#dance with devils

You quietly pack your bags, a soft tune playing in the background as you go through memory lane each piece of clothing you fold.

“You’re really doing this…?”

You nodded, your heart seemingly have numbed, it surprised even you. You’ve always thought you’d be crying and sobbing in this moment, should it happen (which, it is happening now).

“Are you…going to talk to me?”

you continue with your task, not looking up at the person you once thought was actually devoted to you, but have proved you wrong, just as any other disappointments in your life.

“It’s not my intention to hurt you…I just…I thought it was harmless”

you fight a laugh at that, it’s not funny, but it is absurd. Addiction of any kind tend to skew perceptions, it seems. As much as you want to be understanding, it just…isn’t your fight to stay for.

“I guess I was in over my head. I just…I saw everyone talking about it and I…I thought it’d be good, I don’t know how to do this whole relationship thing, I just follow what I see people go crazy for”

You almost pause at that, but instead, you sigh. You should have known, it won’t stop you from leaving, but it certainly starts making more sense. Media…it does influence people, it’s very powerful, and it’s a fault of yours to think it wouldn’t reach your own relationship.

With a ‘thump’, you close your luggage and zipped it. And with a final ‘pat’, you stand up and carried it out the bedroom. More than one footsteps can be heard, indicating to you that this conversation isn’t over just yet. You reach for your pocket and retrieved a key with a small ribbon hanging from it.

“Are you sure? this…doesn’t have to be the end. We can work this out, you don’t have to make it so final…I love you”

You turn around at this, although your face remains neutral, the sentence evoked such feelings from you that you just needed to clarify it. “Love…strong word to define what we had. I just don’t think it’s what it was, maybe on my end? but I doubt it’s how you actually felt”.

“That’s…unfair. I did love you, I do love you. But love isn’t like the fairytale! It’s the modern day! we’re not meant to be this…swan…thing”

“Just say you want more bodies to ‘conquer’. I might actually respect you more if you were just as honest as those talking heads you secretly embody while posing as a revolutionary”.

And as you let out a final sigh, you hand the key of the home you thought you built with the right one and you walked out the door, your luggage not too far behind you as you approached the lit up hallway.

Maybe it’s not the life you wanted, but you think it’s a better one. You don’t want to look back and see yourself get dogwalked into something that doesn’t benefit you just because you loved the person, there might be someone who will get you, there might not be one, but being alone can’t be as bad as tucking your head down and letting yourself get hurt over and over again.