#daddy john

The bar's patrons were slowly dissipating, and a quiet lull crept into its atmosphere. I'd never been to any bar beside this one, and I would never go to another because I quite liked this one.

Drunk old men minding their business and drunk old ladies trying to get the drunk old men into their beds. Strange. I thought it was the other way around.

My lips quirked as I watched one lady lean into an otherwise occupied man, Budweiser to his lips, and his eyes concentrated on whatever sports channel was playing. He seemed uninterested but by the way, his lips curved into a smile I assumed he liked what she was saying. It took another 3 minutes of her talking for him to decide to get up and leave the bar with her.

I went back to staring down at my drink and desperately trying to chase away thoughts of blue-eyed babies babbling in my arms. What time is it? I sighed and glanced around for the familiar clock on the wall, 1:30 am. Almost 2 am and nearing closing time. How much longer would I sit and stare at a drink I wouldn't even touch?

My skin prickled as a figure brushed against my right side. One hand settling on my lower back and the other sweeping in front of me to grab the glass of bourbon, "I'll never understand why you order this if you don't drink"

"The bartender stops serving drinks at 1 and you always get here by 1:30." I mused, "I order it for you, dummy."

His lips pursed at my statement and he turned away from me, "You don't have to"

I watched idly as he lifted the glass to his lips and downed the drink in one sip, "I know."

He'd complain multiple times about my tendency to visit the bar during the nights he would be overseeing it on behalf of his older brother. He'd complain that I didn't have to come on Friday nights and stay till 2 am. That I didn't have to keep him company with late-night talks and dinner. I wasn't obligated to do what I did. But I wanted to. Because without these weekly late-night meet-ups, I'd have to go back to my empty apartment and think about how I wasn't good enough for a man I had given-been prepared to give- everything to.

"You're thinking about him again." His voice tugged me away from my thoughts.

I watched as he assessed me with pale blue eyes. He seemed exhausted. He must have had a rough time dealing with whatever mess lay within the paperwork left behind by his brother. But no matter how exhausted he looked he still looked handsome.

I sighed, "I haven't thought about him for a while...I mean yes, in passing but lately I've been thinking about other things."

John nodded along with my words, his ears twitched and I wondered if he knew that it meant he was happy about something.

"I've got food prepared back home" I paused, "Do..You want to join me?"

"Have you known m to say no to food?" He questioned in mock disbelief.

"No, but it's always nice to ask." I retorted with a smile.

We left after making sure that Mari and Luke would be set to close down the bar. The way to my apartment was spent in silence, my thoughts once again drifting to blue-eyed babies. It seemed to be around him only made those thoughts worse.

It was nearing 3 am and it was almost time for him to leave to go back home. My hands ran through my hair, eyes staring at the clock.

"How's Katie?" I asked. I'd met Katie a couple of times over the past 5 months. She was a lovely little girl, aged 5. She had a bright smile and was smart as a whip.

He sighed, I'm sure there was a story behind that. "She's giving you trouble" I giggled knowingly. Katie had a way of getting under her father's skin. She nagged him more than anyone and she did it with an innocent look in her eyes and a sweet smile.

He laughed, "More than that, she's angry at me for whatever reason."

He re-rolled the sleeves of his button-up and leaned over to grab his drink of water, "Everything I do displeases her," he waved his hand into the air and mimicked her voice, "you're incompetent daddy, that's okay not everyone can be like uncle Tommy"

My eyes widened and I roared with laughter, "She did not say that!" I exclaimed.

He turned to look at me with a deadpan look, "She did. With a sweet smile at that."

He huffed, lips touching the glass before pulling it away again, "I don't know what she wants." He shook his head at his confession, "Last week she yelled at me because I came home too early. Can you imagine?" He paused, his eyes comically wide and annoyed, "being yelled at for being home too early."

He muttered to himself, "Almost afraid to go home, now." He took a sip from the glass and put it down, "Mans not safe in his own home."

I found myself doubling over and laughing. My stomach clenched and my breath ran out but I couldn't stop laughing. I could only imagine Katie wearing her little princess pajama dress and staring irritably at her father for being home early.

He leaned back onto the couch and huffed, "Yeah, go on then. Laugh at my predicament."

I shook my head, lifting my hand to stifle my mouth in hopes of stopping the laughter. "I'm sorry, it's just"

I coughed and giggled, "It's too funny," I sighed and shifted my legs underneath me, and asked thoughtfully, "What's she doing up at 2 am on a weekend?"

Weekends were the only nights John went home late into the morning. Polly or Ada would watch Katy on the weekends so he could take over the late shifts from Arthur, so Arthur could go home to his own wife and kids.

On weekdays he was usually done with work by the time she got off school so he could spend time with her. She never once complained about that, so I assumed she complained about him being home on time on the weekends.

"She was having a Harry Potter movie night with Ada and Charlie, I walked in all excited to join in and she turns to me with chocolate on her face and glares" He paused, his head shaking, "The little thing glared at me! As if she hadn't been the one to ask me to come home on weekends to join movie nights"

He plopped his head against the couch and closed his eyes, "She's sending me mixed signals, I'll tell yah."

I laughed and leaned in to run my hand through his hair and coed, "Poor Johnny, his own little girl wants nothing to do with him. What shall we do?"

The room went silent for a moment and the dim lighting of my living room added a thickness that wasn't present earlier. Or maybe it was the fact that I was unreasonably close to John. Close enough to see the way his eyes dilated when he opened them. Close enough to feel the heat of his skin mere inches from mine.

"I love your eyes" I breathlessly admitted. I almost didn't want to say it but I couldn't stop myself from letting the words escape.

That should have been all there was to it. Admit to how much I loved his eyes and pull away. That would be the safer option. But I found myself gravitating closer. His nose brushed against mine and I could feel his hands gently slithering over my hip and settling on my waist.

"You don't think about him?" He asked quietly. His eyes searched mine. Wanting, waiting. "No." I whispered, "Just you."

My heart exploded at my confession and my face heated. The last time I had really thought about my ex was months ago and that was only when I realized that I deserved more than what he had given me.

He hummed in response a smile slowly forming, "Good."

He tugged me closer till I was pressed into his lap and his arms were wrapped around me, holding me in place. And before I could overthink what was happening his lips were pressed into mine. His kisses were soft and firm. His hands roamed over my waist and back.

His touch left a trail of fire upon my skin and before I could be set aflame, I pulled away.

My heart raced as I blurted, "This isn't a one-time thing."

He nodded, "I was hoping it wouldn't be." His hands trailed over my leg in soothing circles.

Fingers playing with the collar of his shirt, I asked hesitantly, "What about Katie?"

"Katie loves you." I knew that. But I often worried that she didn't actually like me. What if she secretly hates me? What if she doesn-

"She really cares about you, you know. I've never seen her get attached to someone else as quickly as she did you."

My mouth parted and a soft 'oh' escaped. I hadn't known that. But then again I had tried really hard to make her feel comfortable with me. Which wasn't hard. She was a sweetheart underneath her shyness. Getting to know her had been a joy. It still is. It was also one of the many growing reasons for my secret longing.

I tried to think of any other concerns and my silence must have worried him because he asked, "Are you looking for an excuse to not be with me?"

There was a level of vulnerability in his voice I was not familiar with. Exasperation and love, yes. I've even heard him when he got angry at a soccer mom for calling him a babysitting dad. As if, the idea that he could be a businessman and a full-time loving father was out of the realm of possibility.

"No, I just." My words fell flat, "I-"

He sighed and lifted me off his lap, gently guiding me to the couch cushion,"I shouldn't have come."

He stood and began to fix his sleeve to put his suit jacket on, "You're clearly not over your ex and I shouldn't have held out hope."

"Wait, no-"

"And I understand that he hurt you but I'm not him." He ran his hand through his hair, "I've got me own problems to deal with and one of my biggest responsibilities is me daughter." His eyes bore into mine with sincerity, "Look her well-being comes first and I would never jeopardize her happiness and you make her happy. But every time I think we're getting somewhere you pull away and make up excuses and I'm tired of having to justify why I would never ruin what we could have for some quick fuck with a random."

He closed his eyes and breathed out, "I'll give you some space but I don't think we should see each other anymore."

My heart plummeted, "What no! Look, John, that's not-"

I stood and tried to reach for him but he pulled away and shook his head. His lips pursed and his eyes turned hard as if to steel himself from whatever I might say. He walked around me and towards the door. I watched with wide eyes as he got further and further from me.

If I didn't stop him, I was sure I'd never see him or Katie again. The thought alone pierced my heart.

"I want to have a baby with you!" I exclaimed, "I just didn't want to say anything and every time you touch or kiss me it gets harder to ignore"

Silence followed my outburst and I couldn't stop talking. "I always told myself that I would never be a mother and that alone only seemed to solidify when I realized my partner of six years had been cheating on me. I was so certain I would never want it..but then I met you and Katie and well, that idea kind of went out the window, and then I started to get worried because of Katie and I didn't want to make her feel like I was replacing her mom or replacing her and-"

My rant was cut off with a kiss. I stumbled backward due to the force with which he launched himself at me. His hands held onto my hips, pulling me in.

"I thought you were leaving?" I teased.

He trailed kisses down my neck, teeth gently nipping at my sin, "No, we've got a baby to make."