#dad solo

Mom:

Everything you already know about my issues with my mom (overprotective of me; won’t let go of the things that happened to me before; uses things that happened in my past as justification to try to control me in the present)

Projects onto me constantly—the most recent development being, I guess, that she reeeaallly doesn’t want me to start a family at twenty-four—which I wasn’t going to do, but now kinda want to do out of spite (a terrific motivation, I’m sure!)

Won’t. Stop. And look at herself. In the mirror. Like, literally even you guys are like “uhh Ben y’know maybe your mom needs therapy” LIKE EVEN YOU CAN SEE THAT. WHY CAN’T SHE SEE THAT.

Dad:

LETS MOM DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS AND WON’T PUSH BACK ON HER. Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t some weird gender thing. I’m not like that; I don’t care about that—but something I learned from the brief time I was dating is that one of the most important parts of a relationship is being able to balance each other out and offer each other your perspectives. Dad isn’t doing that. There have been times when he has done that before (for example, when he and Uncle Luke talked Mom into letting me go to college on Naboo), but ever since I came back home, Dad’s been letting Mom call the shots. He won’t stick up for me anymore. And I told him this—I spoke to him directly about it and he basically said sometimes he doesn’t know what to do, because he didn’t grow up with parents and Mom did. I told him, “Dad, you don’t need to have grown up with a family. You just need to use your eyes and use your mouth and trust your gut.” And he said something along the lines of, “Son, I trust your mother a lot more than I trust myself.” Which…I’m sure makes him a great husband and all, but it is not working for me as his kid.

Rey:

Okay so this is new. But APPARENTLY my sister has been harboring like mountains and mountains of resentment against me and it all came out at dinner two nights ago. She’s upset at me because—well, first of all, because she’s fourteen and fourteen-year-olds are always upset—but she’s upset because ever since I came back home, Mom has been paying way more attention to me than to her. And that is literally so fair! I have also observed that! BUT WHY IS SHE MAD AT ME?? I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS??? Why is it MY FAULT????

And you know what I’m pissed at Rey too because everything’s always easy for her. Like, stupid easy. Like, magic easy. I bet if Rey wanted to, she could learn how to use the Force in a single day and beat a Sith Lord in a lightsaber duel with no training. And I’m aware that it’s stupid to be jealous of a child—but listen—nothing was ever easy for me growing up! Everything was always hard and I was always sad and anxious and scared and miserable but Rey’s in like three extracurriculars and she has friends and good grades and yeah she’s only a kid, but in four years she’ll be an adult, and I just know she’ll be a better one than I am. It’s not fair that she’s so good at everything and I suck so bad! And Rey comes from a rough background too, y’know—she was an orphan on Jakku—which only proves that nothing that ever happened to Rey followed her into the rest of her life, while I’m still being hunted and haunted by everything that ever happened to me.

Anyway, so…all of this kind of came to a head two nights ago at dinner, like I said, and me and Mom and Rey were yelling at each other, and Dad was yelling at all of us trying to get us to stop, and it was really bad…so I got fed up, I guess, and…I said bye.

Usually, it’s just me and Mom who clash, and we can kinda keep it contained. But…everybody was pissed and blowin’ up, and I was already planning to visit Fan anyway, so I just…decided to head out a little earlier than expected.

Honestly, I’m kicking myself. You know without me telling you that Mom isn’t happy about me walking out. But she couldn’t stop me. All she could do was plead. And I don’t think I had really realized that acting against my mother’s wishes was a possibility and an option. When you’re twenty-four, it’s not called running away—it’s just called leaving. And you’re allowed to leave. This whole time I felt trapped at home, I could’ve just left, and it’s not as if Mom was really gonna stop me. I kinda wish I’d left sooner…but I guess the trickier part was finding somewhere else to go, since your boy’s, uh, got a limited cash flow right now.

Ugh…I know that there’s four of us. And that it takes two to tango, so naturally it takes four to…um…fango. But, somehow…I just feel like all of this is my fault. My brain has a ticker tape always goin’ that says I suck and I’m bad and I ruin everything. And I’m mad at the rest of ‘em too…but I know their lives would be so much easier without me. I bet they’re happier already. Or…at least calmer.

So…maybe I’m not as ecstatic as I claimed to be at the beginning of this post.

…Geez, I didn’t even get to talk about Fannie and how weird it is to go back to being friends with your ex.