#dad batman

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With some contingency plans in place, the emergency nanny arrived at the Batcave just when there were no bats left to provide any context for this mysterious favor. But hey, Billy wasn’t about to let this opportunity to be a Robin’s babysitter pass him by!

Damian: I need to carry my sword with me at all times.

Billy thought, "Could it be like my emotional support plush? Of course it is! So then…"

Marvel: I wouldn’t say no to that.

Damian: And also my ninja stars and sais.

Marvel: Of course, Robin!.

"Positive reinforcement, that’s Batson! You’re a good babysitter," Billy thought.

Damian: And we should also bring the Batmobile… I’ll drive…

This last part was delivered with less conviction, but that didn’t stop it from being appreciated by our hero in vibrant red.

Marvel: Do you know how to drive?

Damian: It’s child’s play; of course, I’ve been driving since I was six.

Marvel: That’s amazing, Robin! What a relief! I only know how to ride a bicycle.

With great bewilderment and a slightly agape jaw, Damian climbed into the Batmobile, fulfilling a wish he had held for months.

He couldn’t help but think that he should have the Captain as his regular babysitter.

It was his first experience with a babysitter in the strictest sense of the word. Are all babysitters like this?

I think that Babs would be a really good hacker, the best in the family, but Tim, who thinks that he is the next best(and is still scarily good) has no idea that Bruce only let him think that he broke his record of hacking into secret organizations.

Dick is amazing at acrobatics, and centers his fighting style around it much more. He even won gold in the Olympics for gymnastics! Bruce doesn’t want to tell him that he trained under several gymnasts, contortionists, even ballerinas!!! and has the acrobatic fighting style mastered, so he (within reason) let’s his kid win on most occasions, he doesn’t need to fake loosing on trapeze though(I am still giving the kids SOME things they are better at…)

Cass knows that nobody can lie to her, she can spot everyone’s tells and knows most people better then they know themselves. Bruce is, however, extremely paranoid and also has a kryptonian he works with regularly. He lies so well that he can convince himself he’s telling the truth(which is literally the point in case of advanced lie detectors), and so what if he lets some of his tells be more obvious around his baby, he’s so proud of her for picking up such small things! And while Bruce is AMAZING at reading people, he can’t beat Cass, it is however much closer matched then the others think.

Let’s be honest, Bruce is banned from the kitchen and isn’t good at cooking… or so everyone thinks. While he’s not as good as Alfred or even Jason he could whip up something Gordon Ramsey would be proud of if he actually tried to.

Damian in the best fighter with swords, this is undisputed. Bruce just hopes none of his kids find his crate of custom katanas in the attic, if they do then he’ll say they are for Damian.

Tim is an amazing investigator, so good in fact, that Bruce has trusted him on his hardest cases. Everyone assumes this is because Tim is a better detective then Bruce, but he just loves seeing how proud his kid gets when he gets a breakthrough.

Batman doesn’t kill, Red hood does, everyone in their right minds knows that’s a lie. Before Robin came along, leaders of drug operations or terrorists would disappear into the night, never to be seen again. The only people who don’t seem to know this are the Bats children themselves. Sometimes you can still hear a cut off scream in the dark before the news announces a missing person that everyone just knew was doing something horrible, criminals are more wary on nights that the Bats brood are in. And people running trafficking rings pray that it’s the Hood when a knock sounds, the bat doesn’t give those people the mercy of death.

All of the bat kids know more languages then Bruce, and they keep learning more to throw him off, for a family of detectives they really should have thought about the fact that Bruce traveled the entire world, he knows ancient languages and the words that world in other galaxies use, if he could speak Martian then he would have learned it by now, he still does know that part that he’s able to learn.

Idk I just need more of Bruce being skilled at SO many things while his kids are like “oh yeah Bruce? He’s good but I could defeat him easily” and Bruce just so proud of his babies when they do ANYTHING.

Bonus:

Tim made a plan to neutralize Superman at some point, it wasn’t as good as Bruce’s but he replaced it so fast. When he later uses it to take down mind controlled or something Supes Red Robin is watching.

Nobody notices that Batman whispers something to Superman before he goes deathly pale and acts like the plan is working so well he immediately gets defeated. As for what Batman said to him? It was basically ‘Clark(they aren’t supposed to know identities here btw) my kid made this plan and I swear to every mortal and immortal force that if you don’t take the fall right now you will regret it for the rest of your life” and Batman was usually scary but this was like, God will cower before him terrifying and it scared evil Superman so much he went along with it.

Res Robin was smiling so brightly that later Clark honestly couldn’t be mad at the Bat.

It was an unusually quiet day at the Justice League Watchtower. The usual buzz of superhero discussions was muted—mainly because everyone was currently trying to hold back their laughter, which was proving difficult.

In the center of the room stood Bruce Wayne, his usual stoic expression in place. Next to him, with a big, toothy grin and an enthusiastic thumbs-up, was none other than Dick Grayson, the newest (and most unexpected) addition to Bruce’s family.

“Okay, let’s get this straight,” Green Lantern (John Stewart) said, arms crossed, trying to maintain his composure. “You—Bruce Wayne—the guy who can’t stand people touching his stuff, who’s basically married to his Batmobile… you adopted a kid?”

Bruce’s expression didn’t falter. “Yes, I adopted Dick. He needed a home, and I am perfectly capable of providing that.”

“By adopting him?” Wonder Woman asked, looking mildly incredulous as she hovered nearby, adjusting her bracelets. “You, a man of few words, adopting someone who practically never stops talking?”

Dick, standing next to Bruce, winked and immediately launched into a dramatic monologue. “Oh, Diana, you have no idea. This guy has to have a talk with me every single day about something, and I’m pretty sure I’ve heard the Bat-speech at least a thousand times about how ‘no one can know who I am, or how to make my own lunch.’” He turned to Bruce with a smirk. “I mean, really, Dad. You could at least let me pick out my own cereal. How many different types of granola do we really need?”

Bruce didn’t even blink. “Granola is a healthy choice. You’ll thank me later.”

“Sure, but can’t we vary the grains a little bit? I’m not saying I’m trying to get all wild—but maybe some chocolate chips once in a while?”

John was rubbing his temples, his voice rising in frustration. “Wait. Chocolate chips in the cereal? What is happening? Bruce, you’re a billionaire! You can buy an entire bakery, and you’re limiting him to granola? You don’t even buy the kid Lucky Charms once in a while?”

Bruce shot him a pointed look. “It’s not about the cereal, John. It’s about responsibility.”

“Dad, can I at least have the funny shaped cereal?” Dick chimed in again, looking at Bruce with big puppy eyes. “You know, the ones with the dinosaurs?”

The entire League collectively groaned, and even Superman, who usually kept his cool, was looking more and more like he needed to step out for some fresh air.

“Bruce, come on,” Flash said, wiping a tear from his eye as he tried to suppress a grin. “You’ve got a kid now. You’re… actually a parent. You’re not just the brooding, mysterious, ‘don’t touch my Batcave’ guy anymore. You’re—well, you’re Dad.” He did air quotes with his fingers. “I mean, look at you. You’re practically the ‘cool dad’ in a sitcom.”

Dick, always one for dramatic flair, threw his arm around Bruce’s shoulders and leaned in close. “That’s right. Dad’s basically Superdad. He does my homework for me. He even fixed my bike—while giving me a lecture on the importance of safety precautions when riding it. I think I might be learning something from him.”

Bruce barely reacted, but there was a subtle twinkle of pride in his eyes.

Green Lantern was not having it. “So, we’ve gone from Bruce Wayne, Bat of Gotham, to Dad of Gotham. This is officially happening. This is real. He actually adopted someone who—oh my gods—doesn’t even know how to do laundry?”

“Oh, I know how to do laundry!” Dick cut in, looking horrified at the idea of his inadequacies being aired out. “I just don’t always follow the rules, okay?”

“And that, my dear Dick,” Batman said with the faintest smirk, “is why I’m going to make you fold your own laundry from now on.”

The room fell silent. Everyone stared at Bruce.

“I have to do what?” Dick asked in disbelief, looking up at his new dad with wide, innocent eyes.

“Folding laundry is part of responsibility, Dick. If you want to be in this family, you’re going to need to learn how to do things like a proper member of society. Start with sorting colors.”

“Ughhh, fine,” Dick grumbled, but there was something endearing about the way he was trying to resist, as though he wanted to be a little more rebellious, but couldn’t help but melt under Bruce’s dad-voice.

“You’re going to love it,” Bruce continued, ever so patiently, as if lecturing on laundry was the most important thing in the world. “It’s simple. It’s organized. It makes sense.”

John Stewart, who had been quietly watching this dynamic, sighed. “This is not what I signed up for. A kid actually listening to Batman? Can we just talk about how you’re training him like a tiny soldier?”

“Well, Dick is very trainable,” Bruce said, the faintest grin tugging at the corner of his lips. “I am the best at teaching responsibility.”

Dick threw his hands up in the air. “Yes, yes, we get it! I’m learning, okay? Can we please just have lunch now? I’m starving. I swear, the only thing you’ve taught me so far is how to eat kale and granola.”

“Granola’s healthy,” Bruce repeated, his voice firm.

“That’s it. I’m going out for pizza. I can’t be part of this,” Flash said, turning on his heel, but there was still a smile tugging at his lips. “Just don’t burn the house down while you’re being ‘Dad,’ Bruce.”

“I won’t burn the house down, Barry. You’ve been watching too many movies,” Bruce replied with an eye roll, but then added, "And Dick, we’re having kale for dinner. Please don’t argue."

Dick groaned dramatically, flopping onto the couch. “You’re the worst parent ever,” he muttered.

“Eat your kale, Dick.”

Right now the "badass action man becomes adoptive father to mysterious/badass child" storyline and character archetypes are at an all time high in popularity

→→→→→→→→→→→→

In front of him, there is a sheet of paper. It is important, just like many things have been in his life.

It is a job application.

It's the second one he's submitted.

The first was for the Justice League, and technically speaking, he's still working there.

But now, he is officially a grown-up teenager, and he needs to take this big step.

He is not part of the great Wayne Enterprises, Queen Industries, or anything similar.

This, he has achieved on his own, and that makes it even more valuable.

"Radio WHIZ"

He will work as a junior assistant to the warehouse manager. It's not what he had expected, but the career path could lead him to an internship in the offices where the radio program is recorded.

Everything with patience... And speaking of that.

HR: Everything looks in order, you just need to write down your parents' phone numbers on form 15F to complete the paperwork.

Yes, things like this still follow him. It’s not easy to say he lives on his own, that the address he provided is one of the safe houses Red Robin lent him, or that the phone number he wrote on the record is registered under Clark Kent’s name...

But if there's one thing he is certain about, it's that he has friends who understand him and have given him ways to handle situations like this.

Billy: My family lives in different cities.

HR: No problem, kid.

Two names were written on the paper. The HR woman read them with a bit of surprise. If you were in the industry, it was mandatory to recognize those names.

HR: Bruce Wayne is your guardian?

Billy: I prefer to call him my emergency contact.

HR: And this Clark Kent… isn’t he the Clark Kent from The Daily Planet?

Billy: I also prefer to call him my emergency contact.

She seems to ignore what he says, but continues the conversation.

HR: Sorry for the question, but why are you applying for a job like this when you could be working with them?

Billy: Because I want to do this on my own, and I like this city.

HR: Kid, you have something special, I can feel it. And I know for a fact that Mr. Sterling Morris likes seeing that in people

She definitely confirmed the phone numbers after Billy left. Protocol required verifying the applicants’ information.

Can you imagine the surprise she felt when hearing the voices of the Bruce Wayne or the renowned reporter Clark Kent?

She couldn't believe it, it was them! And they accompanied him on his first day of work a week later.

---

"A baby."

Damian had just returned home after the chaos caused by an out-of-control Captain Marvel, and finding a newborn in the mansion was definitely not in his plans. Nor was being convinced by his butler to watch over him temporarily.

But now he had a possible theory about why there was a baby in the cave...

"Alright... what's the procedure for this?" Duke was the second to arrive. "Post in the family group to find out whose it is?"

"Blue eyes, black hair, and that chin... It could be Dick's, Jason's, or... Bruce's." Duke received a punch in his arm, confirming it was better to step aside. Dick handled Damian better than anyone, and that was his alert before being impaled.

"Thomas, not another word to the rest."

Duke escaped; the deal didn't include being the nanny of the wild little ninja.

Robin took the baby's hand, and it sparked.

"Tt. That hurt… So, little battery, are you a meta or magical?"

All he got were joyful gurgles.

"Spark… are you the son of Marvel or something like that?"

He lifted the baby from the improvised cradle. If this was a joke, it was a good one if it was meant for his father, but Alfred rarely joked... Unlike a certain king of pranks - Grayson. And now that he thought about him... Damian had a pending joke... Maybe he could take advantage of his emergency nanny condition to continue the prank war from last week.

He just needed a pen, a piece of paper, and... maybe a basket, yes, Alfred the cat's basket would do.

"This is so easy..." a smile accompanied the baby's gurgles.

All it took was a photo of the baby in the wicker basket at the mansion's doorstep... and a message:

*He's your son, control your little friend, Dick.*

"You're cruel..." To ensure the baby's safety, Duke watched closely.

"But fair..."

"But fair," Duke agreed.

---

(you): Your karma left you a delivery, Grayson. Nosy Girl: OMG, Dick!! Hood: I didn't doubt it. Batgirl: *is typing...* ~Batgirl has left the group~ Thomas: Oh man, Bruce is going to kill you! Grayson: It's not mine!! Cain: Not even Bruce is that cruel... Tim: Oh, come on, Dick I'll have to do extra hours with public relations! Grayson: I swear! I'm friends with all my exes, I would know! (you): All of them?