Robin, showing up to a crime scene with Red Robin and Red Hood to find Ladybug force feeding an apprehended Riddler danishes:
Robin: . . .
Robin: Ladybug, you cannot solve every problem with pastries.
Ladybug, shoving a scone into Riddler's already over stuffed mouth: *gives Robin a flat look*
Ladybug: Watch me.
Red Robin: Honestly, I've yet to see it not work for her.
Red Hood: She bribed a whole gang last week with croissants.
Ladybug: It's called diplomacy.
Robin: It's called bribery.
Ladybug, considering Robin: *holds out a macaron*
Robin: *stares at it a moment before taking it*
Robin: ... I won't tell Batman.
Red Robin, munching on a muffin: This is how Gotham falls.
Red Hood, nodding with a cookie: Pastry bribes.
___
I picture Riddler quietly choking in the background as Ladybug smothers him with more and more pastries. She's not bribing so much as threatening death by overconsumption.
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Marinette didnât forget, sheâs actually just kinda embarrassed about it. How is she supposed to casually mention a sculpture that was made by someone who was in love with her resides outside her front door?
Damian is just endlessly amazed by the details of her life.
Annnyywhoooo, my first daminette fanart easily became my most popular post in just a week⊠didnât realize there was so many of us! All the notes are encouraging me to make more so I wanted to thank you all so much, Iâll definitely make more :)))
Tim cameo bc heâs my fav weirdo
Extra-
Damian: Since w h e n?
Tim: Uhhh, early Hawkmoth days. Kinda unfair, weâve been around for decades and donât have anything like that.
Steph (on call): Tim, the Wayne name is on half the buildings in the city. Fund your own and plant it outside Wayne Tower if itâll make you feel better.
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I like to imagine in a world of Daminette, when Talia finds out her boy is dating she might, possibly go on a "no one is worthy of my child" streak and then she meets the girl and its like:
Talia:*on a far away rooftop, staring through the rifle
Marinette:* in the distance, walks into a lamp pole repeatedly
Talia: why my child, are you trying to spite me in some form or fashion?
Also
Marinette: what the fuck does the LoA want with me
Talia: why do you even know who I am
Marinette: hi my name is Marinette and my cult is your neighbour
Talia: what
Marinette: behold, the celestial guardian, nice to meet you
Talia:*who just saw her drop a bag of flour on herself
And now have decided to draw for it :D
My return to tumblr, heralded by the illustrious maribat server!
My first doodle is for the fanfic No Choices by @starwarsmum!! This fanfic definitely has a few more drawable moments, as do the others, so stay tuned!
Bruce Wayne's Headache Classification System Chapter 5
You can read it on ao3 here!
A/N: *Strolls in three and a half years later.*
You would never believe the traffic on the way here.
I rewrote this chapter five times!! Every time I thought I had something, I found out that I hated it. Finally, FINALLY, found a version that I liked.
Is it perfect? No. But it's done, and if the urge to ever write the follow-up where Damian and Marinette get together, Marinette wins over the family, and the whole Gotham curse situation gets resolved ever grabs me by the throat, I'll have a much better jumping off point than the limbo it has existed in for the last three years. Now, without any further ado!
Chapter 5:
Bruce lasts all of an hour - a frustrating, hair-pulling, concerning hour driving him to a state of manic paranoia, and opening three more case files alluding to the magical events happening in Paris he had worryingly missed - before he concludes that his sons vastly underestimated the amount of trouble Paris, and one Miss Dupain-Cheng, happened to be.Â
Concern is an understatement of the utmost kind. And that migraine he drove away remerges with a vengeance on par with his own mission.Â
Paris was essentially besieged by a magical terrorist for years. And no one knew. Not a peep from the UN, or the EU, not a call to the Justice League, not a contemporary mention on social media. Nothing. Itâs like Paris became a sinkhole for all information regarding the situation for years. All the tourists never mentioned it, and none of the citizens ever complained.Â
And then, a year ago, the information slowly leaked out. Fits and bursts, seen as an internet joke, but with enough evidence to prove it true, if you knew where to look.
And it was hard to look.Â
If Bruce were not overwhelmingly familiar with how magic could fool the mind, directing it away from certain modes of thinking, knowledge so obviously right there in front of you, he would have missed it. But he worked with the impossible every day. Trained his mind and his body to look past the obvious into what lay hidden beneath. The magic, and he doubted it was anything but magic, at play here lay quiet and hidden until it needed to obfuscate, and then it showed itself with force.Â
Too bad he knew how to fight back.Â
Already, he could tell that the focus of attacks circled CollĂšge Françoise Dupont, the very school Dupain-Cheng attended. Attacks continued on through the years, varying wildly, always seeming to circle a core group of people. People who, through the few social media posts Bruce could find on the girl, were in the young womanâs social circle.Â
Frustration bit deep as, at every turn, the internet refused to give him the answers he sought. His head pounded, trying to make sense of what had happened in Paris for the last six years.Â
An alert cut through his research-induced fog.Â
Tim: Patrol ended early. Jason and Damian are fighting in the caveÂ
Tim: Damian has his swords outÂ
Tim: Might need some backupÂ
Tim: pls
Bruce sighs. Heavily.Â
Like clockwork, a pain at the base of his neck builds into a fever pitch, his why-did-I-think-children-were-a-good-idea headache hitting full force. Heading for the hidden entrance to the cave, he preps himself for breaking up a fight between his two volatile sons.Â
Clanging metal hits his ears the second the elevator doors open. Angry yelling registers next.Â
âThat the best you can do, demon brat?âÂ
âCome closer and face me like a man, Todd!âÂ
âWhat? Like how you trapped me after your little girlfriend made me think you were dying!?âÂ
Bruce grits his teeth; why are they acting like untrained children? Racing to the cave's open area, he finds Jason dodging away from furious sword strikes. Tim sits over by the computer. Amused, concerned, and filming on his phone. While Dick stands off to the side, looking three seconds away from jumping in. âWhat in the world is going on here!â he yells. Four heads swivel to face him.Â
âDamian attacked me!â Jasonâs eyes shine a bright, toxic green, glinting in the cave's dim light.Â
Damian growls, face twisted in anger. âI told you to cease your baseless slander of Marinette. You continued to do so, and I demonstrated the consequences of such a poor decision.âÂ
âAww, are you sad because Iâm being mean to your little girlfriend?â Jason mocks, grin jagged like spikes. âGrow a pair, Dami.âÂ
âHow about I take yours for recompense,â his youngest hisses.Â
âEnough!â Bruce orders, using the voice his kids knew meant business. All four straighten up in an instant. âYou both are acting like children.âÂ
Jason shakes off the reprimand first and blanches, âBut he-â
Damian quickly bristles, âIâm just-â
âCease.âÂ
Reluctantly, both boys settle, tension still suffusing the air with the promise of violence yet unwrought. Bruce grunts, walking down the steps to the platform, the occasional wrong movement a jar to his broken ribs. âYou are all trained vigilantes, professionals. And yet you canât complete a simple patrol without devolving into pointless bickering.âÂ
Jason and Damian refuse to meet his eyes, staring at the ground as if it will save them. It wonât.
âWhat happened?â The order barely bothers to be a question.Â
âI made the decision to cut the patrol short,â Dick answers, jumping in like his eldest clearly wanted to from the start. âLow chatter on the police comms, no rouges out of Arkham-â
âBesides Harls and Ives,â Jason mutters.Â
Dick waves him off. âThey hardly count these days, besides, theyâre vacationing in Brazil this month-â
âWhich means theyâre terrorizing deforesters in the Amazon,â Tim points out blandly. And, yes, he is likely correct. But Bruce long gave up on containing Ivy, and she kept her destruction to industrial equipment and scaring the living daylights out of reckless loggers. Compromises.Â
Whatever kept her busy enough to stop her from besieging Arkham to get at the Joker.Â
Dick continues without missing a beat. âWhich is not here, and thus not our problem. So, I said weâd all do one last check of our areas and call it a night because we could all use the sleep-â
âBecause someone was up early primping and preening for his little date,â Jason says, sneering in Damianâs direction.
âIt was not a date,â Damian shoots back. âIt was an enjoyable outing, with. A. Friend.â
âThatâs not what the pictures Stephanie sent look like,â Tim says, scrolling through his phone. Nose scrunching in disbelief. âDid you really pull out her chair for her?âÂ
Damianâs face turns a vibrant shade of red, turning to face Tim. âWhat?â he growls, body tensing like he was set to pounce. Bruce brought himself closer to block the easy path from his youngest to Tim.Â
âDamian,â he intones, putting as much disapproval in his sonâs name as possible. âStop acting like a child and control yourself.â Damian breathes deep. Had he been a dragon, there would be sparks thrashing in the air, barely leashing his anger, tension radiating off him. Bruce nods to his eldest to continue his report.Â
âRight, yeah. So everyone circles out, when Jason-â
âDonât put this on me, Dick. I didnât start this.âÂ
Tim scoffs. âYeah, you kinda did.âÂ
Damian sneers, bearing his teeth. âTo instigate conflict in the field demonstrates the foibles of the weak and inferior.âÂ
âIâll show you inferior, ya little piece of shit.â Jason makes a lunge for Damian, who flips onto the railing. Bruce barely restrains Jason from engaging, to the detriment of his ribs. With an inch on him and the raging strength of a pissed-off bull, Bruce hates feeling his age, and tonight is a damn good example of that.Â
âAnyway!â Dick yells, gathering the attention back to himself. âJason insults Damianâs new gir-âÂ
Damianâs scowl deepens.Â
âDamianâs new friend. Damian challenges him over the comm. Jason threatens him back. I say no chatter on the comms-â
âOracle said no chatter on the comms,â Tim corrects.Â
Dick throws up his hands, exasperation pouring off him. âWhatever! Can I stop getting interrupted? Babs tells us off, we all come back here because interpersonal fighting has no place in the field,â he stresses, looking pointedly between Damian and Jason. Both of whom are turned away and barely engaged. âThen, Jason insulted Marinette again. Damian pulled his sword, and the rest is as you saw.âÂ
âSo, behavior I taught you all better never to bring into the mission,â Bruce glares. Dick raises his hands again, as if washing himself of the responsibility, which was exactly the opposite of what Bruce expected of him when he asked his eldest to take point on patrol.Â
âDonât look at me,â says Tim, swiveling back to the batcomputer. âIâm just the messenger.âÂ
Jason wrenches out of Bruceâs hold and hisses out a stinging, âFucking narc.âÂ
Damian ignores it completely. âThis is harassment! I am attempting to cement a civilian connection, which you all have badgered me to do on several occasions, and these worthless wastes of oxygen-â
âWow, thatâs a little harsh,â Dick mutters.
Damian glares viciously, â-are turning the entire affair into a vaudeville side show!âÂ
Jason scoffs loudly, bringing the attention back to himself. âYeah, no way, I donât buy girlie pop as a civilian. She knows way too much magic and way too many tricks not to be a plant. And whatâs concerning is you donât fucking seem to care, Demon brat.âÂ
âShe is not a plant.â Damian shoots back, pacing above while the rest of them look on in shocked amazement. His youngest is rarely this demonstrative, especially in defense of another. âShe is not a trick from my mother, or a floozy trying to use our family status to raise rank. She is a fashion designer from Paris who knows magic, thatâs it!â Damianâs voice grew higher and more frantic as he belabored his point.Â
Bruce grunts again as the pain in his head grows from mildly problematic to throbbing; a prime example of his something-is-wrong-here-but-I-donât-know-what-yet headache. He powers through, trying to bring reason to the conversation. âDamian, your brothers explained the situation, and further investigation has proved sparse. Sheâs a ghost. Youâre allowing your judgment to be compromised.âÂ
Damianâs jaw ticks, furious green eyes narrow, and Bruce holds back a wince at how much he resembles his mother in this exact moment. âI have run myself through the magical influence protocols. Richard ran them on me a second time. I am functioning with a perfectly sound body and mind-â
Snort. âDebatable,â mutters Tim.Â
âYour days are numbered, Drake.âÂ
âDamiâŠâ Dick sighs, tentative chiding, lacing his words. It only serves to irritate. Damian bristles at the mollifying tone.Â
âNo, this was your fault we all ended in this mess, and now you blame me for doing all that I could to win!? Marinette did nothing more than follow my requests and utilize her skillset. It is not illegal to have magic-â
Bruce is not a fan of any interference in the city - metas or magic, all of it could turn on a dime. Even the best-trained supers could fall to influences that occurred all too often in his city. âThere is a strict no metas in Gotham policy, Damian. And for good reason.âÂ
Damian actually rolls his eyes. âA policy which, beyond the super community - a community Marinette is not a part of - you have no actual way of enforcing beyond financial enticement to leave, disguised as charity from Wayne Enterprises. Marinette chose to attend school here-âÂ
âSuspicious,â Jason sneers, and Bruce resists the urge to groan; he does not need further commentary riling Damian up.
Defensive and on edge, Damian sends another withering glare in Jasonâs direction. âNo, itâs not. She had no wish to remain in her country after the actions of the magical terrorists that besieged them. That is rather common from what I hear.âÂ
âYeah, but normal people donât jump out of the frying pan and into the radioactive acid bath,â Tim says, leaning over the railing with a contemplative look on his face. A comparison Bruce finds quite salient. For all that he loves his city, finds purpose in protecting it from the dregs of humanity, it is not a safe city. If you want a break, and he couldnât blame the girl for wanting a break if even a little of what he found about the situation in Paris was true, then Gotham was a frankly ridiculous choice.Â
âWhy would you escape a city with one terrorist to a city hosting a dozen, plus gangs, and the occasional alien invasion!?âÂ
âFind me a major city on earth that has avoided having one alien invasion in it by this point,â Damian sneers back.Â
âDamian-â he starts again, his head aching with the clear pain of why-is-stubborness-genetic but his youngest remains a bulwark of refusal, stiffening his shoulders with a determined edge that triples the pain in Bruce's head.
âNo. I proved I am under no outside influences twice. There is no compulsion to steal, reveal information, or engage in self-destructive behavior. Marinette openly and fully admitted to using magic; she is not trying to hide anything. Your suspicion is needless.â Here, he turns to Jason. âAnd your words are vulgar and untrue, and if you persist upon this course, I will demand retribution.âÂ
He needed to nip this in the bud yesterday. âDamian, you attack your brother, and youâre benched.â Damianâs jaw flexes as he fights to hold back whatever he clearly wants to say. Restraint it may be, but Damian clearly wants to throw caution to the wind and lose it on his older brother.Â
Meanwhile, Jason leans back against the wall with a dark smirk. âYou, demon brat, are letting your dick think for you for the first time, and Iâm gonna laugh and say I told you so when this blows up in your face.â Â
âI am doing no such thing,â Damian hisses, hands clenched on the cave railing, white and leaking rage. âYou may allow your base feelings to run rampant, but mine are thoroughly subjected to reason. Which is why all of you are wrong.âÂ
âYou have no proof, Damian.âÂ
Damianâs smile turns haughty and cold. âWell, neither do you.â Huffing, he draws into himself, walls slamming down, cutting himself off from anything else they might say. âI see that no amount of words will sway you from your preconceptions. I find it galling, Father, that you would let bias overcome reasoning.âÂ
âYour actions arenât doing much to persuade me otherwise, son.âÂ
âTt. I see.â Bruce wishes to cross the gorge that's wrenched open between them, but Damian is already turning on his heel in the shower's direction. âWhen all this plays out as I have said, I will expect an apology for your mistrust.âÂ
âYeah, when hell freezes over,â Jason shoots back, but Damian doesnât reengage. The door to the lockers slams with a definitive clang.Â
Silence lingers; the hum of the Batcomputer and the occasional rustle of wings do little to alleviate tension so thick they could swim through it.Â
âWell,â says a clipped, clear voice from above. Bruce turns to see Alfred, standing on the stairs, quiet as a mouse. âI do believe that went down rather like a lead balloon,â Alfredâs wry comment canât even bring a bit of levity to the situation for Bruce, who, on top of his headache, is battling a deep fear that his son is in over his head.Â
And how odd is that? Damian is his one child he knows can handle matters of an interpersonal nature with the distance their job requires. But this? Battling between believing the best in a person and the danger they might pose?Â
That is never a fight Bruce wished for his children.Â
âBruce, that was the exact opposite of talking to Damian separately. He has an entirely different perspective on this whole situation than we do,â Dick reprimands. And while his eldest is correct, after his own research on the case, Bruce finds himself increasingly agreeing with Jason and Tim that the girl is hardly what she seems.Â
âWell, I didnât see you jumpinâ in to defend the girl, golden boy,â Jason sneers. âCome on, do we really believe that this chick isnât dangerous?âÂ
âThere is a distinct difference between dangerous,â Alfred cuts in. âAnd a danger to us.âÂ
âA distinction that doesnât matter if we canât find any information to tell us which she is, Alfred,â says Tim. âEspecially when sheâs around Damian, who is hardly the most subtle person regarding our skills and occupation.âÂ
âYou mean the fact that we run around at night in suits and beat people up?â drawls Jason. âOr the fact heâs a recovering cult assassin?âÂ
âDamian is an adult; heâs been keeping our family secrets quiet for his entire life. Heâs not gonna drop the information to a girl he just met, even if he is crushing on her,â Dick says. âI do worry whether heâs trusting her too quickly, though, because of thatâŠâÂ
Alfred would never dignify shrugging, but Bruce imagines this would be a moment where he would. âI hardly think it matters at this point whether that is a wise choice of action or not, Master Dick. Master Damian has set his course and is not to be deterred from it.â The look he pins Bruce with speaks volumes about where he thinks that tendency stemmed from. Bruce would like to counterpoint with TaliaâsâŠÂ everything. âA rather common trait in this family, I do believe.â All three of his boys find elsewhere to look at, while Bruce stands against the accusation alone.Â
Traitors.Â
Even still, the situation pings all of his internal alarms, and heâs not gonna let his youngestâs safety rely on a feeling of trust. âAs much as I would like to believe in Damianâs judgement, the situation is concerning enough that I believe our worries are justified and not simply paranoia. Weâll have to remain vigilant if Damian doesnât approach the situation with the caution that a foreign unknown agent requires.âÂ
Alfredâs sigh carries a disappointed air, but the man merely nods. âVery well, sir. Merely keep in check that your worry does not turn into an unfounded witch hunt, lest you alienate a woman who may be innocent.â Observing them all with a discerning glance. âI see that all your limbs are attached and unmarred. Are there any injuries that I can not see?â he asks, pointedly glancing in Timâs direction.Â
Tim huffs. âIâm not the only one who hides injuries.âÂ
âNo, but you are the only one lacking a spleen, Master Timothy.âÂ
âPatrol was quiet, Alfred, weâre all good,â confirms Dick.Â
âThen I shall bid you all a good night.âÂ
Bruce grunts as Alfred heads back upstairs, massaging the side of his head as it goes from aching to throbbing with the distinct edge of I-donât-know-how-to-solve-this, which is a sensation he utterly despises. Heâs Batman, solving situations is his entire job.Â
âTim, have you or Barbara found anything on Dupain-Cheng or the Paris situation in general?â he asks. Maybe they had better luck than him.Â
Timâs demeanor darkens. âNo, and I donât know if weâre going to find anything, either. Itâs a communication blackout and seemingly citywide psychosis. Itâs an acknowledged fact that attacks happened in Paris from 20XX to 20XX, but nobody else knew about it at the time.â Tim sighs and runs a hand through his hair. âAs for Dupain-Cheng, and any sort of social media the girl may have had in that time period, is sparing at best, and outright glitched at worst.âÂ
âContact Diana, Paris was her home base until recently; she might have more insight as to what happened there than we do.â Bruce hesitates, thinking of the pain this next request will bring. âAnd see if you can pin down John Constantine for a chat. Heâll be better versed in magical methods of obfuscation.âÂ
Jason scoffs. âGood luck with that, old man. Constantineâs a mindfuck on a good day.â He strides over to his bike.Â
âAnd where do you think youâre going?â he asks.
Jason waves him off. âTo go beat someone up, or blow something up, Iâll decide on the way.âÂ
âIf itâs the latter, be sure itâs condemned and fully abandoned,â yells Tim.Â
âIf the former, anyone from Penguinâs current goon pool would be great,â Dick chimes in. âI think theyâre smuggling heroin in through the harbor to Blud. If you get any info, text me.âÂ
Jason grunts, kicking the stand on his bike and shoving the helmet over his head. Bruce wishes for the right words to say, but with how on edge his second son looks, he fears saying the wrong thing will send him tumbling into a rage. Soon enough, itâs just Tim, Dick, and him in the cave.Â
Tim stretches and suppresses a yawn. âWell, if Damian is gonna make his lack of judgment a public issue, I'd better prepare our PR people to engage in damage control.âÂ
âIn the morning, Tim,â he orders.Â
Tim narrows his eyes. âBut-â
âSend the messages to the Leaguers, but leave PR alone. They wonât be awake at this hour anyway, and neither should you. Youâre still recovering after forty-eight plus hours awake.â Tim grumbles but obliges, which is good because Bruce is suddenly hit by his own wave of exhaustion that barrels over him like a hurricane. Getting old sucks.Â
âIn the meantime, what should we do about Damian?â Tim asks.Â
Bruce sighs. âAs Dick said, heâs an adult. I canât ground him or restrict his movements.â Not that he could do that easily when Damian actually was a child, but there was an attempt. âAll we can do is keep an eye out and be vigilant.âÂ
âArenât we always?â Tim yawns. âIâm crashing here tonight. I donât feel like driving back to the city. Are you coming in to work tomorrow?âÂ
âIâm still technically out on leave for a few more days.âÂ
âAnd your ribs are still healing,â says Dick. âTake the time, Bruce, the company can handle itself.âÂ
âYou would say that,â grumbles Tim as he leaves. âYouâre not the one making sure it doesnât collapse out from underneath itself, when itâs left alone for two minutes like an understimulated toddler without an iPad.âÂ
âNight, Tim,â Dick calls out. Tim waves back halfheartedly, disappearing through the elevator.
âStaying the night, chum?âÂ
Dick nods, stifling a yawn. âBruce, youâve gotta be careful with this one. Alfredâs right, Damianâs not in a state to be persuaded, and if we push him too farâŠâÂ
âThe situation could spiral before we know how to handle it.â He hoped Diana, or even Constantine, would have answers to give him. A direction on how to approach the situation. Because his current method was only alienating Damian. âI wish I could have gotten a chance to speak with him before all this happened.â Poor planning on his part; curse his migraine. Now his son sits against him, even if he brings valid points to the table. While Dupain-Cheng may have remained pleasant for the brief time at the store, that did not mean she always would be. And she had far too much power at her fingertips for them to remain off guard.Â
âDoubling down on the warnings when he was already riled did not help.â Bruce turns away, grunting. His son was right, but he didnât have to say it. Dick sighs. âIâm gonna get some sleep. Donât stay up too late.âÂ
Bruce sits at the computer. Finding what little Barbara and Tim have compiled, he reads over their findings. Opening a new file, and ignoring the lingering ache shooting up the back of his neck - the same one whenever heâs staring down the barrel of a dangerous situation, he starts fresh, maybe this time heâll find what he didnât before.
His family and city might depend on it.
A/N: This is for everyone who has commented, kudos, shared, and recced this story. Thank you. Thank you for loving it as I have loved it. It was never far from my mind, and I always wanted to complete it. I'm glad that I could finally put words to a page, and I only hope they are a somewhat fitting end to this story.
Do I ever see myself continuing in this world? Maybe. Never say never. I finally finished this story, didn't I? For now, though, thank you once again, and see you later.