#d-damn

Lapis subconsciously thought back to how she even joined the Crystal Gems, the war they fought in together, the countless adventures they’d been on. The memories themselves brought an inadvertent smile to Lapis’ face, but it soon turned into a frown when she remembered all the negative emotions that came with those memories. She lost so many friends in the Diamond attack, not to mention how many she’d seen get shattered in the numerous battles they’d fought in the war. And now, after all this time…Homeworld had every reason to come to Earth and ravage it to find Steven and his accomplices. She felt tears in her eyes when she remembered that Dipper, her surrogate son, was a part of that. She wouldn’t let herself or him get caught in another war.

She’d already explained to Dipper, Peridot, and Steven, who were out trying to find Pumpkin, that she had every intention of leaving the Earth with them. However, it seemed that her original plans were on hold when Garnet arrived and the two conversed behind the barn for privacy, in case the others came back early.

The two Gems stared intently at each other, neither ready to make the first move. Lapis already guessed that Garnet knew her plan because of the latter’s Future Vision, but she secretly hoped that it would’ve stayed a secret. After a few more moments of silence, Garnet deeply sighed and stared at Lapis in disappointment.

“Lapis, what the hell are you doing?” Garnet asked in a mix of concern and exasperation.

“What do you care, Garnet? Didn’t you kick me out after the whole Malachite incident?” Lapis asked bitterly, which made Garnet noticeably flinch.

“I…that doesn’t matter right now,” Garnet replied as she struggled to regain her composure. “The only thing that does matter is keeping you, Steven, Dipper, and Peridot on Earth.”

“Garnet, let’s not beat around the bush,” Lapis said tersely as she cleared her throat and asked, “What are the odds of this ending good for both of us?”

A beat of tense silence occurred as Garnet now broke into a light sweat, already knowing the answer to her question. Garnet looked away for a few moments before she returned and gave her answer.

“…Not good,” Garnet said bluntly, unable to say it any other way.

“Well, there’s your answer. Just go back to the temple and hang out with your real friends, Pearl and Amethyst,” Lapis said sardonically as she turned to walk away, but Garnet instantly moved to block her.

“Lapis…at least hear me out,” Garnet said pleadingly, but the blue Gem was undeterred.

“Forget it, Garnet. Face the facts; nothing you say can make me change my mind,” Lapis said with finality as she went to walk the other way. However, rather than block her again, Garnet proclaimed, “We should fuse!”

Upon her declaration, Lapis turned and looked at Garnet with wide eyes. Ever since she turned into Malachite with Jasper, she’d never once thought about fusing, not even with the Gems. As such, Garnet’s suggestion made her break into a light sweat as she simultaneously lightly hyperventilated.

“W-W-W-What?!” Lapis asked shakily.

“No, I don’t mean the way we did before!” Garnet hastily clarified before she took a deep breath and said, “I mean…the other way.”

If the previous beats of silence were tense…this one went well beyond any tension the two Gems ever had between themselves. The horror on Lapis’ face had turned into sheer incredulousness from her suggestion, with even Garnet herself uncomfortable with the idea. However, this time Lapis broke the silence.

“Tell me you’re joking. For the love of God, tell me you’re joking,” Lapis said in a mix of disbelief and anger.

Garnet could only provide silence as she hesitantly shook her head side-to side, which made Lapis furiously narrow her eyes at the fusion. Knowing what would come next, Garnet said, “Lapis, let me—”

“Shut up!” Lapis bellowed as tears of fury streamed down her face. “Why would you think that kind of fusion is a good idea?! Like that’s the only way you can keep me here?!”

“Lapis, be reasonable,” Garnet said placatingly. “If we do it that way, we could protect the Earth, just like Rose would’ve wanted.”

Lapis only coldly stared at Garnet before she turned her back towards her and said, “Well, Rose is dead and she’s never coming back.”

Garnet lightly gasped from Lapis’ words, despite knowing that it was a possibility for her to have said them to her. Lapis formed a brief, remorseful expression before she turned back with a small frown. “Sorry. That was…too far.”

“Yeah, it was,” Garnet said gruffly, unable to continue the conversation any other way without crying. “Think about it, Lapis; this world, its beauty, its people…its what Rose wanted us to protect. You could’ve gone back to Homeworld when Pearl freed you, but you chose to stay and fight with us, remember?”

“Yeah, I did, and look where it got me,” Lapis responded, somewhat bitterly as she crossed her arms. “Most of our friends got shattered, captured, or corrupted, Steven and Dipper told me about the Cluster and those fusion experiments, and now, Homeworld might actually come back with an armada this time.”

Garnet briefly paused, wanting to argue with Lapis. However, the fusion couldn’t bring herself to say anything because as much as she didn’t want to admit it…Lapis wasn’t wrong. Ever since they freed her from the mirror, Lapis was severely daunted by the effects of the war. Still, Garnet went through all that as well, but she had to betray Homeworld so she could live. Lapis on the other hand, was only a citizen and joined the Crystal Gems primarily to get vengeance on Homeworld.

Garnet was grateful that Lapis chose to remain with them once the war was over, but now, she was throwing that all away because she knew all-too-well what would happen to them if they fought against Homeworld this time. She’d seen so many similar scenes with her future vision, but she had no idea how conflicted she’d feel when the moment came. After a few more beats of tense, indecisive silence, Garnet managed to find her voice.

“Lapis…you know what Homeworld is capable of; what they can and will do the Earth if they arrive,” Garnet stated as stoically as she could. “Even with combined fusion, we probably wouldn’t stand a chance against them, especially if Aquamarine and Topaz come back.  We were all a mess when Steven, Dipper, and Mabel were taken from us, but we had each other to lean on until they came back.”

“And I’m grateful for that, really, I am,” Lapis said sincerely before she formed a sour frown, “It still doesn’t change that what you’re asking me to do goes against everything you stand for as a fusion!”

“Don’t you think I know that?!” Garnet loudly bellowed as she struggled not to cry. “You know I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t absolutely necessary!”

“Well, then answer me this; why can’t you just merge into me for eternity?” Lapis asked bitterly as she turned her back towards her. “Is it because you think I’ll use your powers for my own gain or are you two just so co-dependent on each other that you can’t even bear to die together?!”

Garnet went into a shocked silence, hoping that Lapis wouldn’t have gotten angry enough to say what she saw in several possible futures. Still, Garnet’s emotions overwhelmed her reason and in a rage, she yelled, “Your mind wouldn’t be able to handle my future vision; I could handle your water powers and I’d definitely be more responsible with them than you ever were!”

“And what makes you say that?!” Lapis asked incredulously, though nothing could’ve prepared her for what Garnet’s emotions let slip out of her mouth.

“Because I wouldn’t have used them for something as stupid and selfish, like fusing with Jasper!” Garnet fiercely yelled, which made Lapis’ eyes go wide and her irises shrink in sheer anger and disbelief. Once Garnet realized what she said, she quickly covered her mouth in remorse, unaware of the tears streaming down her face. Lapis remained silent for about a minute before she found her voice.

“Turning into Malachite wasn’t stupid or selfish,” Lapis said through gritted teeth. “I put myself in that prison to keep the kids safe. I thought things were better between us after I came back, but for you to throw that in my face…that’s low.”

Garnet could only deeply sigh as she struggled to recompose herself. “You’re right; you knew why I didn’t approve of you as Malachite, but I let my emotions run rampant and nearly ruined our relationship beyond repair. I won’t lie; its still a sore spot for me, but you’ve done nothing to deserve what I said to you.”

Lapis was quiet for a few moments as she formed a remorseful frown, remembering how hurt and betrayed the Gems were when she came back. Granted, Pearl and Amethyst had an easier time to forgive her, but Garnet was livid and still retained anger towards her for her decision, anger that she knew was justified from such a healthy, stable fusion.

Still, it was that very reason why she knew how far out of line she was earlier. As much as she didn’t want to admit it because she was technically older than her, Lapis saw Garnet as her big sister, someone she trusted more than anyone else in the world. And yet, she hadn’t understood what it meant to betray her trust at the time as she’d never done anything so extreme as turning into Malachite. Now, with Garnet admitting she wanted to remain civil after that, Lapis knew how much Garnet cared for her and in a way…reminded her of how much she cared for Garnet.

“Okay, we’ve both said things that were harsh, but needed to be heard, “Lapis stated as she took in a deep breath before she said, “Garnet, I’m sorry. I know how important Ruby and Sapphire are to you, and not because you need them both to physically exist. It wouldn’t be right to do that to you, but you need to understand that…I’m still not sure if I should do it, even against Homeworld.”

“I know; its because of your son,” Garnet said stoically, with Lapis forming an embarrassed blush as she lightly turned her head away.

“Yeah. You know that I shouldn’t abandon him again, or Steven, and especially not…” Lapis formed a stronger blush as she thought of the last one on her list.

“I understand and its okay to have those feelings,” Garnet said sincerely as she laid a comforting hand on Lapis’ shoulder. “If you don’t want to do it, I can find another way. I mean, Pearl could—”

Surprisingly, Lapis interrupted Garnet and took her hand off her shoulder before she stared at her in the eyes and said, “No. You’re right; if Homeworld comes back, we need the ultimate trump card and right now…it’s us.”

Garnet’s breathing suddenly became shallow as she knew what was likely to come next. She formed a hesitant expression as she took a few steps back and asked, “A-Are you sure?”

Lapis merely nodded with finality, which made Garnet sigh bittersweetly as she reluctantly nodded in return. Knowing what she needed to do for this to work, Lapis placed her hands upon Garnet’s shoulders before she focused her energy through her Gem. However, rather than phase into Garnet, Lapis’ entire body started to shine a light cerulean before it slowly started to fade away, the sight bringing tears to Garnet’s eyes.

“I-It’s not too late. You can still—”

“Please, don’t make this harder than it is,” Lapis requested as tears fell from her face. “Garnet, you know what I need to ask you to do, right?”

Garnet could only provide a small nod as she listened to Lapis’ requests.

“Tell Dipper that I love him and that I’m so sorry that this had to happen. I didn’t mean to abandon him or Steven again, but I did this to save them and the Earth,” Lapis began as the process began to slowly accelerate. “Tell Steven that I always saw him as Dipper’s brother, which makes him, in a way, my son too. Tell Mabel to keep an eye on those two and that even though we weren’t as close, she meant a lot to me.”

“Lapis, please. The more you talk, the faster—"

“And tell Peridot that…I think she’s smart, amazing, creative, and fun. The time I spent with her was incredible and…I wish we could’ve had what you have,” Lapis continued as more of her body began to disappear, her power transferring to Garnet. “Tell Pearl and Amethyst that they’re awesome and I loved every minute we had together.”

“Lapis…no,” Garnet said despondently, knowing what was about to come next.

“And Garnet…you’re my big sister,” Lapis said with a smile, knowing she had no reason to not say it out loud at this point. “It meant a lot to me when you stepped in after Rose… You kept us all together and I admire you so much for doing that. Keep fighting the good fight, okay?”

Unexpectedly, Garnet wrapped the fading Lapis into a warm hug and tearfully said, “You’re my sister, too. You know I love you, right?”

Lapis merely looked at Garnet’s face, which the fusion left unobstructed at this moment, which allowed Lapis to see her wonderful three eyes one last time. She formed a large smile as tears flowed from her face and said, “I do. Don’t let this go to waste, okay?”

With that, Lapis’ physical form finally dissipated into nothingness, with Garnet now feeling all of Lapis’ power added to her own. The only thing left of Lapis was her Gem, which Garnet gently cradled as she let tears flow from her eyes onto the now, black, lifeless stone. After a few moments, Garnet’s outfit flashed and when the light faded, her clothes were now blue like Lapis, but with the addition of her Crystal Gem star, knowing that it was the only thing she could do to honor Lapis’ memory.