās acting like you got shot. āyouāre bleeding.ā he mutters, completely still. ābaby, itās a scratchāā
gets scary quiet when youāre in danger. like full military-mode, voice low and flat. grabs your hand. pulls you behind him. āstay down. donāt move. donāt look.ā and you listen ā because in that moment, heās not your sweet clingy ben. heās the weapon the government built.
has trauma responses built around you. youāre late? his hands start shaking. you stop responding? he spirals. he doesnāt just worryā he catastrophizes. his brain jumps to body bags. blood. everything heās lost before.
so when you walk through the door, totally fine, he just grabs you. holds you so tight it hurts. ādonāt do that to me again,ā he whispers. āplease.ā
doesnāt forgive people who hurt you. ever. you may move on. he wonāt. he keeps the memory. files it away like a grudge on ice. and if he ever gets the chance to settle the score? heāll do it without blinking.
knows all your ātiredā cues. you yawn a certain way when youāre really worn out vs. just sleepy. you go silent when your brainās overwhelmed. so heāll quietly turn the lights down, warm up your hoodie, and run a bath without you even asking.
obsessively keeps the place safe. deadbolts, alarms, cameras, backup flashlights, reinforced doors. not because heās paranoid. because you live there. and nothing ā nothing ā is allowed to hurt you where he sleeps.
he does not know how to regulate jealousy. like. at all. you compliment someone? heās quiet for hours. you laugh too hard at someoneās joke? he stares them down until they suddenly remember they have somewhere else to be.
he gets clingy after. full body contact. face buried in your shoulder. wonāt let go. āyou like me better, right?ā you tease him and say āmaybeā¦ā his whole face drops. ādont.ā
and if he sees them in public, heās pulling you closer with a hand on your waist like mine. mine. mine.
he repeats the same three phrases every time youāre hurt. like itās a spell: āyouāre safe.ā āyou didnāt do anything wrong.ā āi love you so much it hurts.ā
he checks in constantly. not just āare you okay?ābut ādid you eat today? do you need quiet or company? can i hold your hand right now, or just sit near you?ā
started 4.23.2025. finished 4.23.2025.
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